Finding HopeAutism Dogs – The Sleepover!
Posted on June 8, 2025
In mid January, about a month after my third playdate with my Assistance Dog in Training, Daisy, my Mum and I went back up to the Autism Dogs farm for another playdate and our very first sleepover! I was very excited about that. I was sad not to have Izzy, my eighteen-month-old Pomchi, with us but we’d all agreed that it would just be too difficult to have both dogs in the small hotel room, for us and the dogs. It just wouldn’t have been fair to either of them so Izzy got to have her own sleepover and we were able to focus all of energy on Daisy. It was an experience, for sure!
THE NIGHT BEFORE
As had become our routine, my Mum and I drove up the night before the day of the first session of the playdate and stayed in the same hotel: it’s familiar and they have a reasonable number of my safe foods so I don’t have to worry about not finding things I can eat. We were both tired from the travel and had a pretty early start so it wasn’t long before we were going to bed. It was weird to be there without Izzy; it was weird to try and sleep without Izzy. She’s always slept cuddled up with me (apart from a few occasions where I’ve had to be away) and it’s become very strange and disconcerting to not have her snuggled up against me.
DAY ONE
We were up early the next morning and, having had a meltdown triggered by sensory overwhelm on the last trip, we’d brought all of my own bathroom staff (since that stuff had been the most triggering) and that made getting up and out of the hotel so much easier. We were at the farm on time and I was in a much better headspace than I had been for the previous playdate.
We met Daisy in the paddock and we spent the first half an hour or so (my chronic fatigue and POTS make it hard to do even that, let alone more right now) playing and practicing recall. Then we went inside to the sensory room and spent the rest of the session there. We were able to play and cuddle and continue building our bond as a human-assistance dog team. We also went through all of her basic commands again, which is definitely more for my benefit than hers: she’s got them down (although it’s really good for her to learn to see me as the person who makes the rules and gives her instructions). Whenever I’m not at the farm, I get really anxious that I don’t really know the commands but then I go back and work with Daisy and they all come back. I end up feeling silly for doubting myself but it happens every time. I think that will probably only go away when I’m using them with Daisy everyday.
The trainers have been working with Daisy on her deep pressure therapy training and so I got to do that with her for the first time and that was really exciting. She’s so good at it already; I’m constantly in awe of how smart these dogs are and how great the trainers are. Admittedly, the first time we tried it, she was a bit confused; she didn’t quite understand what I was asking her to do (which could easily have been on me for not getting the command quite correct – as I said, it was our first try). But then, within two or three tries, she absolutely had it. She absolutely knew what she was supposed to be doing.
At the end of our session, we took Daisy back hotel. We had a couple of members of the team come with us just to double check that everything was safe and Daisy-proofed. The rooms are pretty simple and we’d spent some time packing everything up before we’d left that morning so that didn’t take very long. Then they headed back to the farm and it was just me and Mum and Daisy with the evening to hang out together. While I am Daisy’s handler, my Mum is going to be helping me with her care since my chronic illness and physical disabilities do limit my energy and strength and stamina. So, just like the parents of autistic kids and teenagers will help out with the dog, my Mum will be helping me; the team are very understanding of the different circumstances of each autistic person and their support system and how to best manage all of the different aspects. As I said in the last playdate post, I think, working with a team who are so knowledgeable about Autism (as well as many of them actually being autistic) has made the process so much easier than it could’ve been. The difficulties I’ve encountered along the way have been handled with compassion and thoughtfulness and the focus has always been on how I can get the most out of the process and out of my relationship with Daisy; I’ve never felt like an inconvenience or an obstacle, which is a pretty common experience for me when I’m out in the world. I’m lucky (and grateful) to have the support system that I do but even then it’s hard when people make you feel like a burden on their already busy lives. So having Autism Dogs be so supportive at every turn has been amazing.
As soon as Daisy forgot about the team members leaving her, she returned to her curious, exciteable self, sniffing every corner and surface (that she could reach) of the room and then jump from one bed to the other. That was particularly funny after watching Izzy do the exact same thing when first experiencing a hotel; the size difference of the two images made it even funnier. Then she’d drape herself over me for a bit before getting up to drape herself over Mum and back and forward and back and forward. It was both very funny and very adorable. I imagine the hotel room was pretty boring for her compared to the farm, especially since she had constant access to outside space there, and so I don’t think she quite knew what to do with herself. She did start to settle throughout the evening but, of course, that was then interrupted by her dinner (as well as our dinner – not that we were sharing even a crumb of human food with her) and then her evening walk. I can understand it though: it was a lot of unfamiliarity all at once.
