Rare Birds, The New Neurodivergent Clothing Line – Review

Several months ago, I got an email with a survey for a new clothing line that prioritises neurodivergent people, known as Rare Birds. They already had plans to make the clothes soft, seamless, without labels, and so on, all things that neurodivergent individuals often struggle with; problems like these can trigger anything from difficulty concentration to full-blown meltdowns. This definitely appealed to me, having struggled with clothing and fabric issues all my life, and I eagerly filled out the first and then the second survey with my preferences, what a clothing line would ideally provide me with. Then, back in July I think, they launched the line and I bought a handful of items, hopeful that I’d find things I loved but also just curious about what they did with the survey results and how that data has translated into the actual clothes.

So here are my thoughts on my order, on the clothes that I bought.


My first impression when I unpacked them (apart from the overwhelming smell of plastic that plumed out of the box – it was so strong it actually gave me a headache and I knew I’d have to wash whatever I kept a handful of times before I could wear them) was that the fabric wasn’t what I’d been hoping for. I’m a 100% cotton girl and the clothes felt more lycra-like, more stretchy and slippery, which didn’t thrill me. But I wasn’t going to be put off just by that; I felt like I had to give them a real chance. First impressions and all that…

So, because I wanted to get a real sense of what the line was like, I’d bought several things (which ended up being pretty expensive but I’ll come back to that later):

Everyday Short-Sleeve T-Shirt (in black) – This big, loose t-shirt is described as “gentle on the skin and super soft to the touch” and in their ThermoSoft range, made of 68% Bamboo, 28% Organic Cotton, and 4% Elastane. It’s reported to be stretchy, durable, super soft, breathable, and thermo-regulating (the bamboo helps to regulate your body temperature, making sure you stay cool when it’s hot and warm when it’s cold). It was comfortable, if not my fabric preference, but not more comfortable than most of the t-shirts I already own and I wouldn’t wear it out; it’s a bit shapeless and I felt kind of frumpy in it.

Everyday Long-Sleeve T-Shirt (in black) – Part of the CloudComfort collection, this soft long-sleeve top is made from 95% Modal (made from beech trees and considered more eco-friendly than cotton) and 5% Elastane. They describe it as ultra soft, durable, lightweight, and breathable. The last part is what I liked most about it: it felt very light and airy, even if the fabric isn’t quite my preference. I think it would be good for summer, especially since I’ve semi-recently developed the compulsive urge to be covered up at all times. It’s a nicer shape than the short-sleeve t-shirt too. It was probably my favourite of the things we bought, although I’m still not sure how comfortable I’d feel wearing it outside the house; it’s not as flattering as I would have liked (and I don’t mean tight – I wouldn’t want it to be tight – I mean in regards to its shape).

Everyday Leggings (in black) – Made of 86% Organic Cotton and 14% Elastane, these leggings from the FlexSoft range (described as blending “the softness of Organic Cotton with the stretchiness of Elastane to create a fabric that maintains its shape with ease while being gentle on the skin”) are supposed to be soft and comfortable (even for the very sensitive skin), stretchy but strong, lightweight, and will retain their shape despite frequent wash and wear. They were strong and supportive but I’m not completely convinced by the shaping of them: the waistband was uncomfortably tight at a strange point of my torso, which was particularly unpleasant when sitting.

Everyday Joggers (in black) – Also in the ThermoSoft range, these thin sweatpants are made of 68% Bamboo, 28% Organic Cotton, and 4% Elastane: stretchy, durable, super soft, breathable, and thermo-regulating. I found them light and thin (not heavy, like the fabric of some sweatpants) and I think they’d be particularly good in the summer but they’re far too like pyjamas to ever wear out. And while I know sweatpants are about comfort and not about looking good, I felt actively unattractive in them, which I think I would struggle with long term. (The idea of Dopamine Dressing is something that I’m intrigued by and want to test out at some point to see if it does improve my mood and confidence and motivation).

