Country Music Week 2020

As was the case with many events this year, the Country2Country Country music festival was postponed when the pandemic put the country into lockdown in March. It’s since been ‘postponed’ for the same time next year – not something I’m entirely clear on as I would’ve thought that would just be Country2Country 2021. To me, that implies that Country2Country 2020 has been cancelled, unless they’re planning to run two events next year (which seems unlikely). Anyway, with the pandemic, lockdown, and social distancing still ongoing, Country Music Week 2020 has gone virtual with a week of radio and online events…

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MONDAY

The Shires on Chris Country Radio – This was a short interview with Ben and Crissie of The Shires on Chris Country Radio where they talked about their experience of the pandemic (how they haven’t been apart for such a long time since the band started, how ironic it was that they released an album called, ‘Good Years,’ at the beginning of one of the worst years in living memory, and so on) and premiered their new single, ‘Lightning Strikes ft. Lauren Alaina.’ That was very exciting because that’s one of my favourite tracks on the album. It was really nice to hear them again. Yes, I’ve had the album to listen to but it was really nice just to hear them talk again. Maybe that’s an odd thing to say but some of the most intimate moments in concerts are when the artist(s) talk and it felt a bit like that after so much time.

Song Suffragettes with Tenille Townes, Caylee Hammack, Lainey Wilson, Kalie Shorr, Twinnie, Vic Allen, and Emma & Jolie – Song Suffragettes is one of my favourite things about Nashville and one of the things I was most gutted about missing out on when my trip was cancelled (not that those shows would’ve happened, I now know). So this was the event I was most looking forward to, especially as I adore both Caylee Hammack and Kalie Shorr. The show was great. My favourite performances were ‘Forged In The Fire’ by Caylee Hammack, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ by Kalie Shorr, ‘Bigger Houses’ by Caylee Hammack, ‘The Last Time’ by Tenille Townes, ‘Healing’ by Vic Allen, ‘Escape’ by Kalie Shorr, ‘All They Have’ by Mia Morris, ‘Family Tree’ by Caylee Hammack, ‘Cry For You’ by Emma & Jolie, and ‘Gatsby’ by Kalie Shorr. And they always end with a cover and for this show, it was ‘Wide Open Spaces’ by The Chicks and it just sounded so gorgeous, especially with all the beautiful harmonies. It was a great show and I’m so grateful to all those who put the work in to make it possible. I’m pretty confident saying that it was my favourite event of the week.

THURSDAY 

Ingrid Andress Presents “Is That The Tequila Talking?” UK Edition – I freaking love Ingrid. She’s hilarious as well as being an incredible writer and artist. As awesome as it would’ve been to have a performance, it was still fun to hear her talk and joke and tell stories, especially about her time in the UK (where I live). I’ll probably always wish for longer (I mean, who doesn’t hope for one more song or five more minutes when an artist they love is doing some kind of performance or interview, etc) but I really enjoyed the video we got so I’m not complaining. It was really lovely just to see her. It was a fun video and she had me laughing out loud over and over. And afterwards, I couldn’t resist compiling some of the funnier faces she made…

FRIDAY

Caylee Hammack: A Day In The Life Of – I love Caylee and I love her music (I talked about her debut album in my recent National Album Day post). I’ve been following her on social media since I first saw her perform but it was cool to see her do Instagram Stories for Country2Country. It was funny to see her all glammed up and picking tomatoes off her tomato plants but then I also found her attempts to make the broken mirror beautiful again oddly touching. I feel like there’s a song in there somewhere.

Ashley McBryde, Lindsay Ell, and Carly Pearce: Live From The Bluebird Café, Nashville – This one I’m really annoyed about. I missed it at the time because of another commitment but then it went up on YouTube so I was really excited that I’d still get to see it; I’d never seen any of them perform live (yes, technically this still isn’t live, but you know what I mean). So I was relieved that it was available on YouTube and Facebook to watch when I had some time. But with trying to juggle Country Music Week, Tin Pan South, and the uni work and life stuff that got put on hold to watch all of these events and shows, it took me so long to get around to it that when I went to watch it, it had been deleted. So I’m sad that I ended up missing out on that. I don’t know why it was online for such an arbitrary period of time but I’m frustrated that I didn’t watch it as soon as possible (even though I had valid reasons). Yeah, so I’m just annoyed with myself and the universe about that one so I’m going to go and listen to their albums and wallow over the missed opportunity.

SATURDAY

The BBR Music Group & BMG Showcase: The Shires, Granger Smith, Locash, Track45, and Elvie Shane – Unfortunately, I missed this one too. It was at the only Autism-friendly time at the gym (which I didn’t want to give up as it’s only once a week) and I assumed that, like the show the night before, it would be available after the original streaming time. But apparently not, or at least I can’t find it. That was a real shame because I’d been really looking forward to seeing The Shires play but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Hopefully they’ll do a livestream or something to tide fans over before they’re able to tour again. That would be awesome.


