2022 in Songs

This has been a hard post to write, a hard post to maintain through the year. For more than twelve months now, I feel like I’ve been all but drowning in my depression. And when I’m really depressed, I find it really hard to listen to music, to find joy in anything (which, as we know, is a common phenomenon with depression). It got to the point where, as you’ll see, I stopped listening to music all together. Even now, I’m still struggling but I have always loved doing this post each year so I tried to push through, push through my difficulty writing in a way I’m happy with, and finished it. I hope I did an okay job.

Here is a Spotify playlist with almost all of the songs (some are yet to be released) so you can listen along if you would like to.


1. Unsteady (Erich Lee Gravity Remix) by X Ambassadors

I was so depressed in January that I wasn’t really listening to music at all. But, on the couple of occasions that I did listen to music, I was usually looking for songs that matched how utterly miserable I was feeling, something that was really, really hard to find. But something about this song resonated though and listening to it, I cried and cried and cried. It wasn’t bad crying though. I mean, yes, I was crying because everything was awful but I needed to cry so I was grateful to have a song that helped.

Favourite Lyrics: “Mama, come here / Approach, appear / And Daddy, I’m alone / ‘Cause this house don’t feel like home // If you don’t love me, don’t let go / If you love me, don’t let go // Hold, hold on, hold on to me / ‘Cause I’m a little unsteady / A little unsteady”


2. Another Way by Kina Grannis

This song isn’t new (the album it’s a part of, It’s Hard To Be Human, came out in October of last year) but it’s felt very relevant and very poignant recently. I’ve spent so much time recently (and generally) worrying – and I mean, panic attack level worrying – about whether I’ve made the right choices, whether I could be contributing more if I was doing something different, whether I’m following the right path, doing the right things… Hearing this song whilst in the middle of these worries, it didn’t fix them – I don’t think any one thing could – but it was really comforting. The bridge in particular really hit home: “So what if we choose that we’ll let go of / All the things we’ve no control of / What if we learn to love whatever comes to be.” That lyric reminds me of a Halsey quote that I’d recently heard – “I need to start enjoying my life for what it is right now instead of mourning the expectation of a life that I was probably never meant to have” – and between them, I’m trying to ignore the scary thoughts that tell me I’ll never achieve enough or achieve the things I want to achieve.

Favourite Lyrics: “Maybe this could be / Exactly what should be,” OR “How would you know if someone wiser / Wasn’t forging in these fires / What if you’d washed away what could’ve set you free,” OR “So what if we choose that we’ll let go of / All the things we’ve no control of / What if we learn to love whatever comes to be.”


3. I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers // Humble Quest by Maren Morris

I wrote about how much I loved this song (and the album it belongs to) last year but then, in March, I got the chance to see Bleachers live in Boston when they played the Strange Desire in full. It was an incredible experience that I feel so lucky to have had. Hearing all of those songs was amazing – ‘Like a River Runs,’ which is probably my favourite Bleachers song of all time, was a very close second for this list – but the energy, both from the band and from the crowd for this song was just unreal, unlike anything else I’ve experienced. I love the song and hearing it live is something I’ve wanted for so long: it didn’t just live up to my expectations, it blew them out of the water.

WARNING: FLASHING LIGHTS!

Favourite Lyrics: “Woke up this morning early before my family / From this dream where she was trying to show me / How a life can move from the darkness / She said to get better // So I put a bullet where I shoulda put a helmet / And I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away / That’s why I’m standing on the overpass screaming at myself / ‘Hey, I wanna get better!’ // I didn’t know I was lonely ’til i saw your face / I wanna get better, better, better, better / I wanna get better / I didn’t know I was broken ’til i wanted to change / I wanna get better, better, better, better / I wanna get better”

I love Maren Morris and the fact that her new album came out the day I flew into Nashville felt like some kind of magic. I listened to it on the plane as we flew from Boston to Nashville and I fell in love with the album but specifically with this song. It was my favourite from the moment I heard it. The lyrics are stunning and so deeply relatable – to so many things and so many situations. I’ve been trying to find my way and find my footing and it’s been so hard and I feel so lost sometimes but this song soothed some of that turmoil. It’s uplifting and encouraging and was just what I needed. I like that it isn’t resolved – “I still haven’t found it yet” – because it’s a lifelong search. That was an added comfort. It’s kind of funny to me that this ended up being my favourite song when I really wasn’t sure about it as an album title when it was first announced.

Favourite Lyrics: “Haven’t looked up in a while / Been biting my tongue behind a smile / Falling on swords that I can’t see / Poison my well on the daily / Got easier not to ask / Just kept hitting my head on the glass / I was so nice till I woke up / I was polite till I spoke up // I’m on a humble quest / And damn I do my best / Not gonna hold my breath / ‘Cause I still haven’t found it yet / No, I still haven’t found it yet”


4. Where Would You Rather Die by Kalie Shorr // Free by Florence + The Machine

Something’s gone wrong if there isn’t a Kalie Shorr song on these yearly lists. I could have picked any of the songs Kalie played during her Tin Pan South set but this one was so Kalie in the storytelling – and the backstory. The writing is hilarious but beautifully nuanced and it paints such a vivid picture. I hope she releases it at some point (I feel like, between this song and ‘LAX,’ there’s a running theme of wild adventures in LA) because it really deserves to be heard and her songwriting deserves more recognition.

Favourite Lyrics: I honestly can’t choose. The whole song is so beautifully put together. And hilarious.

This song – if you exchange the dancing for singing or writing songs – could have been pulled straight out of my head, straight out of my heart. There’s so much of me in this song that it took my breath away when I first listened to it. Almost every lyric could be describing my experience in the world as a neurodivergent person with mental health problems and how music is the thing that keeps me going although my love of it and dependence on it does sometimes make life hard. Florence sounds incredible and I love Jack Antonoff’s production, as I usually do. It gives me a lift, not unlike ‘Humble Quest’ by Maren Morris, and I need as many moments like that as I can get.

Favourite Lyrics: “Sometimes I wonder if I should be medicated / If I would feel better just lightly sedated / The feeling comes so fast and I cannot control it / I’m on fire, but I’m trying not to show it” AND “As it picks me up, puts me down / It picks me up, puts me down / Picks me up, puts me down a hundred times a day / It picks me up, puts me down / Chews me up, spits me out / Picks me up and puts me down” AND “I’m always running from something / I push it back, but it keeps on coming / And being clever never got me very far / Because it’s all in my head / ‘You’re too sensitive,’ they said / I said ‘Okay, but let’s discuss this at the hospital'” AND “Is this how it is? / Is this how it’s always been? / To exist in the face of suffering and death / And somehow still keep singing?” AND “But there is nothing else that I know how to do / But to open up my arms and give it all to you”

Note: One of my best friends, LUCE, released her single, ‘Helium Balloon,’ in March, which is not only my favourite song of her EP but is also a song that I was lucky enough to help with the writing of. It’s a very special song and it’s supporting Cambridge Rape Crisis so please give it a stream or buy it to help a really important cause. Another of my best friends (and a frequent collaborator of mine), Richard Marc, released a new EP called Throw Me A Line, which includes three songs that I worked on with him. It’s so cool that this EP is finally out when we’ve been working on some of these songs for so long. 


5. Liars Like You by Sarah Close // Seeing Someone Else by Ingrid Andress

This song blew me away from the moment I heard it. I just love the vulnerability, both in the lyrics and reflected by the delicate production. While a big production would sound great, the simplicity of just the piano and Sarah’s sweet voice made the message of the lyrics – addressing the awful manipulation by someone she loved – so powerful. The lyrics are direct and beautiful and the production is warm but contained, really allowing the lyrics to shine. And as much as I loved the song, I loved it even more when the music video came out. On the surface, it’s an aesthetically beautiful video for a beautiful song and that’s great; sometimes it’s that simple and there’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s something really mesmerising and almost meditative about watching Sarah skate while listening to the song and while it’s a beautifully choreographed music video, you can almost imagine it as Sarah skating and skating and skating, playing through memories and sorting out how she feels and ultimately putting that relationship to bed.

