Finding HopeToo Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 – Out Now!
Posted on February 28, 2026
“This EP isn’t just music; it’s connection, validation, and advocacy wrapped in melody.” (x)
My proudest achievement of 2025 was releasing new music: two singles and an EP! Having not released a project since my Honest EP in 2020 (although I later released the acoustic version in 2021), I’ve been so desperate to release more music but health stuff got in the way and it took a long time to get back to a place where I was even close to capable of managing the stress of putting out a new project (and stressful it was). Given everything that happened between late June and December, I didn’t have the headspace, the physical ability, the time, or any combination of the three to write about it properly. But I didn’t want to skip it because it is so important to me and to the last year so – finally – here is the post about my recent EP, Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1. This is – hopefully – the first in a series about my experiences of being autistic, inspired by how lonely and isolating it was to grow up, never seeing or hearing my life represented in books, film, TV, music, and so on. It’s taken a long time to feel ready to take on a project like this but now that I am, I know without a doubt that this is the art that I’m meant to be making.
“What makes Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 powerful is its dual role as personal diary and shared lifeline. Hooper writes for her younger self, for others navigating similar realities, and for those who may be hearing these experiences articulated for the first time. The result is a project that doesn’t just speak – it listens back, offering connection in a world that often overlooks the voices that need to be heard most.” (x)
To reintroduce myself and to lay the foundation of the EP, I released two singles at the beginning of the year called ‘Write This Out‘ and ‘In The Mourning.’ When I was planning the EP and choosing which songs to include on it, which songs felt like the most important to include on a first EP – my first EP – about being autistic, I felt like neither of them were quite the right fit. But they still felt like important parts of the story that I wanted out in the world so they became the two singles released ahead of the EP and its official first single. And even though they’re separate releases, they’re deeply connected on a thematic level and so, to represent that connection, I used photos from the EP photoshoot for the cover artwork of each single.
“Every line in ‘Write This Out’ carries the grounded honesty of someone who has learned to create calm in the middle of chaos. It’s heartfelt without ever feeling heavy, and the sincerity behind her words lands with real clarity.” (x)
(Photography by Thomas Oscar Miles and editing by Richard Sanderson)
“Another personal moment that stood out to me was how the song leaves you with a sense of companionship, as if she’s reminding listeners that they’re not alone in the messier parts of their thoughts… It feels like the beginning of an important new chapter for her.” (x)
I’m so proud of them both, for so many different reasons, and each of them felt so key to setting the scene for the EP. ‘Write This Out’ is driven by the need to get overwhelming emotions out of my body but keep them documented and protected while ‘In The Mourning’ reflects my stream of consciousness after being diagnosed as autistic. I felt like both this feeling and this emotional process were important pieces of the picture that I hoped this EP would paint and releasing them first could only make for a deeper understanding of it. Obviously I can’t ensure that people listen to them ahead of the EP, now that it’s out in the world, but something has to determine in what order the music gets released and when the chronology of this music means a lot to me, why not?
“The songwriting is exquisitely vulnerable, with metaphors and lyrics that cut deep without ever losing hope.” (x)
(Photography by Thomas Oscar Miles and editing by Richard Sanderson)
“And then there’s ‘The Loneliest Whale,’ a track that feels like both a personal lament and a communal sigh – isolation turned into shared understanding.” (x)
The first official single of the EP was ‘The Loneliest Whale.’ As I talked about in the blog post I shared when I put this song out, I wrote it about The Loneliest Whale, a whale that sings at a higher frequency than other whales, making it impossible for them to communicate with each other; I’ve been fascinated by it for as long as I can remember and I’ve always wanted to write a song about it. I deeply related to this idea of feeling isolated from everyone around me, both before and after my diagnosis, and so I used the whale as a metaphor for the loneliness I have experienced as an autistic person. But it’s also about connection.
Before I sat down to write the song, I did some research to make sure all of my facts were up to date and discovered the extensive amount of art that has been made by people who have been moved by the story of The Loneliest Whale. So, so many individuals and communities relate to this story, to the emotions this whale represents, and I was so inspired by that. I’d originally expected the song to be a sad one but, after seeing how many people felt connected to this whale and having the epiphany of how connected we are to each other through these shared feelings, the song transformed into something more positive and uplifting. And because connection is the whole point of this EP, of all of the music I make, it was the obvious choice for the first single.
“With this album, both tender and powerful, Lauren Alex Hooper reminds us that music can be a space of refuge, truth, and connection. A rare and necessary project.” (x)
(Photography by Thomas Oscar Miles and editing by Richard Sanderson)
“In a world where pop often leans into glossy generalities, Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 by Lauren Alex Hooper feels like a rare act of rebellion – not loud or brash, but intimate, precise, and unwaveringly honest. The five-track EP is a deeply personal exploration of Hooper’s experience as an autistic woman, told in vivid lyricism and delicately layered alt-pop production. It’s not just a collection of songs; it’s a lived reality, shaped into art.” (x)
While ‘The Loneliest Whale’ was the lead single, the EP opens with ‘Armour,’ a tumultuous track about the difficulty of masking as an autistic person in a neurotypical society. When I sat down to write this song, I was all set to write about how far I’d come with learning to unmask, only to realise that I hadn’t made as much progress as I’d thought. I’ve done a lot of work on it but I think that’s only made me realise how much more there is to do and that was more than a little bit overwhelming. After that particular revelation, my writing shifted and a theme I kept coming back to was how suffocated I feel by masking and the conflict between wanting to be my true self and the fear of rejecting the protection that masking can and has provided. It was clear to me very early on that this was the opening track because it’s a statement about trying to be more honest and authentic, a process which begins in earnest with this song, and it’s precisely the reason that this EP exists.
“Opening with ‘Armour,’ the artist lays bare the quiet violence of masking and the daily effort to hide neurodivergent traits for social acceptance. It’s a haunting introduction, with delicate instrumentation that mirrors the tension between self-protection and self-erasure.” (x)
Next up is ‘Eye To Eye,’ which builds on the intensity of the first track by digging into the tension and vulnerability of making eye contact, a well documented struggle for many autistic individuals for a whole spectrum of reasons. I’ve always found it difficult and while there were a handful of different things I could’ve focussed on, I most wanted to explore how deeply vulnerable it feels to be eye to eye with someone, to feel like they can see everything you’re feeling and everything you’ve been through. It was hard to write, especially the bridge, and it would’ve been so easy to be less vulnerable but, when that is the whole point of the song, it was really important to me to stay the course and not take the easier road.
