Finding HopeSeeking Treatment For Chronic Fatigue – Part 1
Posted on November 21, 2020
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve struggled with extreme fatigue all my life (I talked about this in my ‘Tired‘ blog post); Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (often referred to collectively as ME/CFS) have been tossed around since I was twelve years old but I wasn’t officially diagnosed until last year. This kind of acute ‘unexplained’ fatigue – unexplained as in there is no obvious cause, such as exercise or lack of sleep – is also a common experience for autistic individuals, as well as related symptoms like headaches and bodily pain.
I’ve been managing these high levels of fatigue for most of my life, trying various things to improve my quality of life. And I continued searching for a cause. I had test after test but nothing ever gave us an explanation. I resisted the ME/CFS diagnosis even as it seemed more and more likely because there’s no cure, not even a reliable method of management, but eventually it seemed the only way to move forward. So, after a long talk with my GP, she officially diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and we began discussing various options for next steps and support. She referred me to the local Chronic Fatigue Clinic and I anxiously awaited my session.
It was a bitter, heart-wrenching disappointment. I left in tears. Maybe it would’ve been helpful when I first started experiencing these symptoms (I think the longest any of the others there had been struggling was two years) but twelve years in, I knew more than the person delivering the information, had found everything suggested to make no difference or be outright unhelpful, and I just felt so patronised. It was an awful experience and I couldn’t help but feel so angry that this was the best on offer for what I was trying to manage and had been trying to manage alone (in terms of the health system) for more than a decade.
When we spoke to them after said awful session, they referred me to a doctor that we realised I’d previously seen – years and years ago and had a very traumatic experience with. I was obviously very reluctant to go. My Mum and I spent a lot of time talking about it, about the pros and cons of going and not going. The scary thing is that it’s so easy to get kicked off every list with one refusal so I said that I would go, despite having had such a distressing appointment with him – one I’m sure he doesn’t even remember. But before we contacted that clinic, we spoke to my GP again. We explained how upsetting the experience had been and how worried we were that it was only going to be worse this time, considering I would be going in with the baggage of the previous appointment; we told her that I would go if that was how it had to be to continue on this path but she felt that we were right, that it wouldn’t be helpful given the circumstances and as I’d technically already seen him, it wouldn’t cause any problems in the system. We asked if there were any other options and this was when she referred me for the hypermobility assessment (these posts are now out of order, not only because it’s been such a confusing and complicated process, but also because I’ve had trouble keeping things like this clear and ordered in my head since the pandemic started).
I’ve now had this appointment and been diagnosed with hypermobility, which potentially explains (at least in part) my problems with fatigue and pain. (At some point, we’re going to need to lay out all of these diagnoses and work out whether there’s any overlap, whether any of them are now redundant. But that’s a job for another day.) Apparently those with hypermobility are seven times more likely to be autistic, which is a very interesting piece to add to the whole puzzle. The post goes into it in more detail but basically, we’re now waiting to find out whether or not various routes are possible. For example, I’ve been referred for hydrotherapy but we don’t know whether I’ll get it and if I do, when it will be possible with the pandemic and lockdown. That has really stalled things. So it’s one waiting game after another.
But we’re not simply waiting. We – my Mum in particular – are also looking into other angles, other medical professionals who specialise in fatigue or who have studied fatigue in depth. We’ll take any advice we can get. I resisted a diagnosis of CFS for so long because it felt like admitting defeat – an expectation that I would just have to live with it with limited options – but I don’t accept that, not anymore. I’m participating in every research study I can find that I qualify for and my family and I continue to research potential specialists and potential avenues of treatment or even simply more effective management of the symptoms. The pandemic makes it hard but I am not willing to accept that this is going to be my life, that there’s no hope. Not that long ago, NICE (The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence) removed ‘graded exercise therapy’ as a treatment for ME/CFS, after both research and those suffering with the condition proved that it was actually unhelpful at the very least. It’s slow but it’s progress. And I’ll take all the progress I can get.
An Assessment With A Difference
Posted on October 28, 2020
Over the summer, I received a letter from the local Neurobehavioral Unit. My GP had referred me to them for specialist support for pain (joint pain and pain in general) and I had an appointment with a psychiatrist there who specialises in and has done extensive research into hypermobility, pain, fatigue, and anxiety. I had no idea what to expect or what I was going to get out of it but I’m always willing (even if sometimes a little wary of) trying new things that might help.