Favourite Lyrics: “And the worst part is how much I miss you / Hate myself cause I want to forgive you” AND “Your voice doesn’t crack when you say it / Your eyes, they don’t give it away that / Even you forget which parts are true / That’s the problem with liars like you / So you laugh like I said something funny / Call me crazy till I think I must be / You’re so good at doing what you do / That’s the problem with liars like you”

From the moment the first chorus came in and the twist in the narrative was revealed, I just loved this song because having someone you love fall in love with someone else is horrible and sad but having someone you love love the person that you used to be but aren’t anymore is so heartbreaking. And a less common theme found in songs. I loved the storytelling, I loved the vocals, I loved the production. I do wish it had a bridge though; I think it could’ve gone in a couple of different, really interesting directions that would’ve added another layer to the song.

Favourite Lyrics: “I think you’re seeing someone else / I think you’re seeing who I used to be / I bet you wish I was the girl that you met / Out at a bar making a mess of twenty three / And if you’re honest with yourself / You know you’re hanging onto history / Yeah, yeah, you say you’re still in love / But it’s so obvious when you look at me / I think you’re seeing someone else” AND “Maybe it’d be better / Maybe it’d be worse / If I had someone to hate / Blame for all the hurt / Well, this won’t work when you’re still here and / I’m not her”


Between mid-May and late October, I was so depressed that I barely listened to any music at all so I don’t feel like I can include any songs because that time is actually kind of marked by the lack of music.


10. Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift

Only Taylor Swift could get me listening to music in the midst of the worst depressive episode I’ve ever had. There are so many songs that I could put in this slot – ‘Maroon,’ ‘Anti-Hero,’ ‘Snow On The Beach ft. Lana Del Rey,’ ‘You’re On Your Own, Kid,’ ‘Midnight Rain,’ ‘Vigilante Shit,’ ‘Bejeweled,’ ‘Mastermind,’ ‘The Great War,’ ‘Bigger Than The Whole Sky,’ ‘Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve,’ ‘Hits Different’ – but I listened to ‘Anti-Hero’ so much (and still do) that it comes in first by a mile. It’s fun and funny and very cathartic to sing your whole heart out to. There are so many lyrics in this song that I feel so deeply (maybe even alarmingly so), deep down in a place that I rarely share with people – like, “I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser / Midnights become my afternoons” (the latter is so, so true with my difficulty sleeping this year), “I should not be left to my own devices / They come with prices and vices / I end up in crisis,” “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me / At tea time, everybody agrees,” “It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero,” “And I’m a monster on the hill / Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city,” and “I wake up screaming from dreaming / One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving / And life will lose all its meaning / (For the last time) – that have developed as a result of being neurodivergent and having both physical and mental health problems; they make me feel like a burden, like I’m taking up too much space or like my stuff is always sucking up all of the oxygen in the room, like I’m not enough for anyone or anything. The song can’t fix those feelings (that’s probably too much to ask for, even from a Taylor Swift song) but being able to sing along to it, loudly and fiercely and shamelessly does release some of the pressure of those feelings, even if only for a few minutes.

The video is also hilarious and full of interesting metaphors…

Favourite Lyrics: “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me / At tea time, everybody agrees / I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror / It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero // Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby / And I’m a monster on the hill / Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city / Pierced through the heart, but never killed” AND “I wake up screaming from dreaming / One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving / And life will lose all its meaning / (For the last time)”


11. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve by Taylor Swift

Midnights came out just as I started seeing a new therapist, which involved sharing my history and a necessary part of that was a relationship that absolutely wrecked me, a relationship that has some very strong parallels to the one that Taylor sings about in this song (although it wasn’t romantic – it was messy and complicated and I don’t know what it was). This song and the themes it touches on – feeling taken advantage of, feeling damaged by a relationship, feeling permanently changed by the experience, feeling ashamed and/or guilty about your own part in it – resonated so strongly that it kicked up a lot of feelings for me, which was only intensified by talking about it in therapy. 

The song itself is written beautifully, making the impact of the story she’s telling even more powerful. With no obvious hook (and the title coming from a section other than the chorus), the song feels almost messy in a very relatable way, rushing towards the end – faster and faster, with more and more desperation – like she’s trying to purge the trauma of the experience. The lyric, “If I was some paint, did it splatter / On a promising grown man? / And if I was a child, did it matter / If you got to wash your hands?” is incredibly powerful – and we know that Taylor has some hard-hitting lyrics in her catalogue – and describes a feeling I’ve definitely experienced, as does “But, Lord, you made me feel important / And then you tried to erase us.” The religious theme, which may or may not reflect Taylor’s personal experience, is very poignant, and fitting for trying to make sense of a traumatic event since a loss of faith, whether in God or something else, isn’t uncommon in such situations. It also makes for very beautiful imagery, like ‘stained glass windows in my mind.’ The bridge may be one of the most beautiful things she’s ever written and all the more impactful for the stunning metaphor and imagery in the earlier lines when followed by the simple, gut-wrenching “I regret you all the time.” And I think we all felt our hearts skip a beat when we heard the lyrics, “Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts / Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.” Working through shit like this, there’s that period of time where hitting back and being angry feels good and keeps you moving but after a while, it burns out and just leaves you feeling empty and broken. The idea that she feels like this man stole something irreplaceable, something that was a part of her, is heartbreaking, which makes the following phrase, the plaintive “It was mine first,” even more painful. It also sounds like something a young person, even a child, would say, reflecting back on the earlier line – “And if I was a child, did it matter / If you got to wash your hands?” – which just twists the knife that is the core message: what happened to her was a trauma and one that still affects her deeply.

Favourite Lyrics: “If I was some paint, did it splatter / On a promising grown man? / And if I was a child, did it matter / If you got to wash your hands?” AND “But, Lord, you made me feel important / And then you tried to erase us // You’re a crisis of my faith / Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve / If I’d only played it safe” AND “God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be / The tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind / I regret you all the time / I can’t let this go, I fight with you in my sleep / The wound won’t close, I keep on waiting for a sign / I regret you all the time” AND “Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts / Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first”


12. What Sarah Said by Death Cab For Cutie

I came across this song at random and although I’ve loved it for years – in a it’s-a-beautifully-written-and-absolutely-heartbreaking-song kind of way – it felt like hearing it for the first time. It really resonated and the sadness and helplessness just felt so true to my own that I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The piano part is atmospheric and emotive and the lyrics are simple but stunning. It’s not a song with a story – in that something happens – but it’s a snapshot of a moment, of an epiphany, and the attention to detail makes it heartbreakingly poignant, with lyrics like, “And I looked around / At all the eyes on the ground / As the TV entertained itself” and “And then the nurse comes round / And everyone lifts their heads.” There’s a harshness to it – “As I stared at my shoes / In the ICU / That reeked of piss and 409” – but also a fragility – “And it came to me then / That every plan / Is a tiny prayer to father time.” There are moments that just knock the wind out of you and those are the ones that I’ve always felt most drawn to, like “Amongst the vending machines / And year old magazines / In a place where we only say goodbye” and “It stung like a violent wind / That our memories depend / On a faulty camera in our minds.” Those lyrics always resonated with me so deeply and I feel them even more now; they’re the painful truths that we don’t like to think about, just like the the revelation that it feels like the song is building to from the first note. I hear the line, “Love is watching someone die,” and it’s like the world drops out from under you, made all the more gut-wrenching by the following lyric, “So who’s gonna watch you die,” which I think can be interpreted in multiple ways, all of which are very powerful.

Favourite Lyrics: “And I rationed my breaths / As I said to myself / That I’d already taken too much today” AND “Amongst the vending machines / And year old magazines / In a place where we only say goodbye // It stung like a violent wind / That our memories depend / On a faulty camera in our minds” AND “And I looked around / At all the eyes on the ground / As the TV entertained itself” AND “And then the nurse comes round / And everyone lifts their heads / But I’m thinking of what Sarah said / That love is watching someone die / So who’s gonna watch you die”


Anyone who’s been following this blog for a while will know that I am pretty much incapable of keeping to my own twelve song rule but, this year, it seems that I have (which says something in itself about the year). Here we are. This year in music, this year in the lack of it. I hope this was interesting and that maybe you found a new song or two that you like. Again, here‘s the link to the Spotify playlist.

