Finding HopeMay 2026 in Photos
Posted on June 1, 2026
TW: mentions of depression and pet loss/grief.
As I’ve said in previous posts, I love a good photo challenge and I really liked the prompts posted for May: I felt like they allowed for more creativity than some of the previous months have (hence why I didn’t end up doing or finishing them) and, as a result, I enjoyed the challenge a lot more. I started the month in a really deep bit of depression so it wasn’t the worst thing for me to have something to do each day, even if it was as simple as finding something to take a photo off, and then, as I came out of that pit, it served as a good way to remember what a very hectic but also really special month…
Autism Dogs – Family Training and Public Access (Second Attempt)
Posted on March 14, 2026
In early April, two months after my new Assistance Dog, Daisy, moved in, one of the trainers from the Autism Dogs farm, Julia, came down to do the Family Training and Public Access work that I hadn’t been able to do back in February. It was split into two sessions over two days and at the end of the second day, Daisy would be fully qualified and my official Autism Assistance Dog. That was both exciting and nerve-wracking – to start going out into the world together as a team – but, as nervous as I was, I’d always known that this change, while difficult, was happening in order for new, good things to happen. I just had to get through the difficult to the new and good.
The first two months with Daisy were full of ups and downs and I think I spent most of that time feeling stressed and exhausted. It wasn’t bad and I wasn’t regretting her; it was just incredibly overwhelming. It was a big change when I’m not good with change and not only that, it was a big change in the one space where I feel safest and steadiest and suddenly that steadiness had been flipped upside down. My Mum and I were getting used to having two dogs, the dogs were getting used to each other, the cats were more than a little freaked out by Daisy’s size and enthusiasm… It was very stressful. And as much as I reminded myself that all of this would take time and that there was no reason why everything wouldn’t eventually settle, I was still so anxious that I was failing everybody by doing this, by instigating this change. It was very distressing and I don’t think I was prepared – whether I even could be prepared – for it to feel like that. That’s not to say that there weren’t a lot of lovely moments, lots of cuddling and playing and snoozing together. Daisy is the sweetest, gentlest soul (even if she can charge around the house like a horse at times) and she’s so patient, even when Izzy got wildly jealous of Daisy getting even the slightest bit of attention. But based on the time they’d spent together at the Autism Dogs farm, I had always expected the settling of that relationship to take longer than two months. Izzy has always liked to be close, has always been my protector and emotional support fluff, so it was never going to be easy for her to have to share that role. She picked up some of Daisy’s tasks really quickly, which was very funny; it was a bit like she was saying, “See! You don’t need her! I can do all of these things!” They did make progress but I was looking forward to Julia coming down and being able to give us some advice on how to help them bond.
It Only Took Eight Years…
Posted on April 22, 2023
Last week, I had a little moment – relating to being autistic – that just utterly made my week, my month… you get the idea. And I wanted to share that on here.
Sometimes it feels like medical professionals just don’t get it and it’s easy to feel pressured into making decisions that we wouldn’t necessarily have made had our needs been understood and had we been given more time to think about it. But then something like this happens and it just… makes me feel hopeful, I guess. That things will get better, that people will become more aware and more understanding.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you may remember that I’ve been going to a specialist dental clinic for several years now, having had some pretty traumatic experiences at the dentist before that, before my Autism diagnosis. Since then, going to the dentist has been a lot less scary; I think it will probably always be stressful but it is a lot easier than it used to be (and for that I am very grateful).
I was at my appointment last week and after a gentle and patient check, my dentist ran through the potential next steps. Then she paused and acknowledged that I probably needed some time to think about it, that, while I seemed calm, she didn’t want to make any assumptions about what I was actually feeling and what I would be comfortable with. It surprised me in the moment but fortunately it was an easy choice so we moved on quickly. But then, as I was walking out, I processed what had just happened and I was kind of floored by it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a medical professional say something like that to me before, not in the eight years since I was diagnosed as autistic: I probably needed some time to think about it, that, while I seemed calm, she didn’t wanted to make any assumptions about what I was actually feeling and what I would be comfortable with. (I’ve talked about masking and needing time and feeling pressured with therapists but I don’t really put them in the same box as every other kind of medical professional: GPs, consultants (some who work with autistic people and therefore really should know better and some who don’t but should still know better), mental health professionals, dentists, etc.) If I had a pound for every time someone just assumed I was fine because I look fine – even knowing that I’m autistic, even knowing about masking – I would be unbelievably rich. So, having that acknowledged and considered and validated… I don’t even know how to describe how great that feels.
While having this all the time would be amazing, I’m really grateful to have it in a medical space, the kind of space that can be so stressful and pressured. Generally I’m not afraid to tell people that I’m struggling but masking or that I need time to think about things but after so many traumatic experiences in medical settings, I find it very hard; the pressure feels more suffocating and I feel so close to panicking. It would be great to have more people like my dentist with her approach in healthcare but, in this moment at least, I’m just deeply grateful that I have one safe space when it comes to managing my health.
I’ve been thinking about this experience a lot since it happened and while I remain incredibly grateful to have this dentist taking care of me, I just can’t help wondering what it would be like if there were more people like her, not only in medical spaces but in society in general. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I’m pretty loud and proud about being autistic (even if I don’t always feel proud – I just can’t bear the thought of being even a small part of the reasons why someone might feel bad or scared or ashamed of being autistic) but I don’t always feel safe doing that. And that applies to everything from physical safety to work opportunities to potential friendships. I’m painfully aware that I could be jeopardising those things when I make it clear that I’m autistic (not that it will stop me – after all, it’s going to come up sooner or later). I just can’t help imagining what it would be like to be and talk about my whole self and feel safe doing that.
Finding Hope 