DreamSeam Socks (in black) – They were beautifully soft, I have to give them that, made of 75% Bamboo, 23% Polyester, and 2% Elastane, and I love that they don’t have seams (I’ve been wearing my socks inside out for years in order to avoid them) but I couldn’t even bear to open them when I saw how expensive they were (£10 for one pair of socks – when I’d made the order, Mum and I had been talking about it, she’d done it on her laptop, and either she didn’t mention the pricing to me or I missed her telling me). That’s just too expensive (especially in the case of the socks when you can just turn them inside out).

And that was something I wanted to talk about in general. A significant percentage of the neurodivergent population are unemployed for various reasons and so to charge so much for basic items makes them, as far as I can tell, pretty unavailable to the people they’re making them for. I want to support them and I can understand many of the reasons why they may need to cost what they do but I certainly can’t afford it as a general practice. It’s all too expensive for me to base my wardrobe around; they are simple, basic pieces after all and not fashion or statement pieces for which you’d expect to spend more. I want to support them but while they’re this expensive, there’s a limit to what I could buy.

Another general issue that I noticed is that none of the clothes have sizes bigger than XL. Other than excluding anyone who wears sizes bigger than this, it’s not uncommon for neurodivergent people to want their clothes loose to avoid feeling uncomfortable or overstimulated; while it’s true that most of these clothes are roomy, I’d imagine that anyone who’s size L or above and looking for baggy clothes will struggle without bigger sizes. Maybe this is something they’ll introduce over time but I have noticed it while perusing their website.

And on a personal note, I didn’t feel good in pretty much any of it: I felt unattractive and like, to others, as if I hadn’t put any effort into my appearance. I know they’re meant to be the basics but still, they didn’t make me feel good about how I looked or confident in my appearance, which we know is really important when it comes to our mental health, our confidence, our relationships… As I mentioned earlier, the idea of Dopamine Dressing – dressing in a way that boosts your mood, your productivity, your confidence – is real, even if the evidence is still largely anecdotal in the neurodivergent population: if I’m excited about the clothes I’m wearing and how I look, I’m likely to feel more confident and social and motivated because I feel good in myself. I can’t believe I’m the only person who feels this way. That is something I think is lacking here and hopefully will be addressed in the future.


Although I didn’t have a hugely positive experience this time, I think that overall, it’s a really positive thing. Different people want different things so I can hardly be annoyed that it’s not everything I wanted right off the bat; I guess I just hoped that I’d like it more than I do. But as I said, I think it’s a really great venture that I am excited about and will continue to support. It’s brand new and you’ve got to start somewhere; there are so many avenues that they can explore from this point. I’ll be keeping an eye on it to see what they go on to release and whether that is more my thing.

World Cat Day 2023 – The Benefits of Cats

Happy World Cat Day! I am both deeply a cat person and a dog person, even though I don’t have a dog right now, and my cats are one of the great loves of my life so, for World Cat Day, I thought I’d research and share why cats are so incredibly good for us. But before I get started with that, I wanted to share my favourite fact: we know that our relationship with cats goes back thousands of years but some research shows that cats essentially domesticated themselves in South Asia, befriending humans for a ‘mutually beneficial relationship’ (although, let’s face it, it probably started out as an easy way of getting food). (x) And clearly, we’ve always been obsessed with them: in 889 CE (also known as AD), twenty-two year old Japanese Emperor Uda described his new cat with familiar passion: “the colour of the fur is peerless,” “when it stands, its cry expresses profound loneliness, like a black dragon floating above the clouds,” and “I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.” (x) Who of us cat owners have not described our cats in similar ways and with similar pride?


IN THERAPY

  • According to the Human Animal Bond Research Institute (HABRI), pet therapy sessions have proven to decrease isolation and loneliness, increase social functioning, and improve independence in autistic individuals.
  • Cats are being used in animal-supported therapy more and more, commonly used to treat anxiety disorders, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as well as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in children as they often help to keep them calm and focussed.
  • Cats (and animals in general) act as a good ice-breaker, both at the beginning of the session or if the session becomes difficult and the patient needs a moment to breathe; they serve as a positive, calming topic of conversation, a good release valve, before getting back to work.
  • Cats are a reassuring presence, good for reducing anxiety.

