Finding HopeAutism Dogs – Delivery!
Posted on July 12, 2025
After my last visit to the Autism Dogs farm in mid February – my anxiety had prevented me from being able to do Daisy’s public access and family training and they accommodated me wonderfully with a new co-created plan that we hoped would work better – it was about three weeks before Daisy was delivered. One of the trainers brought her down and stayed for two days – this is called Delivery and is usually the last part of the process but isn’t for me due to the accommodations they’ve made for me around the public access and family training – while we all got settled and guided us through the basics of having an Autism Dog in your home: we already have a dog and have had a Labrador specifically in the past but, having spent a long time at the farm and being trained by the Autism Dog trainers, it wasn’t the same as bringing a new, young dog into your home. There are habits that we’re going to have to work on, some we need to encourage and some we need to discourage. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
NIGHT BEFORE
I was incredibly nervous about Daisy arriving; I was trying my best not to spiral into a full blown panic but it was a struggle. A big part of it was just that horrible irony of being autistic and hating change and how, when you try to make a change that’s hopefully going to help you, it’s so hard to imagine that it really is going to to help because the change itself is so distressing and so difficult. It feels like, ‘how can this be helpful?!’ And even though I know that that is a big part of it but that doesn’t just turn off that feeling.
I had so many anxieties about Daisy moving in permanently: that she’d chase the cats, that she and Izzy wouldn’t be able to get on, that the change would be too overwhelming, and so on… I was so anxious that I would just be so overwhelmed that I wouldn’t be able to do what I needed to do to enable Daisy to do what she was supposed to do, to support me like she was supposed to; even if she wasn’t fully qualified yet, she was still well practiced in many of her skills. I just couldn’t help fearing that the whole thing was going to be a messy disaster that didn’t work the way it was supposed to and that Daisy would be taken away when I was already so attached to her. I had all of these worst case scenarios in my head that I wouldn’t be able to negate until Daisy was actually there; if she arrived and didn’t chase the cats, then that anxiety would be solved but I couldn’t know that until she was there and so the anxiety just felt never-ending and suffocating.
I had just thought that I would feel more confident by this point. I also thought I’d be in a lot less pain but I’m actually in more pain than when we began this process, which obviously isn’t idea when working with and looking after a dog – and Daisy is a lot stronger and more solid than Izzy (who barely weighs three kilograms). I didn’t want to let Daisy down by not doing enough but moving is so painful that I am really limited. It really felt like being stuck between a rock and a hard place: I stick to my limits and don’t get to do as much with Daisy as feels important to do or I push past my limits to do everything with Daisy and end up in even worse pain. So there’s that but the last few months have been so stressful and all of that was just filling up my brain until it was so overloaded that there wasn’t the space to process any of it or look at it from a different angle or even just breathe. I was trying so hard not to spiral into all of this anxiety because if I did, I would’ve been completely non-functional and I really couldn’t afford to be non-functional with Daisy arriving the next morning.
We’ve had multiple people share their experience with us through the Autism Dogs community and most of them have said that it’s taken time to find a rhythm and a routine that words for the whole household but nobody said it was a complete disaster, which is reassuring. But I was still a ball of anxiety all evening and I doubted that I was going to be able to get much sleep, given my history of sleep problems – especially when my anxiety is high. But I tried. I needed some rest before the two days began.
DAY ONE
It was a difficult day. As predicted, I slept badly so it was a struggle to be up and ready for 11am when Daisy and the trainer, Julia, were due to arrive. So I was anxious and exhausted, which wasn’t ideal. And I was very overstimulated when Daisy and Julia arrived: Izzy was barking her head off at another dog daring to encroach on her territory and Daisy was barking back, although a lot more quietly and gently. Her barks felt more along the lines of ‘What did I do? Why are you barking at me?’ So it was pretty chaotic to begin with but once we’d settled in the kitchen, the two of them started to settle down too, although Izzy was still very bewildered by everything that was going on.
Once everybody was nice and calm, we gave Daisy a tour of the house and Julia checked everything out, just to be sure that everything was safe for Daisy. We’re pretty pet-proofed because of Izzy and the cats but another pair of eyes couldn’t hurt, especially from someone who is very familiar with the routines of the dogs on the Autism Dogs farm. For example, there aren’t any stairs there so going up the stairs (and later down again) was a new experience for Daisy. It’s also true that Daisy is a lot bigger and stronger than all of the other animals – probably combined – so she can knock things over and so on; there are different risks; Julia wasn’t worried though and had some great tips for keeping things secure and out of reach and so on.
