Anxiety Around Social Media

Social media is a big part of all of our lives. For me personally, it’s a massive part of my job, of being an independent artist, of getting my music out into the world. It’s a big part of sharing these blog posts with people. And it’s a big part of keeping up with the lives of my family and friends. There’s some really good stuff there. But I also find it really hard; it causes me a lot of anxiety and when I’m in a fragile state of mind, it can contribute to my depression. And since this is the place where I talk about those things, I thought I’d write something about social media and some of the reasons I struggle with it. Maybe you guys will relate.


  • Seeing something upsetting – My anxiety, my depression, all of my emotions (which are powerful on a normal day)… they’re all very easily triggered and social media seems to be very good at that. One post, even if it’s not directed at me, can really upset me: scary political or society or world stuff that I can’t do anything about, harsh statements, unnecessary criticism of public figures I feel invested in (especially if it’s inaccurate, which it often is), and so on and so on. It’s so hard to climb out of the misery that one stupid post can cause that sometimes it feels safer just to avoid social media altogether.
  • Seeing something good happen for someone who hurt you – Chances are that, even if you’re not connected with the person who hurt you, people you are connected with are and so you’ll probably still find out about what’s happening in their lives. And honestly, sometimes I’ve found it easier to remain following them on social media so at least these moments don’t come out of nowhere and pull the carpet out from under you. Even if you think you’re over it, even if you are over it, seeing something good happen to someone who treated you badly when you’re in a fragile place can be really hard to manage emotionally, turning a good day or week into a bad one.
  • Seeing your ‘competition’ doing better than you – Even if you aren’t a competitive person, if you work in an industry that is, by it’s very nature, competitive, seeing someone do better than you (have success at something similar to a project of yours, get funding that you were hoping to get, etc) can trigger insecurity, even if you were in a really good, solid place before you saw it. Personally, I can only speak to the music industry. I want my friends and my peers to do well because I know how talented they are and how hard they work but, of course, I also want to do well. So while I’ll always feel pleased that they’re doing well, I can find it difficult as well, especially if I’m stuck in a rut, in a bad mental place, or having any other number of difficulties. It’s a complicated one. In fact, I think they all are.
  • The posts of others making you feel limited – There are various ways you could interpret this point but for me, as a disabled person with mental health issues, it can be really, really hard to see other people out in the world, doing the things that you want to do but can’t because you’re limited by whatever symptoms you live with. I struggle with this a lot and I think part of it comes from being diagnosed so late: I spent twenty years believing that I should be reaching (and exceeding, if I’m honest, because I’ve always been a perfectionist) the same standards as everyone around me. It started to become apparent that I couldn’t and since then we’ve been assembling the puzzle as to why but that hasn’t completely changed things in my head. I know and I understand why I can’t necessarily do the same things as my peers but I’m still really hard on myself when I can’t. I know it’s a process but it’s one that seems to be taking an inordinate amount of time, regardless of how I try to realign everything.

I’m pretty good at curating a mentally and emotionally safe social media bubble. It still allows healthy debate and differing views, of course, but I’m just really careful about where those views are coming from, i.e. not people who continuously rant and rage but people who share carefully considered thoughts and discuss them with equally considerate people. It’s obviously not that straightforward – it never is with social media – but it is possible to block out a lot of the negativity, the people who are being negative just to be negative. But even then, there are always posts that pop up out of nowhere and knock your feet out from under you.

It was a strange experience, researching for this blog post. While I’m usually writing about my own experiences on this blog (in this case with social media), I often read other blogs and articles to get a broader perspective, get more context, and making sure I’m not missing anything that would be important to include. During my reading for this post, something that came up a lot was the issue of presenting a persona online that isn’t quite the same as your own and to me, that was a surprise. I’ve honestly never felt the pressure to present as anything other than myself – although, I admit, snippets of myself rather than the whole experience (no one needs to know about this boring day or that book I never finished reading). I’ve always seen social media as a reflection of myself, the good and the bad. Maybe that’s an Autism thing – linked in with the commonly occurring need for and sense of honesty. So I can’t really speak to that; I’ll leave that to someone who has more experience with it (I wanted to add a link but I haven’t found one that I think is actually helpful beyond explaining the problem – I’ll add one as soon as I find one that offers something more helpful).

