Finding HopeAutism Dogs – The Second Playdate
Posted on May 3, 2025
My second playdate with Daisy didn’t happen until early October 2024 due to both us and Autism Dogs having had to reschedule at one point. But we finally made it happen and we were headed back to the farm to see Daisy. We had Izzy with us again to give both of the dogs another chance to get to know each other. And since this trip included two sessions over two days, we booked a dog-friendly hotel for the night before and the night between the two sessions; it was a Holiday Inn Express, which turned out to be a really good choice because it had a lot of my safe foods!
NIGHT BEFORE
Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before the first day; we’d be starting early and we never would’ve made it up in time if we’d driven up the morning of. We got settled in our hotel room and although Izzy still struggled with the noises from the hall and the surrounding rooms, she did better than she had on the last trip. We had some dinner, chilled out with some TV, and went to bed early so that I could manage the early start the next morning.
DAY ONE
We were up and out early to get to the Autism Dogs farm in time for our session with Daisy. I’m always so excited to see her and work with her again but I do find it quite nerve-wracking: there’s just so much to learn and remember and I get so anxious about doing things wrong that it can get pretty overwhelming at times.
Izzy and I waited in the paddock while Mum let them know we’d arrived and then returned with Daisy and one of the trainers. Izzy was definitely more excited to see Mum than she was to see Daisy. Having Izzy present for these sessions would hopefully allow the two dogs to get more comfortable around each other; starting out in the paddock gave them plenty of space to move around, to set boundaries and test them, and we even got them walking together after a while.
Then, in the training room, we used the smaller space to try and build on that. We encouraged them to interact a little bit more but just existing calmly in the same room together was a positive step forward, considering how they’d just barked at each other during the previous session. They did well: progress was definitely made and they were very cute to watch. They were still struggling with competing for my attention – and getting jealous when I engaged with the other – but I would’ve been surprised if we’d managed to solve that in two sessions: Izzy has practically been glued to me since I got her and, of the time I’ve spent with Daisy, she’s rarely had to share me. So neither of them are keen on the other being with ‘their person.’
I also did some more lead walking practice with Daisy – I find the multi-tasking aspect of it really difficult so I wanted as much practice as I could get – and, to my surprise, it did feel easier this time. That was a big relief to me: I find it really easy to spiral about not being good at any of this and finding it so overwhelming, so to tangibly feel that progress was definitely reassuring.
We spent the rest of the session in the training room, just hanging out and letting everyone get used to each other. It was a chance not just for me and Daisy to bond but for my Mum and Daisy to build a relationship too, for Daisy and Izzy to get more comfortable together, to reassure Izzy that everything was still the same with Daisy around… It’s obviously easier for me and Mum while the dogs need a lot more reassurance and rewarding for every positive interaction. As you can see from the photos below, Izzy still wasn’t convinced and really just wanted me to herself but this is all still very new to her and so it’s going to take time. At the very least, they were a lot less bark-y, which my ears were very grateful for.
Ever since The Eras Tour ended in August (I know I haven’t written about that experience yet but I do want to – the brain fog has just been brutal), I’ve been feeling bereft of making friendship bracelets and so I’d been making as many as I could for the staff at the farm. I’m not sure how many I ended up making up in the end but I left them there that afternoon to be passed around during the afternoon, evening, and the next morning. I’d made a personalised set for myself and for Mum and then for Caroline (the founder and CEO) as well, as a thank you for all of her support.
Back at the hotel, I had to have a nap, exhausted by the intensity and focus of the playdate, and then Mum and I checked out the hotel’s pool. It was small (which was fine) and busy (which wasn’t ideal) but I got to stretch, do some of my hydrotherapy exercises, and get some gentle exercise, which definitely helped my chronic pain. The amount of time I spent scrunched up in the car on the drive to and from the farm isn’t great for my body as a person with Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so having access to a pool was really great.
Between the playdate and the swim, I was completely exhausted – even with my nap – so we had a quiet evening. We had dinner (with an awesome chocolate pudding!) and cuddles with Izzy in front of Red Eye before going to bed early since we had an early start the next day.