EFFECTS ON THE BRAIN

  • A positive bond with your pet can increase your dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin levels, the hormones known as the ‘happiness hormones.’
  • Researchers have discovered that the human brain releases endorphins when stroking a cat and when listening to a cat purring, lowering our stress levels.
  • The brain also responds to a cat’s purring by releasing serotonin.
  • Playing with your cat can raise your levels of serotonin and dopamine, relaxing the nervous system, and the ‘happiness hormones’ are stimulated when we smile or laugh or talk to our cat.
  • Studies show that the bond between a person and their pet is linked to several mental health benefits, including reduced feelings of loneliness, reduced anxiety, and reduce symptoms of PTSD.
  • According to HABRI, 74% of pet owners say that owning a pet has improved their mental health. Studies have shown that the bond between human and animal increases oxytocin levels in the brain, resulting in feelings of calm and focus.
  • Research by the Mental Health Foundation and Cats Protection, in a study of over 600 cat owners, found that 87% felt that having a cat had a ‘positive impact’ on their wellbeing and 76% reported that they felt they could cope better with their lives because of the presence and relationship with their cat.
  • It has been reported that people with pets experience less anxiety than those without. Studies have also shown that cats are beneficial in reducing anxiety, especially in certain groups such as students and autistic children.
  • Spending even twenty to thirty minutes with a pet can trigger chemical changes in the body that reduce stress, including the increase of serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain and reducing anxiety.

EFFECT ON EMOTIONS

  • Our pets love us unconditionally which is very comforting when we’re struggling or feeling lonely.
  • Animals are so present that they encourage us to do the same, to be present and mindful.
  • Researchers in 2008 found that 44% of cat owners felt ‘a sense of safety’ when with their cats.
  • Caring for someone or something other than ourselves, that relies on us, can create a sense of accomplishment, fulfilment, and confidence. And the more confidence we have in ourselves, the better we tend to feel about ourselves.
  • Polish researcher Elzbieta Budzinska-Wrzesien and her colleagues concluded that when you have a close relationship with your pet – who shows you unconditional affection and doesn’t judge you – that relationship can boost your sense of wellbeing and self esteem. This bond can relieve stress, increase social interaction, and create healthy habits.
  • The love of and for a pet can often motivate a depressed person to keep going because they know they have their pet relying on them.

EFFECTS ON THE BODY

  • Studies have shown that the bond between a person and their pet can result in many health benefits, including decreased blood pressure and cholesterol levels.
  • Multiple studies show that cats have a calming effect on us, reducing our stress to the point that we are approximately 30% (different studies show slightly different numbers) less likely to experience heart disease. Even watching videos of cats of have shown to reduce our stress.
  • Another study showed that cat owners have fewer strokes than non-cat owners.
  • Stroking and cuddling your cat can reduce the cortisol, the stress hormone, in your body, which leads to decreased heart rate, blood pressure, and anxiety.
  • Some studies have shown that having your cat close by at night results in better sleep. Cat-owners who let their cat sleep on their bed or in their bedroom said they found it easier to both fall asleep and stay asleep. Compared to dog owners and those without pets, cat owners specifically indicated waking up fewer times during the night, as well as less restlessness and fatigue.
  • A cat purring has therapeutic effects both on them and on us. Studies show that purring falls between 25 – 240Hz, the frequency known to speed up the healing of injuries, including broken bones, damaged tendons, and injured joints. Some people have even reported the purring of their cat easing their migraines too.

EFFECTS ON LIFESTYLE

  • Looking after a pet requires the ability to create and stick to a routine, time management skills, organisation, and multitasking. These skills are difficult for many people, especially individuals with ADHD, so caring for a pet can aid in building and strengthening these skills, motivated by the knowledge that your pet needs your care and attention; tasks involving them can’t be procrastinated or skipped. Over time, these skills can be harnessed for non-pet related tasks.
  • Caring for a pet can also help to build a better sense of self-esteem and can improve how pet-owners, especially those with ADHD, feel about themselves in a neurotypical society.
  • ADHD pet owners have reported feeling great pride in managing to take care of their pets, especially on their own. Sometimes it’s the first time they’ve managed to build and keep a daily schedule. This builds confidence, which goes on to affect other areas of their lives. Some reported that getting a pet is what forced them to learn and improve these skills, which resulted in them taking better care of themselves as well.