Given that Country Music Week 2020 overlapped with Tin Pan South 2020 and normal life wasn’t pausing just because I wanted it to, I didn’t feel that I got as much out of the week as I might’ve done. I was trying to balance a lot and I didn’t always do a great job. There weren’t a huge amount of people I was super excited to see but then some years are like that, pandemic or not. Having said that, the ‘events’ I did attend, I really enjoyed.

Celebrating Female Creatives For International Women’s Day 2020

Happy International Women’s Day! The theme this year is #EachforEqual, based around the idea that we can all choose to challenge stereotypes, improve environments, and celebrate women’s achievements. “Collectively, each one of us can help create a gender equal world. Let’s all be #EachforEqual.”

So to celebrate the day, I wanted to share some of my favourite female creatives, from writers to artists to musicians. Having said that, these are all ‘smaller’ artists, artists that aren’t supported by major companies or big record labels and so on.


Laura Greenway – Laura is an incredible artist who I’ve known for a while now, after seeing her gallery crowdfunding  page. She makes beautiful visual art and immersive art, based around various mental health problems. Her pieces are thought provoking and meaningful and I look forward to everything she posts about her art.

Isobel Anderson and The Female DIY Musician – Isobel is an amazing musician and sound artist and I was lucky enough to have her as a tutor at university last year. She was encouraging and inspiring and truly motivating. She’s one of the best tutors I’ve ever had. She also runs a community that supports and empowers women wanting to be musicians,  specifically those wanting to learn how to record and produce. It’s really helpful and positive, which is hard to find in such a male dominated industry.

Deerful – Emma is a really good friend of mine and she makes so many different things: music in many forms, art, loops, and so on. She’s incredible, skilled at so many things and I would absolutely love to work with her on a project one day. You can find her music here.

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Very high-tech home studio today.

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Aislin Evans – Aislin is another of my good friends and she’s an amazing songwriter. I love everything she writes. She’s also an actor, multi-instrumentalist, and mental health advocate. She’s doing impressive and inspiring work as a human being and I’m so proud of her and to know her. (You can find her music here.)

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Laura Zocca – I’ve followed Laura on YouTube and social media for years and she’s a beautiful songwriter. She’s also a lovely human. Even though she’s now pursuing other career paths, she’s still releasing music, which makes me very happy.  I’m still hoping for a few of my old favourites to see the light of day…

NADINE – Nadine is an awesome singersongwriter and I love her songs. I’ve been to several of her gigs and the atmosphere is incredible; everyone is picking up the words and singing along by the end of the first chorus. It’s magical. A handful of her songs actually move me to tears. She’s also a tutor at my university and although she only taught me for one class, she was great, really encouraging and thoughtful in her responses to our songs.

Write Like A Girl – “Only 17% of UK songwriters are women. Write Like A Girl aims to put female songwriting talent back in the spotlight – and inspire more women to create original music.” This showcase is so cool and so inspiring, full of amazing female songwriters. I try to go whenever I can and I would absolutely love to play in one of their shows at some point.

Liberty’s Mother – I’ve talked about Liberty’s Mother and the woman behind the project, Sophie Daniels, but I had to include her in this list. She’s doing amazing things (an EP, launch event, month long challenge) to raise awareness and money for the baby loss charity, Tommy’s. It’s so inspiring and encouraging to see someone use art and music to do such good for so many people.

Caitlyn Siehl – This girl is an incredible writer and her book, What We Buried, is one of my favourite books, poetry and in general. She writes beautifully: some of the poems are painful, some of them are joyful, some of them are so real it’s like they were written about your own life. It’s a fantastic book and you should definitely read it.

Rosie Powell – Rosie is an amazing photographer and videographer and I absolutely love her work. I’m so happy and so grateful that my first music video was done with her because she made it so easy and so comfortable when I was so nervous. I should probably post some of her other work but I wanted to post what we worked on together because I’m so proud of it. I would absolutely love to work with her again at some point.

Betsy Lane – Betsy is a light of a human being, practically a ball of positivity and sunshine, although that’s not to say she doesn’t bravely share her struggles and vulnerability. She’s a lovely human being and a stunning singersongwriter. I finally got to meet her and see her play a garden show a couple of years ago and she was just as sweet as I’d expected her to be. You can find her music here.