DAY TWO
The second day began earlier than the first day, which was a bit of a struggle for me since I hadn’t slept particularly well (which I generally don’t when I’m away from home). But we made it and began the playdate in the paddock, giving Daisy and Izzy a chance to get reacquainted: they were much calmer than the day before, which was reassuring and pretty cute.
Then we headed inside and went over some of Daisy’s commands again, which was really good because there are a lot of things to remember and in the time between playdates, I’d worried that I’d forgotten all of it. But having said that, I felt like I’d retained a lot more than I’d thought, which was very reassuring. That was actually good timing because, on that particular day, Daisy wasn’t at her most well-behaved (I think she was just overexcited). That sounds odd to say but it meant that I got to see how the trainers correct the undesirable behaviours and regain the dog’s focus and then practice it myself. Again, it’s really good knowledge to have but I was exhausted! I was learning a lot, learning it fast, and having to concentrate and process information really fast; it was hard work. In hindsight, we probably could’ve taken it a bit slower but between my anxiety about learning everything and just getting caught up in everything, that didn’t occur to me until later.
After that, we had a break and I got to have some good cuddle time with Daisy, which I always look forward to: she’s so gentle and sweet and affectionate – once she’s settled down a bit and worked off her excitement! I was so tired that I practically fell asleep curled up with her and could’ve happily stayed like that for the rest of the day.
After the break, we were headed out to the paddock but, before we went outside, I was shown how to get Daisy’s slip lead – her working lead – on quickly and efficiently. I needed to watch it a few times but once I had all of the steps in my head, I actually didn’t find it too difficult; I even managed to do it smoothly on just my second try. That was very pleasing, especially since I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m just not very good at any of this (regardless of whether it’s objectively true or not – or the idea that I’m still learning and it’s the practice that makes you good at something).
Out in the paddock, we did some recall practice, which Daisy did struggle with initially; she is, after all, very used to doing recall with the trainers. But once she realised that I had treats and made a huge fuss of her when she came to me, we had it down. I had to laugh: labradors are so predictable when there’s food in play.
Then we went out into the lane to practice her lead walking, which is how she’ll walk with me when we’re out in public, when she’s working: she stays close to my body and keeps her attention on me and (at least at this point) I reward her whenever she makes eye contact with me, checking in. It was actually starting to feel a bit easier and not so overwhelming, which definitely felt like an achievement.
That was officially the end of the day but the farm did have a relatively new litter of puppies that they will hopefully be training to be more Autism Dogs and I got to spend a little bit of time with them before we left. They were gorgeous in that way that puppies just are, especially Labrador puppies in my opinion; they were all soft and warm and snuggly. And for some reason, they smell amazing. I was besieged by them the moment I put my hands in the pen and although my Mum joked that I couldn’t kidnap one, I think the real danger was them kidnapping me: they just attached themselves to my jumper and every time I peeled one off, another had got their teeth into it, and eventually I had to be rescued because two hands just weren’t enough. They were utterly divine though and I had some lovely cuddles, which just gave me such a serotonin boost.
The sessions are pretty intense and require a lot of mental energy at the very least so it was a really nice way – the perfect way – to just decompress for a couple of minutes before getting back in the car and getting on the road. I would’ve been content to spend hours with them but eventually Mum pulled me away and we said our goodbyes, got in the car, and headed home. It was a very long drive after some very long and tiring days but it really did feel like progress is being made, despite my anxieties trying to tell me otherwise.
So that was the second playdate! Even though it was obviously more tiring to do two days in a row, I did really start to feel like I was making progress and I felt more confident with two back-to-back sessions under my belt. I have no doubt that I’ll probably get super anxious again with no way to practice the skills between the playdates but I’ve also now had proof that, even when I feel like I’ve forgotten it all, they’ll come back as soon as I was using them again.
Next up, my first sleepover with Daisy!