I found an excellent story during my research…

“I have a cat and I couldn’t manage without him. Yes, he provides comfort and unconditional love, but he also keeps me on track. I used to work with chimps and sign language, so when I got a kitten, I placed a very high priority on his communication skills and on shaping gestures he used naturally. I also used food puzzles and other things to keep his mind active. He knows what time I need to be up for work in the morning. Unless I tell him the night before that we can sleep in, he pokes me awake 3 or 4 minutes before the alarm. If I space out cuddling with him, he gives me a minute or so, and then he stands up and uses his limited gestures to say firmly, ‘You. GO,’ and waits to make sure I’m up before he leaves the room. He knows how long it takes me to wash and dress. If I dawdle too long deciding what to wear, he’s in the doorway checking to see what’s taking so long. If I leave something in the oven and forget about it, or leave a burner on after I’ve taken a pot off it, he lets me know. Sometimes I assume he’s just looking for attention and scold him for making a ruckus when I’m trying to focus, but if it’s a safety issue, he won’t stop until I give up and say, ‘FINE! SHOW me what’s wrong,’ and then he leads me to the stove, or wherever the issue is. He’s most certainly the grown-up in the relationship.” (x)

MY CATS

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know that I have five cats, all related to each other. Lucy came first and then we kept her second litter of kittens, Tiger and Mouse, and then – to even the vet’s surprise – Mouse suddenly had two kittens, Sooty and Sweep, that – for a number of reasons, including the pandemic – we ended up keeping. I love them all dearly and it’s sweet how, not only have they all developed different relationships with each other, they’ve developed different relationships with me.

Lucy is my anchor. She’s always there, curled up next to me or snoozing somewhere in the same room. She doesn’t want to be cuddled all of the time but she always wants to be nearby; she likes to know what’s happening and what I’m doing. It’s very sweet. And she probably looks after me more than I look after her: she regularly checks in with me, she follows me around, she gets anxious if she can’t be in a room with me, she’s always really pleased to see me when I reappear from behind the shower curtain, she tries to usher me to bed when it gets really late and then sits with me to make sure I don’t get up again, and so on. It’s adorable. She’s the queen of the house though and she absolutely knows it.

Tiger is my snuggle buddy. Up until recently, she’d come for a cuddle now and then but she was usually too busy exploring the garden or playing with the other cats (plus she does have a favourite spot for snoozing). But after I went to the US and then Germany, it’s almost like she realised that she really doesn’t like it when I go away – I think all five cats got very comfortable with my Mum and I being home all the time since the pandemic began. As soon as I got home, she was all over me and ever since, she’s been coming to me for long cuddle sessions multiple times a day. It’s very cute, especially given how independent she was before. I’m certainly not turning her down, even if her tail is a weapon of mass disruption.

Mouse and Sweep are my floofs. Sweep has always been Mouse’s baby and they are definitely a bonded pair, which is a gorgeous thing to witness: they are curled up together all the time and even in the summer heat, they lie as close together as possible without touching (although Sweep often reaches out with her paw to touch Mouse, like she’s reassuring herself that she’s still there). Sweep frequently runs to Mouse for reassurance after something traumatic happens (the most traumatic thing to ever happen to her is the unexpected appearance of the window cleaner’s brush) or runs into the room, calling for her. It’s so cute how much she loves. She’ll rush up to Mouse and flop down on top of her, getting as close as possible, something that I’m not sure Mouse always appreciates. Mouse has always been the most skittish of the pride but she’s getting more affectionate and playful as she gets older, which is lovely. And we’ve started trying to teach them all tricks, mainly for our own entertainment, and Mouse has definitely been the fastest to pick them up. And Sweep is the complete opposite. I’ve started referring to her as ‘my little neurodivergent baby.’ I don’t know if there’s any proof that neurodiversity exists in any species other than humans but it seems unlikely that it’s just us; I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s only so obvious in humans because neurodivergent individuals are forced to live in a neurotypical society, something that animals don’t seem to have, certainly not in the same way. If those pressures aren’t there, then maybe neurodivergence doesn’t manifest in the same way. Anyway. I think of Sweep as neurodivergent because she seems to think and process completely differently to the other four, like they think in words and she thinks in pictures – or the cat equivalent. She still struggles with the cat flap, she doesn’t seem to understand how doing tricks works at all, she likes to hide away from everyone but has her special bond with Mouse, she seems to experience a lot more anxiety than the rest of them… I don’t know. She’s just very different to the others, not that we love her any less.

