Posted on October 14, 2024
Yes, my World Mental Health Day post is late but – somewhat ironically perhaps – my mental health has been so bad recently that, on World Mental Health Day itself, I couldn’t actually get out of bed or engage with anyone or anything. But I did want to share some thoughts about this day before we leave it too far behind…
I’ve been struggling with the themes for World Mental Health Day for several years now and this year turned out to be no different. When it was announced that the theme was to be ‘Mental Health in the Workplace,’ I could barely suppress an eye roll. It is, of course, a valid cause: anyone struggling with their mental health should be able to go to a designated person or department and get whatever support they need. But, if I’m honest, I feel like this is something that should already be in place, something that should fall under the Equality Act. I also can’t help thinking that mental health support in the workplace isn’t an area that an awareness day can actually create change around: that’s on each individual workplace. So, on a societal level, it requires very little work (and, in my opinion, nothing is likely to change – as cynical as that sounds).
And this brings me to my ever-growing frustration with World Mental Health Day: it feels increasingly performative. The themes and call to action are vague at best and, at this point, the day itself is just lacking inspiration and innovation. As far as I can tell, there’s no campaign, very little effort to fundraise, and – honestly – I wouldn’t even know it was happening if I didn’t have these days noted in my planner. Then the day comes around and it’s all empty, performative platitudes on social media before everyone forgets again. Cynical, I know, but that is my experience of World Mental Health Day every single year.
I also feel the need to point out that this year’s theme feels, at least, somewhat ableist: there is a massive group of people who are unable or who have never been able to work due to mental ill health and this theme excludes them without a second thought. The irony of this would be laughable if it wasn’t so depressing, considering how desperate the UK government is to force disabled and mentally ill people into the workforce – regardless of the damage it will do to this group of people. This callous, single-minded approach strikes terror in the hearts of every single person I know who is part of this community. This is an area where a focussed, passionate campaign from The Mental Health Foundation could actually do some good. Time and money and effort put into improving the mental health services and support systems, and therefore the mental health of those not currently able to work, would allow so many people to work, whether it be after time off or for the very first time.
Before we go any further, I do just want to note that, personally, I think that our current capitalist model of work is abusive and exploitative and damaging and that there are so many other systems that would benefit both the individual and the industry they work in but, for the sake of the theme and this post, we’ll continue on the basis that it isn’t as horrific as it is (otherwise I will literally spiral into a pit of despair).
The point I’m making here is that I don’t know anyone who’s been unable to work due to mental ill health, whether that’s for short or long periods of time, who doesn’t want to contribute in some way, whether that’s to a specific workplace or industry, to society as a whole, or simply to the needs of their family and community. The number of people on benefits who don’t feel any inclination to work or who are faking in order to get benefits is a lot smaller than we were brainwashed – by The Conservative Party – to believe. I fully believe that human beings want to help and create and contribute and, if the mental health services were better and allowed more people to access support, more people would be doing those exact things.
But, of course, helping those with life-altering mental health struggles is a lot harder and requires a lot more time and effort and money and, at my most cynical, I feel like these areas are being avoided by organisations like The Mental Health Foundation because they require a lot of all of those things. Real change requires more than downloadable social media graphics and tweeting clichés.
I’m tired of the performances, of the empty promises. Maybe it’s my autistic, black and white thinking but I just don’t understand why improving the mental health services isn’t a priority since ANY improvement would make a significant difference. This seems to be the most obvious, most efficient solution, even if it isn’t the fastest. Especially, as I said, ANY improvement would create positive change. And the more work that goes into these services, the more people they can help and, therefore, the more people there will be returning to the workplace (given that that seems to be the government’s ultimate priority, whereas mine is simply that more people are able to access support and hopefully improve their mental health, maybe even recover from certain mental illnesses). I’m sure it comes down to money – because it always does, doesn’t it? – but this seems like such an obvious solution with such clear long term benefits. I just don’t understand and I’m tired of workplaces, healthcare professionals, organisations, and government caring so little about such a big group of people that they are responsible for.