My favourite part, of course, was having her sleeping in the bed with me. It was so, so cute; she was so adorably snuggly and pressed herself up against me (or over me) all night. I’m so used to sleeping with a teeny, tiny dog that it was a bit discombobulating to wake up to a pretty big Labrador; it was a very different experience! It’s not exactly a bad problem to have though. I don’t sleep well in hotels and having Daisy there – this breathing, almost snoring, snuggly creature next to me – was very comforting.
DAY TWO
We got up the next morning and managed to navigate the usual routine despite Daisy trying to be involved in everything. Breakfast was a bit more chaotic with a big dog compared to a small dog and it didn’t help that a number of people came up to us and just started stroking her without even asking. She doesn’t have her official jacket yet (which specifically says,’Do Not Touch’) but I still thought it was really strange that people felt entitled to just come over and stroke a dog they didn’t know without getting permission. I grew up with it instilled in me that I should never touch a dog I didn’t know, especially if I hadn’t asked the owner first; you never know if a dog is going to be receptive and something that’s really straightforward and safe for one dog could feel like a real threat to another. It’s not worth the risk. (Maybe it’s petty but it was interesting to me that all of these people were young, white men…) Anyway. I’ve seen this a lot, even with assistance dogs that are jacketed. So that’s definitely a situation that I’m going to have to learn how to handle – quickly and efficiently. I mean, I did handle it each time but I think having a script would help and then practice will just make the whole exchange easier.
Me, Mum, and Daisy headed back to the farm for our second session of the two days. Daisy was great in the car: totalled chilled out and unfazed by the noises, changes in speed, and often uneven ground. She just stretched out on the back seat with me and snoozed as I stroked her.
For our session, we were back in the sensory room and it was mostly more bonding and going through Daisy’s commands, including more practice at Deep Pressure Therapy. Being a Labrador, Daisy is very motivated by food, to the point where she sometimes seems to think that once she’s been given the treat, the task is done and she no longer has to pay attention. This is not the case with Deep Pressure Therapy so that’s going to be a learning curve. But there’s still time to work on that and I love doing it. It’s so fun and so cute and she’s picked it up so fast; I doubt it’ll take long for her to master it. It’s amazing to see how quickly these dogs pick up these skills. The trainers do such an incredible job and it feels like such a privilege to have been able to visit regularly throughout the process and see the progress each time. It’s just amazing; I’m so in awe of them, both the trainers and the dogs!
Eventually, we did have to go so we said our goodbyes and we’ll be back soon for public access and family training.
I feel like the connection between Daisy and I really grew over those two days, much faster and more deeply than it has at any other point in the process; I think that getting to spend that much time together – and that time away from the farm – really gave us the chance to bond in a way that we haven’t been able to at the farm because she’s always been in a familiar space with familiar people where I am the new thing. But going somewhere else, I was the familiar thing and everything else was new so she was more inclined to come back to me. It was definitely my favourite part of the process up to now, even if there were a handful of stressful moments.
Rare Birds, The New Neurodivergent Clothing Line – Review
Posted on August 12, 2023
Several months ago, I got an email with a survey for a new clothing line that prioritises neurodivergent people, known as Rare Birds. They already had plans to make the clothes soft, seamless, without labels, and so on, all things that neurodivergent individuals often struggle with; problems like these can trigger anything from difficulty concentration to full-blown meltdowns. This definitely appealed to me, having struggled with clothing and fabric issues all my life, and I eagerly filled out the first and then the second survey with my preferences, what a clothing line would ideally provide me with. Then, back in July I think, they launched the line and I bought a handful of items, hopeful that I’d find things I loved but also just curious about what they did with the survey results and how that data has translated into the actual clothes.
So here are my thoughts on my order, on the clothes that I bought.
My first impression when I unpacked them (apart from the overwhelming smell of plastic that plumed out of the box – it was so strong it actually gave me a headache and I knew I’d have to wash whatever I kept a handful of times before I could wear them) was that the fabric wasn’t what I’d been hoping for. I’m a 100% cotton girl and the clothes felt more lycra-like, more stretchy and slippery, which didn’t thrill me. But I wasn’t going to be put off just by that; I felt like I had to give them a real chance. First impressions and all that…
So, because I wanted to get a real sense of what the line was like, I’d bought several things (which ended up being pretty expensive but I’ll come back to that later):
Everyday Short-Sleeve T-Shirt (in black) – This big, loose t-shirt is described as “gentle on the skin and super soft to the touch” and in their ThermoSoft range, made of 68% Bamboo, 28% Organic Cotton, and 4% Elastane. It’s reported to be stretchy, durable, super soft, breathable, and thermo-regulating (the bamboo helps to regulate your body temperature, making sure you stay cool when it’s hot and warm when it’s cold). It was comfortable, if not my fabric preference, but not more comfortable than most of the t-shirts I already own and I wouldn’t wear it out; it’s a bit shapeless and I felt kind of frumpy in it.