I don’t know what the answers are. But just because we don’t know what the solutions are, it doesn’t mean we stop talking about the problems. That is, afterall, how we eventually come up with the solutions. I need to use social media in order to work and I’m aware that I do get some real good out of it but the downsides can be really hard to handle. So, yeah, I don’t really know what to do. But writing out my thoughts has always helped me and maybe some of you out there will relate to this. Maybe you’ll have some thoughts about it; maybe you’ll just feel a little less alone. I hope so.

A Tribute To Daisy Johnson

For a long time, I avoided all things superhero because they reminded me of my Dad who died suddenly in 2008, when I was thirteen years old. He loved superheroes and passed that love on to me: we’d spend Saturdays watching Justice League and Teen Titans, drawing the characters and designing our own heroes and villains. It was something really special that we shared but when he died, they just became a painful reminder of what I’d lost. So I avoided anything related to superheroes for a long time.

But then, at some point in 2015, I stumbled upon Agents of SHIELD and instead of the hollow ache that I’d come to associate with anything superhero related, something just pulled me in. I loved the characters, I loved the relationships, I loved the stories and the different aspects of sci-fi and drama and action that they explored. I also loved how they didn’t take themselves too seriously, but how they also let the heavier moments rest and breathe. I can’t really explain it but for the first time I felt comforted by the superhero world, rather than saddened by it.

I instantly loved Daisy Johnson. Now, I could write a thesis on her (I’ll try not to, I promise). She’s smart and funny and tough; she also feels her emotions deeply and is incredibly driven, often by those deep emotions and her sense of what’s right and wrong. Over the seasons, we see her go from a foster kid turned hacktivist, trying to find information on her parents to a loyal, dedicated agent and superpowered hero. Of course, she grows up and goes through a lot in that time: she’s betrayed by people she trusts; she develops powers that allow her to manipulate vibrations, to the extent that she causes earthquakes while unable to control her abilities (or emotions); she discovers that she’s a descendant of an ancient race that call themselves Inhumans and finally meets her biological parents, only to be caught in a war between the Inhumans and SHIELD; she guides new Inhumans as more and more gain their abilities (a result of the war); she becomes a leader; she loses more loved ones than anyone should; she isolates herself after she’s brainwashed, unable to forgive herself for the harm she causes; she struggles with trust and guilt and how dangerous her powers make her; she finds herself in a virtual reality, in a dystopian future, far out in distant space, in an alternate timeline… But through all of that, she finds family in her team and a place to belong in SHIELD, two things she’s spent her whole life searching for.

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She’s not perfect, of course – she makes her fair share of mistakes and bad decisions. Sometimes she hurts the people she loves. But while every blunder becomes a part of her, she doesn’t allow them to define her. She’s defined by the future, by what she does next. She inspires me to be the same. And above all else, her motivation is to help people and that’s something that’s never changed; it’s something that’s at the very core of her and I find that really inspiring too.

The show ended a few months ago and if I’m honest, I’m still trying to get my head around that. How can my favourite show be over? But if it had to end, they couldn’t have done a better job. The last two episodes of the season are some of the best they’ve ever done (although I’m not sure anything could surpass the legendary time-loop episode) and the final scenes are as heart-warming as they are heart breaking.

*Major spoiler alert* The season (and the show) end with the team meeting (bizarrely enough, through an ultra sci-fi version of Zoom) for the first time in a year. They catch up for a few minutes before leaving one by one, giving us the opportunity to see what adventures they’re in the midst of now. Eventually the only two left are Daisy and Phil Coulson (“It was so special to have that moment with Clark [Gregg].” Chloe Bennet says), without whom the show would never have existed. It’s kind of funny: the show would never have existed without Coulson and neither would Daisy, had he not pulled her out of her van and onto the SHIELD plane. From that moment on, there’s something really special about their relationship. Every relationship in the team is unique and special but there’s just something about Coulson and Daisy’s relationship that has always felt bigger than words. There’s definitely elements of student-teacher, best friends, partners in crime, and father-daughter (the last comes up throughout the show), but again, it seems to transcend all of those. The actors seem to agree, and both have spoken about how similar that relationship is to their relationship in real life.

