TW: brief description of getting tattooed and brief mention of self harm.

Back at the beginning of April, I had a very fun, unique experience: after watching the first series of the YouTube show, Spectrum Ink, I kept an eye on their social media and applied to be a part of their second series. Bringing together awareness of neurodivergence and tattoos was something I was very excited by – both are special interests for me – and when I saw that they were specifically looking to explore stories of service/assistance animals, it felt like a sign from the universe. I’d had a Daisy inspired tattoo on my list practically since I got her and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. So I applied with my idea. was chosen to join the second series, and my episode has just gone up on YouTube…

Meet Lauren – a singer-songwriter from Brighton who was late-diagnosed with Autism, Inattentive ADHD, OCD & CPTSD. Lauren visits Bleeding Hearts Tattoo Studio in Nottingham alongside her Autism Assistance Dog, Daisy, named after Daisy Johnson from Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., a character whose power to generate and manipulate vibrations resonates deeply with Lauren as an autistic woman. Today, Lauren is getting Daisy’s paw print tattooed – designed by artist Teddy and placed exactly where Daisy stands by her side – as a permanent tribute to the bond that changed her life. Together they talk the sanctuary of songwriting as a neurodivergent person, being a Taylor Swift Super Fan, the life-changing impact of an assistance dog, and why speaking up and protesting your cause matters. 🐾 (x)

And here is the tattoo healed! It’s healed really nicely and I think the contrast between the softness of the pawprint and the crispness of the fineline looks so good! It still surprises me when I see it because I’m almost always in trousers but, to be honest, that’s quite nice; every time I see it, the meaning of it and the lovely memories of that day coming rushing back in and they’re both nice things to think about. I really love it and I’m so grateful that I got to get in such a unique, unusual, and special circumstance.

(LEFT: close up of the tattoo // RIGHT: me with my leg propped up so the tattoo is visible)

To dig into the concept a bit, I wanted to get a tattoo that represented my Daisy and the partnership we have as assistance dog and handler but that was also a tribute to her name because it was so intentionally chosen. I managed to get Daisy’s paw print, which I sent to Teddy along with a lot of thoughts and videos and links about Daisy Johnson from Agents of Shield so that they would have as much information about the character and her ability to manipulate vibrations as they wanted to inform the designs. I didn’t know exactly what I was envisioning but as soon as I saw it, I knew that that was what I wanted. So it has the little fineline daisies for a literal reference to her name but also a series of vibrations, similarly to how they’re depicted in the show (it was unbelievably hard to find a still from the show that clearly shows Daisy using her abilities so while this one isn’t a typical use of her powers, it’s the clearest image I could find of her using them). She can sense and manipulate the vibrations of everything and everyone and the ideas of vibrations and frequency and resonance have come up time and again in my life in different contexts and to varying degrees: it’s a metaphor I’ve always used when talking about being autistic (feeling like I’m on a different frequency to everyone around me); I’ve thought about it a lot since Daisy Johnson became one of my biggest special interests; and that has resulted in it being a big theme in therapy and a way of approaching ideas because it’s a metaphor I’m so comfortable with. And it’s become a part of how I work with Daisy, and not just because of her name: you build a bond with your service/assistance dog and since you can’t verbally speak to each other, I often think about it as being on the same frequency and in terms of recognising when the other is anxious or overwhelmed; to me, working together out in the world is a lot more about feeling than training because, at that point, you’re relying on the training and experiencing the moment and the environment together, monitoring each other in case either of us need to step in and reassure the other. I could talk about this for hours – and maybe in another post I will – but I’ll stop there for now. After that ramble, hopefully the vibrations aspect of the tattoo makes more sense for those of you who aren’t familiar with Daisy Johnson or Agents of Shield.

