Finding HopeCountry Music Week 2020
Posted on October 31, 2020
As was the case with many events this year, the Country2Country Country music festival was postponed when the pandemic put the country into lockdown in March. It’s since been ‘postponed’ for the same time next year – not something I’m entirely clear on as I would’ve thought that would just be Country2Country 2021. To me, that implies that Country2Country 2020 has been cancelled, unless they’re planning to run two events next year (which seems unlikely). Anyway, with the pandemic, lockdown, and social distancing still ongoing, Country Music Week 2020 has gone virtual with a week of radio and online events…
MONDAY
The Shires on Chris Country Radio – This was a short interview with Ben and Crissie of The Shires on Chris Country Radio where they talked about their experience of the pandemic (how they haven’t been apart for such a long time since the band started, how ironic it was that they released an album called, ‘Good Years,’ at the beginning of one of the worst years in living memory, and so on) and premiered their new single, ‘Lightning Strikes ft. Lauren Alaina.’ That was very exciting because that’s one of my favourite tracks on the album. It was really nice to hear them again. Yes, I’ve had the album to listen to but it was really nice just to hear them talk again. Maybe that’s an odd thing to say but some of the most intimate moments in concerts are when the artist(s) talk and it felt a bit like that after so much time.
Song Suffragettes with Tenille Townes, Caylee Hammack, Lainey Wilson, Kalie Shorr, Twinnie, Vic Allen, and Emma & Jolie – Song Suffragettes is one of my favourite things about Nashville and one of the things I was most gutted about missing out on when my trip was cancelled (not that those shows would’ve happened, I now know). So this was the event I was most looking forward to, especially as I adore both Caylee Hammack and Kalie Shorr. The show was great. My favourite performances were ‘Forged In The Fire’ by Caylee Hammack, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ by Kalie Shorr, ‘Bigger Houses’ by Caylee Hammack, ‘The Last Time’ by Tenille Townes, ‘Healing’ by Vic Allen, ‘Escape’ by Kalie Shorr, ‘All They Have’ by Mia Morris, ‘Family Tree’ by Caylee Hammack, ‘Cry For You’ by Emma & Jolie, and ‘Gatsby’ by Kalie Shorr. And they always end with a cover and for this show, it was ‘Wide Open Spaces’ by The Chicks and it just sounded so gorgeous, especially with all the beautiful harmonies. It was a great show and I’m so grateful to all those who put the work in to make it possible. I’m pretty confident saying that it was my favourite event of the week.
THURSDAY
Ingrid Andress Presents “Is That The Tequila Talking?” UK Edition – I freaking love Ingrid. She’s hilarious as well as being an incredible writer and artist. As awesome as it would’ve been to have a performance, it was still fun to hear her talk and joke and tell stories, especially about her time in the UK (where I live). I’ll probably always wish for longer (I mean, who doesn’t hope for one more song or five more minutes when an artist they love is doing some kind of performance or interview, etc) but I really enjoyed the video we got so I’m not complaining. It was really lovely just to see her. It was a fun video and she had me laughing out loud over and over. And afterwards, I couldn’t resist compiling some of the funnier faces she made…
FRIDAY
Caylee Hammack: A Day In The Life Of – I love Caylee and I love her music (I talked about her debut album in my recent National Album Day post). I’ve been following her on social media since I first saw her perform but it was cool to see her do Instagram Stories for Country2Country. It was funny to see her all glammed up and picking tomatoes off her tomato plants but then I also found her attempts to make the broken mirror beautiful again oddly touching. I feel like there’s a song in there somewhere.