“It’s such a dynamic friendship in a way that you don’t really see that often in life, let alone on TV. He is a coworker, and people say father figure, but he’s so much more than that. He’s a friend, a mentor, he’s hilarious. I just feel so special to have such a unique, dynamic relationship with this person. And obviously that shows up on camera and it’s nice. It’s really special.” (x)

“From the first interrogation scene with Skye, after we pulled her out of her van, there was just something different about Chloe Bennet. And the way she has a realness and a fire to her as a performer. There are a lot of great actors to work with on that show but the through line of that relationship, that friendship, that family-type relationship… people say father/daughter, and it definitely has that in it, but I think, like my relationship with Chloe, it has so many permutations and it isn’t that simple. Where she’s helping and teaching and rescuing me as much as I’m doing that for her. For me, it was that part of the show where I grew the most as an actor and as a human,” says Clark Gregg. (x)

This relationship has always been one of my favourites on the show and one that’s felt very close to my heart. Maybe that’s due to the loss of my own father and watching a character I love and relate to find that relationship, I don’t know. But I’m grateful that we got one last moment between the two of them. The atmosphere is warm and supportive, and they exchange a few meaningful words before parting. Daisy tells Coulson that he’s still needed out in the world, finding new recruits for SHIELD, commenting on one final thing that has come full circle in this final episode: Coulson was the first person to believe in her, which ultimately led to who she is today and now she is following in his footsteps, the first to believe in her sister (discovered in the alternate timeline) and guiding her on the road to becoming a SHIELD agent. It’s a very emotional moment, even as the actors carry it off effortlessly.

Coulson leaves and Daisy takes a moment to look around at all of the empty chairs. But it’s not the end. She evidently has ongoing secret communications with Simmons and they’ve promised to meet up as a team at the same time and place every year (although, in my head, they meet in various combinations between those full team gatherings). Then she removes her communications device and we discover that she’s on a spaceship – the commander of said spaceship – with Daniel Sousa (her new, taking-it-slow-but-utterly-head-over-heels-for boyfriend) and her sister, Kora. And the last we see of her is the three of them staring out at a stunning nebula.

(Apparently the nebula was never officially named but Jed Whedon, writer of the episode, left it as: “The three look out at the Nebula, an otherworldly multicolored cloud of space dust. A new family.” (x) That made me super emotional: the show began with Daisy searching for her family, finding a completely unexpected family in SHIELD, and the show ends with her building a family, or an extension of her existing family. So that quote felt very special.)

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In these final scenes, there’s something different about Daisy. Yes, she’s still Daisy – there’s always been something incredibly consistent about her as a character, right from the beginning – but there’s also something we haven’t really seen before. There’s a sense of calm, a sense of peace. She knows who she is, she has complete faith in herself and her abilities, and she’s surrounded (physically and emotionally) by people who love her and support her. As Chloe Bennet says, “There’s a lot more groundedness within her.” She’s grown into someone her season one self could never have imagined and it’s incredible. I found it more inspiring than I can put into words, considering how much of myself I see in her as a character. Her ‘ending’ gives me hope.

I got caught up with season seven a few days before the finale. It was clear the finale was going to be incredible and I just felt that I wanted to do something to commemorate how much the show and how much Daisy meant to me, how much of an effect they’ve had on my life. I thought about it and decided that I wanted to get a daisy tattoo: to remind me how much this show and this character have meant to me and helped me through hard times; to remind me of Daisy and all of the things about her that inspire me, like her determination, her strength, her resolve to help people, and so on; to honour the love of superheroes I share with my Dad and that connection we will always have.

At some point between that moment and the finale, Chloe Bennet posted on Instagram, asking for suggestions as to what she should do with all the stuff she’s collected from her time on the show. I replied with some ideas but I also thanked her for all the show and Daisy have done for me, as well as my plan to get a daisy tattoo. And then – on the day of the finale, a plan she’d apparently had for a while – she posted a couple of photos on Instagram… of herself getting a daisy tattoo.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. It put the biggest grin on my face. I loved the idea that we’d both had the same thought process over commemorating Daisy, although obviously Chloe Bennet’s relationship to Daisy is on an entirely different level to mine. In one interview, she said: “I definitely would [play her again]. I mean, I have such a soft spot for her. I started shooting the show when I was 20, and then I finished when I was 27. To get this time right now, in isolation, to kind of contemplate the past seven years and how much it’s meant to me – it hasn’t really hit me yet that the show is over, so it doesn’t really feel like I’m done playing her yet.” And in another, she said something similar: “I don’t feel like I’m done playing her. I feel like there’s room in the Marvel Universe for more Quake. So hopefully you’ll see that happen!”

When this fan-made trailer appeared, at least half the internet fell for it, believing that a Daisy centric show was in the works. You’ll see why when you watch it.