“‘Eye to Eye’ and ‘The Loneliest Whale’ are masterclasses in metaphor, turning everyday autistic struggles into poignant pop poetry.” (x)
‘The Loneliest Whale’ sits in the middle of the EP’s tracklist at track three. I’ve already talked about it a bit above and I wrote more about the inspiration behind this song and the creative process – in this post – when it came out. It felt like such a special song right from the beginning and I’m so happy that I was able to release it despite it being pretty unconventional, subject matter-wise, for a pop song.
“‘The Loneliest Whale’ is the metaphor-rich centerpiece, capturing the feeling of calling out into the world and not knowing if anyone is listening.” (x)
The fourth song on the EP is ‘Overexposed,’ which is about my experience of sensory overload, about how overwhelming the world can be, and how hard it can be to exist in the world when it feels so bright and loud and emotional and intense. This is the oldest song on the EP: I wrote the original draft not long after I was diagnosed, on one of my first trips to Nashville with one of my best friends there, Caylan Hays, who is a beautiful songwriter and artist. It’s evolved quite a bit since then: I have a clearer understanding of sensory overload and I’m better at articulating my experience of it and both of those things have, of course, changed the song. But the central imagery of an overexposed photograph always stuck with me so I was keen to revisit it when writing for the EP.
“In ‘Overexposed,’ sensory overload is rendered sonically through layered textures and dynamic shifts, allowing the listener to feel the push-pull of intensity and withdrawal. Hooper’s voice remains the constant – warm, clear, and unwavering, even in the most vulnerable admissions.” (x)
The final track of the EP is ‘Last One Standing.’ I wrote this from the point of view of the Agents of Shield character, Daisy Johnson, who has been one of my special interests from the moment I started watching the show (I’ve written more about her and some of the reasons I love her so much here and here) and, songwriting being my biggest and oldest special interest, I’d been thinking about how to bring the two together for a long time. I must’ve spent hours watching edits and fanvideos on YouTube, noting the scenes from the show that featured repeatedly and analysing the songs chosen, from the emotional undercurrent of the track to the lyrical themes to the production choices. It gave me such an insight into what other fans of the character loved about her, what resonated with them, the themes and sounds they associated with her. When I eventually brought the idea to Richard, I knew exactly what I wanted the song to sound like: an anthem of tenacity and perseverance and strength… all of the things that Daisy Johnson has always represented to me. And as I wrote the lyrics, I tried to channel the hours I’ve spent absorbing the show and so I shaped the language around her speech patterns, deliberately favouring some words and avoiding others. One review called it “unapologetically nerdy” and that may be the biggest compliment I could receive for this song, especially given the creative process behind it. I’m pretty sure it’s the biggest deep dive into not just one but two special interests that I’ve ever done; it’s my truest expression of autistic joy. But regardless of how deeply for me this song – and the creative process behind it – is, it ended up being a song that I really wanted to release because I think there are multiple meaningful messages in it. It’s a celebration of determination and resilience – and of autistic joy, particularly when that joy is a form of resistance and defiance – but it also represents, to me at least, the ongoing struggle that is being autistic in the often resistant, inflexible society that we live in, just to be seen and treated and accepted in the same way that our allistic peers are; you need self-belief and strength of will to keep taking steps forwards, to keep standing up for yourself and fighting for what you need and what you deserve. I needed a song to empower me, to remind me of this when I forget it, to lend me that energy on the days that I can’t find it within myself. It means a lot to me to have that and I hope it can do the same for those who listen to it.
“‘Last One Standing’ closes the set with hope and fierce individuality. It’s a love letter to the passions and inner worlds that sustain so many autistic people – and a powerful reclamation of identity.” (x)
(During the writing of the project)
“Lauren Alex Hooper’s Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 is a raw and open-hearted collection that speaks with quiet strength. Across five tracks, she explores identity, mental health, and neurodivergence without holding back or dressing things up. Her songwriting is honest in a way that feels lived-in, not performative. Each lyric feels like a page from a journal you were never meant to read but are lucky to experience.” (x)
The project started out very solitary as I figured out what I wanted to say and started writing the songs but as it grew, I got to work with more and more awesome people; I love the intimacy and laser focus of a small project but getting to bring in people who believed in the songs and the project… it felt like we were just feeding it more and more oxygen, which was really exciting. I love writing by myself – as evidenced by ‘Write This Out’ and ‘In The Mourning’ – but I also love collaborating: I wrote ‘The Loneliest Whale’ with one of my MA classmates, a super cool artist called lukeistired, and ‘Overexposed’ with my friend, Caylan, as I’ve already mentioned. I also took drafts of multiple songs to my longtime collaborator and writing partner, Richard Marc. Richard and I have been making music together for ten years now: we worked on my first single together, my first EP, and enough unreleased music to fill multiple hard drives. He’s a fantastic producer, songwriter, and guitarist (multi-instrumentalist, really) and we’ve always been good collaborators – and good at having fun while doing it. I’ve always been involved in the production of my songs but, with this project, I really dug into it with Richard, making both micro and macro choices and guiding the songs to sound like the colours I heard when I sang them. I’ve always found production quite overwhelming – and overstimulating – so to take new steps into that space and that process was really empowering and inspiring.
“Light touches of electronic instrumentation sit beside organic guitar parts and minimal beats. Nothing feels too polished, and that’s part of the charm. You’re not listening to a performance; you’re sitting next to someone telling their truth. […] It didn’t scream for attention, and that’s exactly why I kept thinking about it. There’s power in letting things exist without apology.” (x)
(Writing and recording with Richard Marc)
“In a world saturated with processed emotion, Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 by Lauren Alex Hooper is a breath of fresh air – a quiet rebellion told in lush dream-pop textures and honest lyricism. The five-track EP is a deeply personal dive into Hooper’s lived experience as an autistic woman. From the whispering melancholy of ‘Armour’ to the anthemic tenderness of ‘Last One Standing,’ the project feels less like a performance and more like an intimate conversation. Acoustic warmth and subtle folk influences run like threads through each track, anchored by Hooper’s soft, expressive voice. It’s a voice that invites, reassures.” (x)
During the recording process, I was able to bring in several friends to build the sonic world of the songs. Richard and I invited our friend, Lasse Corus – who is an incredible drummer – to record live drums on several of the tracks, going back to Bluebarn Studios where we’ve recorded multiple times before. That was a really lovely way to bring some of the history behind this EP into the creation of it. I also invited my wonderful friend, Luce, to sing backing vocals on some of the songs: she’s a brilliant songwriter and a gorgeous singer, known as LUCE, and it was so special to have her voice on this project. She’s witnessed this project take shape from a core idea to everything it is now along with all of the growth that came with it, not dissimilarly to how I’ve watched her upcoming project blossom from the original idea into something so much bigger and bolder. Creating such personal projects in parallel was so inspiring to me – I truly can’t wait for her to put her project out into the world – and so it meant a lot to me to have her singing on the project.