National Album Day 2022

I really wasn’t sure whether I’d get this blog post up but I’d managed to write a good chunk of it and it seemed a shame to let it go unfinished. The last year has been a struggle and the last six months have been horrendous; my depression has been suffocating and has definitely impacted my ability to engage with and enjoy things. So there are fewer albums this year than there have been previously, fewer than I would’ve liked had all things been normal. I know the theme this year is debut albums but I’d already written a significant amount of this post before that was announced and, if I’m honest, I just don’t have it in me at the moment to completely rewrite this post. Life is hard right now; I’m doing the best I can.


At War With The Silver Fish by Laura Jane Grace (September 2021) – One of the things I love about Laura Jane Grace’s music is how deeply it can vary; I’m not very good at identifying genres but each track sounded so different, which was really cool, especially when it’s only about fourteen minutes long in total. Some of the instrumentation and production I didn’t like but the parts that I did, I loved: I loved the instrumentation of ‘Electro-Static Sweep’; I loved the beat and the guitar and the gorgeous, hazy vibe of ‘Lolo 13’; and I loved the production of ‘Yesterday Pt. II.’ I also really liked a lot of the lyrics too. The opening line of ‘Three of Hearts’ – “Three of hearts, two of them are broken / One of them is gold, all of them are worthless” – which is the opening line of the EP, got me straight away. ‘Lolo 13’ was probably my favourite lyrically: I loved the detail, the visual imagery, and the dreamlike quality of the whole thing, with lines like, “I asked for your name three times / Just to make sure that I heard it right / You told me my jeans don’t fit right / Said that we should make out sometime,” “We met on a night / That my mind made up,” and “Does a mirror have two sides? / Are you waking up in your real life / Too much fun to have in this life / Will you find me on the other side?” I loved it. On listening to ‘Day Old Coffee,’ I burst out laughing because while I wouldn’t have phrased it as such, I definitely identified with the feeling and it was just kind of bizarre to hear that feeling stated so explicitly: “Day old coffee microwaved to boiling / Pour it on my eyeballs and boil my dumb shit brains out,” “‘Cause I don’t ever want to hear or think or speak again / I don’t ever want to hear or think or speak again,” and “What’s with all the questions? / To whom do I owe the pleasure? / To whom do I owe the obligation?” Like, it’s not a fun or funny feeling to experience but hearing it out loud shocked a laugh out of me. I kind of wish ‘Smug Fuckface’ had a different title since the song starts on such a different emotional note, which would make the twist halfway through that much more surprising. It’s a really interesting little song: it’s less than two minutes long but it covers such a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. It’s a really cool little EP and I look forward to whatever Laura Jane Grace creates next.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Lolo 13’ and ‘Smug Fuckface.’

It’s Hard To Be Human by Kina Grannis (October 2021) – I’ve been listening to Kina Grannis on and off since approximately 2011 and some of her songs, particularly ‘California,’ have had pretty dramatic impacts on my life so I was very excited to find out that she was releasing a new album and one with a title that felt very fitting for my state of mind at the time (and quite a long time afterwards). Sometimes, if I haven’t listened to her music for a while, I seem to forget just how deeply her music affects me. She’s an incredible writer; I have no idea how she isn’t more famous, isn’t a superstar (one of her own design though, not one molded by others). I loved almost every single song on the album.

I’d heard Future Memories before hearing the album and it’s so beautiful with the delicate guitar and vocal. The lyrics are just so heartbreaking (“We watch the leaves unfolding quietly / No tugging at the time or way of things / And we mirror both the growth and withering”) and the evolution of the story throughout the song (from “We’re in the garden smiling / I didn’t notice how much love I’ve known” to “We’re in the garden laughing / I didn’t notice how much you had grown” to “He’s in the garden crying / I didn’t notice yet that I had gone”) is so beautifully done.

‘It’s Hard To Be Human’ is one of my favourite tracks on the album. It’s sad but also warm and comforting and I know I’ll listen to this in the future while in tears, for both good and bad reasons. The lyrics are stunning (“We just keep spinnin’ and everyone’s hurt / Both of us talking but no one feels heard,” “It’s hard to be human and hard to grow up / I just keep trying and keep messin’ up / And maybe I’m learnin’ and findin’ my way / But how could I feel this and still be okay?” and “I’m sittin’ here, starin’ at the gutter / Wonderin’ why I feel sorry for myself / If we keep hurtin’ one another starts to color / How we’re doin’ it to ourselves”) and I loved her description of spontaneous songwriting: “Can you pull the car over? I need to slow down / Get some words lined up and see how they sound.” It’s so real and raw. The structure of the song is interesting; what sounds like a prechorus when first sung repeats as the final section of the song. It’s so beautiful and feels so profound: “I know you never wanna get me down / But it’s a steep road I’m walkin’ on / You know I never wanna get you down / But it’s a bit late, now.” It’s the promise we make to people we love but not everyone can keep it.

Another stunning song is ‘Love Anyway.’ The lyrics were just gorgeous; they flowed beautifully and all of the internal rhyming made me so happy (what can I say – I’m a songwriting nerd). I loved all of the imagery: “I woke to a bitter scene / The whole world was crumblin’ / I cried to the guileless moon / The wolves came to comfort me / And just as I fell asleep / I heard they were crying too,” “As dewdrops and morning fell / The sun came and wished me well,” “I sat in the broken weeds / And wove them into tapestries,” and “Feeling that we are all the same / All of one heartbeat, different names.” And the bridge is just stunning: the lyrics build beautifully (from “How do we get to the other side of this?” to “How do we get through the fight in it?” to “How do we get to the light in it?”), as do the vocals and harmonies, making it a deeply emotional and uplifting section. The only snag for me is that I find the chorus line a little cliché, something that’s just a bit more noticeable when the rest of the lyrics are so well crafted.

While ‘Quiet’ didn’t connect with me as deeply as some of the others, I thought it built beautifully and powerfully (in the emotional sense) throughout the song and I loved the mention to her album, Stairwells: “I never knew where I belonged / Searched for myself in every song / But I’d had it in the stairwells all along.” I thought that was gorgeous.

‘I Never Wanted Anything More Than I Wanted You’ broke my heart on first listen. The lyrics were so emotional and I immediately thought it was about wanting a baby, something (as well as infertility, IVF, and more recently the birth of her daughter) that Kina has talked about on social media over the years. When I looked it up later, Genius stated: “Kina Grannis and her husband Jesse Epstein have been open about their fertility struggles and their miscarriage in the past, and “I Never Wanted Anything More Than I Wanted You” is about the couple’s miscarriage of their dearly anticipated daughter. The song details Kina’s struggles with the loss, her tiredness from the grief, and the couple’s dreams of a family.” And, in the description of the music video, Kina wrote: “The first time these words came out of my mouth I immediately started crying. There’s something powerful that happens when you admit to yourself out loud the extent to which you are yearning for something, the extent to which you are hurting. It can break your heart into a million little pieces, but somehow that’s better than the pressure cooker of trying to dismiss your emotions and make them smaller. Acknowledging and respecting where I was at allowed me to fully step into my heartache and give myself permission to feel all these things, and in some ways it was a first step in realizing I needed to be a bit kinder to myself, too. This is a song about yearning and loss and the delicate balance of trying to accept the path you’re on while not letting it rob you of hope in the process.” That only made it more heartbreaking. It’s a beautiful, beautiful song but it’s just so sad; I hate to think of her feeling the way the song describes. I could probably include all of the lyrics but the ones that hit me the hardest were “I’m at my lowest, caught in a moment / Tryna to get over this,” “I feel you in the sea, washing over me / Something in the movin’ tides / Every fallen leaf seems to say to me / ‘Everything in time,'” and the chorus line of “I never wanted anything more than I wanted you” just, as I said, breaks my heart. The piano part is gorgeous too and fits the song perfectly.

