Introducing Trichjournal

I’ve been really struggling with my hair pulling lately. It goes through phases: sometimes I can go several days without pulling and sometimes it’s like my fingers are velcro-ed to my head. Right now, I’m in the latter. I don’t know whether it’s linked to my mental health (which hasn’t been great) or whether it’s just so ingrained that maybe nothing can stop it. Either way, I’ve been tearing out a lot of hair recently.

When I was writing my original post about Trichotillomania, I rewatched this video. I had discovered Rebecca and TrichJournal very early in my hair pulling and it was incredible. I wasn’t alone! I felt understood and I’m pretty sure that that helped me to stop pulling the first time. Even though it hasn’t lasted and I’ve since started pulling again, I’m still so very grateful for that.

That first post didn’t seem the right place to include this video but I have wanted to post it because I related to it so strongly and out of all her videos, I think it so truly shows the distress that Trichotillomania can cause. It’s not just pulling a bit of hair out; it has profound effects on the person and their life.

A few quotes from this video:

  • “My fingers are screaming to tear at my hair right now. In the past I’ve described them like magnets: they are attracted to my hair.”
  • “I really, really want my hair to grow. And I’m really, really scared of losing it.”
  • “Yes, I’m still pulling, because the pulling never stops.”

I’ve been watching Rebecca’s videos for about three years now. Apart from videos on Trichotillomania, she talks about mental health, hoarding, makeup, her life… oh, and her cats. They’re gorgeous. You can find her channels here and here. I really recommend checking out her videos.

‘What It Feels Like To Die’ by Claire Wineland

I found this video a little while ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Claire Wineland talks about her experience with death in an incredibly thoughtful and insightful way. Death is a subject that I’ve always found really hard to talk about (even think about, to be honest) so I wasn’t sure what to expect when I clicked on the video, or even why I clicked on it. But I’m so glad I did. Claire is very eloquent and I was very inspired by her honesty and sincerity. This video hasn’t solved my anxiety but it feels a little less blinding. I guess it’s validated my fear, made me feel like that’s okay. And I think some of her sense of wonder has rubbed off on me a bit. It’s really worth watching.

Some quotes from the video:

“What I am opposed to is the notion that you can do death properly.”

“You can’t just let go. Because the whole point is that, when you’re dying, you should want to be alive. Because you’re losing every single possibility that was ever in front of you. You’re losing the person you could’ve become, the things you could’ve done, the things you could’ve made with you life, you’re losing that. And no matter how spiritually enlightened you are, or how many times you’ve thought about death and think you’re okay with it, you will grieve that when you’re dying. You will grieve the life that you could’ve lived otherwise and there’s no way to get around that.”

“The whole point of being alive is that you ARE alive and that you can make something with this.”

“We’re literally the manifestation of some kind of underlying brilliance to how everything works.”

“I don’t think that people realise that you’re not supposed to go peacefully.”

“The truth is the whole point of dying is to be scared, because that means your life meant something to you. You should fear dying. You should be terrified of it… Because life does mean something.”