What I Did In Lockdown – Part 3

So, on the 4th January, England went into another national lockdown and this list was once again revived. This one felt much more like the first lockdown than the second, where many schools, businesses, etc were still open. When schools and universities started to open, my course remained online (it was one of the courses that could function solely online and meant less people going back to the uni) so lockdown continued for me. My life has only just started to involve going out again – swimming, getting a haircut, (safely) seeing a few people – and that’s why I’ve kept this list going as long as I have…


  • Uploaded all of my assessment work for the Musical Language module.
  • Suggested a topic for Kalie Shorr’s podcast, which she used, and then mentioned me and my music during it, which meant a lot to me.
  • Followed the news about the riots at the Capitol building in Washington D.C.
  • Started building my family tree on AncestryDNA and learning about who my relatives are, especially on my father’s side. This included messaging with distant relatives (cousins multiple times removed, for example), which was a pretty surreal experience.
  • Listened to and fell in love with the bonus tracks from Taylor Swift’s evermore.
  • Started a new (very beautiful) subscription of Vitamin D supplement.
  • Had a socially distanced chat and exchange of Christmas presents with one of my best friends.
  • Had a bit of a reset therapy session: we caught up and then set some goals to work on.
  • Had multiple writing sessions with Richard.
  • Wrote and posted a blog post about the third semester of my Masters.
  • Tested out a new method of overcoming my Trichotillomania: using a strip of elastic to tie my hand to my portable desk, preventing my pulling hand from reaching my hair.
  • Finished my ADHD assessment and was diagnosed with ADHD, although it’s a complicated one as there is much overlap between Autism and ADHD.
  • Had a Netflix party with some friends where we watched How To Train Your Dragon.
  • Started my new university module, The Writer’s Voice (online, of course).
  • Binge-watched The Wilds.
  • Had a productive meeting with one of the careers team at my university.
  • Had multiple writing sessions with my friend and coursemate, Luce.
  • Watched and critiqued the first draft of the acoustic session videos.
  • Watched the film, How It Ends.
  • Watched the film, Ava.
  • Due to technical issues, my friend, Aislin, and I wrote a song using basically texts and a google doc; and not only that, it was a song we loved and felt really proud of, regardless of the circumstances.
  • Watched Joe Biden’s inauguration; I found it very inspiring and emotional.
  • Had a consultation with an Occupational Therapist (via phone) for the pain in my hands.
  • Continued with my therapy sessions.
  • Worked on a couple of songs with my friend and coursemate, Dan.
  • Got my AncestryDNA results back, which was really interesting in some ways and frustrating in others.
  • Had a long catch up call with one of my best friends.
  • Had my first session for a new mentoring programme.
  • Had a meltdown after an unexpected change with a university class and ended up missing the class entirely.
  • Watched the series, Tiny Pretty Things.
  • Had a COVID test.
  • Had my COVID test come back negative.
  • Had multiple sessions with my friend and coursemate, Anna.
  • Watched one of my best friends, Luce, do her second online show.
  • Finished the acoustic session videos.
  • Began Occupational Therapy for the pain in my hands.
  • Wrote a blog post about the first year without our dog, Lucky.
  • Wrote multiple songs by myself.
  • Started FAWM – February Album Writing Month, a challenge to write fourteen songs in twenty eight days.
  • Had a phone call with the Chronic Fatigue Service that proved to be not only unhelpful, but deeply troubling: we discovered that I’d never received the results of blood-work from two years ago that showed multiple (potentially dangerous) abnormalities that should’ve been investigated and he told me my case was too complicated for them, that they didn’t feel they could help me.
  • Ran into a friend that I haven’t seen for ages and we planned a call and (online) movie night.
  • Had an ECG: hypermobility can result in heart problems (in a small percentage of people) so I’ll have to have regular heart check ups.
  • Had a writing session with my friend and coursemate, Amy.
  • Continued to spread awareness of how ableist, offensive, and dangerous Sia’s film, Music, is.