And because this has been a very cynical and depressing post, here is a picture of my dog – we all know how good animals are for our mental health, even if only for a momentary boost…

Category: animals, autism, event, mental health, response, treatment Tagged: ableism, call for action, change, discrimination, employment, mental health, mental health in the workplace, mental health services, mental illness, the mental health foundation, uk government, unemployment, world mental health day, world mental health day 2024
Posted on April 1, 2024
TW: Discussions of self harm.
Yes, I know I’m late and that Self Harm Awareness Month was March but my recent post (about the disastrous ending of my therapy sessions) took up so much time and energy and emotion that I just didn’t have the space to write anything else and certainly not in time for the end of March. But I did post this as part of my recent foray into TikTok and I thought it summed up my journey pretty well so it seemed fitting to share it here…







It was a moving experience to see so many people sharing such vulnerable stories but I think the experiences posted likely skewed towards: all of the stories that I saw ended positively, with the individual celebrating being clean of self harm for however long. And that’s great, don’t get me wrong; it’s amazing to see people share how hard they’ve worked to move forward, to process and heal and recover. But I think it’s often the case that those who are still struggling don’t feel able to share due to judgement or comparison to those ‘further down the road’ or because their stories aren’t traditional ones. I don’t consider mine exactly traditional and I think that’s because my self harm use has mostly been due to my Autism and my difficulty regulating my emotions. So I think it’s important to share that experience, as well as the fact that I don’t know what it will look like in the future and how that is a frightening concept.
I don’t have the answers and, in this season of my life, I don’t have any poignant, wise words either. I’m just taking it day by day because even a single day can feel overwhelming right now.
Category: about me, anxiety, autism, depression, emotions, mental health, self harm Tagged: adhd, asd, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, audhd, autism, autism spectrum disorder, complex post traumatic stress disorder, content warning, coping mechanism, cptsd, depression, mental health, mental illness, self harm, self harm awareness, self harm awareness month, self harm awareness month 2024, self injury, self injury awareness, tiktok, trauma, trd, treatment resistant depression, trigger, trigger warning, tw
Posted on January 1, 2024
TW: Discussion of depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts and ideation.
Much like last year, I have no idea how to sum up this year. I don’t think I have it in me to write a long post that involves such intense emotions and I think that, if I wait until I do, we might all be waiting a very long time so I’m just going to write until I can’t anymore and that’ll be that. It’s just too hard.
While there have been good moments (some of which can be seen in the collage below), it’s been a fucking painful year and it’s now the third New Year’s Eve that I’ve spent crippled by depression, suicidal thoughts, and overwhelming fear and dread around the future. I’m pretty sure I’m in full autistic burnout and I feel like I’m living in a fog. Last year, I think I described my depression as a drought but, this year, I think the better metaphor is drowning: I feel like I’m drowning in this depression and I have so little energy left that staying afloat is feeling more and more impossible. I’m so tired. I’m tired of trying so hard, of feeling like I’m not trying hard enough; I’m tired of feeling this way, of feeling like things will never get better, like there’s no point in even trying to feel better because there’s nothing worth feeling better for. It just feels like there’s so much bad in the world, so much agony, that it isn’t a world I want to live in. I feel broken; I feel like a prime example of a defective human being. There have been good things, like I said, but it seems like they can never just be good things: there’s always so much bad or hard twisted up in them that enjoying them isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. I miss feeling safe. I miss feeling safe to feel things.
A big, hard part of this year has been that I started taking Phenelzine again, for the third time. I didn’t want to and I felt coerced by the circumstances to take it. I was so angry about it all that I made potentially my most dramatic, self destructive move so far: I cut my face and then, when it got infected, I was so reluctant to treat it that I’ve ended up with a fairly visible scar. The most confusing part of it was that, even though I didn’t want anyone to bring it up, I was surprised that no one did; it seemed like the kind of thing that would trigger some alarm. Just as I imagined voicing consistent suicidal would but no one’s really commented on that either. It only makes the experience more isolating and lonely. But back to the Phenelzine: while it helped me get out of bed and go out now and then, it hasn’t had the same impact that it’s previously had on my mood, even on the higher dose. And that means that I’ve officially run out of medication options. I’ve been going to therapy consistently, for the most part, but I feel like it’s getting harder and harder; there have been sessions where I’ve left feeling traumatised. We’ll be trying something different in the new year but I’m struggling to feel hopeful, but that’s not specific to just therapy.
