TW: Discussions of self harm.

Yes, I know I’m late and that Self Harm Awareness Month was March but my recent post (about the disastrous ending of my therapy sessions) took up so much time and energy and emotion that I just didn’t have the space to write anything else and certainly not in time for the end of March. But I did post this as part of my recent foray into TikTok and I thought it summed up my journey pretty well so it seemed fitting to share it here…

It was a moving experience to see so many people sharing such vulnerable stories but I think the experiences posted likely skewed towards: all of the stories that I saw ended positively, with the individual celebrating being clean of self harm for however long. And that’s great, don’t get me wrong; it’s amazing to see people share how hard they’ve worked to move forward, to process and heal and recover. But I think it’s often the case that those who are still struggling don’t feel able to share due to judgement or comparison to those ‘further down the road’ or because their stories aren’t traditional ones. I don’t consider mine exactly traditional and I think that’s because my self harm use has mostly been due to my Autism and my difficulty regulating my emotions. So I think it’s important to share that experience, as well as the fact that I don’t know what it will look like in the future and how that is a frightening concept.

I don’t have the answers and, in this season of my life, I don’t have any poignant, wise words either. I’m just taking it day by day because even a single day can feel overwhelming right now.