Lois de Silva – I’ve been friends with Lois for years, since we were about sixteen or seventeen. She’s one of the kindest, sweetest people I know and she’s an incredibly talented artist, in multiple forms. She’s done the animation for the last and an upcoming music video and they are so beautiful. Again, I’m so happy and so grateful to have had the opportunity to work with her and I’m so, so proud of the results, to have them be the visuals for my music. And again, I should share some of her other projects but I love the work she did on my song so much that I just have to share our current video. You can follow her on Instagram here.

Annerb – Annerb isn’t someone I know or have had more than the occasional Tumblr ask but she writes the most amazing fanfiction and she’s legitimately all I’ve read in the last year or so. The dedication to these stories, which are thousands of words long, is incredible and the stories are just beautiful. And even when the stories are tense, the reading of them and the familiar characters are very calming and really helpful with my anxiety.

Song Suffragettes – And while Song Suffragettes is the biggest person/organisation on this list, I had to include them because they are doing such incredible work for young, female songwriters in and visiting Nashville. They’re doing some really, really impressive work and the community they’ve built is so strong. I feel very lucky to be part of it, even in a really small way and from such a long way away.


This list could go on for a pretty long time – I’m tempted to list every creative I know who is working hard and making beautiful things – so I’ll stop there but before I go, I want to give a short series of shout outs to some of my friends who are just badass creatives (several of whom I’ve mentioned before): Luce Barka, Francesca MorrisCharlotte Black and her platform Self Love London, Foxgluvv, and Tragic Sasha. The list was just getting too long but I wanted to mention them because they all really are amazing.

2019 in Review

I don’t even know how to sum up this year.

If I’m honest, most of it’s blurry. The first half of it anyway. I was still trying medication after medication so I was kind of living in a haze. It’s scary to look back at a time not that long ago, search for memories and not be able to find them, find the details. Or worse, not even know what memories to look for. I hate it and it’s scary and I try not to think about it. Thank god for photos though. Looking back through my photos helped me to remember and I’m grateful for that. 

I got to go to the opening night of Waitress The Musical and to my complete surprise, Sara Bareilles was there, both to introduce the show and to bid us all goodnight. The show was amazing: I loved the music, I loved the characters, I loved the story, and the meaning in the story. And seeing Sara Bareilles in person for the first time since 2014 was extra special.

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I also got up stupid early to see her do a surprise set in St Pancras station. Apart from the fact that she has an incredible singing voice and is a great performer, even just sitting at a piano, there’s something magical about seeing a person you admire so much in real life. And my Mum was a trooper, running after her team (my medication meant I could barely stand up for the whole performance) and making sure she got my letter. So that was a good morning, even if I felt very unwell for the rest of the day (I’d overstretched, given the meds I was taking).

We had a nerve-wracking few weeks where our dog, Lucky, was incredibly unwell. I saw it happen: his head just tilted to the side and he stood there, looking so… wrong. I was convinced he was having a stroke. Plus his eyes were moving back and forth really quickly; I couldn’t imagine how he could even see. Despite a trip to the emergency vet then and there, we didn’t find out until the next day that he had Geriatric Vestibular Disease, which is basically vertigo. He was really, really sick. He wouldn’t eat and that’s really the sign that a labrador is sick. Mum was feeding him pieces of boiled chicken by hand just to keep him going. They gave him a morphine patch but that just made him sicker so they eventually removed it. It took a long time but eventually he was back to his old self. It’s not the same: he has a permanent head tilt, his balance is terrible, he can have trouble walking. But he seems to be happy and he’s certainly loved. So we’re getting through. Day by day, we’re getting through.

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I was fortunate enough to go to Nashville again, which was amazing, even though I was really, really struggling on my medication. I was depressed, overwhelmingly anxious, and my hands felt thick and clumsy, making playing guitar a real ordeal. As wonderful as it was to be in Nashville, I felt very guilty for not being as happy as I felt I should be.

Having said that, I had some really great experiences while I was there. I got to go back to my favourite places, see two Song Suffragettes shows (which are always such special experiences for me), and hang out with my friends who I only get to see once a year. I didn’t get to see everyone but I had a lovely time with the people I saw. I even got to see the awesome Caylan Hays play a show and hear all of her new songs. That was really, really special.

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Tin Pan South was amazing as usual, although I had to make some tough decisions over which shows to go to. They were all amazing though. My favourite was Nick Wayne, Hannah Ellis, Josh Kerr, and Natalie Hemby. Natalie is another person I hugely admire and she actually knows who I am now, which I’m honoured by. We got to have a proper conversation, which was one of my favourite moments of the trip. And I’d love to write with her one day: that’s a bucket list write.

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I also got to see Kelly Clarkson (who I’ve always, ALWAYS wanted to see live) in concert and Kelsea Ballerini was the opener, which was awesome because I love her. It was an amazing concert and I loved every second of it.