It’s stunning, a perfect summation of Daisy’s story so far and an exciting look at how her story could continue. As much as I’d love a show about Daisy, or really just any extra Daisy content, the idea does make me a little nervous. She’s been so beautifully developed as a character that I’m not sure I’d trust her with anyone but Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen (the main showrunners of the series from the start). But knowing how much Chloe loves Daisy, I doubt there’s any reason to worry; Daisy couldn’t be in safer hands. I love Chloe Bennet and find her hugely inspiring too but I think I’ll save that for another post, otherwise we could be here forever…

And as I said, I probably wouldn’t have had any of this without Dad. And while the loss of him – that scar, that hole – will always be there, having this thing that he loved so much – this love that he passed on to me – back in my life has been a healing experience. The characters, the stories, and the lessons they teach us are his legacy to me and I’m grateful for whatever it was about Agents of Shield that made me feel able to engage with these worlds again.

Today would’ve been his birthday and while I have no way of knowing what life with him in it would have looked like, I like to imagine that we would’ve spent the day together: swimming in the morning (another thing we often did together) and then spending the afternoon and evening curled up on the sofa, taking turns choosing episodes of our favourite superhero shows. And I have no doubt that a great deal of them would’ve been from Agents of Shield.

Musicians And The US Election

I think it’s safe to say that a significant number of us, in the US and abroad, are terrified of what will happen if Donald Trump wins the upcoming election and so a vast number of public figures are becoming more politically vocal than they ever have before, at least as far as I can tell. People from all kinds of professions are speaking out and sharing their views, sharing information, and encouraging people to vote. And for what feels like the first time, there’s a lot less of the ‘vote according to your beliefs’ and a hell of a lot more ‘vote Biden because voting for Trump will cause irrevocable damage, including the deaths of thousands of people.’ Personally, I’m grateful for that. It’s one thing to tell people to vote for the party they believe in when the parties just prioritise different aspects of society, it’s another when people’s lives, their families, their very homes and livelihoods are at stake. This isn’t about priorities; this is about turning a blind eye to greed and corruption or putting people’s lives above all else. Because that’s what this will come down to. Donald Trump does not care for the American people and that will affect everyone in America, regardless of whether you voted Democrat or Republican.

I accidentally went off on a bit of an emotional tangent there. What I really wanted to talk about are some of the people making political statements and taking political action and how they’re going about it, specifically musicians…


Sara Bareilles – While Sara has never shied away from posting about politics, she has dedicated her social media almost entirely to politics in recent months. She tweets and retweets a lot of political discussion and resources and continually calls out Trump – and other Republicans – for their terrible behaviour. She also doesn’t just share the major, nation-wide stuff; she shares state specific stuff as well, which I imagine is really useful to her American followers. She’s unapologetically loud and it’s fantastic to see.

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She also recently started the #MoreLoveCampaign – named after her recent album but apt for the current times – encouraging people to vote…


Taylor Swift – While Taylor is relatively new to talking about politics, she is absolutely serious now. She did post about and encourage people to vote in the last election but she didn’t publicly endorse Hillary Clinton, who she’s since said she supported. During a recent interview, she said that she felt her endorsement could’ve been damaging:

“The summer before that election, all people were saying was, ‘[Taylor’s] calculated. She’s manipulative. She’s not what she seems. She’s a snake. She’s a liar,’” the pop star told Vogue. “These are the same exact insults people were hurling at Hillary. Would I be an endorsement or would I be a liability?” She described how the attacks might have gone: “‘Look, snakes of a feather flock together. Look, the two lying women. The two nasty women.’”

She’s since said that, regardless of that, she regrets not clearly stating that she was voting for Hillary.

In the last two years, she’s become increasingly political but she is very strategic about it. She doesn’t post about it a lot on social media but then again, she doesn’t post a lot on social media at all. So when she does, it’s pretty big deal, especially if it’s about politics. She publishes targeted, impactful posts that, as you can imagine, get a lot of attention, on social media and in the press. It’s a different approach to that of Sara Bareilles’ but with Taylor’s megastar status, that’s not surprising. It doesn’t make one strategy better than the other though.

She’s also recently been featured in V Magazine’s Thought Leaders Issue, which included multiple public figures and their views on the election and encouraging people to vote.

She’s also talked about the election repeatedly in interviews and has even been including ‘vote’ cards in her merchandise deliveries as reminders to fans.