‘Oh What A Love’ is a gorgeous little love song. It has some really stunning imagery (my favourite is “Oh what a love we have / Watched as it sank under water”) and some beautifully simple statements that, to me at least, make love songs all the more poignant, like “Our love is our love.” It sounds lovely too, with some exquisite layering of instruments, vocals, and backing vocals.

While the choruses of ‘Crawl’ didn’t quite land for me, I love what Kina has written about it: “This song is about the chapter that comes after the knockdown – the chapter where you start to come to again, and though you’re weak and hollowed out and broken, you’re ready to start trying to put the pieces back together. To me, it feels like the beginning of healing. Or maybe the beginning of being WILLING to heal. It’s about baby steps and celebrating the small wins and giving yourself grace on the occasions you might momentarily stumble back into the dark. ‘Crawl’ found its way to me in a dire moment and served as a little mantra I could sing to myself as I ever-so-slowly trudged my way back to myself.” I can definitely relate to that sentiment. To all of it. Of the song itself, I really loved the verses: I thought the lyrics, and the imagery in them, were just beautiful. The first verse in particular resonated so deeply: “Knock on the door / I’m afraid of all the things / That I am not anymore” and “Just like before / I am scattered trying to find the parts of me / On the floor.” And the second verse was just as gorgeous: “You and the stars / Make a list of pretty things to fill my day / Bless your heart” and “You deal the cards / And it’s better when I seem to drift away / From the dark.”

‘Another Way’ is another of the album highlights, along with ‘It’s Hard To Be Human,’ ‘Love Anyway,’ and ‘I Never Wanted Anything More Than I Wanted You.’ And like ‘It’s Hard To Be Human,’ it has a deep and moving message, one that’s easy to forget in the chaotic world we’re trying to navigate: “Maybe this could be / Exactly what should be.” The lyrics in the verses are simple but powerful, demonstrating how we can turn our obsessive worrying on its head: “How would you know if what you’re needing / Isn’t something you’re not seeing / What if you lost the chance to be what you could be,” “How would you know that something better / Wasn’t waiting for bad weather / To soak its seeds, to give you everything you need,” and “How would you know if someone wiser / Wasn’t forging in these fires / What if you’d washed away what could’ve set you free.” I’m not sure how well they translate on paper (or simply as text) but, paired with the melody, the song is really beautiful. And I liked that the bridge wasn’t preach-y. Rather than trying to tell the listener how to change their thinking, she’s simply and gently opening the door to the possibility that we don’t have to worry the way we do. That’s the first step: “So what if we choose that we’ll let go of / All the things we’ve no control of / What if we learn to love whatever comes to be.” It’s a gorgeous song, another gorgeous song on a gorgeous album.

This has gotten long but it’s a beautiful album and I highly recommend it.

Favourite Tracks: ‘It’s Hard To Be Human,’ ‘Love Anyway,’ ‘I Never Wanted Anything More Than I Wanted You,’ ‘Oh What A Love, ‘ ‘Crawl,’ and ‘Another Way.’

Season Two by Jaz Beeson (October 2021) – There’s something gorgeously cohesive about this body of work, sonically and lyrically, with its lively production, catchy melodies, and light, delicate vocals. I thought ‘Short, Sweet Summer’ was a cool introduction to the project, hazy and atmospheric (although a bit sonically busy for my personal taste). I liked the concept, as well as the concepts of ‘Midnight Crush’ and ‘Honey & Sunflower Seeds’ (although the bridge made me sad) in particular. There was a lot of stunning imagery and beautiful lyrical details, especially in ‘Honey & Sunflower Seeds,’ ‘Feel Alive,’ ‘Coffee Machine Sounds’ (I loved the sense of urgency in this song, conveyed both through the lyrics and the production), and ‘Wanna Know.’ I also really liked the melodic rhythms and uplifting vibe in the latter. It was a really great choice for a single. The one thing that I struggled with it, throughout the tracklist, was that I wish the vocals were a little higher in the mix because I felt like I was missing the lyrics at certain points, which was a shame when I was enjoying the lyrics so much.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Short, Sweet Summer,’ ‘Wanna Know,’ and ‘Coffee Machine Sounds.’

Red (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift (November 2021) – After my experience with Fearless (Taylor’s Version), I was prepared to feel somewhat thrown by the differences between the original tracks and rerecordings and thrown I was: the drum and electric guitar sounds in ‘State Of Grace (Taylor’s Version)’; the electric guitar in ‘I Knew You Were Trouble (Taylor’s Version)’; the electric guitar sounds in ‘All Too Well (Taylor’s Version)’; the guitars and vocal effects in ’22 (Taylor’s Version)’; the chorus vocals in ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Taylor’s Version)’; the messiness of the dueting vocals in ‘The Last Time (Taylor’s Version) [feat. Gary Lightbody]’ (and while their vocals aren’t bad, I’d rank them lowest on the album when they were some of my favourites on the original album); the vocal effects in ‘Begin Again (Taylor’s Version)’; oh, and the complete re-production of ‘Girl At Home (Taylor’s Version)’ surprised me (sometimes I think I’m the only person who likes the original production). I don’t dislike it but as fun as it is, I think I preferred the original. Not a hill I feel the need to die on though; both are good.

That’s not to say that they don’t sound good; I just felt like the changes were very noticeable. ‘Red (Taylor’s Version)’, ‘All Too Well (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘I Almost Do (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘Sad Beautiful Tragic (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘The Moment I Knew (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘State Of Grace (Acoustic Version) (Taylor’s Version),’ and ‘Ronan (Taylor’s Version)’ all sound incredible, particularly the vocals. And I feel like the backing vocals are even more gorgeous on this version of the album than the original. But then Taylor’s vocals have come a long way over the last ten years.

The vault tracks – almost a whole new album’s worth of songs – are awesome. They fill out the story and provide so much more insight into the relationship and the situation, even more than I thought possible, especially given how incredibly raw the original album felt. The themes of the album are reinforced, the imagery more vivid, the details of the story even more heartbreaking with the new context: the songs are all so intricately interwoven. ‘Better Man (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)’ is really powerful (although I did find the melody changes a bit jarring) and it’s so cool to have Taylor’s version of it. ‘Nothing New (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) [feat. Phoebe Bridgers]’ is stunning but heart-wrenching: I definitely relate, both in terms of growing up and in terms of the music industry. It breaks my heart that Taylor was feeling like this at twenty two and as beautiful as the song is, I am personally kind of glad that it wasn’t released on the original album because knowing Taylor was feeling that way would’ve been devastating; I found ‘The Lucky One’ upsetting enough as it was. It’s not so bad hearing it now, given that Taylor seems to be in a hugely creative and positive place in her life, despite everything that’s happened. I am glad that we finally have a female-female duet, especially one that’s making such an important point about what it’s like to be a woman in the music industry. I’ve always loved ‘Babe’ so it’s really cool to hear Taylor’s version of it and the “What about your promises, promises, babe?” backing vocal is an interesting addition that distinguishes it from the original release. ‘Message In A Bottle (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)’ is really fun but I definitely think Taylor made the right choice when she chose the three Martin/Shellback collaborations; I just think those three are tighter and convey the themes of the album better. ‘I Bet You Think About Me (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) [feat. Chris Stapleton]’ cracks me up; when I first heard the lyric, “I bet you think about me in your house / With your organic shoes and your million-dollar couch,” sung with such petulance, I burst out laughing. While I tend to prefer the sadder songs, I think it’s a brilliantly petty response to a relationship where her partner clearly belittled her and thought himself superior. And the music video is hilarious. ‘Forever Winter (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)’ is probably my least favourite vault track, I think because the contrast between the serious subject matter and the upbeat music just doesn’t work for me. I think it’s lovely in how heartfelt it is but I don’t think it’s as lyrically sophisticated as most of the other songs on the album and in the Red vault. I really liked ‘Run (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) [feat. Ed Sheeran]’ and it’s my favourite of Taylor’s collaborations with Ed Sheeran (although I can understand why she chose ‘Everything Has Changed’ for the original album); I love how delicate it sounds. ‘The Very First Night (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)’ wasn’t a favourite initially but it’s grown on me over time. While the chorus feels a little clichéd in places, I love the imagery and detail in the verses and pre-choruses, plus the melodies are super catchy.