“It’s vulnerable but never self-pitying, wounded but unafraid to bite back.” (x)
(Lasse recording the drums for one of the tracks // Richard, Luce, and I listening back to Luce’s backing vocals)
The tracks were mixed and mastered by Josh Fielden of Sprogglet Studios, who has worked on all of the music that Richard and I have made together and he always does such a fantastic job. I love the richness he’s able to bring out of my voice and the arrangements. He’s also the patron saint of patience when it comes to my perfectionistic tendencies.
“The EP’s production balances indie-pop accessibility with singer-songwriter intimacy. Electronic elements weave around acoustic foundations, creating a space where personal storytelling meets contemporary sonic design. This balance allows the themes to resonate without feeling didactic; the songs invite empathy rather than demand it.” (x)
(The day of the EP photoshoot)
“Lauren Alex Hooper’s Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 is a revelation. With five strikingly personal tracks, Hooper dismantles the myth of the “universal” pop experience by offering something rarely heard: an unfiltered, autistic lens. The EP is both emotionally raw and musically refined – a delicate balance that showcases her songwriting depth and willingness to confront difficult truths.” (x)
I also had the utter joy of working with Thomas Oscar Miles on the cover art. I’d discovered his photography on Instagram and we talked about collaborating on a project for years – beginning in 2021, I think. Then, in 2024, we finally got to work together on the photoshoot for the EP’s artwork. We spent hours on Zoom, discussing the themes and sending moodboards back and forth, and we got on really well so, in many ways, I was really looking forward to the photoshoot. But I was also incredibly nervous: I was in a really bad place with my issues around body image and I was so anxious that, regardless of how much I was looking forward to working with Thomas, I would end up hating the photos because of those issues. I so wanted to love them and be proud of how they represented the project but I was stuck in an endless loop of anxiety about it, convinced that I would never even be able to like them because they were photos of me.
Fortunately, we got on just as well in real life as we had online. It was absolutely freezing that day – Thomas’ train had actually been delayed because of snow – and I couldn’t feel my face, hands, or feet by the time we decided that we had everything we needed, after almost two and a half hours of taking photos. But I didn’t want it to end! It was such a fun shoot and we laughed so much and it felt so inspiring and creative and collaborative. We did a quick flick through the photos at the end, I was so excited by what I saw. I loved them! Thomas edited them beautifully and then Richard finished them up to be cover art ready. I’ve truly loved the artwork of every project I’ve released but these ones feel beyond special; they’re going to be incredibly difficult to outdo on the next project…
“A powerful five-track EP that marks her most personal and resonant work to date. With this project, Hooper doesn’t just share songs; she shares herself. Drawing from her lived experience as an autistic woman, the EP dives deep into the emotional terrain of neurodivergence with honesty, clarity, and a quiet but undeniable strength. In a pop landscape that too often glosses over complexity, Hooper offers something different: a raw, nuanced, and deeply human portrait of life lived in contrast to the neurotypical norm.” (x)
(Photography by Thomas Oscar Miles)
“In a world that constantly asks autistic people to shrink themselves – to be quieter, more adaptable, more like everyone else – Lauren Alex Hooper is doing the opposite. On her new EP, Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1, she’s louder in the best way: more honest, more direct, more herself. The result is one of the most emotionally gripping alt-pop releases of the year. A seasoned songwriter with a delicate but defiant voice, Hooper has always used music as a way to process and communicate her inner world. But this time, she’s not holding back. Each of the five tracks on the EP offers a deeply personal window into the complexities of living as a neurodivergent woman.” (x)
I knew going in that the promotion of the EP was going to be the hardest part for me, both before and during the rollout: I am so grateful to Tahnee, to Abi, and to Amelia and her team at Decent PR for all of their advice and their help and, perhaps most of all, their belief in me and my music. I so appreciate all of the time and effort that they put in to helping me get this EP in front of people who really heard the songs, who connected to them, and who really understood what I was trying to say, what I was hoping people would hear. And as a result of that, I’m so grateful to those people who listened to it and felt so moved by it that they wrote about it and encouraged other people to listen to it, because they felt it mattered that much. There have been so many wonderful reviews that I’m honestly still reeling because I never imagined hearing something I’d made described this way:
- “This is not just a strong EP – it’s an essential one.” (x)
- “A rare and necessary project.” (x)
- “A sonic memoir that defies convention.” (x)
- “It’s raw, real, and really important.” (x)
- “[She] doesn’t just claim space – she expands it.” (x)
- “It’s a quiet revolution.” (x)
And, of course, I cannot say thank you enough to those of you who have listened to the EP, those of you have who have streamed it, bought it, blasted it in the car or cried to it under your duvet… To everyone who has listened to it, watched the videos, and followed my social media over this last year, I am so deeply grateful for you. I can’t believe how many people these songs have reached in just over twelve months: I’m a super small artist – I don’t have thousands of listeners on Spotify or thousands of social media followers – so the fact that these songs have been streamed over 100,000 times is amazing to me. I can only hope that they’ll go on to reach more people over time and that this is just the beginning of something even bigger and more beautiful.
“[Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1] feels like a rallying cry wrapped in melody – not loud or angry, but insistent, intimate, and brave. For those who’ve long felt like their stories were too much, or not enough, Hooper offers a reminder that they’re exactly right, just as they are.” (x)
And so, many months later, we have the round up of my most recent EP, Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1. It was a cathartic, empowering, and challenging process but I’m so proud of it and I’m so grateful for the love it has received ever since I put out the first single in January 2025. Putting out music, especially as an independent artist, is an expensive, complicated, and risky endeavour and so to have it received so warmly made it all worth it. Calling it a rollercoaster would be an understatement, especially considering the most recent logistical nightmare – all of the music I’ve ever released disappearing from every music platform (years off my life, I swear!) – but I never expected making music as an autistic (and disabled) person to be easy; I always knew that it would take everything I had and then some. But these songs, and the experiences that inspired them, are so important to me and, somewhat unbelievably, I’m starting to see how important they are to other people too. All I’ve ever wanted to do is to make honest and vulnerable music and to help other autistic people feel less alone in the world and if this project has done that for even one person, then all of the difficulties will have been worth it. And going forward, hopefully my music can help two people, and then three, and then four… If that’s how my music career is ultimately measured then I could not be more proud.