That was it officially for the day; the rest of the day was just about playing and bonding and just letting everyone get used to Daisy’s sudden arrival (and Daisy to her new environment). Julia had given her a good, long walk so she wasn’t going to need much more exercise; it was really all about the bonding. So Julia left and it was just me, Mum, and the animals. The cats had vanished, deeply unimpressed by the arrival of a big black dog (that was too excitable and did not have enough control over her limbs and her body in general – she quickly earned the nickname ‘Horse’ for the way she barrels around the house) and Izzy was very unsure, sticking very close to me. The chaos and the noise and the anxiety had pushed me into completely sensory and emotional overwhelm and I just cried and cried until I fell asleep on the sofa.
I was better for the sleep and me, Mum, and the two dogs had a relatively chilled afternoon. I made sure to spend time with Izzy so that she didn’t feel like she’d suddenly been abandoned but I also managed to have some good bonding time with Daisy. She seems to think that she’s the same size as Izzy and that she can fit in my lap, which she cannot, not without either sublaxing my hips or making my legs go to sleep. I don’t really get a choice in the matter though: if she wants to sit on me, she will sit on me. It is very sweet, if not the most comfortable way to cuddle. It was hard though because, when she was wandering around – exploring her new environment and sniffing everything – I just couldn’t concentrate on anything but her, just in case she got herself into trouble. I mean, we’ve had animals safely in this space for years but I couldn’t help feeling anxious that, because she’s a bigger dog, she’d find something to get into that the other animals were never able to; she’s definitely much more likely to knock something over without even realising that that’s what she’s doing. I just could not relax, constantly on watch. I’d cried three or four times, mostly from emotional or sensory overwhelm, and I was frustrated by how little I’d managed to get done, having spent so much time just watching the dogs and making sure that they weren’t getting into any shenanigans. Daisy seemed so discombobulated by her new environment and by all of the new things that were going on that she was barely listening when we – me or Mum – gave her an instruction, even as something as simple as recall or getting off the furniture. It was very frustrating and it just increased my anxiety about how to be a good pet owner to all of the animals, how to be a good handler to Daisy, how to do all of that at the same time. All of that on top of it being a bad pain day (making it hard to do much with her given that I could barely move and that she’s relatively unaware of her own strength), it just took up every grain of energy I had.
All in all, it was a complicated, overwhelming day. I wouldn’t call it a bad day and there were definitely good moments but it was very difficult and an emotional rollercoaster and I was exhausted by the time I went to bed at 11pm – much earlier than I’m usually in bed. I got the dogs sorted, both of them curled up on my bed, and got myself sorted before joining them, not that there was much space for me. But Daisy didn’t stay long: we had a cuddle and then she hopped off and climbed into her bed, still close by. Izzy burrowed closer to me, always game for snuggling as we go to sleep.
DAY TWO
I slept like I’d pulled a week of all-nighters and struggled up, holding up the schedule for the day because I just couldn’t get ready – couldn’t move – any faster. I was already exhausted but I was determined to get through the day so that Daisy could be officially moved in.
Julia, the Autism Dogs trainer, was already there when I got downstairs, enjoying some snuggles from Izzy who she’d completely fallen in love with. Once I was ready to go, I practiced getting Daisy into her harness and her working lead and then we all headed to the park. Because of my pain, we practiced from a bench with Daisy on the long lead. I threw balls for her and we practiced recall and practiced walking on the working lead. She was really, really good and that gave me a bit more confidence after Daisy’s lack of focus the night before.
After about an hour, we headed back home, Daisy having been beautifully behaved (although she did get herself and the long lead wrapped around tree several times). I was tired but we didn’t have much left to do so I pushed through so that we could get everything done and signed off. We ran through each of Daisy’s basic commands and practiced them a few times, including her deep pressure therapy. Izzy gets quite jealous when Daisy does it, when she drapes herself over my lap, but Julia isn’t worried. She’s confident that they’ll find their own rhythm over time: day two was not the day to be worrying about whether they’d ever get along. I know that logically but it does make me anxious because I love Izzy so much but then I also so badly want it all to work with Daisy; all of that is just constantly in the back of my mind.
Confident that we were feeling good about things, Julia left us to it. She’d be back sometime in the next couple of months to do the two days of public access and family training that would make Daisy an official, fully qualified Autism Assistance Dog.
After bidding Julia goodbye, the four of us had a very relaxed afternoon and evening. Daisy and I had some good cuddles and Izzy eventually broached the space she’d been giving Daisy so that she was getting some attention too. Watching them together is already so funny; Izzy can get overwhelmed and overprotective – of me in particular, but also of her toys and her favourite spaces, etc – but while they were both sleepy and cuddly, it was very sweet. Daisy was beyond excited for dinner, as always, which only got Izzy more hyped up and then me, Mum, and both dogs spent the evening chilling with a movie. Daisy was a bit restless: she didn’t have her own bed at the farm – all of the dogs shared beds and sofas and soft spaces – so she wasn’t used to it. She kept getting in and out of it and turning around, like she couldn’t figure how to get comfortable in it (it took her a few days but she worked it out).