And then we have ‘All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault).’ I don’t think I can describe my thoughts and feelings about it any better than I did in my 2021 in Songs post: “I could talk about this song forever but I’ll try to be concise. The lyrics are beautiful, some of her best, and they tell us so much more of the story than the original cut. It connects to so many songs on the album, even more than it did before, and really broadens our understanding of both that time and what came after. I also love how naturally it flows through different phases of emotion (the fondness, the longing, the loss, the confusion, the shame, the anger, the pain, the invalidation, the grief…) without losing its way. And I think part of why it means so much to me (apart from my original attachment to the song and the album) is because of how, emotionally, it mirrors an experience I had. Lyrics like “And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now / He’s gonna say it’s love, you never called it what it was / ‘Til we were dead and gone and buried / Check the pulse and come back swearing it’s the same,” “You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath,” “You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine / And that made me want to die / The idea you had of me, who was she? / A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you,” and “Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it / I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it” all bring back memories of that person and that time and while it was heartbreaking and traumatic, it is part of who I am. I think being able to pour all of that emotion into a song – and a song that good – is an incredible feat.”

Something that I love about getting vault tracks with each album rerecorded is that, while the rerecording of the albums allow her to retake the masters, the vault tracks – with their new details, new layers, new perspectives – allow her to retake the narrative. Every album tells a story and she’s making that story her own again.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Red (Taylor’s Version)’, ‘I Knew You Were Trouble (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘All Too Well (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘I Almost Do (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘Sad Beautiful Tragic (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘Starlight (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘The Moment I Knew (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘Ronan (Taylor’s Version),’ ‘Better Man (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault),’ ‘Nothing New (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) [feat. Phoebe Bridgers],’ ‘Babe (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault),’ ‘Run (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault) [feat. Ed Sheeran],’ ‘The Very First Night (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault),’ and ‘All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault).’

Thrive by Cassadee Pope (October 2021) – I get so nostalgic when I listen to Cassadee Pope. I remember being sixteen and listening to ‘Candles’ and anxiously awaiting her solo EP a year later when it was delayed for release on iTunes by a few days. I remember combing YouTube for videos during her pre-Frame by Frame tour and falling in love with ‘I Wish I Could Break Your Heart,’ ‘This Car,’ and ‘Easier to Lie,’ in particular. I remember hearing Emily Shackelton performing ‘Summer’ at Tin Pan South, the first year I visited Nashville, and then being so excited when I heard Cassadee would be releasing it… Looking back, I’m kind of amazed at how long I’ve been listening to her. There aren’t many artists that I’ve listened to so consistently for so long. There’s something so fundamentally her about her music; I’d recognise a song of hers from the moment she started singing. I love her sound: a unique mix of pop, pop-rock, and country (I believe she was quoted as saying “this pop-punk country record that has country lyrics and storylines, but leans a little bit more pop-rock, pop-punk when it comes to sonically and melodies”). And I love the production: the guitar sounds are gorgeous and her vocals are stunning as always (apart from ‘No Now,’ which sounded a bit strained but the vocal recording sounded different from the others so maybe the recording process was different for that song). The album is full of great songs: ‘Same Old Brand New Me’ and ‘Thrive’ are awesome and empowering; songs like ‘Say It First,’ ‘Break Too,’ and ‘No Now’ are so sad but so real; and songs like ‘Some People’ have that classic Cassadee sass.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Welcome,’ ‘Same Old Brand New Me,’ ‘Say It First,’ ‘Break Too,’ ‘Thrive,’ ‘Some People,’ ‘Remedy,’ and ‘No Now.’

10 Year Plan by The Shires (March 2022) – There’s a lot I like about this album: the melodies are great, they’re great vocalists, and some of the songs have some lovely concepts that play out beautifully (‘Side By Side,’ ’10 Year Plan,’ and ‘A Bar Without You,’ for example). I also really liked the production in a lot of the songs, like ‘I See Stars’ and ‘A Bar Without You’ (although the latter doesn’t feel very country); it felt really full and rich. Having said that, Ben and Crissie didn’t sound as consistently gorgeous as they usually do. In songs like ‘Cut Me Loose,’ ‘Sparks Fly,’ ‘I See Stars,’ and ‘When It Hurts,’ they sound great, separately and together (one of my favourite things about them is how great they sound together), there were other songs where I just felt like they didn’t sound like themselves at all. In ‘Plot Twist,’ Crissie doesn’t sound like herself and in ’10 Year Plan,’ Ben doesn’t sound like himself either. I believe they said the album was recorded remotely and I wonder if that’s the cause since I’ve never felt tripped up by their sound before.

I think the inclusion of ‘Peggy I’m Sorry (Demo)’ is really interesting because the style of the songwriting is so different to how they usually write. Over the last few albums, I’ve struggled with many of the songs feeling somewhat vague, like they could be about anyone; they just don’t feel real to me and so I find it hard to feel invested in the songs and the stories they’re telling. They sound great but the emotional attachment isn’t the same as it is with writers/artists like Taylor Swift and Maren Morris, for example. I think this song (and certain other songs from previous albums like ‘Nashville Grey Skies,’ ‘Made in England,’ and ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’) is an example that they could write more specifically and personally with the same (and possibly more) success. I’ve just been finding the typical love songs and clichés a bit tiring when they’ve already proved that they’re capable of more – of more depth – than that.

Overall though, while I have mixed feelings about this album, I do like it more than the last one.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Cut Me Loose,’ ‘Side by Side,’ ’10 Year Plan,’ ‘A Bar Without You,’ ‘Peggy I’m Sorry (Demo),’ and ‘When It Hurts.’

Humble Quest by Maren Morris (March 2022) – I was a little unsure about this album since the first single, ‘Circles Around This Town,’ took a while to grow on me but from my first listen-through, I loved it. I loved that you can hear ‘echoes’ of Hero and Girl but there’s also a new sound that’s unique to this new album; it felt like the growth was very organic and very authentic. ‘Circles Around This Town’ felt like the perfect first single and first track on the album, reflecting on the past, building on it with the present, and looking to the future with lyrics like “I still got the pedal down” and “I still get lost, I still get found.” It just felt really fitting. Her vocals are as gorgeous as always (‘Background Music’ and ‘Nervous’ stood out in particular) and there are some absolutely stunning lyrics (‘Humble Quest,’ ‘Background Music,’ and ‘What Would This World Do?’ jump out at me but most of the songs have at least one pure gold lyric) – sometimes I think they get overlooked because she has such an incredible voice. And something that instantly jumped out at me was that there was more of her signature wit and sass than there was on Girl, in general but specifically in songs like ‘I Can’t Love You Anymore’ and ‘Tall Guys.’ I also feel like some of her cowrites are quite recognisable at this point. Like, I just knew ‘Nervous’ was a Natalie Hemby cowrite, with it’s wordplay and melodic rhythms and it didn’t surprise me at all to learn that ‘Tall Guys’ and ‘Good Friends’ were too; their songs just sound like their songs. That’s not a bad thing; it’s just something that I felt like I could actually put my finger on now that we’ve reached album three.