“What sets this EP apart is this creative’s refusal to simplify or sanitize her truth. She doesn’t shape her experience into something more palatable. She lets it stand as it is: complicated, beautiful, and often misunderstood. Her lyricism is sharp and evocative, her voice rich with sincerity, and the production choices consistently elevate the emotional core of each track. Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1 is a cultural milestone. Lauren Alex Hooper is forging a new path for autistic representation in music, and she’s doing it with honesty, grace, and undeniable talent.” (x)
“This EP doesn’t just tell a story – it reshapes how stories like these are told. Hooper has found her voice, not in spite of her autism, but through it. And with Too Much And Not Enough, Vol. 1, she’s made a compelling case that the future of pop is broader, braver, and more inclusive than we imagined.” (x)
Thank you so much for reading and you can listen to the EP here.
Nashville Trip 2024
Posted on June 21, 2025
This post is so very late (and believe me, there are posts that are even later than this…) but with the brain fog and chronic fatigue and everything going on over the last eighteen months and change, I never managed to finish it. Until now. I have finally finished it. There are multiple posts over the last couple of years that I have abandoned because I was struggling to finish them and after a while, they didn’t feel relevant anymore. But this trip was so special and brought me so much joy that I wanted to finish and post it, especially since I’m not sure when I’ll be back…
I don’t think I planned this trip particularly well, if I’m completely honest. I ended up with far too much time at the beginning of the trip – when I was really struggling with being away from home and away from Izzy – with not enough to do and then the end was very chaotic, trying to get as many things done as possible before I had to go. So it wasn’t ideal, for my anxiety or my energy levels.
Originally, I’d planned to arrive later and stay later but I’d shifted the trip when I learned that Song Suffragettes was celebrating their ten year anniversary. I’ve only played one Song Suffragettes show myself but I’ve been to many shows over the years, in person and online, and met some amazing people through it so I thought it would be fun to go and celebrate with them; the previous anniversary shows had been a lot of fun with amazing songwriters and special guests. But a couple of weeks after I’d bought the tickets and changed my flight, my friend and one of the original Song Suffragettes, Kalie Shorr, shared her feelings about the event and the organisation on Twitter:
“got an email with a discount code to buy tickets the Song Suffragettes 10 year anniversary show, even though I spent 8 years helping build it and played 300+ (unpaid) shows […] I’ve stayed silent long enough, and I just don’t care anymore. I gave so much of my time, cared so deeply, and have been completely written out of the history even though I had played since the very first show they ever had.”
I was – and still am – appalled at how they’ve treated her and, I imagine, many other young women. I feel especially bad for Kalie (and the other original/early Song Suffragettes who put in so much unpaid work to get this organisation off the ground and build its core fanbase) who had put so much work and time and love into Song Suffragettes for so long. Her photos were still being used (although they’ve since been taken off the website) and videos of her performances are still on their YouTube channel, promoting their shows (one of her videos is their most popular video by far – over a million views compared to less than two hundred thousand) and yet her vital part in their story has been deliberately omitted. The event (and, of course, the whole organisation) was instantly soured and I spent a long time deciding what to do, whether to go to the event or not. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have gone but having bought the tickets and rescheduled my flight to go, I felt that I couldn’t just skip it. And part of me was curious to see how they’d handle the event. So I decided that I would go and then personally (and publicly) say goodbye to the organisation.
My Mum and I flew out to Nashville early in the morning after a long day recording drums for the EP that I’m now, in 2025, in the middle of promoting and releasing. I was exhausted and I hate flying – I find it to be a sensory nightmare – but we got there safe and sound and settled into our accommodation. The Song Suffragettes show was the next night and I immediately noticed how different the vibe was from the previous anniversary shows I’d been able to attend. I feel confident in my assumption that the majority of attendees were there to see the ‘special guest,’ Wynonna Judd. I don’t emphasise the term special guest to undermine the impact Wynonna Judd has had on the music industry: she is a very impressive guest but rather than rounds of Song Suffragettes with a special guest or two, as had been the case at previous anniversary shows, this show was basically all special guests. They’d invited Liz Rose, Laura Veltz, Maddie & Tae, and Tenille Arts to name just a few; there were very few actual Song Suffragettes and no mention of the original and early performers who had worked so incredibly hard to make Song Suffragettes what it is today. That pissed me off. What was supposed to be a celebration of the organisation, ten years of achievements, and the women who’ve performed on their stages felt like it had very little to do with any of those things. It felt like a Wynonna Judd tribute night with the actual Wynonna Judd headlining, plus what I found to be a pretty uncomfortable amount of fawning over Todd Cassetty, the founder of Song Suffragettes. (I have more thoughts about that and about Song Suffragettes but that’s not the point of this post.)
The tenth anniversary celebration of @songsuffragettes was packed full of incredible female songwriters and artists 💛 The performances were amazing and I’m grateful to have been given the opportunity to see these women play live but I was more than a little sad not to see more of a nod to the organisation’s history and the women who were and still are so fundamental to what it has become. I would’ve loved to see more of these women, such as the brilliant @kalieshorr, at least mentioned for the amount of passion and work they’ve put into the shows over the years. My best wishes to Song Suffragettes and to every individual Song Suffragette – here’s to another decade of successes 💛💛💛 (x)
I struggled with how to caption my post about the event – how to acknowledge what it has given me and a lot of young women, how to share my disappointment in how the original members (particularly Kalie – yes, I keep mentioning her but she’s a friend so, of course, I’m going to be firmly in her corner) had been treated, and how to say goodbye to Song Suffragettes, even if that part was just for me). This was what I came up with. I wasn’t completely sure about it but felt it was the best my jetlagged brain could come up with. Apparently it was good enough though, since Kalie shared it on Instagram with her thanks for calling out the rewriting of Song Suffragettes’ history; that reassured me of my desire to say something publicly.
Had that been a more positive experience, I think I would’ve felt (and functioned) better during the less structured days before the festival and my various plans started. My mental health had already been in a downward spiral before I left and that unallocated time only made it worse: my depression and anxiety were really awful and I had multiple very distressing meltdowns. I also found it much harder to adjust than I have in the past: my sensory difficulties, for example, were much worse than usual and the differences between home and Nashville felt so amplified that I felt constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. By the end of the trip, I was so overstimulated by the BEDSHEETS that I was sleeping on the sofa (which wasn’t much better, to be honest – another night and I probably would’ve been sleeping on the floor).