Everyday Long-Sleeve T-Shirt (in black) – Part of the CloudComfort collection, this soft long-sleeve top is made from 95% Modal (made from beech trees and considered more eco-friendly than cotton) and 5% Elastane. They describe it as ultra soft, durable, lightweight, and breathable. The last part is what I liked most about it: it felt very light and airy, even if the fabric isn’t quite my preference. I think it would be good for summer, especially since I’ve semi-recently developed the compulsive urge to be covered up at all times. It’s a nicer shape than the short-sleeve t-shirt too. It was probably my favourite of the things we bought, although I’m still not sure how comfortable I’d feel wearing it outside the house; it’s not as flattering as I would have liked (and I don’t mean tight – I wouldn’t want it to be tight – I mean in regards to its shape).
Everyday Leggings (in black) – Made of 86% Organic Cotton and 14% Elastane, these leggings from the FlexSoft range (described as blending “the softness of Organic Cotton with the stretchiness of Elastane to create a fabric that maintains its shape with ease while being gentle on the skin”) are supposed to be soft and comfortable (even for the very sensitive skin), stretchy but strong, lightweight, and will retain their shape despite frequent wash and wear. They were strong and supportive but I’m not completely convinced by the shaping of them: the waistband was uncomfortably tight at a strange point of my torso, which was particularly unpleasant when sitting.
Everyday Joggers (in black) – Also in the ThermoSoft range, these thin sweatpants are made of 68% Bamboo, 28% Organic Cotton, and 4% Elastane: stretchy, durable, super soft, breathable, and thermo-regulating. I found them light and thin (not heavy, like the fabric of some sweatpants) and I think they’d be particularly good in the summer but they’re far too like pyjamas to ever wear out. And while I know sweatpants are about comfort and not about looking good, I felt actively unattractive in them, which I think I would struggle with long term. (The idea of Dopamine Dressing is something that I’m intrigued by and want to test out at some point to see if it does improve my mood and confidence and motivation).
DreamSeam Socks (in black) – They were beautifully soft, I have to give them that, made of 75% Bamboo, 23% Polyester, and 2% Elastane, and I love that they don’t have seams (I’ve been wearing my socks inside out for years in order to avoid them) but I couldn’t even bear to open them when I saw how expensive they were (£10 for one pair of socks – when I’d made the order, Mum and I had been talking about it, she’d done it on her laptop, and either she didn’t mention the pricing to me or I missed her telling me). That’s just too expensive (especially in the case of the socks when you can just turn them inside out).
And that was something I wanted to talk about in general. A significant percentage of the neurodivergent population are unemployed for various reasons and so to charge so much for basic items makes them, as far as I can tell, pretty unavailable to the people they’re making them for. I want to support them and I can understand many of the reasons why they may need to cost what they do but I certainly can’t afford it as a general practice. It’s all too expensive for me to base my wardrobe around; they are simple, basic pieces after all and not fashion or statement pieces for which you’d expect to spend more. I want to support them but while they’re this expensive, there’s a limit to what I could buy.
Another general issue that I noticed is that none of the clothes have sizes bigger than XL. Other than excluding anyone who wears sizes bigger than this, it’s not uncommon for neurodivergent people to want their clothes loose to avoid feeling uncomfortable or overstimulated; while it’s true that most of these clothes are roomy, I’d imagine that anyone who’s size L or above and looking for baggy clothes will struggle without bigger sizes. Maybe this is something they’ll introduce over time but I have noticed it while perusing their website.
And on a personal note, I didn’t feel good in pretty much any of it: I felt unattractive and like, to others, as if I hadn’t put any effort into my appearance. I know they’re meant to be the basics but still, they didn’t make me feel good about how I looked or confident in my appearance, which we know is really important when it comes to our mental health, our confidence, our relationships… As I mentioned earlier, the idea of Dopamine Dressing – dressing in a way that boosts your mood, your productivity, your confidence – is real, even if the evidence is still largely anecdotal in the neurodivergent population: if I’m excited about the clothes I’m wearing and how I look, I’m likely to feel more confident and social and motivated because I feel good in myself. I can’t believe I’m the only person who feels this way. That is something I think is lacking here and hopefully will be addressed in the future.