‘Humble Quest’ is easily my favourite song and it was from the moment I heard it. The lyrics are just gorgeous and so real and relatable; I really, really felt it. Lyrics like “Haven’t looked up in a while / Been biting my tongue behind a smile,” “Just kept hitting my head on the glass / I was so nice till I woke up / I was polite till I spoke up,” “I’m on a humble quest / And damn I do my best / Not gonna hold my breath / ‘Cause I still haven’t found it yet,” and “Standing up was enough of a battle / How do I not cast a shadow? / I’m a hell of a hassle” all resonated so deeply. And I like that it doesn’t resolve – “I still haven’t found it yet” – because I’m not sure it’s something we ever definitively find. We get closer (hopefully) to figuring our shit out but I don’t think we ever completely get there and there’s something comforting about hearing that, about being reminded of that. Maren sounds incredible and the arrangement is just gorgeous; I love a lot of her songs but this one might just take the cake.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Circles Around This Town,’ ‘Humble Quest,’ ‘Nervous,’ ‘Tall Guys,’ ‘Good Friends,’ and ‘What Would This World Do?’

hopeless fountain kingdom (Live From Webster Hall) by Halsey (June 2022) – hopeless fountain kingdom might be my least favourite Halsey album (because one of the four has to come in fourth) but I was so excited for this album; the studio version was a grower rather than love-at-first-listen and it was the tour that really had me falling in love with it. So getting to hear the songs ‘live’ again is so special. Halsey’s vocals are incredible and I love the way she speaks or even shouts certain lines, like “I don’t let him touch me anymore” in ‘100 Letters,’ giving them even more power. And the strength of the crowd singing along is so special, especially when it’s just Halsey and the crowd; that sends shivers down my spine. I loved hearing the songs that Halsey never (or rarely) performed live and I thought that this version of ‘Lie’ with the bridge of ‘Without Me’ was so cool.

As I said when writing about the Badlands live album, it’s hard to differentiate between my favourite songs on the original album and my favourite tracks on the live album because they’re not necessarily the same but I’ve tried to pick my favourites based on the performances rather than the writing…

Favourite Tracks: ‘The Prologue,’ ‘100 Letters,’ ‘Eyes Closed,’ ‘Heaven In Hiding,’ ‘Leave It On The Floor – Talking Break,’ ‘Sorry,’ ‘Lie,’ ‘Walls Could Talk,’ ‘Bad At Love,’ ‘A Cry That You Answered – Talking Break,’ ‘Strangers,’ ‘Angel On Fire,’ ‘Devil In Me’ (I think this one was my favourite performance of all), and ‘Hopeless.’

Good Person by Ingrid Andress (August 2022) – I loved Ingrid’s first album, Lady Like, so I was very excited to hear her second. I was actually lucky enough to be invited to the listening session in London a few months before it came out, which was a really special experience. So I had heard a few of the songs before I sat down to listen to the album but it was still mostly a new experience, whereas, with Lady Like, I’d heard almost the whole album before it came out.

This album has a stronger pop slant than the previous album, especially when it comes to the production; it’s gorgeous and atmospheric and really suits her voice and her songs. Thinking about production choices, I particularly loved ‘Good Person,’ ‘Seeing Someone Else,’ ‘Talk,’ ‘No Choice,’ and ‘Pain.’ The imagery in her songwriting is still very emotive and powerful, reminiscent of the strengths of ‘More Hearts Than Mine. Her use of imagery throughout the album is beautiful and it was something that struck me right from the first listen. The other thing that struck me was how, even with only two albums, the ‘Ingrid-isms’ are already becoming clear, from the twist in ‘Seeing Someone Else,’ to the sassy repetition of “How honest do you want me to be?” to little twists in her lyrics. Her writing is recognisably hers.

Something I’ve noticed a lot recently is the lack of bridges (or middle eights, if that’s what you know them as) in songs and I think that’s really sad. They can really elevate a song, bringing it to a whole new level, which I think was proven by the songs that did have bridges, like ‘Yearbook,’ ‘No Choice’ and ‘Blue.’ That’s not to say that the songs without bridges are bad because they’re not; I just think it’s worth noting how great the songs with bridges are and how the bridges add to those songs.

My top three songs are unquestionably ‘Blue’ (I’ve been waiting for her to release this song since she performed it on tour pre-Lade Like), ‘Things That Haven’t Happened Yet’ (this song was probably the most relatable to me, although I would’ve ended it differently), and ‘Seeing Someone Else.’ To give you a sneak peak of my 2022 in Songs post, here’s what I wrote about the latter: “From the moment the first chorus came in and the twist in the narrative was revealed, I just loved this song because having someone you love fall in love with someone else is horrible and sad but having someone you love love the person that you used to be but aren’t anymore is so heartbreaking. And a less common theme found in songs. I loved the storytelling, I loved the vocals, I loved the production. I do wish it had a bridge though; I think it could’ve gone in a couple of different, really interesting directions that would’ve added another layer to the song.”

Lady Like will always have a special place in my heart but this is also a very special album.

Favourite Tracks: ‘Seeing Someone Else,’ ‘How Honest Do You Want Me To Be?’ ‘No Choice,’ ‘Blue,’ and ‘Things That Haven’t Happened Yet.’


One of the hardest parts of the last few months has been my inability to enjoy anything, to enjoy music. I hope that that will change soon.

2020 in Songs

Despite being such an upside down and difficult year, and the chaos in the music industry due to the pandemic, so much amazing music was released.  It was a real struggle every single month to choose just one song (and as you can see, in some cases I couldn’t). Having said that, my mental health has been really bad for most of the year and I listen to music less when I’m depressed (I think it’s just too emotional when my emotions are already very fragile) but when I felt able to, it was and is such a comfort. So I’m really, really grateful to all the artists who continued to work on and put out music in a year when so many people really needed it.


1. 929 by Halsey

I was so excited about Halsey’s new album and it turned out to be one of my favourite albums of the year. I absolutely adore it, adore almost every single song. So this was a really hard choice (although I think ‘More’ was a pretty close second). But I love this one because it’s so simple and it tells so many stories and shares so many beautifully detailed painful and powerful moments, like “And I’ve stared at the sky in Milwaukee and hoped that my father would finally call me” and “I lost the love of my life to an ivory powder but then I realise that I’m no higher power.” It drew me in straight away; it’s so visual and yet so emotional that you could be experiencing it all for yourself. It’s honestly hard to describe how and why I love it so much. But it’s one of my favourite songs of hers and I’m so glad I got to hear it live.

Favourite Lyrics: “And I remember this girl with pink hair in Detroit / Well she told me / She said, “Ashley, you gotta promise us that you won’t die / ‘Cause we need you,” and honestly, I think that she lied / And I remember the names of every single kid I’ve met / But I forget half the people who I’ve gotten in bed”

A very important note: I love that, on The Manic World Tour, she changed the lyrics from “She said, “Ashley, you gotta promise us that you won’t die, ’cause we need you,” and honestly, I think that she lied” to “She said, “Ashley, you gotta promise us that you won’t die, ’cause we need you,” and honestly, I think she was right.” It got the biggest cheer both nights I saw the show and I cried my eyes out even though I knew it was coming from all the videos posted of the shows.


2. Life of the Party by Ingrid Andress // Small Town Hypocrite by Caylee Hammack

I absolutely loved ‘Life of the Party’ when Ingrid performed it on tour so I was very happy when it was on the album (although ‘Blue’ may have beaten it if she’d released that one). I love the contradiction of the sad emotions painted as an upbeat, party song. It’s like the song is literally a manifestation of the denial that the relationship is over and everything is awful. Ingrid’s vocals are incredible anyway, but they seem particularly stunning in this song: you can hear how close to the edge all of these volatile emotions are, all the anger and misery and hurt, and how much she’s trying to ignore them. In just her voice. She’s an amazing vocalist. I don’t know how she’ll do at the upcoming Grammys with such heavy competition but just to be nominated for three really significant awards on her first album is incredible. I can’t help thinking back to when I first met her in 2018 and what her reaction would’ve been if I could’ve told her where she’d be today.

Favourite Lyrics: “I’m the life of the party / Round here, everybody loves me / But they don’t know that I’ve been hurtin’ / ‘Cause, baby, ever since you left me / I’ve been the life of the party”

I first heard Caylee sing this song in 2016, on my second trip to Nashville and Tin Pan South. It was so heartbreaking then and somehow, it seems even more heartbreaking now. It tells such a sad story in such rich and painful detail that I can’t help but get caught up in it every time I listen to it. The lyrics are all so stunning and her vocal performance is amazing; she conveys the regret in the song so powerfully that it often makes me cry. Caylee has since released her debut album, If It Wasn’t For You, and it’s full of songs that are just as powerful and emotional. I love most of them but I think my favourites – or at least two of them – are ‘Forged In The Fire’ and ‘Mean Something.’ They both hit me so hard each time that I usually end up in tears. If she ever tours in the UK, you’ll be able to recognise me as I will probably be sobbing obnoxiously through the entire show because her songs trigger such big emotions in me.