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Sooty is my baby. She’s always seemed to think of me as her mother, even when she was a teeny tiny kitten. I wonder if that’s because Sweep and Mouse are always so entangled but whatever the reason, it’s adorable and I’m not turning down her affections. She always wants to sit on the sofa with me, demanding that I stretch out my legs so that she can stretch out between them; it’s her favourite spot. She’s also very playful and she and Lucy are a particularly playful pair, although she’ll play with anyone who will engage with her. She still feels very much a baby, Sweep too, even though they’re four now (which seems unbelievable to me but then I guess the pandemic really screwed with our perception of time) and that’s very sweet. I kind of hope she always will; I think she’ll probably always be my baby (although, to a degree, they’re all my babies).

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APRIDEOFCATS

To avoid overwhelming people with cat pictures on my Instagram, which is focussed on me as a singersongwriter, I created a new account, aprideofcats, so that I could post as many as I wanted. It’s as much as for my own entertainment as anything else. I stopped using it for a while – when I was struggling with social media in general – but I’ve recently started posting on it and having a great time, trying to choose between the ridiculous amount of cute pictures that I have of them.


So there you have it: concrete evidence that cats are amazing. I’m just kidding, although I do love cats and my cats in particular. I think it’s fascinating that just spending time with animals – and in this case, cats – can have such dramatic effects on us and our health, physical and mental. I hope this has been interesting and fun and if you liked the cute little faces of my cats, please do follow my cat instagram: there will be plenty more photos of them going up.

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More Tips For Travelling As An Autistic Person

Back in 2018, I wrote a post about travelling as an autistic person and my personal tips for making it smoother and less stressful and anxiety-inducing. In that post, I included:

  • Plan ahead
  • Speak to a travel agent
  • Choose your accommodation carefully
  • Write a list of everything you’ll need and have someone check it
  • Pack an emergency kit in your carry on baggage
  • Bring your own food
  • Prepare specifically for the flight
  • Build in time out and don’t feel guilty for it

I still stand by all of these strategies but since then, having travelled more and gained more experience (apart from the lockdown and pandemic times – the latter of which we are arguably still in but obviously travel is now more possible for many, many people), I have more thoughts that I thought might be helpful to share.


FIND A GOOD TRAVEL AGENT – I wrote about talking to a travel agent last time but I wanted to share my personal experience with our travel agent, a guy we first met when we travelled to the US in 2016. Since then, we’ve booked every trip we’ve taken with his help – we go to him for everything – and developed a solid relationship. It really helps, I think, that he has a working knowledge and understanding of Autism so, even though he didn’t know me and my struggles personally, he picked up what I could and couldn’t handle very quickly, which has made things so much smoother than they might’ve been otherwise. He always goes above and beyond for us, something I would attribute to the working relationship we’ve built with him, and I so, so appreciate it.

TAKE INSPIRATION FROM YOUR MOST EXTREME NEEDS WHEN YOU PACK – It’s easy to optimistically assume that you’ll have a normal day every day you’re away but that’s not only unlikely because our minds and bodies don’t cooperate just because we want them to but also because the stress and anxiety of travelling and being in a new, unfamiliar place can do a number on us. I always find being away from home for more than a few days incredibly stressful, which can screw up my energy, my pain, my anxiety, my sensory issues… So packing with bad days in mind is probably a good idea; I’ve started carrying my heat pad (for pain), my joint supports (which I don’t always need but, of course, always seem to need when I’ve left them at home), a number of different fidget toys, medication for migraines (not a super common occurrence but debilitating when they do happen) and so on…