  • Posted my blog post about the first year with our lovely dog, Lucky.
  • Watched the film, Peppermint.
  • Celebrated the beginning of Taylor Swift releasing her rerecorded albums, starting with ‘Love Story (Taylor’s Version).’
  • Wrote with my friend and coursemate, Harrison.
  • Watched the film, The Dig.
  • Had a long overdue movie night (in the middle of the day) and catch up with two of my best friends.
  • Posted two blog posts on the same day about Trichotillomania. (x) (x)
  • My Mum had her first COVID vaccination.
  • Had a difficult video call with one of my tutors about one of the Masters modules, in which I got very upset.
  • Watched Series 1 and 2 of The Bay.
  • My Mum trimmed my fringe for me.
  • Received the about-face makeup (by Halsey) I’d bought and tested it out; I particularly liked the matte lip product.
  • Rewatched Criminal Minds from start to finish.
  • Had several writing sessions with my new friend and coursemate, Phill.
  • Received the Chronic Fatigue Service’s post-session report before they sent it to my GP and corrected all of the errors in it (such as when I was diagnosed with ASD).
  • Watched the film, Taking Lives.
  • Rewatched all three seasons of Absentia.
  • Had another mentoring session, which was really thought-provoking and productive.
  • My university had a reading week so I didn’t have any classes.
  • Had a planning session with Richard after one of our writing sessions.
  • Found the new COVID-19 plan announced on the 22nd February thoroughly unclear and confusing.
  • Watched New Amsterdam Season 1.
  • Wrote several songs based on fictional stories and characters, which isn’t my writing comfort zone but was really fun.
  • Started watching Unforgotten Series 4; I’m ecstatic to have Nicola Walker on my screen again, especially playing such a great character, but given the end of the last series, I can’t help but worry that this will be the last.
  • Had multiple sessions with my friend and coursemate, Simon.
  • Watched the film, Escape From Pretoria.
  • Completed FAWM (February Album Writing Month), actually writing 14 songs in less than 28 days.
  • Had a socially distanced catch up with one of my oldest and best friends.
  • Had a second COVID test.
  • Did several Autism research studies (from home, of course).
  • Dyed my hair.
  • Had a writing session with my friend and coursemate, Joy.
  • One of my best friends, Richard Marc, released his debut single, ‘Put It In A Postcard,’ which I helped write.
  • Had my COVID test come back negative.
  • Learned that my ECG had come back clear.
  • Had official confirmation that I’ve been diagnosed with Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.
  • Had a meeting with uni staff to discuss the options around the process of changing my antidepressants in order to take medication for my ADHD.
  • Watched New Amsterdam Season 2.
  • Met a potential DSA mentor (it didn’t work out).
  • Was unexpectedly triggered during a seminar and got extremely upset, although I was somehow able to pull myself together enough to manage the class.
  • Bought tickets for me and my family to see Tim Minchin when he (hopefully) tours the UK at the end of the year.
  • Announced the Honest EP (Sunburst Sessions).
  • Fell down the stairs but fortunately wasn’t too badly banged up.
  • Sweep had to go to the vet because she seemed to be having trouble moving around comfortably but the vet wasn’t worried and thought she’d probably been knocked around in all the wind we’ve been having and has given her some painkillers. We also asked if she had any guesses as to what breed Sweep is since we have no idea and her guess is Long Haired Domestic Cat with potentially some Norwegian Forest Cat, so that’s what we’re going with unless we decide to do one of those pet DNA tests.
  • Had a good catch up call with one of my oldest friends.
  • Caught up with The Grammys, celebrated Taylor Swift’s folklore winning Album of the Year, and cried over all of the acceptance speeches.
  • Watched The One (Season 1).
  • Had a particularly good response in class to one of my songs, which is one of my favourite songs I’ve written recently.
  • Had a really productive meeting with my course leader about my Masters final project.
  • Had an upsetting and thoroughly unhelpful appointment with a specialist I’d been referred to.
  • Had another set of blood tests – I’ve completely forgotten what they’re for or who requested them with so many people involved right now but they might give us more insight into my fatigue.
  • Posted the first of the Honest EP acoustic sessions, ‘Bad Night (Sunburst Sessions)’.