But having said all of that, I’d been so busy in the weeks leading up to the flight out – meetings, meltdowns, concerts, therapy, migraines, recording sessions, and more – that it was probably good to have some recovery time before jumping into Tin Pan South and all of my other plans. My Mum and I spent the days resting and doing some of our favourite Nashville things, all of which were wonderfully gentle and joyful…
- The Pancake Pantry – As I’ve repeatedly talked about on this blog, I have immense trouble with eating in public places (and eating in general) but I love The Pancake Pantry in Nashville. There are multiple dishes that I not only can eat but actually really enjoy eating, especially their Chocolate Sin pancakes (pictured below). And since I (obviously) rarely get the opportunity to have them, we always make sure to go multiple times and I only enjoy them more every time.
- The Candle Bar – One of my favourite Nashville traditions is to go to The Candle Bar, where you can make your own candles: you choose the container, the scent, and then mix it with the wax. They do the last step of setting it. Before my first visit, I’d never found a candle that I could tolerate but I fell in love with their Pink Pepper Grapefruit scent (at some point, it became an ‘autumn scent’ and it wasn’t an available choice at the time of our trips but we’d explain my sensitivity and how far we’ve travelled and they’ve always been kind enough to get it out for us, which I so appreciate – I love it and find it really helpful when I’m having an anxious day). On this trip, I also discovered their Mandarin Mango scent and fell in love with that too; we ended up treating ourselves and going twice. It was a struggle to get them home since they’re not exactly light but I’m so grateful we came back with double our usual number of candles, given that I’m not sure when I’ll be back.
- Chocolate Brownie at The Commodore Grille – Almost as much as I love the Chocolate Sin pancakes, I LOVE the chocolate brownie at The Commodore Grille (again, pictured below). They’re incredible, with ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. if I wasn’t supposedly a responsible grown up, I could live on these brownies, as well as the pancakes, of course.
(Left: Chocolate Sin pancakes and hash browns at The Pancake Pantry // Middle: me, making my candle // Right: the chocolate brownie at The Commodore Grille)
I also did some gentle songwriting: I didn’t push myself too hard though; it was just for fun and decompression and continuing to work out my feelings about the still very recent, very traumatic ending of my time at therapy. I spent a lot of my ‘rest time’ (the irony of this does not escape me – I’m also very aware of how reflective of my resting skills this is) writing up what had happened for a blog post, getting the experience out of my system and into a format that made it feel (a little bit) easier to engage with. I also managed to sign into one of my favourite poetry group’s workshops and ended up writing a poem so raw that I wasn’t actually able to read it aloud during the sharing section at the end of the session. So my feelings were all very close to the surface; I felt really vulnerable, emotionally, which in some ways made the difficult feelings of the trip harder but it also felt like I was really open and receptive to all of the positive ones. It was messy but, given the super special moments of the trip, I wouldn’t change a thing (I mean, I always wish I could see more of my favourite people but I feel incredibly grateful to have gotten the time that I did).
The other non-music part of the trip that I still think about with great fondness were the multiple storms we got to experience. I’m sure some people will read that with confusion and/or bemusement but I LOVE thunderstorms: I love the change in air pressure; I love the colours of the clouds and peaks at the sky; I love the power of the thunder and the lightning, both such tremendous, breath-taking forces of nature; and I love the heavy, wet rain. While it’s a joke as old as time that English weather is made up of rain, rain, and more rain, the rain in Nashville is nothing like English rain. The rain where I live is mostly just annoying but the storms in Nashville (and I mean storms, not tornados) make me feel so amazingly alive and like my body could explode with joy. Each time the skies opened, I went sprinting outside; I felt a boost in my mood and mental health/stability every time I felt a storm brewing.
(Left: Me in the rain // Right: Me in the torrential rain)
I also got to hang out and catch up with Caylan, my oldest friend in Nashville: we met on my first full day in Nashville, during my first visit in 2016, and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s truly lovely (with a very cute dog that I’ve watched grow from a little pup) and an amazing singer and songwriter. It was actually during that first trip that we wrote the first draft of a song on my upcoming EP, as well as a song that I cannot wait to release someday. We got to catch up with each other’s lives, enthuse about each other’s music, and even fit in a trip to Pancake Pantry together; it’s always such a joy to see her.
For the first time in all of my trips to Nashville, I didn’t actually attend many Tin Pan South shows. That had been my plan but then, before the schedule was announced, I found out that one of friends, Candi Carpenter, was releasing their debut album during that week and would be having a release show and party. The fact that, somehow, I was actually going to be in Nashville when that happened felt like a gift from the universe and there was no way I was going to miss that. And then, not long after, I found out that one of my other friends, Kalie (who I mentioned above and through whom I’d met Candi) would be flying into Nashville for Candi’s show and would also be playing a writers’ round while in town. I wasn’t going to miss that either. As much as I love Tin Pin South, getting the rare chance to see my incredible friends perform was always going to be my priority.
The actual week of Tin Pan South was incredibly busy and incredibly stressful, trying to organise everything and make sure I’d be able to be everywhere I needed to be when I needed to be there; it was a logistical headache but it was worth it since I got to see everybody I’d hoped to see. First up was Kalie’s songwriters’ round. There were multiple rounds and a lot of really great songwriters and artists but Kalie is so unique: her journey, her career, her lyrical voice, the stories she tells… She really stood out; she always does (and I think that’s why she and Candi write together so well and made such great co-headline acts on tour – because they’re both so unlike anyone else and embrace that so intentionally). The first song she played was called ‘Man In Your Songs.’ She’s posted snippets of it on social media so it was really cool to finally hear the whole song. Next was ‘Running At Night,’ which she’s been playing a lot lately on social media and on livestreams; I think she’d recently finished it and was really proud of it (and rightly so). She announced that she was officially working on her second album; her debut, Open Book, remains one of my all time favourite albums and the unreleased stuff she’s been sharing has been so good so that’s very exciting news! Her final song was ‘Dirty Movies,’ which I’d actually heard before, when she’d played at Bush Hall in London on the Song Suffragettes UK Tour in October 2022. It’s more explicit than the music she’s already released and she’s definitely testing boundaries that she was held to previously, both by being signed and by being known as a Country artist. There were a few lyrics that were a bit too explicit for me but regardless of that, it’s still a very cleverly written song. I don’t think that three songs can an album reflect, especially so early in the process, but the growth and evolution in both her writing and the emotional concepts of the songs are obvious. As I said, I will always love Open Book but her second album is no doubt going to be just as bold and unique and visceral.