We were all exhausted and went to bed early again. And that was the end of day two.
So that’s that: Daisy is moved in. From there, we had a couple of months to bond and build routines and let relationships and boundaries form until Julia came back to do the public access and family training with us.
Autism Dogs – The Sleepover!
Posted on June 8, 2025
In mid January, about a month after my third playdate with my Assistance Dog in Training, Daisy, my Mum and I went back up to the Autism Dogs farm for another playdate and our very first sleepover! I was very excited about that. I was sad not to have Izzy, my eighteen-month-old Pomchi, with us but we’d all agreed that it would just be too difficult to have both dogs in the small hotel room, for us and the dogs. It just wouldn’t have been fair to either of them so Izzy got to have her own sleepover and we were able to focus all of energy on Daisy. It was an experience, for sure!
THE NIGHT BEFORE
As had become our routine, my Mum and I drove up the night before the day of the first session of the playdate and stayed in the same hotel: it’s familiar and they have a reasonable number of my safe foods so I don’t have to worry about not finding things I can eat. We were both tired from the travel and had a pretty early start so it wasn’t long before we were going to bed. It was weird to be there without Izzy; it was weird to try and sleep without Izzy. She’s always slept cuddled up with me (apart from a few occasions where I’ve had to be away) and it’s become very strange and disconcerting to not have her snuggled up against me.
DAY ONE
We were up early the next morning and, having had a meltdown triggered by sensory overwhelm on the last trip, we’d brought all of my own bathroom staff (since that stuff had been the most triggering) and that made getting up and out of the hotel so much easier. We were at the farm on time and I was in a much better headspace than I had been for the previous playdate.
We met Daisy in the paddock and we spent the first half an hour or so (my chronic fatigue and POTS make it hard to do even that, let alone more right now) playing and practicing recall. Then we went inside to the sensory room and spent the rest of the session there. We were able to play and cuddle and continue building our bond as a human-assistance dog team. We also went through all of her basic commands again, which is definitely more for my benefit than hers: she’s got them down (although it’s really good for her to learn to see me as the person who makes the rules and gives her instructions). Whenever I’m not at the farm, I get really anxious that I don’t really know the commands but then I go back and work with Daisy and they all come back. I end up feeling silly for doubting myself but it happens every time. I think that will probably only go away when I’m using them with Daisy everyday.
The trainers have been working with Daisy on her deep pressure therapy training and so I got to do that with her for the first time and that was really exciting. She’s so good at it already; I’m constantly in awe of how smart these dogs are and how great the trainers are. Admittedly, the first time we tried it, she was a bit confused; she didn’t quite understand what I was asking her to do (which could easily have been on me for not getting the command quite correct – as I said, it was our first try). But then, within two or three tries, she absolutely had it. She absolutely knew what she was supposed to be doing.
At the end of our session, we took Daisy back hotel. We had a couple of members of the team come with us just to double check that everything was safe and Daisy-proofed. The rooms are pretty simple and we’d spent some time packing everything up before we’d left that morning so that didn’t take very long. Then they headed back to the farm and it was just me and Mum and Daisy with the evening to hang out together. While I am Daisy’s handler, my Mum is going to be helping me with her care since my chronic illness and physical disabilities do limit my energy and strength and stamina. So, just like the parents of autistic kids and teenagers will help out with the dog, my Mum will be helping me; the team are very understanding of the different circumstances of each autistic person and their support system and how to best manage all of the different aspects. As I said in the last playdate post, I think, working with a team who are so knowledgeable about Autism (as well as many of them actually being autistic) has made the process so much easier than it could’ve been. The difficulties I’ve encountered along the way have been handled with compassion and thoughtfulness and the focus has always been on how I can get the most out of the process and out of my relationship with Daisy; I’ve never felt like an inconvenience or an obstacle, which is a pretty common experience for me when I’m out in the world. I’m lucky (and grateful) to have the support system that I do but even then it’s hard when people make you feel like a burden on their already busy lives. So having Autism Dogs be so supportive at every turn has been amazing.
As soon as Daisy forgot about the team members leaving her, she returned to her curious, exciteable self, sniffing every corner and surface (that she could reach) of the room and then jump from one bed to the other. That was particularly funny after watching Izzy do the exact same thing when first experiencing a hotel; the size difference of the two images made it even funnier. Then she’d drape herself over me for a bit before getting up to drape herself over Mum and back and forward and back and forward. It was both very funny and very adorable. I imagine the hotel room was pretty boring for her compared to the farm, especially since she had constant access to outside space there, and so I don’t think she quite knew what to do with herself. She did start to settle throughout the evening but, of course, that was then interrupted by her dinner (as well as our dinner – not that we were sharing even a crumb of human food with her) and then her evening walk. I can understand it though: it was a lot of unfamiliarity all at once.