November 2023 in Photos
Posted on November 30, 2023
I really enjoyed doing the photo challenge in September so I couldn’t resist doing another one. It’s been a weird month though; I don’t know if I would’ve committed to it had I known what the month would hold, how exhausted and burned out I’d feel, but once I’d decided to do it, I had to follow through. Between how tired and how focussed on my current writing I’ve been, there haven’t been many opportunities to take unique or exciting photos but I’ve done my best. So here is my November 2023 in photos, as prompted by the Planner & Paper photo challenge on Instagram, Life in Pockets…
1. Thankful for…
How could I not be thankful for this gorgeous little bean? She’s soft and warm and snuggly and she adores me as much as I adore her.
2. Home Decor
My favourite room in my house is the living room and that is largely due to the fairy lights that we hung around the room a few years ago. They give the room a soft, warm glow and it always feel inviting and safe. Sometimes I put them on during the day, regardless of the light level, because it just gives me a little boost to look at them.
3. Selfie
I rarely take selfies anymore, especially alone. I just really don’t like looking at myself if I’m completely honest. But I have taken a few while holding Izzy, if she’s doing something particularly cute, like she did in this moment: falling asleep on my chest and tucking her face into my neck. It was too adorable not to take a photo of.
6. Home Project
I don’t have a home project exactly but my current self-care-craft-project-sort-of-thing is making bracelets, inspired by The Eras Tour. There’s just something really soothing about the repetitive motion, about making something – even something this simple – with my hands.
8. While I’m At Work
If I flip down the lid of my laptop where it sits on my little sofa table, this is my view: Izzy curled up on or against me, a cat or two on various soft surfaces, and sometimes my Mum working similarly. It’s a very companionable, pleasant way to work.
9. Something Not So Fun
After several days of feeling pretty unwell, I took a COVID test. I’d thought it was just exhaustion and over-exertion after a very intense week with a lot of travel and late nights but then I developed a sore throat so I took a test straight away. I don’t love the sensations involved with taking a test – I’m pretty used to them at this point – but then the first test came back void and I had to do it all again; I was not impressed by that and neither were my sore throat and sinuses. It was, of course, worth it: I was negative and while I still had to be careful – I was still sick after all – I was relieved that it wasn’t anything as serious as COVID.
10. Out The Window
Okay, I’m cheating a bit because I didn’t take this photo on the tenth but it is honestly the greatest thing I’ve ever seen outside of my house. How could I not share it?! Not only is the name hilarious for a waste clearance company, but the tag followed by the phone numbers is so fucking funny. Apparently The Lord of the Rings franchise have sent them cease and desist letters and they’re now in litigation: they have to change the colour if they want to keep everything else. That seems ridiculously petty – and pretty pathetic, lacking all sense of humour – for such a wealthy franchise. I’m glad they’re getting to keep everything but the colour because it genuinely made my day.
12. Your Choice!
We had our first evening at puppy school! We met some gorgeous puppies (I’m pretty sure Izzy is still the smallest though) and learned some basic skills, including settling on a blanket, recall training, and the beginnings of walking on a lead. Izzy was picking it up very quickly but she was definitely ready to go home at the end: concentrating for that long was understandably hard for a young puppy and she was quite clearly getting overwhelmed by all of the other dogs. She’s really good at meeting new people but meeting dogs makes her anxious, which doesn’t really surprise me since almost all of them are bigger than her. Anyway, she did well and we have some exercises to practice before next week’s class.
15. A Hug
That day I was working at home, alone, all day so there was no one to hug. Well, no people. Izzy was very snuggly and, as afternoon turned into evening, she climbed on top of me – while I was sitting at my laptop – and curled up on my shoulder. I ended up sliding down to accommodate her and she fell asleep like that. It was so cute that I couldn’t help myself: I stopped working and just stroked her, almost drifting off myself.
17. Your Choice!
I had a session with Richard – Richard Marc, one of my best friends and favourite cowriters, as well as my producer – and we worked on some of the songs for my next project. I’m so excited about it and so keen to get it out in the world; I’m trying my hardest not to let my passion for it burn me out before that point BUT I’M JUST SO EXCITED.
18. Comfy
I feel so lucky that Izzy and I have such a strong, close bond and that she wants to spend so much time as close to me as possible. It’s so cute and I always feel better for it. An extra joy of it is that I catch every adorable or ridiculous position that she adopts, like this snuggle with her toy elephant, Nellie.