  • Learned about Travis Meadows’ surgery, donated to the gofundme, and shared the link.
  • Watched one of my best friends, Luce, do an awesome online show.
  • Posted my blog post about being diagnosed with ADHD.
  • Watched Creating The Queen’s Gambit, which just made me want to watch the show again.
  • Joined the judging panel for a songwriting competition.
  • Screeched at the penultimate episode of Unforgotten Series 4.
  • After a really fascinating seminar on Jungian archetypes, I spent hours reading more about them.
  • Suddenly found out quite a lot about my Dad’s side of the family, which was amazing but pretty overwhelming.
  • Had another meeting with one of the tutors to fine tune the approach to my Masters final project.
  • Did an interview with an Autism publication.
  • Attended Betsy Lane’s Zoom party to celebrate her (awesome) new single, ‘Plan For Paris.’
  • Rewrote my professional bio, or attempted to at least.
  • Had a long phone call with one of my best friends, which I think I really needed (plus she said something to me that may be the most special and important thing anyone has ever said to me).
  • Worked on multiple blog posts for World Autism Awareness Week 2021.
  • Had an excited little freak out about Lexie Grey (played by Chyler Leigh) appearing in Grey’s Anatomy again, even though I’m not watching the show at the moment (I just can’t manage living the pandemic and watching entertainment about it – but I loved Lexie so I look forward to watching it one day).
  • Worked with Richard on my next release.
  • I posted the second video in my acoustic session series, ‘Clarity (Sunburst Sessions).’

  • Had a lovely, long call with one of my best friends.
  • Received a late Christmas gift from one of my parents: a vinyl of the Honest EP!
  • Got a very sweet comment from Natalie Hemby (one of my favourite songwriters) on Instagram.
  • Wrote and submitted a research proposal for a conference.
  • Got my first COVID vaccine!
  • *SPOILER ALERT* Was deeply, deeply upset when Cassie died in the Unforgotten finale – I’m not sure I’ll ever feel the same way about the show and I don’t think I’ll be able to watch the next series.
  • Wrote a song about grief called ‘Incomplete,’ inspired by Unforgotten but informed by my own experience.
  • Had the initial meeting about the next and final module of the Masters, called The Major Repertoire Project.
  • Worked on a really special song with my friend and coursemate, Anna.
  • Went to a drop-in session (online) with my tutor to get some advice on my assessment work.
  • Posted the third video in my acoustic session series, ‘Sounds Like Hope (Sunburst Sessions).’

  • Had several video calls with my friend, Luce, where we worked on our songs for our assessment portfolios.
  • My Mum cut my fringe again. It was alarmingly short this time.
  • Put up a blog post for every day of Autism Awareness Week.
  • Had my last workshop of the semester, which felt quite emotional.
  • The research proposal that I submitted for the conference was accepted!
  • Celebrated Taylor Swift re-releasing her album Fearless as Fearless (Taylor’s Version).
  • Posted the fourth video in my acoustic session series, ‘Back To Life (Sunburst Sessions).’

  • Rewatched The Wilds while I worked on various things.
  • Started watching The Shires’ online concert but couldn’t finish it because of family commitments.
  • Got some really exciting news about a creative project I’ve been involved with (I can’t talk about it yet since it isn’t my project to announce).
  • Got a new fidget toy that also seems to be complimentary to my Occupational Therapy exercises.
  • Finished my marking for the songwriting competition.
  • Rewatched Dare Me while I was working on various tasks.
  • Met and had my first discussion with my Major Repertoire Project (the final module and project of the Masters) supervisor.
  • Posted the fifth and final video in my acoustic session series, ‘Honest (Sunburst Sessions).’