Ashley McBryde, Lindsay Ell, and Carly Pearce: Live From The Bluebird Café, Nashville – This one I’m really annoyed about. I missed it at the time because of another commitment but then it went up on YouTube so I was really excited that I’d still get to see it; I’d never seen any of them perform live (yes, technically this still isn’t live, but you know what I mean). So I was relieved that it was available on YouTube and Facebook to watch when I had some time. But with trying to juggle Country Music Week, Tin Pan South, and the uni work and life stuff that got put on hold to watch all of these events and shows, it took me so long to get around to it that when I went to watch it, it had been deleted. So I’m sad that I ended up missing out on that. I don’t know why it was online for such an arbitrary period of time but I’m frustrated that I didn’t watch it as soon as possible (even though I had valid reasons). Yeah, so I’m just annoyed with myself and the universe about that one so I’m going to go and listen to their albums and wallow over the missed opportunity.
SATURDAY
The BBR Music Group & BMG Showcase: The Shires, Granger Smith, Locash, Track45, and Elvie Shane – Unfortunately, I missed this one too. I was at the only Autism-friendly time at the gym (which I didn’t want to give up as it’s only once a week) and I assumed that, like the show the night before, it would be available after the original streaming time. But apparently not, or at least I can’t find it. That was a real shame because I’d been really looking forward to seeing The Shires play but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Hopefully they’ll do a livestream or something to tide fans over before they’re able to tour again. That would be awesome.
Given that Country Music Week 2020 overlapped with Tin Pan South 2020 and normal life wasn’t pausing just because I wanted it to, I didn’t feel that I got as much out of the week as I might’ve done. I was trying to balance a lot and I didn’t always do a great job. There weren’t a huge amount of people I was super excited to see but then some years are like that, pandemic or not. Having said that, the ‘events’ I did attend, I really enjoyed.
Honest – Out Now!
Posted on October 30, 2020
My new single, ‘Honest,’ the title track and final single from my debut EP, Honest, is now available on all major music platforms!
‘Honest,’ the title track and final single from the Honest EP, is out! I’m so excited for you guys to finally hear it! It’s a celebration of the honesty of the previous four songs and of being honest and authentic about who you are, even and especially when it’s hard. It’s vulnerable and frightening and sometimes clumsy but it’s empowering too. There’s such a relief to leaning into who you really are.
This song was a real labour of love; it took a lot of hard work. It was born in a session with one of my songwriting inspirations, Lauren Aquilina. I worked on it with my beloved Richard Marc, and then it finally found its true shape in a session with the super inspiring Jonathan Whiskerd. Many people might’ve given up on it. At another moment in time, I might’ve been one of them, but I just knew there was something there. It was something I needed to express. And despite the frustrations along the way, I don’t think it could’ve become the song it is without them.
Please, please, please stream and/or buy it if you can. It would mean so much to me and everyone who has worked so hard on this song and this whole EP. The link to the song is in my bio 
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Click here to listen to the song!
Posting this feels strange and really quite emotional since this EP has been a major part of my life for the last few years and right now, I don’t know when I’ll next be releasing new music. But I also really love this song and I’m so excited for everyone to hear it. And it feels particularly special that this final song was written with three people who mean a lot to me and have had a big impact on my life: Lauren was one of the few songwriter/artists that I really felt connected to and whose music I felt truly invested in as a teenager and writing with her was a big moment for me; Richard is one of my best friends and one of the most important people in my life; Jonathan was one of my tutors at university who not only taught me an incredible amount about songwriting, but gave me confidence in myself and always inspired me, both things he continues to do. I’m so grateful to have these wonderful people involved in this project that has been so important in my life.
I hope you enjoy the song. Please let me know – here or on social media – what you think, of the song and the whole EP now that it’s complete! I’d love to hear from you! Otherwise, keep an eye on my social media accounts for news about the music video and other content…
An Assessment With A Difference
Posted on October 28, 2020
Over the summer, I received a letter from the local Neurobehavioral Unit. My GP had referred me to them for specialist support for pain (joint pain and pain in general) and I had an appointment with a psychiatrist there who specialises in and has done extensive research into hypermobility, pain, fatigue, and anxiety. I had no idea what to expect or what I was going to get out of it but I’m always willing (even if sometimes a little wary of) trying new things that might help.