Favourite Lyrics: “And that scholarship was a ship that sailed / When I chose you and daddy gave me hell / I made myself into someone else just to love you, damn I loved you /  Took all my plans and I put ’em in a box / Phantom pains for the wings I lost”


3. the other girl (with Halsey) by Kelsea Ballerini

I was so excited about Kelsea’s new album and I was not disappointed. There were so many songs I could’ve chosen, including ‘the way i used to’ and ‘half of my hometown.’ But I absolutely adore both Kelsea and Halsey and their friendship is so freaking adorable (their CMT Crossroads was a true gift) and I love that it’s a female/female duet, which you don’t get half as often as a female/male duet. And what makes it even better is that it isn’t about two girls fighting over a guy, but about each of them recognising why he likes the other so much – because they’re both awesome women in their own way: ‘who’s the diamond, who’s the pearl?’ – and realising that he’s treating them BOTH badly. It’s about whether either of them are willing to put up with it. It would be super cool if they collaborated again and continued the story (in my mind, they both dump him and go on to be best friends) but I can’t really see it happening. It’s super catchy and their voices really compliment each other; it’s such a good song. And this performance (I’m assuming it was during the rehearsal for the CMT Crossroads as they’re dressed and made up differently) of it really shows what great performers they both are.

Favourite Lyrics: “Are you mad? Me too / And I wonder in his world / Is it me? Is it you? / Who’s the other girl?”


4. Couch (Unreleased) by Kalie Shorr

During the first lockdown (in the UK), Kalie was doing a lot of different livestreams on various platforms and I swear, it was one of the things that kept me going when I was really struggling with everything. And during an Instagram live with Savannah Keyes (another awesome – and lovely – Nashville singersongwriter), she played two songs that they’d written together with Skip Black, the day after the big break up that inspired a lot of her album, Open Book. The first was ‘The One,’ which made it onto the album (and is definitely one of my favourites) and then this one, ‘Couch,’ which remains officially unreleased (although she has played it on her podcast, Too Much To Say). I fell in love with it straight away; it was just so raw and heartbreaking. I ended up working out the chords and play it on the piano quite a bit. I just absolutely adore it. It’s such a beautiful song.

Favourite Lyrics: “You left a picture on your old night stand / Like it’s some kind of message, like, ‘I don’t give a damn’ / If I need a reminder that I’m brokenhearted / Baby, there’s a million in this apartment / I don’t need a picture on your old nightstand”


5. Atom Bomb by Lauren Cimorelli // California by Kina Grannis

I loved Cimorelli (at the time, a band of six sisters but the youngest has now left) as a teenager and when I looked them up again a while back, I saw that a few of the girls were releasing their own music. I gravitated towards Lauren’s very quickly because of the lyrics, melody, and production. They just fit my taste in music better. I rediscovered her just after she’d released ‘Atom Bomb’ and I just loved it. I loved the detail and emotive language in the lyrics, the melodies were so catchy, and the production was epic; it really reminded me of ‘Wonderland’ by Taylor Swift. I love how she compares the end of a relationship with something of such catastrophic destruction because that’s often how my emotions feel: enormous and overwhelming and end-of-the-world. So I really relate to it emotionally as well as loving all the songwriting and sonic elements. She’s since released several more songs and ‘Rabbit Hole’ also ranks very highly on my list.

Favourite Lyrics: “What’s yours, what’s mine / Keep trying to pick up what’s left of me / Breathe slow / Let go but that smoke just keeps / Suffocating me”

During the first UK lockdown, I spent a lot of time playing the piano. I find it hard to think about anything but what I’m playing, something I desperately needed, and the lower octaves felt very soothing. One of my favourite songs to play is ‘California’ by Kina Grannis, which she wrote while trapped for a hundred days in Jakarta due to visa problems while touring in 2015; it’s a beautiful song and the sound of it is so gentle and comforting. I ended up thinking a lot about the parallels between the song and everything that was going on in the world at that moment: the pandemic, the lockdown, and how all of that was affecting us all (I hope Kina herself has been coping okay having had to go through these two similar, extremely difficult situations). It’s still one of my favourite songs to play (when the nerve pain I’ve been experiencing isn’t too bad); it feels like a desperately needed hug in these really hard times and I never take for granted how much comfort it brings me.

Favourite Lyrics: “Hey there, California / I can hear you when I wake up / In the distance, like the ocean / You calling me back to your side / Holding my breathe in the night / I listen again for your song”


6. Little Voice by Sara Bareilles

I distinctly remember listening to this song for the first time: I was lying in bed in the dark and it felt like Sara was singing directly to me, putting so many of my thoughts and feelings into words. I listened to it over and over again and just cried my eyes out. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It’s so simple but the lyrics are so powerful, effortlessly capturing so much emotion with so few words. Months later, I don’t have such an extreme emotional reaction but it still means a lot to me. It both lifts me up and calms my soul.

Favourite Lyrics: “It’s just a little voice and if you’re listening / Sometimes a little voice can say the biggest things / It’s just my little voice that I’ve been missing”


7. this is me trying by Taylor Swift

It’s very, very, VERY tempting to cheat and just say the whole of Taylor Swift’s surprise eighth album, folklore, or at least list my top five (‘the 1,’ ‘exile,’ ‘my tears ricochet,’ ‘mirrorball,’ and ‘this is me trying’) but I’m trying my very best to keep to the tradition of having a somewhat concise list. The top spot is a rock solid tie between ‘mirrorball’ and ‘this is me trying,’ because I love them both so much and relate to them both so strongly but, in the end, I decided to write about ‘this is me trying’ because, having had such an awful year mental health wise, it felt more fitting. It just sounds like how I feel so often and Taylor’s voice as she sings it… she sounds like she’s feeling all of it, all of these emotions I feel so strongly, and that only made me feel more connected to the song, to the album, to her. The lyrics are just stunning and I related to so many of them: “I’ve been having a hard time adjusting / I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting / I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back,” makes me think about how everyone called me ‘gifted’ as a child and young teenager but ever since then, my life has been put on hold somewhat by having to deal with my mental health and the difficulties caused by my Autism and that third line is so similar to a recurring thought pattern of mine, of wondering whether anyone would even notice if I disappeared; I feel “Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could’ve followed my fears all the way down” so strongly it’s painful, both in the sense of getting sucked into spirals of fear and anxiety and in the sense of having periods of feeling suicidal; “They told me all of my cages were mental” reminds me of how hard I had to fight to get my diagnoses because nobody believed me and I was constantly dismissed, which has ultimately resulted in even more problems; “I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere / Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here / Pourin’ out my heart to a stranger” could be the story of my life in how I was always ‘the best’ at things because I was so driven by perfectionism and the fear of getting things wrong or letting people down and while that initially put me ahead, it ended up backfiring and resulting in mental health problems that have now put me behind in so many ways, many of which I’m now dealing with (or trying to deal with) in therapy (although I’d hardly call her a stranger, having seen her for almost six years now); the line “And it’s hard to be at a party / When I feel like an open wound” really just describes any mental health bad day, when having to function feels excruciating because just existing is painful; and “I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying,” just sums me up. I’m always trying. always, always trying.

As I’ve kind of just described, I related to it so much because, with my Autism, my mental health issues, my physical health problems, and so on, I feeling like I’m trying my goddamn hardest everyday, just to get through the minute, the hour, the day. And most of the time, no one even knows that all of this is going on under the surface, sometimes because I don’t want them to and sometimes because I already feel so fragile that to let it all pour out would shatter me. Because it’s taking all of my energy to hold it together and if I let go, I might never be able to get a hold on it all again. And doing all of that work takes so much energy. When you’re working that hard to just survive, it’s so easy to feel like you’re failing because you’re not achieving in the same way as everyone around you – getting through the day doesn’t feel like an achievement when your best friend has just got a promotion or your sibling has gotten amazing grades. It’s easy to feel like it just isn’t worth trying but it is and this song is a testament to that, to staying still instead of moving backwards, to making baby steps of progress, to trying and trying and trying, even when it feels excruciating. I related to all of those feelings so strongly that it took my breath away. It’s an incredible song and maybe one of her most important ones.

