Finding HopeA Little Less Wise?
Posted on June 16, 2018
So this week’s adventure was having one of my wisdom teeth removed. This has been a long time coming and it’s been bothering me for almost a year but apparently it wasn’t easily accessible or something else dentist-y. So we waited. But, at my last appointment, it was deemed removable and here we are.
If you’ve read my post about seeing a specialist dentist, then you’ll understand my fears around dental work. Seeing the specialist dentist has been a lifesaver and one of the best, most helpful things to come out of getting my Autism diagnosis. And with the help of the wonderfully kind and patient staff, I finally managed to have what would probably be considered a normal check up a few weeks ago. That was a huge milestone. And so, not wanting to undo all that progress, I was scheduled to have my wisdom tooth (and a filling) done under general anaesthetic.
On Thursday of this week, I got up super early and headed to the hospital. It was actually a private hospital so everything was very smart and efficient and the whole thing was over very quickly, although I was under for three hours rather than the originally planned one. I woke up feeling remarkably okay, a bit sore but otherwise fine. After my experience with Quetiapine, waking up from a general anaesthetic was like waking up from a nap and the pain in my face wasn’t too bad. In fact, I was bothered more by the headache I’d woken up with, which I’m pretty sure was a side effect of coming off Venlafaxine (I’ve been having almost migraine level headaches a lot lately – but more on that in another post). So it wasn’t long before I was discharged and out of there.
A couple of days on and I’m not feeling great. I’m fine but it’s still painful enough that I can’t really do anything other than sleep. So I’m sleeping a lot, taking painkillers, and trying not to stress myself out. The weirdest thing has been the way my lips have been twitching ever since I woke up from the anaesthetic (kind of like when you have a jumping nerve in your eyelid – really annoying, right?). This is listed as one of the side effects in the paperwork so while I’m not panicking, it’s pretty unnerving. I’ll be relieved when that wears off – apparently it shouldn’t last more than a few weeks, although I’m obviously hoping it will be less than that.
Comparative to my last dentistry-under-general-anaesthetic experience, this one has been considerably better. The worst part last time was that they accidentally split my lip in the corner of my mouth so every time I opened my mouth for the next week or so, the cut reopened, which was very unpleasant. My Mum remembered to bring that up when we spoke to them beforehand and so they slathered me with Vaseline throughout the procedure. It was pretty gross afterwards but I’m very grateful that they did it; I’m really glad that I didn’t have to go through that again.
I’m sorry if this isn’t the most articulate blog post I’ve written. My brain has been feeling fairly scrambled recently, after all the medication changes and the general anaesthetic, and getting my words to flow has been a struggle. Hopefully that will pass soon.
A Need For Balance
Posted on June 9, 2018
In this video, Samantha Pena talks about her experience of OCD, what it’s like to live with it, and what she’s gained. Her experience is pretty different to mine but there are definitely parts of this that I strongly relate to, especially the intensity.
Here are some quotes from the video:
- “It’s like being underwater for an extended period of time. You’re holding your breath and it’s scary. And without even thinking about it, your body naturally tells you that bad things will happen if you stay underwater. Your body tells you to fight to get out of that situation. That’s the way my body felt every time I touched something asymmetrically.”
- “OCD is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s one of many anxiety disorders and it all starts with the obsessions. The obsessions are the recurring, uncomfortable thoughts and worries that lead to the compulsions. The compulsions are in response to the obsessions, attempting to satisfy them, and it becomes a disorder when your obsessions and compulsions take up so much of your time that you are unable to move through your day ‘normally.’”
- “I avoid door handles because the cold metal sensation takes a lot for me to recuperate from.”
- “Anytime I’m itchy, I’m twice as itchy.”
- “An average day for me means avoiding thirty two different sections of lines on the ground, sixty fixes for any time anyone touches me or bumps into me, mentally preparing for a hundred and twenty four door handles, two hundred and seventy casual encounters anytime I have to touch something, and four hundred and twenty itches. In total, that’s nine hundred and six obsessive-compulsive thoughts that occur within one day. And that’s only symmetry related.”
- “I was so anxious that it hurt. It was easier to deal with my [school] binders than to live my own anxiety.”
- “I always mentally prepare for my day. I always have a plan. I even plan to plan my next plan.”
- “There is an overall understanding within me that life has a need for balance.”
- “I often hear the expression I ‘work better under pressure.’ I have OCD. I am literally always under pressure.”
A Buddy Box From The Blurt Foundation
Posted on June 6, 2018
I’ve been meaning to write this post for ages but the last month has been so busy that getting in writing time has been a struggle. But here we are. I’ve finally managed it!
For those of you who don’t know, one of the things The Blurt Foundation sell in their shop is a BuddyBox, a little box of things chosen to “nourish, inspire, and encourage self-care.” You can buy them as a one-off or you can buy a subscription and receive one every month. I really loved the idea and when I showed them to my Mum, she said she would buy me one as a gift. So I ordered one and then forgot about it, what with my single coming out and accidentally going into withdrawal, so I was very excited when it came through the door a few weeks ago. Opening it actually made my day and really lifted my mood, which is pretty impressive considering how low I was feeling. The title for this one was, ‘Self-Care Isn’t Sel-fish,’ so there was a definite theme going and that made me smile. This is what I found inside:
Socks
The socks were the first thing I saw when I opened the box and I was so excited. They made me smile so much. They’re so cute and they’re really soft. Excellent socks!
Soap
I haven’t tried the soap, mainly because it smells so strongly that being in the same room as it is a pretty overwhelming experience. But then I’m really sensitive so it’s not often that I can find a soap that isn’t too strong for me. Maybe one day Blurt will do a Buddy Box specifically for those of us who are super sensitive. Fortunately, many of my friends and family like this kind of soap so I’m sure I can find it a good home, someone who will really enjoy using it.
Hot Chocolate Stirring Spoon
Given that it’s been so warm recently, there haven’t been many opportunities for hot chocolate. My Mum suggested using it to make chocolate milk instead, which is a very sensible suggestion but I’m loath to use it casually. So I guess I’m saving it for a moment where I really need it. But it looks really cute and I’m excited about it.
Temporary Tattoos
These are super cute. The designs are simple and colourful with positive messages, affirmations like ‘I am enough’ and ‘be kind to yourself.’ I’ve got a friend who will also love these so I’m going to save them until I see her; we’ve got a date coming up and I can definitely see us eating popcorn, listening to Taylor Swift, and applying these. And possibly doing a mini photoshoot.
Blurt Zine
I really like this little booklet. It’s very short so it’s quick to read and easy to digest and I found the two pieces of writing encouraging and inspiring. I would add some concrete tips at the end thought: the concepts discussed were really good ones (like the importance of taking rest time) but putting them into action can be really hard. I think some ideas like that would be really helpful, but that’s the only I’d change.
Where Do Ideas Come From + Extra Cards
These little extras are really cute and as a person who does struggle with creative block, I’m excited about the guide to where ideas comes from!
Well, thank you Blurt for a very lovely package and for running such a lovely service. Self care is so important, so having a few things to hand is always a good idea.
Finding Hope 