  • Ended up spending the day in A&E after three days with a migraine had my doctor concerned that I might be experiencing side effects from my COVID vaccine.
  • Dyed my hair again.
  • Finished my coursework for The Writer’s Voice module.
  • Worked on a song with my friend and coursemate, Alessandro, which incidentally meant that I’d written with every person in the group.
  • Submitted my coursework for The Writer’s Voice module.
  • Celebrated one of my parents’ birthdays.
  • Attended several (online) networking meetings organised by my university.
  • Rewatched Blood & Water (Series 1).
  • Upped my Occupational Therapy regimen.
  • Got a haircut for the first time in MONTHS. 
  • Had another migraine that lasted for several days.
  • Released the Honest EP (The Sunburst Sessions).
  • Had a very distressing and unhelpful follow up appointment (by phone) with a rheumatologist (different from the original one).
  • Hit a stumbling block in getting treatment for my ADHD.

As I said in the last part of this list, hopefully there won’t be reason to continue this post; hopefully there won’t be any more lockdowns. But I guess only time will tell. I’ve found it strangely comforting to keep this list; it’s kind of like a time capsule for these strange periods of time, if that makes sense.

I hope you’re all keeping safe and well and I’ll see you in the next post.

My Experience With AncestryDNA

At the end of last year, I bought an AncestryDNA kit when, on the off chance, I saw that they were doing a sale. I’ve always wanted to know more about my history and where my family comes from so I bought the Genetic Ethnicity Test (at this point in my life, I don’t really want to know how at risk I am for various health problems – I’m dealing with enough medical stuff as it is), spat in the tube, and sent it off. And then, while I waited for the results to come back, I started building my family tree.


While my primary interest was in my genetic ethnicity, I was interested in what I could discover about my family tree. My Mum’s side of the family is already well researched and well documented in my Grandfather’s memoir so I wasn’t too focussed on finding those relatives as the information is all right there but I know practically nothing about my Dad’s family so that’s where I’ve been really dedicating my time and energy in this search.

I’m not sure what I expected to find when I started looking but very quickly, I built up a picture of my Dad’s family, all the way back to the 1800s. And some of the information I found was really interesting. For example, one of the women multiple generations back worked as a stenographer, interesting not only because it’s a job I find intriguing but also because she had a job, something that would’ve been very unusual considering the times. There was also somewhat of a family scandal involving one woman who disappeared, leaving her husband and children to start another family with a new partner; however she then all but combined the families, introducing certain family members so that the children never realised that they were half siblings. There were clearly some pretty strong personalities and I get the feeling that the women weren’t to be messed with.

A number of the people I found myself related to linked to other public family trees, including one run by a man who has extensively researched the extended family and made a family tree that’s more like a family database: there’s over twenty thousand names in there. It’s incredible. I think that, in theory, we all know that we come from somewhere, that we’re descended from real people with full lives but it’s kind of amazing when you start to learn who those people were/are. It has a way of making you feel so… connected. It gives you this sense of being a part of something so much bigger, in a way that the theoretical knowledge just can’t manage.

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This is roughly what my family tree looks like at this point. I wanted to show some sort of visual but felt it was safer for me and everyone named if I blurred out the details.

All of that was relatively easy. The hard part has been my Dad’s generation, the generation I’m most interested and invested in. The only thing I knew about my Dad is that he had a brother who is still alive and a sister who isn’t, both older. I found the older brother, discovered another older brother, but found nothing on the sister or, in fact, my Dad himself. I’ve tried searching with every variation of known information, tried super specific searches, tried vague searches… but I can’t find anything more than what I found in my first search. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this searching, the DNA results came back. Unsurprisingly, the results showed that most of my ancestors are from the United Kingdom; I’d expected as much. But there was a nice, more interesting surprise buried in there: I have some Swedish DNA. That was not something I’d predicted. Where that comes from, I’m not sure – I haven’t found a Swedish relative as of yet – but there have already been a handful of jokes about how that must be where the songwriting spark comes from (given how many successful songwriters have come out of Sweden). I don’t mind. There are definitely worse jokes.