Favourite Lyrics: “I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back / I have a lot of regrets about that / Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could’ve followed my fears all the way down”


8. Wait For It from Hamilton

I finally saw Hamilton when it was released on Disney+ and I absolutely loved it, every element, from start to finish. It was just incredible. I know that it’s not without its flaws but it’s really fascinating, especially from a creative perspective. It’s so clever and layered and I find it so inspiring as a writer. I’ve been watching it over and over again and I get more out of it every time. I could’ve chosen almost any song because I love so many of them but after much deliberation, I chose this one. I can’t explain it really; there’s just something about it.

Favourite Lyrics: “Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints / It takes and it takes and it takes and we keep living anyway / We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes / And if there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died / I’m willing to wait for it”

(And just in case I needed more awesome, Chloe Bennet – who played Daisy Johnson in Agents of Shield, my all time favourite character – and her cast mate, Jeff Ward, did multiple lip syncs to Hamilton songs and they’re hilarious. As if I needed more reasons to love both Chloe and Hamilton…)


9. Coming Back To You by Sara Bareilles

I was in a pretty bad place mentally when this album, More Love, came out so I kept putting off listening to it; I didn’t want my depression to taint my feelings about the songs. But eventually I managed to listen to it and, as always with a Sara record, I fell in love with it. There are multiple songs that I really, really love but ‘Coming Back To You’ just really spoke to me from the first listen. I love the energy, I love the instrumentation, the melodies are super catchy, and the lyrics are just so beautiful. I connected to the verses especially straight away, especially the ones I’ve listed as my favourites. They just hit so close to home and yet singing along to them feels so freeing. I love it.

Favourite Lyrics: “I’m facing all of my fears / I’ve lined them up and wonder how I’ve been with them for years / They had me crippled before / They made a home in my heart but they’re not welcome anymore”


10. My Voice by Kalie Shorr

October was the month of Kalie Shorr. She announced her record deal, announced the upcoming re-release of her upcoming album – titled Open Book: Unabridged – released her new single, ‘My Voice,’ played an awesome livestream show (I mean, what I saw was awesome but I had major difficulties with the app) during which she also played another incredible new song, ‘Eighteen,’ and she released a worktape of her unreleased song, ‘Strawberry Blonde,’ (which she’d promised to do if Biden won the US election) which was awesome (if the lyric ‘you might find it surprising I stopped taking shit from anyone’ doesn’t describe my life the last few years of my life than I don’t know what does). So a Kalie song was necessary for this month. I could choose all three of the songs we got this month because they were all fantastic in their own way but I’m gonna go with ‘My Voice’ since it was the single she released that month. It’s an awesomely feisty and empowering song that’s a devastating ‘fuck you’ to the music industry but it’s also more than that. It’s also a song about celebrating who you are in all your uniqueness, regardless of what other people tell you. I love the defiance in it, the rebellion of choosing yourself: I find it really inspiring. It actually makes me feel more confident and not just in the dance around like an idiot in front of whoever’s around kind of way but in the deep in your gut way. The lyric, “Get used to the sound of my voice” gets me every time because it makes me feel like, somehow, being me is enough. Enough to do the things I want to do, achieve the things I want to achieve, and be the person I’m often scared is out of my reach. And if I ever needed a song like that, it’s this year.

Favourite Lyrics: “Too rock for country, too country for punk / But who said I had to pick either one / Tattoos at the Opry / I could cover ’em up but it’s not me”


11. Carry You by Tim Minchin

In November, I watched ‘Tim Minchin: Apart Together, The Album Live!‘ which was absolutely incredible. I loved it and I loved pretty much every song he played. He had some awesome, super high energy songs and then some quiet, profound ones that just created this beautiful balance for a show, especially one during these times. My absolute favourites were ‘Absence of You,’ ‘Leaving LA,’ ‘I Can’t Save You,’ and ‘Carry You.’ I could’ve chosen so many songs from his new album but ‘Carry You,’ even though I’d heard it before, pre-pandemic, it just really got me when I watched this show. I guess, in the context of the pandemic, it just hits differently. It was very emotional and I was crying by the end of the first chorus.

Favourite Lyrics: “And though we cannot be together / I know that I will carry you, wherever I go / I will carry you / Lord knows / I will carry you / I will carry you”

(Also, shout out to Kalie Shorr’s ‘Lying To Myself.’ It’s an amazing song, with utterly stunning lyrics, including, “I put you up on that pedestal, and damn, you looked incredible, I guess coming down’s inevitable…” and “Picked out all of my favourite things you said, and like a delusional architect, I built you up like a house of cards…”)


12. Show Me Around by Carly Pearce //  marjorie by Taylor Swift

I first heard Carly Pearce play this song during the virtual Tin Pan South festival a few months ago and she called it a tribute to busbee (an incredible songwriter, producer, and member of the Nashville community) who died last year. She described how she’d been inspired by something said at his funeral about how of course he had to get to heaven first so that he would be able to show his loved ones around when they eventually arrived and thus a song was born. I’m not religious but it’s such a beautiful song, incredibly sad but also incredibly warm and comforting. I was in tears before the second verse started. As I said, I’m not religious but the loss of loved ones is such a painful thing that sometimes, I wish I was; it’s nice to listen to the song and just pretend for a little bit that I am. It helps.

Favourite Lyrics: “Bet you’re up there right now making plans and writing out / All your favourite places that you just can’t wait to take us / And we’ll get to spend forever talking about whatever / When I get there, promise you’ll track me down / And show me around”

I thought I was done but then, Taylor Swift gave us all the shock of our lives and released her second surprise album in six months, evermore. I’m still absorbing all of the songs but a handful of them stuck out to me straight away, including ‘no body, no crime (feat. HAIM),’ ‘happiness,’ ‘ivy,’ ‘long story short,’ and ‘marjorie.’ I could’ve written about any of these but ‘marjorie’ feels so incredibly special that I think it was probably always going to be that one. It’s so heartbreakingly sad but such a beautiful tribute to her grandmother, especially given that it includes recordings of her grandmother’s opera performances as background vocals. That just gets me every time. Justin Vernon’s backing vocals in the choruses also add a gorgeous depth to the song that only makes it more powerful and emotional. The whole sound world of the song is full and warm and rich without being too busy and it just feels like it fills my entire body.

I love the simplicity of the verses and they feel very much like advice her grandmother might’ve (or would’ve) given her but it’s the bridge that has me in tears every time (these are the ones listed as my favourite lyrics because they’re just so powerful). I relate to that section and the last section (“And if I didn’t know better / I’d think you were singing to me now / If I didn’t know better / I’d think you were still around / I know better / But I still feel you all around / I know better / But you’re still around”) so strongly that it makes me cry every time I listen to it. But even though it’s an incredibly sad song to relate to, there’s something really special and important to have a song like this to relate to, to feel understood in these emotions. I absolutely adore it already and I’m pretty sure it will always have a special significance for me, even though it’s only been out a short time. I wish I could hug Taylor and tell her just how grateful I am to have this song in my life. And I can only hope that one day I can write as good a tribute to my Dad as Taylor has done for her grandmother.

Favourite Lyrics: “I should’ve asked you questions / I should’ve asked you how to be / Asked you to write it down for me / Should’ve kept every grocery store receipt / ‘Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me / Watched as you signed your name Marjorie / All your closets of backlogged dreams / And how you left them all to me”


There are so many songs I could’ve put on this list (and I’m already over my self imposed twelve song limit…) but if I wrote about them all, we’d still be here at the end of 2021. So I’ll stop here. But this has been really good fun. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Here’s a Spotify playlist so that you can check out the songs!

What were your songs of 2020?