21. Preparation
While I love the flexibility of my bullet journal – how I can customise it to exactly what I want or need – drawing it out every month can get a bit tedious. And it doesn’t help that Izzy keeps stealing my pens and then chewing them to death. But it can be quite meditative, if I haven’t left it to the absolute last minute that is.
23. Thankful
The night before, I played a set at a local gig and I had such a good time. As anxious as I can get beforehand and despite how much pain I tend to find myself in afterwards, I love performing so much. I love playing the songs I’ve written – songs that I love so deeply – and sharing them with new people. And it’s so special when people reach out to tell me why they connect to them. Even though I often struggle with not being further along the path than I am, I’m so thankful that I get to do this at all. There’s nothing I love more.
24. Family
Given that my actual family is somewhat scattered at the moment, I thought I’d post about my cats, my gorgeous family of cats. I haven’t seen as much of them as usual because all but Lucy are keeping their distance, still wary of Izzy; Lucy isn’t phased but then she has already bent Izzy to her will. The others are getting bolder but it’s a slow process. At this time of year, they’d usually be draped around the living room so I am really missing them, just having them around. So this little moment with all of them was very nice.
25. Sleep
God, I’ve been so tired this month. I’ve been falling asleep constantly, regardless of where I’m sitting or what I’m doing (now if only I could sleep properly at night). And Izzy, the little sweetheart that she is, is always desperate to snuggle up, to get as close as possible. Hence these pictures. And while they’re very cute, she does actually help me sleep; soft and warm and breathing steadily, she’s better than any weighted blanket.
26. Self Care
While going to the pool for a swim and my hydrotherapy exercises is good for my body, it’s also really good for my mental state. I know that a big part of that will be due to the endorphins from the exercise but I do think that there’s more to it: I’ve always loved the feeling of being in the water but it’s also such a relief to be able to move around without pain, something that just feels so glorious and freeing. I think there’s also some self esteem stuff going on, being able to exercise and get stronger after feeling so physically incapable and broken. But now I’m actually getting fitter and stronger, which I feared I would never be able to do without serious discomfort, pain, and distress. So the pool represents a lot of things to me and swimming really lifts my mood.
27. Weather
We’ve had some amazing weather recently, from glorious sunshine to torrential rain. I’ve seen multiple rainbows and several beautiful sunsets. It’s been a stunning November. This was my second favourite sunset, recently at least.
30. Self Care
While spending time with my cats is always good for my soul, it’s particularly special right now: the cats have – unsurprisingly – been avoiding the whirlwind that is Izzy and, since she’s usually with me, I haven’t been seeing them much. Not to snuggle with, at least. But they are getting braver and although Lucy doesn’t take any shit from her, she’s reluctant to get close enough to me to cuddle if Izzy’s around. But there have been a couple of occasions recently – when Izzy has been hanging out with Mum – where Lucy has taken advantage of the moment and curled up with me, which have just been gorgeous. Running my hands through her fur and listening to her purring, I can feel an internal meter filling up.
* Bonus: In The Distance
Up in London, I was walking back along the Southbank and everything was lit up and beautiful. The London Eye usually is, as far as I know but the lights in the trees and between buildings were stunning and there’s different pieces of art and installations everywhere. I love it.
As well as the lights in these pictures, there was a strip of rainbow neon along the bridge and there were lights spelling out ‘PROUD’ underneath, visible to boats and people walking by. I tried to get a picture but I couldn’t get anything unobstructed by various parts of the bridge.
Unsurprisingly, this month’s photos feature Izzy heavily: between all of the time I’ve spent writing, sitting at my laptop with Izzy curled up against me, and the fact that she’s still very young and thus needs a lot of supervision, she’s been a very obvious subject for my photos. I also haven’t done much outside my normal routine this month – having had so much work to do and having felt so tired and burned out – so there haven’t been many exciting opportunities for new and interesting pictures. But, as I said, I tried my best and hopefully the adorable puppy pictures make up for the lack of variation…
Finding Hope 