(LEFT: Daisy, settled on her mat // RIGHT: a still from Agents of Shield where Daisy Johnson is using her vibration manipulation abilities to keep an alien explosive level, preventing it from going off if jostled)

After applying to Spectrum Ink, it wasn’t that long before I was selected and the day of filming were upon us. I was really excited but I was also quite nervous: Daisy had never been in a tattoo studio before so I wasn’t sure how she would handle that and it would be her longest working day so far, with both the tattoo and the filming. So while I wasn’t worried about something going wrong exactly, I was worried about her struggling, about her getting restless and not being able to give her a break for example, since I would be lying on a table getting tattooed. This was primarily why I had my Mum with me so that we had a back up person to support both Daisy and I, since it was not only a first experience but a long, first experience. I was also anxious about saying something wrong. I’m generally pretty comfortable being filmed – I’m in front of a camera quite a lot for all of my music stuff – but this felt different and I was anxious about saying the wrong thing and being ‘bad representation’ for autistic people (which is definitely an overthinking spiral because no person should be representing the whole autistic community but hopefully you know what I mean – I was worried about saying or doing something that could upset someone or give somebody the wrong idea) but the team behind Spectrum Ink and everyone at the studio were so lovely and accommodating; and meeting them only reassured me that they are focussed on making something positive for the autistic community and therefore would never intentionally try and make me look bad (unfortunately not always the case in my experience) so that helped a lot. They sent me the schedule for the day and the interview questions beforehand so that I could prepare as much as possible. I ended up with so much more to say than could’ve ever fitted in an episode but I did feel much more able to answer any question, prepared or surprise, thrown at me!

The day itself was so lovely. I was still a bit nervous but everyone was so lovely and so respectful of Daisy (although still so excited to have her there!) that it wasn’t long before that anxiety faded. I met all of the Spectrum Ink team and the artists working in the studio that day and everyone was so friendly and excited about the day; I felt so welcomed and so encouraged to truly be who I am – as much as I can with very ingrained masking in play – and that was so amazing; it’s such a rare experience! I was also encouraged to take breaks whenever I (or Daisy) needed them or ask for any accommodation that might pop up and it was just so truly amazing to have accessibility and accommodations be treated as something you deserve rather than an obstacle course that people resent having to do. It was a bit overwhelming and I definitely felt the urge to be like, ‘No, I’m fine! I’m fine!’ without properly thinking about it; I think it’s so easy to become conditioned to trying to be as unobtrusive as possible, to take up as little space and time as we can, that to be asked so directly about what I needed to be comfortable was a bit jarring. I mean, it’s great and so important that they do it as a neurodivergent-friendly channel, but I did have to adjust my thinking about it, which I think was likely a really good exercise for me and for my continued learning around autism acceptance and neurodivergent advocacy.

(LEFT: me and Teddy discussing the design // RIGHT: Rosemary interviewing me)

Teddy showed me the design they’d come up with, which – as I said – I loved as soon as I saw it; it was exactly what I wanted but hadn’t been able to picture. We made a couple of little changes, which Teddy went to work on while I did the interview part with Holly and Rosemary. I was definitely over-prepared and given that we were exclusively talking about things that I’m really passionate about, I had to stop myself from talking here and there because otherwise I could’ve just gone on and on and on. But again, they were so lovely about that; there was absolutely no ‘oh, there she goes again’ which can happen when I get into a flow about one of my special interests (thankfully that happens less and less as I intentionally bring people into my circle of friends, rather than being thrown together with people the way you are at school and so on). The interview part simultaneously felt very long and very short and we managed to cover so many topics; I had no idea what would end up in the episode because we talked about so many different things. And then it was time for the tattoo…

I actually really enjoy getting tattooed; of the tattoos I’ve had – and I’m aware that I haven’t yet gotten any tattoos in the known super painful places – none of them have really hurt, apart from the odd moment where the needle has gone over an already tender spot or we’ve gotten near to a painful point. But even then, I don’t find it particularly painful. I don’t know if I just have a higher than normal pain tolerance (the research shows that, while autistic people don’t necessarily have a higher pain tolerance, we do seem to process pain differently to neurotypical people, which is why it can seem like some autistic people have a higher pain tolerance – these findings make so much sense to me) or if my history of self harm has created an association between pain and regulation (again, this would not surprise me as I used to use self harm as a form of stimming and self-regulation but that was obviously dangerous while getting tattooed is much safer and results in beautiful artwork on your body) but I actually find it pretty soothing; I’ve fallen asleep while getting tattooed in the past, an experience I have heard from other neurodivergent people. So lying down and chatting with Teddy – we had some really lovely conversations – while getting a tattoo was a pretty great afternoon for me.