Even though the results were pretty much what I’d expected, it’s cool to actually know. But it’s also kind of weird, an odd juxtaposition to what I guess you could call my ‘cultural DNA.’ Multiple members of my family – of my closest family – aren’t actually related to me so while I don’t genetically carry the DNA of their home countries, I was raised by them and the cultures they grew up with (to a degree, at least). So, while I may genetically be of the UK and Sweden, I’ve always felt strongly connected to my parents’ homes of England, Australia, and the Netherlands.

So it’s been an interesting journey up to this point, with fascinating discoveries and unforeseen frustrations. It’s definitely been a rewarding experience but I’m not done. Not by a mile. There are still so many things I don’t know, things that I need to know. So I’m not giving up yet.


I’m still investigating but I’m not sure how much further I can get with the limited amount of information I have. There are a couple of people – friends of my Dad’s – that I’ve reached out to but no one’s responded to me. I’m not sure what my next steps are, to be honest. Unless I pay someone to conduct a more thorough investigation (something that is very expensive, much more than I can afford at this point in my life), I’m not sure what more I can find out.

Some More of the Little Things

I’ve been working on some longer, more in depth posts recently, as well as trying to manage my physical health, mental health, and university work. Life is just… a lot right now. But I hate breaking my posting schedule. This blog is one of my absolute favourite things so I wanted to have something to post today, even if it isn’t exactly what I usually post. So, following on from this post, here are a few more things about me.


  • I like origami but I’m not very good at it.
  • I wish I could draw or paint.
  • I’m a bit of a people pleaser but I’m getting better at standing up for myself and speaking my mind.
  • I still haven’t found a tea or coffee I like.
  • I have found an alcoholic drink I like: a passionfruit mohito.
  • I love thunderstorms.
  • I love taking photos.
  • I have enough books on songwriting that, if you stacked them, they’d probably be taller than me.
  • I love the smell of freshly cut grass.
  • My favourite musicals are Wicked, Waitress, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Hamilton.
  • Over the last year or so, I’ve started collecting candles.
  • I love Gerberas and Dahlias.
  • I’ve been rewatching Criminal Minds recently and I love Emily Prentiss so freaking much.
  • Edge of Tomorrow (also known as LIVE. DIE. REPEAT.) is one of my all time favourite movies. I love the sci-fi of it, the very different aliens, the perfect amount of day repeats, and Emily Blunt being a complete badass.
  • I wish I was more confident.
  • I love stationary, especially notebooks.
  • Bullet Journaling has changed my life.
  • I’m very insecure about my appearance: how I look, my face, my body, etc.
  • I have watched Hot Fuzz probably a hundred times and I’m still not bored of it because it reminds me of good times with my Dad.
  • I wish I knew how to do make up well.
  • My favourite season is Autumn.
  • Reading fanfiction has become a real relaxation technique/technique for combating anxiety.
  • I want to learn the Kalimba.
  • I struggle with cooking because I find food so hard as an autistic person, although I like baking.
  • I love golden hour.
  • I really miss Australia, New Zealand, and Iceland.
  • I’m still good friends with my best friend from secondary school.
  • When I was a kid, I wanted to be a novelist or a child psychologist.
  • Whenever characters leave TV shows, I make up storylines for them and I will not accept any other story.
  • I love fairy lights.
  • I’ve had three hamsters in my life: Hammie (I was six), Myfanwy (I was obsessed with Torchwood and the Pterodactyl was called Myfanwy and I couldn’t find a Welsh name I liked better for her), and Pumpkin.
  • According to AncestryDNA, I’m 2% Swedish (I want to write more about the experience of this process and investigating my family history).
  • I love typewriters.

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So those are a few more of the little things about me. This blog bounces between such specific subjects that sometimes I wonder if you guys feel like you actually know me. So every now and then, I want to update you on stuff like this to make sure that you do know me. Because I want you to know me as a whole person, not me through the lens of depression or OCD, etc.