My GP had recommended I have a full set of blood tests first so that we had the full, up to date picture before the appointment so I had that done at my local doctors’ surgery. I was a bit nervous about going – with the pandemic and all – but it was quick and easy. I was in and out in less than fifteen minutes. We got the results back a week later: for the most part they were good (my iron is back within the normal range, which was the problem last time) but my Vitamin D was seriously low, so low that I’ve been prescribed a ten week course of Vitamin D supplements.
And then this week, I had the actual appointment.
It was an online appointment but the conversation felt surprisingly easy and natural. Dr J (I’ve decided to refer to her this way to protect my privacy, even though doctor-patient records are, of course, confidential) introduced herself and we talked a bit about her work and what we could potentially get out of the session.
We talked about my Autism diagnosis and she had me do a series of movements with my hands and arms, all of which confirmed a diagnosis of hypermobility. As far as I’m aware it was in the notes from my Autism assessment but it hadn’t been officially diagnosed in its own right. She told me that people with a diagnosis of hypermobility are seven times more likely to have a form of Autism. Seven times! She asked me lots of questions about pain and fatigue (both of which I seriously struggle with) and went on to explain that hypermobile people have weak core muscles which often results in fatigue and pain in other areas as the body compensates. That makes so much sense. It’s all so fascinating to learn. The more I learn about the things I’ve been diagnosed with, the more I understand how they’re all part of a bigger picture, how they link together like the strands of a spider’s web or stars in a galaxy. It all gets clearer and I feel less overwhelmed and less lost; it feels like seeing order in things that used to look random and that is so incredibly helpful. All of the things I struggle with often make me feel broken and moments like this help me in the slow shift from ‘broken’ to… ‘incompatible,’ or something like that. Something less personal. Is it a program’s fault if it isn’t compatible with the computer? No. And with that in mind, it all becomes more about problem solving and work arounds and less about right and wrong. At least, that’s the concept I’m trying to work towards.
She said she would write to my GP and have me referred for pain management, specifically for hydrotherapy. I’ve just started swimming again – Mum and I finally managed to find a pool with a set up that feels safe, or as safe as is possible right now and safer than the others we’ve spoken to – so that would be perfect; I would love to do it, to get fitter and stronger through exercise I enjoy (and that doesn’t cause me ongoing physical pain). I don’t know if it’s available right now – with the pandemic and social distancing measures – but I can’t wait to do it whenever it is. But in the meantime, Dr J recommended some exercises to do in the pool, as well as some very gentle floor based core-strengthening pilates.
She also asked questions about sensitivities, allergies, hay fever, dizziness on standing, lightheadedness, and symptoms like that. I’ve definitely experienced all of those, although not all consistently. When I’d answered all of those questions, she recommended I have a heart rate test and a blood pressure check and said she’d include that recommendation in the notes she’d send to my GP. If they showed numbers within a specific range, given the other symptoms we’d talked about, that could apparently give us another area to explore, health wise.
We also talked about my anxiety and the medication I take for it. She suggested an alternative that might be better suited to my situation so that’s something we’ll discuss with my psychiatrist when I next speak to him.
So Mum and I learned a lot and we have plenty of avenues to explore…
- Continue swimming, adding in the exercises she suggested to strengthen my core muscles.
- Pursue the pain management route, particularly hydrotherapy (as available with the lockdown).
- Try gentle pilates exercises for core muscles.
- Get a heart rate test and a blood pressure check and see where that leads us.
- Talk to my regular psychiatrist about the other anxiety medication.
To be completely honest, it was a bit of a strange experience. I mean, it was really helpful and productive but it was odd for a very specific reason. It was easy. It was a conversation. She asked me things and I answered them. She believed me; she offered lots of advice and suggestions; she’s writing everything up and sending it to my GP. It wasn’t a fight… when up until now, it’s always been a fight. It was this beautiful, precious thing: to ask for help and have someone give it to me, with kindness and understanding and generosity. There will be more fights, I’m sure… more battles, but for now, I’m going to hold onto this feeling and memorise it so that I have it in my pocket like a touchstone for the next time I have to fight to get someone to stop and listen.