Maren Morris – Maren is another musician who has been consistently posting about politics on social media. I don’t recall seeing anything that directly states she’s voting for Biden but everything she posts and reposts, tweets and retweets implies that she is: she’s talked about having a voting plan, the debates, voter suppression, publicly (and I assume privately) mourned Ruth Bader Ginsburg, shared posts about how Trump’s people were manipulating photos and videos of support, and so on. She’s not sitting back and staying quiet as country artists are so often encouraged to do.

But I think her biggest contribution has been her recent song, ‘Better Than We Found It,’ and its accompanying music video. The song itself is more general in its message, a message of always striving for a better world, but certain lyrics – “When the wolf’s at the door all covered in blue,” “America, America, divided we fall,” and “God save us all from ourselves and the Hell that we’ve built for our kids, America, America, we’re better than this” – point to this specific moment in time. It’s a very powerful song but the music video is more powerful still, highlighting three different stories, all far too common today: two young Mexican boys, beneficiaries of the Dream Act, who are being forced to return to Mexico; footage from the Black Lives Matter protests; family members of Daniel Hambrick, who was shot and killed by Nashville police in 2018, talking about his death. It’s a very emotional video. It makes me cry every time I watch it; I cried just writing about it.

As well as spreading an important political message, some of the proceeds from ‘Better Than We Found It’ are being donated to the Black Women’s Health Imperative.

You can listen to/buy the song here.


Halsey – Halsey has always been an activist but it’s never been more obvious than it has over the last few months. She marched in the Black Lives Matter protests in LA where she was hit twice with rubber bullets, going back the next day with medical supplies to help treat the injured protesters. She’s been very vocal about the movement:

“I’m mixed-race and white-passing, and part of the [Black Lives Matter] protests put me in a position where I was subject to being shot with rubber bullets, and where I was subject to violence. Part of the reason for my participation is because my family is Black. Every time I see a name in the news, it could be my family. Being subject to violence [at the protests] gave me a lot of perspective. I’ve always been a part of an activity like that since I was a pre-teen—I was in the streets for Occupy Wall Street—so I’m a seasoned protester.”

She’s since set up the Black Creators Funding Initiative to award $10,000 grants to Black artists.

She’s been featured in V Magazine’s Thought Leaders Issue and was on the cover of Time Magazine as one of their ten Next Generation Leaders. She’s constantly using her social media accounts to share information and resources about the political situation and the election, as well as challenging those who share problematic or hateful views, and she’s currently releasing a series of videos where she discusses different elements of American society with Bernie Sanders, while encouraging viewers to vote.

“You vote for humanity, or you don’t,” she says. “You vote for a racist or you don’t. That’s the black and white of it to me.”


Of course, there are multiple others in the music industry doing the same or similar, including Carole King, The Chicks, John Legend, Cher, Madonna, James Taylor, P!nk, Billie Eilish, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and so on. I chose these four because I know more about what they’re doing and so can more personally speak to their actions and motivations and also because writing about everyone who has been getting involved would probably result in this post going up after the election…


And a quick side note:

It also makes me really happy and proud that some of my favourite actors (including those behind some of my favourite characters) have also been using their platform to encourage people to vote and especially to vote for Biden. For example…

Mariska Hargitay (Olivia Benson from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) has been posting consistently about the election, endorsing Biden, and providing resources through her social media. She’s also engaging with (the respectful) people in the comments about why Biden is the better choice and why Trump getting in again will be so damaging. Given what I know of her as a person through interviews and so on, this doesn’t surprise me but it means a lot to me to see someone I respect so much putting so much effort into this.

And Chloe Bennet (the actress behind my absolute favourite character ever, Daisy Johnson from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) has also been very vocal about the election and about voting Democrat.

She’s been politically active for as long as I’ve been aware of her, and longer if you scroll back through her social media. Something I particularly like and relate to in her approach to politics is that she’s equally as emotional as she is thoughtful and strategic. She gets sad and angry and she rages about the unfairness but she also finds ways to help and engages with organisations (even co-founding one, RUN AAPI) that will improve people’s lives. I think a lot of people need to see that: that you can be emotional about it but that that doesn’t have to leave you frozen. You can both feel and act.

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She’s also been calling out Trump for almost as long as she’s had social media, the earliest one I could find being in 2013. If we didn’t know already, I think we could safely say who she’s not voting for…


It’s hard to be in the UK and not be able to do anything, as far as I can tell. We can speak out on social media, share resources for our American friends, and so on, but we can’t actually DO anything. It’s scary and I know I’m not the only one feeling helpless, waiting for this one moment that will change everything, one way or the other, without being able to affect the result.