It was such a treat to see her perform (one day I will see her perform her show, goddamn it) and we even got to hug and catch up briefly afterwards, which was lovely. We were also able to hang out – and fangirl – together at Candi’s release show and afterparty, as well as managing to slot in a coffee and a catch up before I flew home and Kalie, a few days later, flew back to Nashville.
(Kalie Shorr performing at Live Oak, Music Row)
The following night was Candi’s release show and party for Demonology. The album had come out earlier in the week and I’d had it on repeat; it’s an incredible album. Back in June 2023, Candi had released Demonology – Part 1 as an EP and so I’d been expecting (and semi-patiently waiting for) a Part 2 EP but then Candi announced that the project was being released as a full album so that was very exciting! The ‘new’ songs are fantastic and fit so well with the ‘old’ songs; it’s an album that really feels like a tapestry that Candi has carefully woven to give the listener a full and intricately detailed glimpse into their life. It’s a really beautiful album with songs that span the emotional spectrum, from gut-wrenching anger and grief and vulnerability to joyful silliness, to biting self-awareness, and existential relief. I love every single song on it but I think my absolute favourites have to be ‘Exorcist,’ ‘Antisocial Butterfly,’ ‘Skinny,’ ‘Serial Killer,’ ‘Nervous System,’ ‘Back From the Dead,’ and ‘Memento Mori.’ That’s more than half of the album and even that was hard to narrow down… Listen to it: you won’t be disappointed.
For the show, there was the fun challenge of dressing up as one of the tracks but since the album didn’t come out until I was already in Nashville and I do not love shopping there, plus I had suitcase space to consider, I had to go minimal: I found a T-shirt online that said ‘ALL OF MY SYSTEMS ARE NERVOUS’ as an homage to ‘Nervous System,’ and that was good enough for me. But there were some super creative costumes – the album is (incidentally or intentionally) full of excellent imagery to take inspiration from. Having got lost on the way to the venue, the space was absolutely packed and the support act, Mel Bryant & the Mercy Makers, were already on. Candi was right there at the entrance and the chaotic crowd around them was somewhere between a meet and greet and a friends and family reunion; it was a lovely vibe. As soon as they saw me, they swept me into a huge hug and we were joyfully rambling at each other about the album and how excited we were. We also took lots of pictures and Candi signed the album poster I bought with the loveliest message (getting it home safely was a challenge but we managed it). It was a super emotional night and that was just the beginning.
I had to wedge myself in along a wall to fit into the main venue – I literally couldn’t crouch down to pick up my drink from the floor, space was that tight. But even though I’d missed part of their set, Mel Bryant & the Mercy Makers were awesome and I am now a dedicated follower. Mel has an incredible voice, the whole band had such a gorgeous sound, and I just fell in love with the songs: the melodies were stunning and super catchy and the lyrics were so vivid and poignant. My favourite was ‘Wildflower’ and I downloaded the rest of their music as soon as I got home that night.
(Left: Mel Bryant & the Mercy Makers, opening for Candi Carpenter’s Demonology Release Show at The Basement // Right: Candi Carpenter performing at their Demonology Release Show at The Basement)
Candi was incredible. Given the chaos and stress of release week, I wouldn’t have been overly surprised if the show had been a little rough around the edges but oh my god, it was fantastic. I can honestly say that it was probably the best live show I’ve ever seen and I still stand by that, having seen The ERAS Tour (although, of course, they’re very different animals). But the show was just SO GOOD: Candi, joined by Amanda McCoy on electric guitar and backing vocals (plus Kalie on the backing vocals for ‘Cult’ as well, one of the songs that she cowrote), is an amazing performer, with the perfect amounts of seasoned professional and emotional human being (they were trying not to cry after just the first song, as were many of us, I think – I certainly was); the songs were even more powerful live; not unlike the visualiser for ‘Strawberry Starburst,’ the performance featured a dancing pink Power Ranger who threw strawberry starburst sweets into the audience, which was hilarious; everyone knew all of the words and was singing (and sometimes screaming) along so loudly and I had great fun fangirling over Candi with Kalie (it is, after all, not that often that we are all in the same location and able to do that); everyone knowing the words to the bridge of ‘Nervous System’ (if you know, you know), which momentarily blew Candi’s mind; the lovely onstage chemistry between Candi and Amanda and the super special connection in the room, like we were all connected, to Candi and to each other; the emotional exorcism of screaming ‘Nervous System’ with joy to ‘Back From the Dead’ with fury to ‘Everybody Goes to Hell’ with peace; ‘Memento Mori’ was the perfect finale, the final lyric of the show being “I don’t wanna be another sad story.” It was just incredible and I think I went through every emotion at one point or another; it was so fucking special. By the end, Candi was so overwhelmed and emotional – in the best way – that they let themselves just collapse on the ground and lie there for a moment before getting up to address everyone one more time; then practically the whole crowd descended to hug them but we had to pack up and get out so the late show could start. A big group of us headed over to The Countrypolitan for the afterparty, which was more of a social gathering than a traditional afterparty: we got to chat (someone of us having never met in real life and only ever talked online) and hang out and hype Candi whenever they were in earshot… It was all just so joyful. I got to see a bit more of Kalie, which was really nice, given how rarely I get to see her, and I met so many lovely people.
(Left: Candi Carpenter performing at their Demonology Release Show at The Basement // Right: Candi and I at the afterparty at The Countrypolitan)
As the space cleared out, we spread out and Candi ended up playing a few more songs acoustically, including ‘Skinny’ and a stunning cover of ‘Hallelujah.’ They were such moving performances that I was welling up all over again. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Candi is such a special human being and I feel so lucky to have met them and to have them as a friend. Writing about this show is making me emotional all over again. Excuse me while I go and watch the video I made of some of my favourite moments…
I actually got to see Candi play live AGAIN before I left, which was awesome; they texted me and asked if I wanted to come to a set they were playing at a hotel and, of course, I said yes. I so rarely get to see Candi play – see Candi at all – that I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity to see them again (and sit right at the front, fangirling my little heart out). They were understandably tired from a very intense release week but they still put on an incredible show, taking cover requests from the audience and performing them beautifully with a gorgeous Candi Carpenter twist. It was a long show but Candi was brilliant and I loved every second of it. I helped pack up at the end and then Candi’s partner dropped me back on their way home, which I very much appreciated; it was really nice to see him again as well. Candi and I had hoped to meet up and just chill before I flew home but with everything that had been going on, I completely understood when they said that they were feeling really burned out and just needed to rest. I was obviously sad not to see them but we made plans to catch up over a video call once I was home and Candi had recovered somewhat. I’m so glad I got to see them as much as I did, that I got to be there for the release and celebration of Demonology; that truly felt like something that was meant to be and I’ll never forget it.