I look at the collage I made for this year and although I remember each of these moments, I feel disconnected from them; the emotions feel dulled. A lot has happened, somewhat to my surprise…

I went to multiple small shows; I went to hydrotherapy religiously and started physiotherapy; I got adopted by a puppy and then had my heart broken when she was taken away; I went to Nashville for Tin Pan South; my application for an Autism Service Dog was successful; I released my single, ‘House on Fire,’ as well as creating all of the visuals for it; I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia; I went to art exhibitions (and even helped to build my favourite art piece, Breathing Room); I hung out with friends, online and in real life; I travelled to Germany for the wedding of one of my best friends and was reunited with multiple friends that I hadn’t seen in years; I got to hang out with some of my American friends when they performed here; I fought for Taylor Swift tickets; I had my heart broken again when the rescue puppy we applied for was homed with someone else; I went to some amazing concerts; I met Amanda Tapping again and she’s still one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known; I started performing again; I read books and watched movies and TV shows that are now among my favourites; I adopted a puppy (which still doesn’t sound real to me); I swam 5km for Mind, raising over £600; I went to multiple Maisie Peters shows and got to meet her too; one of my cats got very sick and we had to nurse her back to health; my aunt died; I changed heart medications; and I worked on lots of different musical and academic work. I know all of these things happened; I remember them clearly but it’s like watching them play on a screen. I know these memories are mine but they don’t feel like mine. It’s weird and sad.
I’m so tired. I’m tired of masking but I don’t know how to stop. I feel broken – physically, mentally, and emotionally – but as hard as I try, it never feels like enough. Over ten years later, it should be getting better not worse, right?
I don’t know what else to say. Life feels increasingly scary, internally and externally, and I just feel too broken to manage. I don’t know how people walk around without all of the fear and grief and anxiety that I do, that I see as such an intrinsic part of being human. As I wrote last year, “I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know what I want it to. I didn’t want this year. I didn’t expect to still be here and I’m not happy or pleased or grateful for that. I feel pathetic and stupid and cowardly; I feel broken beyond repair. I feel frozen, overwhelmed by all of these big feelings. If feelings could kill you, I think these would have.“
Category: animals, anxiety, autism, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, death, depression, diagnosis, emotions, event, family, favourites, heds, hydrotherapy, medication, mental health, pots, self harm, suicide, therapy, treatment Tagged: 2023, actuallyautistic, amanda tapping, antidepressants, asd, autism, autism spectrum disorder, autistic, autistic burnout, autistic singersongwriter, charity, dbt, depression, dialectical behaviour therapy, ehlers danlos syndrome, family, fibromyalgia, heds, hydrotherapy, hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome, maisie peters, maois, medication, mental health, mental illness, monoamine oxidase inhibitors, new year, new years eve, phenelzine, physiotherapy, radically open dialectical behaviour therapy, rodbt, self esteem, self harm, self injury, self loathing, singersongwriter, songwriter, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, taylor swift, therapy, treatment resistant depression, trigger, trigger warning, year in review

Hi! I’m Lauren Alex Hooper. Welcome to my little blog! I write about living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD (Inattentive Type), and Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), as well as several mental health issues.
I’m a singer-songwriter (it’s my biggest special interest and I have both a BA and MA in songwriting) so I’ll probably write a bit about that too.
My first single, ‘Invisible,’ is on all platforms, with all proceeds going to Young Minds.
My debut EP, Honest, is available on all platforms, with a limited physical run at Resident Music in Brighton.
I’m currently working on an album about my experiences as an autistic woman.
Hi! I’m Lauren Alex Hooper. Welcome to my little blog! I write about living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD (Inattentive Type), and Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), as well as several mental health issues.
I’m a singer-songwriter (it’s my biggest special interest and I have both a BA and MA in songwriting) so I’ll probably write a bit about that too.
My first single, ‘Invisible,’ is on all platforms, with all proceeds going to Young Minds.
My debut EP, Honest, is available on all platforms, with a limited physical run at Resident Music in Brighton.
I’m currently working on an album about my experiences as an autistic woman.
Finding Hope