It was an amazing trip but I hope that next year I’ll be in a better place, a place where I can enjoy it properly and effortlessly. I think that’s gonna be one of my goals for 2020.

Here at home I also got to see some amazing concerts. My favourites were Maren Morris (I saw her twice but the second time was front row at the Royal Albert Hall, which was the most surreal, amazing experience) and Ingrid Andress, who had the whole crowd singing despite only having released a few singles. It was amazing. And she remembered me and we talked about writing together when I’m next in Nashville, although I’m now not sure it’s going to happen. But it was amazing to know that she was up for it. Hopefully one day.

I also saw Halsey in a super small venue and she was fantastic. We had trouble with the accessibility, which caused me a lot of anxiety, but the show was incredible. She’s an amazing, amazing performer. I love her. But I feel very out of place at her concerts, which is hard.

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I, with Richard Sanderson (Richard Marc on social media), spent most of the year working on my first EP. It was such a learning curve but I loved it, for the most part. It took an exceptional amount of work and I have to give so much credit to Richard and to Josh Fielden who mixed the songs because part way through, I tumbled into a really deep depression, accompanied with the worst anxiety I think I’ve ever experienced. It took a long time for me to get back to a place where I could work on it. It’s part of my musical story so I’m really glad it’s coming out, even if I still have a lot of anxiety about it. If you’ve been following this blog, you’ll know the story of the first single and you’ll know more about the rest of the songs soon.

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I spent several months in a deep, deep depression, the worst I’ve ever experienced. I basically lay on the sofa and thought about dying. It was awful. I don’t really know what else to say about it. It was just still, but with a mess of agonising turmoil underneath.

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Then, in the middle of the summer, one of my cats had kittens, despite the vet telling us in her vet check the week before that she absolutely wasn’t pregnant. We came home from dinner and Mouse was waiting for us. She took me upstairs to my room, curled up in one of the cat beds, and over the next few hours, she had a couple of tiny, adorable kittens. She got distressed every time I tried to leave so I stayed through the whole thing (and saw some pretty disgusting stuff that I never needed to see).

Having the kittens in my life has done wonders for my anxiety. Watching them grow and play and explore was so calming and mindful for me. And now that they’re older, all five cats play as a family. They’re a pride. It’s gorgeous. I don’t know what the future holds but having them in my life has been one of the most, if not the most, positive thing this year. I’m really, really grateful for them. Having said that, everyone’s spayed now so there won’t be any more surprises, which is probably – definitely – a good thing, as adorable as kittens are. The stress is just too much.

Somewhere in the middle of the holidays of kittens, I started taking Phenelzine again, which was a really difficult decision. I’m still struggling with the side effects but I am better than I was. I still have moments of depression but it’s not constant and I’m managing the anxiety with other medications. And best of all, I can write songs again. That is the best possible outcome.

September loomed and I spent time with the Disability Coordinator at my uni, something they had never had before. I actually felt hopeful about having someone who understood me. And then, she became extremely unreliable and that resulted in one of the worst meltdowns I’ve ever had – in the middle of Victoria Station. That triggered a period of multiple meltdowns a day, which turned the weeks into a blur. It was awful. I started my Masters Degree in Songwriting in one of the worst states I’ve ever been in.

Despite being part time, the Masters took up every day of the week, working on songs and trying to research while battling my OCD, which had suddenly spiked. I had no time off, no time to breathe. I felt like I was failing at everything. I think I’ve gotten better at managing it (and it’s going to be a focus in therapy when we start again in the new year) and I managed some research and I wrote some songs I’m really proud of. I enjoyed the course and classes but balancing everything with Autism and mental health problems was a nightmare. I’m going to write a post about the course in more detail but it still needed to be included in this post.

Oh, and somewhere in there, I turned twenty five. My Mum bought me twenty five yellow roses.

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The first single of the EP came out a few weeks into the course and it was a complete surreal – if incredibly stressful – experience. I had no idea what to expect, especially since I’m an independent artist, but for what was really a first, first single (considering ‘Invisible’ had no marketing and so on), I think it did pretty well. It got added to several playlists on Spotify and had radio play, local and BBC Introducing. That’s been amazing and I’m excited to see where the next one goes.

And now I’m finishing the year with basically no Christmas break because I’m working on the assessments for my course everyday. They’re causing me so much stress I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m also terrified of the fireworks tonight (another story I’ve talked about before) and don’t know what I’m going to do to avoid them because I have work to do and they cause awful meltdowns. So, all in all, not the best way to end the year. I’m cautiously optimistic about 2020.

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“2019 has been an incredibly difficult year. I feel broken. I feel like I was shattered into a thousand pieces and then put back together wrong. And if I’m honest I don’t know what to do about it. But there were good moments too and I’m so grateful for those. 2020, please be kind.” (x)