Even getting to see my friends perform so much in such a short trip, I did manage to get to a few Tin Pan South shows, which I was really pleased about. I got to see Brittany Spencer, Jordyn Shellhart, Lori McKenna, Barry Dean, Jillian Jacqueline, Kara DioGuardi, Jeff Cohen, and GAYLE (we actually all but collided after the show ended and had a very passionate discussion about hair dye), to name just a few. I also got to see Ingrid Andress again, which is always really special because I’ve been following her since before she even put her first single out; I actually discovered her at Tin Pan South and have seen her almost every time she’s come to the UK since.
The last thing of note was that I got to do a photoshoot with Caitlin Gore, also known as Katie Mac Photography. I’d found her on TikTok when searching for autistic photographers to work with on my current music project. I thought it was probably unlikely that we’d work on the project artwork, even if we were able to work together while I was in Nashville, but I was really excited to try because I really love her work. We were in fact able to work together, despite a few stressful scheduling hiccups, and I love so many of the images we created…
Photos by Katie Mac Photography (x)
Prior to this, I’d only ever done photoshoots with people that I already knew so I knew I was going to be anxious and that it was probably going to feel weird, plus I’ve been really, really struggling with my appearance; my body image issues have gone from background noise to siren level piercing. I’d also never worked with an autistic photographer and I had no idea if or how that might affect the creative dynamic, if the vision we’d discussed for the shoot was something we were going to be able to capture to both of our satisfaction. I’m sure I was thinking much too hard about it but that is what I tend to do when I’m anxious about something: it’s like, if I can think through all of the variables, then nothing can surprise me and I can achieve the desired outcome… Anyway. Given all of the anxiety beforehand (around the booking and scheduling and planning, etc), I was very anxious when I arrived. The guy who owned the studio was lovely though: he gave us a tour and let me sit with his dog until Caitlin arrived. That did help a bit.
We didn’t have a whole lot of time – I was very constrained by budget – but we got quite a lot done and of the photos Caitlin sent me afterwards, I really liked most of them (and like them more and more over time). It helped that she was very clear, explaining what she was doing at all times and giving me instructions so that I knew what she needed from me. It was a real learning curve for me in terms of learning how to communicate in that scenario and so I got a lot more out of the session than just the photo. For example, while I love the photos in the first of two outfits against the white background, I wish we’d gotten to spend more time with the second outfit against the black background, especially with the red veil. Despite that being an idea we’d talked about quite a lot, we only got it out right at the end – something I would now ask for earlier if we were to do the session over again – so we didn’t have much time to experiment with it. I love the photos we got but I would’ve loved to get more, maybe with different colours and with different facial expressions and so on. So I got some great photos and learned SO MUCH. So it was definitely a success, even if I wasn’t as relaxed as I would have liked to be. I would absolutely recommend her as a photographer if you’re in Nashville and I’d love to work with her again whenever I next get back to Nashville. There was another space that we were both really excited about but I just couldn’t afford it this time with such short notice. But who knows what the future holds…
And that was the trip, if a little out of order and all over the place. I had some of the best experiences I’ve ever had there but it was also really, really hard so, as usual, it was a real mix emotionally but all of the good was so good that I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The flight home was good, as flights go. There was a bit of a crisis about getting a coach home but eventually we were on the last leg of the journey. I was feeling absolutely terrible, seconds away from a meltdown – as I usually do by that point on the way home – but we made it home without a disaster. My little Izzy was delighted to see us and I was delighted to see her; we spent the remainder of that day snuggled up together. I was completely exhausted and although it had been (for the most part) an amazing trip, I was very relieved to be home.
With the cost of releasing new music this year, I just couldn’t afford to make the trip and, with the way that Trump is terrorising the US, I wasn’t exactly keen on being a tourist there. When I was visiting last year, I said to my Mum, “What do you think it will be like next year? If Trump gets in?” It was a theoretical question then, a thought experiment, because I couldn’t imagine Trump getting in again and I certainly never could’ve imagined that everything that’s happening in the world right now would be happening. I worry for my friends everyday and I find it hard being so far away from them, being so unable to support them in any real way. With all of the horrifying things I see on social media, I’m so grateful that, so far, they’re all safe. And while I can’t help but worry when I see them at protests, I am so proud of them for staying true and authentic to who they are regardless of the outside pressure, for standing up for what they believe in, for using their privilege to support others, for the strength that keeps them pushing for a better world despite what often feels like impossible odds; I’m so proud to call them my friends.
There was a lot of tough stuff and a lot of overwhelmingly hard emotions to wade through but I was and am so grateful for this trip, for all of the wonderful moments and all of the wonderful time I spent with my wonderful friends, so if it’s my last trip there for a while, it could not have been a better one. It was so incredibly special and I’ll never forget it.
A Week in My Life (Reading Week)
Posted on April 4, 2020
A while back, I had a reading week as part of my university semester, where classes don’t happen and we stay home to focus on our studying. Being a part time student meant that it wasn’t much of a change as I’m only at uni one day a week but not having to expend the energy that that requires allowed me to do more, both in terms of uni work and in other areas. Yes, I researched for my essay, prepared for a presentation, and wrote songs, but I also did a whole bunch of things for my job as a singersongwriter.
MONDAY
I got up, did my hair and makeup, and caught a train to London. I’d booked a slot at the Selfie Factory at The O2 Arena, thinking that Richard (Richard Marc, who also does all my photography – he’s a photographer as well as a writer, musician, and producer) and I might get some good social media content. I get very self conscious having my photo taken but I’m trying to get over that anxiety and it looked like fun.
I used the train journey to send a load of emails, which made good use of the time, and then I met Richard at The O2. The Selfie Factory was small but it had some really fun set ups and we had great fun, especially in the ballpit.
We got some nice photos and when our time ran out, we headed home. Again, I used the train journey to be productive and worked on a rough script for my university presentation – we all had to give presentations on our essay subjects the next week when we were back in regular classes. I’d already made the slides with the information but I wanted a rough script to keep me on track and provide extra information.
I got home and, even though I was exhausted, I practiced several of my songs as I had a recording session coming up later in the week that I needed to be prepared for. I wasn’t super familiar with the arrangements of the songs I was singing so it was quite hard work but I definitely made progress, getting used to the rhythm and melody. It was a good practice.
TUESDAY
I started the day with another big batch of emails: uni stuff, music stuff, gigging stuff.