Although I didn’t have a hugely positive experience this time, I think that overall, it’s a really positive thing. Different people want different things so I can hardly be annoyed that it’s not everything I wanted right off the bat; I guess I just hoped that I’d like it more than I do. But as I said, I think it’s a really great venture that I am excited about and will continue to support. It’s brand new and you’ve got to start somewhere; there are so many avenues that they can explore from this point. I’ll be keeping an eye on it to see what they go on to release and whether that is more my thing.
Everyday Essentials
Posted on July 1, 2023
Given my health situation – living with multiple chronic illnesses that require daily management – I thought it might be interesting to make a list of the things I need and use everyday and maybe if any of you guys live with chronic illnesses, you could compare it to what you use. Are these things helpful to you? Might they be? Are there things that are helpful to you that aren’t on this list?
GLASSES – This is a pretty obvious one. I can’t see three feet in front of my face without them; I am incredibly short-sighted. Both of my biological parents are or were short sighted and I believe that certain forms of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) can affect your eyesight. Regardless, I’m not going anywhere without my glasses.
MEDICATION – I have certain medications that I have to take everyday, as well as some that are situation dependent. The most important are my anti-depressant, Phenelzine, and the beta-blocker, Propranolol, and I really feel it if I don’t take them; while it took them a while to take effect at the beginning, it can through everything off course if I miss a day. So taking your meds… very important!
PAINKILLERS – Okay, this isn’t an everyday occurrence but it’s very common, especially at the moment (I hurt my back about a month ago – a story for another time). I have them on me all the time and I regret it if I don’t. Pain can be so debilitating and if I don’t have something to manage them, if only to get home, then I’m in really trouble. I also get migraines that absolutely incapacitate me so having the pills that help with those is vital. I often feel like a walking pharmacy but I’ve learned the hard way – several times – that it’s better to be prepared.
LOTS OF WATER – Generally, none of us are drinking enough water but as a person with Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), I’m sure I’m not, as hard as I try. When I was diagnosed, the recommendation was that I drink more than double what a person without hEDS is supposed to drink (x); I’ve been trying to build up my water intake but it’s a slow process. I also have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), which often occurs with hEDS, and includes symptoms like dizziness, light-headedness, swelling in the legs after standing for short periods of time, palpitations, fainting, and more, all of which can increase in intensity when a person is dehydrated, after exercising, or during hot weather (I want to write a more in depth post about all of this when I have more time). Dehydration has also been linked to an increase in pain sensitivity (x). Increasing water intake has proven to help POTS symptoms so I’m doing my best to always have water with me (or cordial if the taste of water becomes a struggle, something my nutritionist okayed, given that I’d still be getting the fluids) and I think it’s helping me to drink more (x). It’s surprisingly hard though, to drink that much water.
MY PHONE – I know that many people talk about needing breaks and time away from their phones but, in general, having my phone around is more helpful than it isn’t. I find social media pretty triggering for my anxiety so I rarely find myself scrolling through Facebook or Twitter or Instagram (and I hate TikTok more than I can even articulate) whereas I find the apps for setting alarms and timers helpful, Duolingo really good for my anxiety (and mental health in general), and the Notes app vital to writing down thoughts and ideas to follow up on. I do find it stressful that it means anyone has access to me, can contact me whenever they want, but then Airplane Mode is right there… But generally, my phone is more helpful than not.
MY BULLET JOURNAL – Between my ADHD and my general anxiety about being organised, my bullet journal (or what began as a bullet journal and has evolved into a more personalised version of the system) is all but permanently attached to me. It has my list of commitments, the list of things I want to get done during the day, and anything else that might be relevant, like stuff to do with the cats or the house. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it.
FIDGET TOYS – My hair pulling has been particularly bad recently (plus I’ve seriously struggled with chewing the callouses on my fingertips and tearing at a scar on my face) and after years of dealing with it, I have a slightly ridiculous collection of fidget toys that I rotate using as the urge to pull varies; sometimes certain fidgets are more effective than others. So I usually have at least within reach, whether that’s wherever I am or in my bag.
NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES – Having had some very unpleasant experiences with just how loud the world is (you may remember this particular disaster), I got an amazing set of noise-cancelling headphones that have made navigating my hometown, London, transport systems, etc so much easier. I’ve recommended them to multiple people and those who got them have agreed that they make life – and all of its noise – a lot more manageable.
FACE MASK AND HAND SANITISER – I know that, for a lot of people, it feels like the pandemic has ended but, for many, many others, it hasn’t. I know immunocompromised people, those struggling with Long COVID, people who are still getting COVID and getting seriously sick so it certainly doesn’t feel over to me. If I’m out, I’m pretty neurotic about hand sanitiser and wearing a mask; I’m not perfect and I do sometimes forget, especially if I’m feeling overwhelmed in a social situation and there’s no prompt of other people wearing masks, but I’m still pretty on the case about it all.
A HIDDEN DISABILITIES SUNFLOWER LANYARD – I’m not sure when I first got my sunflower lanyard and I can’t honestly say it’s changed my life but there are certain places that it does make life easier, like at airports and concerts (and getting support in those sorts of places is so important). Mostly I wear it when travelling around London because having a big ‘autistic’ label around my neck reminds people to take care and hopefully be a bit more aware of what they’re doing and what’s going on around them. I’m sure there are people who see it and it makes them uncomfortable or contrary or belligerent (because, in my experience, those people tend to be everywhere) and I think there are places where it probably makes me more vulnerable but, on the whole, it tends to be helpful if I use my judgement.
JOINT SUPPORTS – Because of my hEDS, I struggle with a lot of pain in my joints (the gift that keeps on giving) so I have a handful of different supports and braces. I mainly use them for my knee and for my wrists, but I also have one for my back. They not only really help with my stability – something I’m struggling with more and more – but, as with my sunflower lanyard, they remind people that I am kind of fragile and that they need to be careful around me, especially on trains and the underground etc.
POLARISED SUNGLASSES – The last time I went to get new glasses, I mentioned that I have hEDS and the optician recommended getting polarised sunglasses because they can help with light sensitivity, something that many people with EDS struggle with: our eyes are sensitive can get really tired because they are made up of 80% collagen, which is – as we know – what EDS negatively affects. And if you can reduce the strain on your eyes – which these glasses do, even if you’re inside but it’s still very bright – then you can hopefully reduce the chances of developing problems with your eyes (again, EDS: the gift that keeps on giving).
LIP BALM – A common symptom of multiple types of EDS is sensitive skin and that can manifest as dry lips (and cracked lips that take ages to heal) so I try to always have a good lip balm around. My personal preference is the EOS Crystal Lip Balm in Hibiscus Peach, which I’m not totally sure they make anymore but it’s still available through various online stores. But it’s their crystal lip balms that are best for hydrating your lips (but it’s worth reading this article because some people have had allergic reactions to certain ingredients); the previous, more waxy versions were nice but I didn’t find them to be super effective. This one helps my skin recover really quickly (and stay hydrated) and I can barely feel it on my lips, a plus considering that the sensory experience of make up and skincare can be really difficult for me. But there are a lot of great ones out there; I’ve used several from The Body Shop that I would recommend too.
CBD GUMMIES – Over the last couple of years, my sleep schedule – for the most part – has been awful. Most nights I was getting a fractured few hours and then there were nights where I didn’t sleep at all. It was horrible and it just made my mental health even worse, which was pretty impressive given how bad it was when my sleep was at its worst. I felt like I’d tried every strategy ever suggested, including some pretty strong prescription sleeping pills; they worked-ish but I suffered from some pretty miserable side effects for not much reward. I’d always been vaguely resistant to trying CBD based products for some reason – I’m not really sure why – but I was desperate and ended up trying a few different types of CBD gummies. Within a few days, my sleep was deep and reliable again. Months later, it’s remained pretty good. Plus it’s helped me avoid relying on prescription pills, which I’ve had to do in the past even though it’s not generally advised (this was with the approval of my doctor); taking them every night can increase your tolerance and so they stop working and no one really knows what the long term effects are, although some people become addicted and can experience symptoms like hallucinations. So avoiding that is definitely a pro on the pro-con list. Research is still being done around CBD but so far it seems that the only problems are certain drug interactions, which would just involve a conversation with a doctor. None of those interactions were a problem for me so I’ve been taking them consistently ever since and my sleep has been so much better. They’re a constant presence on my bedside table.
So I hope that was of some interest, at least. As I said in my introduction, let me know if you use these things; let me know if you use other things; let me know if there are things that might work better than the ones on this list! Over to you!
Finding Hope 