My GP had recommended I have a full set of blood tests first so that we had the full, up to date picture before the appointment so I had that done at my local doctors’ surgery. I was a bit nervous about going – with the pandemic and all – but it was quick and easy. I was in and out in less than fifteen minutes. We got the results back a week later: for the most part they were good (my iron is back within the normal range, which was the problem last time) but my Vitamin D was seriously low, so low that I’ve been prescribed a ten week course of Vitamin D supplements.
And then this week, I had the actual appointment.
It was an online appointment but the conversation felt surprisingly easy and natural. Dr J (I’ve decided to refer to her this way to protect my privacy, even though doctor-patient records are, of course, confidential) introduced herself and we talked a bit about her work and what we could potentially get out of the session.
We talked about my Autism diagnosis and she had me do a series of movements with my hands and arms, all of which confirmed a diagnosis of hypermobility. As far as I’m aware it was in the notes from my Autism assessment but it hadn’t been officially diagnosed in its own right. She told me that people with a diagnosis of hypermobility are seven times more likely to have a form of Autism. Seven times! She asked me lots of questions about pain and fatigue (both of which I seriously struggle with) and went on to explain that hypermobile people have weak core muscles which often results in fatigue and pain in other areas as the body compensates. That makes so much sense. It’s all so fascinating to learn. The more I learn about the things I’ve been diagnosed with, the more I understand how they’re all part of a bigger picture, how they link together like the strands of a spider’s web or stars in a galaxy. It all gets clearer and I feel less overwhelmed and less lost; it feels like seeing order in things that used to look random and that is so incredibly helpful. All of the things I struggle with often make me feel broken and moments like this help me in the slow shift from ‘broken’ to… ‘incompatible,’ or something like that. Something less personal. Is it a program’s fault if it isn’t compatible with the computer? No. And with that in mind, it all becomes more about problem solving and work arounds and less about right and wrong. At least, that’s the concept I’m trying to work towards.
She said she would write to my GP and have me referred for pain management, specifically for hydrotherapy. I’ve just started swimming again – Mum and I finally managed to find a pool with a set up that feels safe, or as safe as is possible right now and safer than the others we’ve spoken to – so that would be perfect; I would love to do it, to get fitter and stronger through exercise I enjoy (and that doesn’t cause me ongoing physical pain). I don’t know if it’s available right now – with the pandemic and social distancing measures – but I can’t wait to do it whenever it is. But in the meantime, Dr J recommended some exercises to do in the pool, as well as some very gentle floor based core-strengthening pilates.
She also asked questions about sensitivities, allergies, hay fever, dizziness on standing, lightheadedness, and symptoms like that. I’ve definitely experienced all of those, although not all consistently. When I’d answered all of those questions, she recommended I have a heart rate test and a blood pressure check and said she’d include that recommendation in the notes she’d send to my GP. If they showed numbers within a specific range, given the other symptoms we’d talked about, that could apparently give us another area to explore, health wise.
We also talked about my anxiety and the medication I take for it. She suggested an alternative that might be better suited to my situation so that’s something we’ll discuss with my psychiatrist when I next speak to him.
So Mum and I learned a lot and we have plenty of avenues to explore…
- Continue swimming, adding in the exercises she suggested to strengthen my core muscles.
- Pursue the pain management route, particularly hydrotherapy (as available with the lockdown).
- Try gentle pilates exercises for core muscles.
- Get a heart rate test and a blood pressure check and see where that leads us.
- Talk to my regular psychiatrist about the other anxiety medication.
To be completely honest, it was a bit of a strange experience. I mean, it was really helpful and productive but it was odd for a very specific reason. It was easy. It was a conversation. She asked me things and I answered them. She believed me; she offered lots of advice and suggestions; she’s writing everything up and sending it to my GP. It wasn’t a fight… when up until now, it’s always been a fight. It was this beautiful, precious thing: to ask for help and have someone give it to me, with kindness and understanding and generosity. There will be more fights, I’m sure… more battles, but for now, I’m going to hold onto this feeling and memorise it so that I have it in my pocket like a touchstone for the next time I have to fight to get someone to stop and listen.
Finding Hope 