That took an hour or so and then I spent the rest of the day doing research for my assessment essay. There’s not much to write about here really; I just read relevant sections of books, read articles, and pulled useful quotes, putting them in separate documents to keep everything organised. This session was focussed on imagery, specifically in songwriting, obviously. It’s surprising how few books on songwriting go into any detail around imagery.
At least I had some good company (and entertainment).
I had a gentle evening, working on a blog post and watching old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. There’s something very comforting about the familiarity of them and the time when I first watched them.
WEDNESDAY
I spent the morning practicing for the recording session, going over the songs, and then, after lunch, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist.
The practice had moved since my last appointment so there was an element of anxiety about going but it was okay and turned out to be a really productive session. My psychiatrist agreed with my decision to come off the Aripiprazole, since it clearly wasn’t working, and we discussed what else we could try to help with my anxiety. We also talked about what could be causing my drowsiness and decided to try reducing my Pregablin as it’s clearly the current medication situation that’s causing it. So we’ll see how that goes. And considering we’re changing that, we decided to stick with the Diazepam for my anxiety so that we’re only changing one thing at a time and can clearly see the results. Otherwise you can’t tell what’s causing what. So that’s progress and we’ll just have to see what the effects are.
Late in the afternoon, I caught a train up to London in preparation for the recording session the next day, using the time to do some more reading for my essay. My frequent train journeys are great for any reading I have to do for my course. From Victoria, I made my way to where I stay in London: the flat belonging to one of my parents. I was suddenly, out of nowhere, overwhelmed with anxiety and although I took Diazepam as soon as the feeling started, it obviously doesn’t kick in straight away so I spent most of the journey talking to said parent, a mix of distraction and reassurance. I’d just started to feel calmer when I got there.
We had dinner together and then I spent the evening in the pursuit of catching up with my diary. It feels like a hopeless task; I’m so behind, what with the time taken up by uni work and managing my mental health. I’m hoping to catch up once I’ve submitted my essay. It’ll take a while though.
THURSDAY
I slept terribly. So terribly that I barely got any sleep at all, the worst I’ve slept in years. Maybe I was nervous about the recording. I finally got a solid hour or so just before my alarm went off. But it was an important day so I dragged myself up, got ready, and headed to the University of West London where we were using one of their studios to do the recording.
It was a beautiful studio and we had a lot of fun. Having said that, we worked bloody hard. We worked from about eleven until six, filming and recording for a project that I’m not going to talk about yet. It’s a surprise. It does mean there’s not a lot for me to write about, other than the fact that I’m super grateful to everyone (all tagged below) for the work they put in. I really, really appreciate it.
When we finished, I was so tired that I thought I might throw up. I manage to help pack up a little but eventually I just had to leave. I felt bad for not staying to the very end but everyone was very understanding. I got home and barely made it through dinner before falling asleep at about half past eight.
FRIDAY
I slept for twelve solid hours and woke up feeling like an entirely different person. Still, I had a slow, gentle start. I had breakfast, got showered and dressed, and did some reading for my essay.
Around lunchtime, my Mum arrived, on her way home from visiting her Mum (this was when we still thought we were going to Nashville and she’d obviously wanted to spend some time with her before we went). She’d stopped in London because we had a plan to have lunch with one of my best friends, Sharné, and her Mum, who had come to visit her. The four of us had hoped to spend a little time at the songwriters circle I’d played (the one I mentioned in my previous A Week in My Life post) but it was busy and loud and it just wasn’t the right setting. So we’d planned lunch at this awesome Italian restaurant.
It started out quite stressfully due to pouring rain and terrible traffic but once we were all together, it was lovely. They’re both so lovely. We all got on really well and have a lot in common; it was just unfortunate that we didn’t have longer. Hopefully we’ll get another chance at some point.
We said goodbye and me and Mum headed home to Brighton. When we got in, I curled up on the sofa with a couple of the cats and had some diary time. I was exhausted and really just needed some quiet, rest time.
SATURDAY
Richard came down first thing because we were performing at the Access Open Day at The Brighton Dome. We picked him up from the station and went home so he could drop off his stuff and we could have a quick run-through, especially of the songs that we’ve only just started to perform like ‘Clarity.’
We headed to The Dome and had everything explained to us, where we could store our stuff, hang out between sets, and so on. We were playing once at 12.30pm and again at 2.15pm so we’d have time to kill between sets. There were other talks and activities going on but I’m never able to concentrate when I’m about to perform.
Both sets went really well. I felt like my voice sounded really good, I didn’t make any (obvious) mistakes, and I felt really confident in my body and how I was moving as I performed. I’ve done a few gigs recently but before a couple of months ago, it had been a long time since I’d performed so it’s felt a bit like starting all over again. But this felt completely natural and quite possibly the best I’ve ever performed. I’m just sad more people didn’t see it because they were performances I was really proud of. But I had a great time, telling the stories behind the songs and singing my heart out. It felt so good. And that’s the important thing.
This is a picture from the first time I played there:
When we got home, we were both still buzzing with adrenaline so I suggested we write a song since we’re not getting a whole heap of opportunities to write together at the moment with both of us on Masters courses. So we got to work and managed a track and half a song before we ran out of energy. It was really fun and I’m really excited to finish it.
And before the day was up, I put up a blog post as I always try to do on a Saturday. This one was the one about February Album Writing Month, where I tried to write fourteen songs in the month of February. I’m proud of succeeding in the challenge and proud of the post I wrote about it.
We had an early dinner and were basically falling asleep on the sofa so we dragged ourselves up and went to bed early. I was asleep within minutes.
SUNDAY
We had a gentle morning, watching Friends together and companionably working on different things. I finished a blog post and put it up, #30dayfeb Challenge For Tommy’s. It covered my attempt and completion of Liberty’s Mother‘s challenge to do something positive for your wellbeing from the 1st February to the 1st March. I’d chosen origami.
Richard went home because I had a few things to do, as much as I would’ve liked to have him stay and work on the song and chill out together. So we dropped him at the station, came home, and I got to work, practicing my presentation for the following Tuesday. I was confident with the material and the questions I wanted to ask; I just wanted to make sure it was within the time limit. So I ran that a few times and then spent the rest of the day resting. I also have dinner with some of my family on Sunday nights (when we can manage it) so that was really nice.
So that was my reading week. Not as productive uni work wise as I would’ve hoped – I wanted to have started writing the essay rather than still adding research to my structure – but it was very productive in the working-as-a-singer-songwriter sense. And those opportunities don’t come around super often so I’m really grateful for them. So it was a good, if exhausting week.
Finding Hope 