LEARN SOME BASIC PHRASES – If you’re planning to go somewhere where the language is different to that of your home country, it’s definitely worth learning at least a few common phrases. I know this is often considered to be common courtesy and I don’t disagree but when you have a lot of health stuff to deal with or get really overwhelmed in new environments, it’s not that simple; with all of your other preparations, it can just slip down the priority list and then off the list altogether. I recently went to Germany and between the ridiculously long hours trying to get everything done before I left and then the total overwhelm when I got there, I somehow didn’t clock that I didn’t speak any German until a couple of days in. How bizarre is that?! Then, of course, I panicked and did my best to speed learn words and phrases like, “Yes, please,” “No, thank you,” “English please,” “Excuse me,” and “I’m sorry.” Fortunately for me, German isn’t completely alien and the spellings and pronunciations – at least for the simple stuff – are relatively close, or at least they felt that way in my brain. So I picked those up easily, which was a relief. I think that having some language can really reduce your anxiety because you don’t feel so lost (and potentially helpless) and it makes moving around and engaging with where you are a little easier.

ASSISTANCE SERVICES AT THE AIRPORT – I’ve now done multiple trips through airports where we’ve arranged for the assistance services to help us out. So now I get wheeled (in a wheelchair or one of those electric buggies) from check out to not just the gate but down the gangplank to the actual plane. Because I struggle with standing and walking for extended periods of time, this has not only reduced both my pain and fatigue, it’s also reduced my anxiety about the time it takes and the recovery time I’ll need later. Apart from a few mix ups (uncommon but it has happened), they’ve been super efficient and very nice. I’ve found a couple of them to be a bit intimidating but I think that’s just because they’re utterly focussed on the job (and the next one and the next one); no one has ever been anything but polite and even funny. On my recent trip to Germany, one of the women was really, really nice and we had a good laugh despite the language hurdles to navigate. The one confusion that I’ve experienced is that, at some airports (and always in the US), they operate on a tip system but no one’s ever told us that one way or the other. Maybe it’s the straightforward, autistic approach to things but, to me, a service provided by the airport implies that the airport pays them for the work they’re doing but clearly not. So that did take me by surprise and I haven’t always been prepared for that, financially or emotionally.

IF YOU’RE TRAVELLING FOR A SPECIFIC EVENT, FAMILIARISE YOURSELF WITH WHERE YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU NEED TO BE – If you’re travelling for an event like a wedding or a birthday, it’s well worth doing things like checking out and practising the route (or routes you’ll have to travel) so that you know how to get where you’re going and how long it will take. You don’t want to be stressing about being late or getting lost on the important day itself. And if you have to let go of everything else just to make sure that you can attend and engage with the event you’re there for, then that’s what you need to do; it’s hard not to feel guilty or upset about not ‘taking advantage’ of the opportunities that travelling has presented you with but most likely, if you’ve travelled for a particular event, it’s really important to you and has to be your priority. Chances are that you’ll feel better for putting it first.

HYDRATE – If I have learned anything over the last few years, it is how important it is to stay hydrated. We all know this, of course – we’re told often enough that none of us are drinking enough water – but autistic individuals often struggle with it specifically due to problems with our interoception (plus, thirst signals are generally weaker than other internal signals, making them harder to recognise). Being dehydrated can make everything so much harder, causing headaches and exhaustion to name a few, and when you’re away in an unfamiliar place, that’s the last thing you want.

IF YOU HAVE TO GO HOME EARLY, THAT’S OKAY – Sometimes shit happens and plans have to change. And that has to be okay. Whether it’s your physical health, your mental health, something going on at home, sometimes you just have to figure out how to accept the need for change and go home. Sometimes it’s a case of choosing the ‘lesser of two evils’ – staying is hard but so is leaving – and making the choice that feels the most right, even if both of them feel wrong to a certain extent. I usually need some time to come to terms with what the right decision is but then, once I know what I need to do, I just have to figure out how to make it happen.

Friedrichshafen in Germany: Lake Constance (known as Bodensee in German) and some gorgeous flowers I saw. (x)


As always, I feel sure that I’ve missed some. But hopefully these will be somewhat helpful to somebody. If any of you guys have any tips you’d like to share, please stick them in the comments!