By the end of the day, after more than six hours at the studio, I was getting very tired and my social battery was draining fast. It made me less and less articulate and more unmasked than I’m usually able to be outside of my house, more unmasked than I feel it’s safe and/or acceptable to be. At the end of the episode – when I’m trying to express how much I love the tattoo and how great the day was – that’s probably the most unmasked I’ve ever been in a public place; I was just so tired and overstimulated and joyful that I didn’t have the capacity to mask or suppress my stims (not that I choose to – it’s years of ingrained behaviour that I’m still learning how to undo all of that) so my emotions were just bursting out of me hence why I need to flap my hands to process it. In the moment, it was so amazing to feel so much pure autistic joy that I was just gripped by the urge to flap; I don’t reach that level of joy very often. And now, looking back, it feels like such a privilege to have been in a space where it was so accepted and welcomed and even celebrated that I needed to stim out of joy: it was proof of what a good day it was and that was so lovely for everyone, I think. It’s a rare occasion when people are actually pleased to see you stimming. (It was also proof of how tired I was that, on the way out of Nottingham, I navigated wrongly three times, one after another after another… My cognitive ability was just on the floor; my cognitive skills were not in the car with us.)

As expected, it had been a very long day for Daisy, even with the quick breaks that Mum took her outside for (and she had had a proper walk before we started and a shorter wander in the park once we were done), but she was beautifully behaved. There were a few things that she didn’t quite know how to navigate – unsurprisingly since she’d never experienced them before – but once I showed her what I wanted from her, she was really good. I was so proud of her for managing it all (and myself too!) and it feels so good to see how, with every outing, our partnership is getting stronger and more intuitive and more comfortable. Since then, Daisy’s been to another tattoo studio with me, as well as so many other things; as I said in the episode, going out into the world is a totally different experience with Daisy.

(Daisy, settled while I was getting tattooed)

And the Trans Rights protest that I mentioned hoping to go to with Daisy? We made it! We didn’t get into the thick of things because that would’ve been overwhelming for both of us and I wanted to be able to quickly get to a less trafficked area if either one of us needed to but just being there at all, feeling able to show up and participate is such a big deal. I have been to protests in the past, before I had Daisy – they haven’t been impossible without an assistance dog – but I’ve found them incredibly overwhelming and overstimulating; I’ve felt constantly on the edge of a meltdown and therefore it’s felt unsafe for me to be there, especially so far from home and anyone who can help me. So just going to a protest takes A LOT out of me but having Daisy with me has really re-balanced the needs and costs around doing something like this and that will continue to happen as she gets more experience with these kind of environments. And it’s so important to me to do this, to show up for what I believe in and for the communities I’m part of and care deeply about (this is not to say that, if you can’t physically show up to these protests, then you don’t care because there are many, many ways to support a cause – this is how I’ve been engaging politically for the most part, especially before Daisy came into my life) and so this development with Daisy is really, really meaningful to me. The world is getting harder and harder to live in, especially if you’re a part of one or more marginalised communities, and so being able to be more actively political – because of working with Daisy – as this has been happening is a goal I’ve had and that I’m starting to manage, with hope for more in the future. I’m proud of both myself and Daisy for making progress with this because it was never a certainty that we would be able to do it and yet, here we are, going to protests and making plans for more!

(LEFT: Daisy and I on the way to the Trans Rights protest in London // RIGHT: Daisy and I at the Trans Rights protest in London, trying to navigate around the barriers)

But back to the day with Spectrum Ink… I’m so, so grateful to have had this opportunity and to have gotten this tattoo in such a delightful twist of fate; I’d never once imagined that I’d be getting my tattoo for Daisy in this way. I’m so grateful to everyone at Spectrum Ink – to Rosemary, to Hollie – and everyone at Bleeding Hearts Tattoo Studio, especially Teddy, for making the whole thing such a beautiful experience; I will always think of it fondly. And although Nottingham isn’t exactly my neck of the woods, I do hope to be back there at some point in the near future…