My favourite part, of course, was having her sleeping in the bed with me. It was so, so cute; she was so adorably snuggly and pressed herself up against me (or over me) all night. I’m so used to sleeping with a teeny, tiny dog that it was a bit discombobulating to wake up to a pretty big Labrador; it was a very different experience! It’s not exactly a bad problem to have though. I don’t sleep well in hotels and having Daisy there – this breathing, almost snoring, snuggly creature next to me – was very comforting.
DAY TWO
We got up the next morning and managed to navigate the usual routine despite Daisy trying to be involved in everything. Breakfast was a bit more chaotic with a big dog compared to a small dog and it didn’t help that a number of people came up to us and just started stroking her without even asking. She doesn’t have her official jacket yet (which specifically says,’Do Not Touch’) but I still thought it was really strange that people felt entitled to just come over and stroke a dog they didn’t know without getting permission. I grew up with it instilled in me that I should never touch a dog I didn’t know, especially if I hadn’t asked the owner first; you never know if a dog is going to be receptive and something that’s really straightforward and safe for one dog could feel like a real threat to another. It’s not worth the risk. (Maybe it’s petty but it was interesting to me that all of these people were young, white men…) Anyway. I’ve seen this a lot, even with assistance dogs that are jacketed. So that’s definitely a situation that I’m going to have to learn how to handle – quickly and efficiently. I mean, I did handle it each time but I think having a script would help and then practice will just make the whole exchange easier.
Me, Mum, and Daisy headed back to the farm for our second session of the two days. Daisy was great in the car: totalled chilled out and unfazed by the noises, changes in speed, and often uneven ground. She just stretched out on the back seat with me and snoozed as I stroked her.
For our session, we were back in the sensory room and it was mostly more bonding and going through Daisy’s commands, including more practice at Deep Pressure Therapy. Being a Labrador, Daisy is very motivated by food, to the point where she sometimes seems to think that once she’s been given the treat, the task is done and she no longer has to pay attention. This is not the case with Deep Pressure Therapy so that’s going to be a learning curve. But there’s still time to work on that and I love doing it. It’s so fun and so cute and she’s picked it up so fast; I doubt it’ll take long for her to master it. It’s amazing to see how quickly these dogs pick up these skills. The trainers do such an incredible job and it feels like such a privilege to have been able to visit regularly throughout the process and see the progress each time. It’s just amazing; I’m so in awe of them, both the trainers and the dogs!
Eventually, we did have to go so we said our goodbyes and we’ll be back soon for public access and family training.
I feel like the connection between Daisy and I really grew over those two days, much faster and more deeply than it has at any other point in the process; I think that getting to spend that much time together – and that time away from the farm – really gave us the chance to bond in a way that we haven’t been able to at the farm because she’s always been in a familiar space with familiar people where I am the new thing. But going somewhere else, I was the familiar thing and everything else was new so she was more inclined to come back to me. It was definitely my favourite part of the process up to now, even if there were a handful of stressful moments.
Autism Dogs – The Third Playdate
Posted on May 31, 2025
Mid December, I was back at the Autism Dogs farm for my third playdate with my autism assistance dog in training, Daisy (if you missed my post about the second playdate, you can find it here). We had Izzy (my one year old Pomchi) with us again so that she and Daisy could continue to get to know each other and we made the same arrangement at the same hotel as we had for the previous playdate: staying there the night before the first session of the playdate and the night between the day of the first session and the day of the second session. We’d thought that Daisy was going to be sleeping over with us between the two sessions but that would be the next trip. That actually turned out to be a good thing, given how this trip went.
THE NIGHT BEFORE
Like the previous visit, my Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before the first session since it was going to be an early start; we absolutely wouldn’t have had time to get there on the morning of. We got there in good time and settled into our hotel room. Well, Mum and I settled… Izzy raced around like a little kid who’d had too much sugar. Eventually though, she tired herself out and flopped down on one of the beds and we managed to have a quiet evening – eating some dinner in front of Black Doves – before going to bed early so that I would have as much energy as possible for the next day.
DAY ONE
Unfortunately, the first day began with a meltdown. I hadn’t slept well and was already feeling tired and anxious and overstimulated when my sensory sensitivities were triggered by all of the unfamiliar and unpleasant sensory information in the hotel room: the texture of the sheets, the texture and smell of the towels, the smell of the soap… I tried to stop it – I didn’t want to have a meltdown and mess up my time with Daisy – but I couldn’t; by that point, I never can.
Izzy never strays far when I’m having a meltdown but doesn’t usually approach until it’s died down to just tears. Then she’s in my lap, with her paws on my shoulders, licking my face: ‘fixing’ my tears. She always does this when I’m upset, like she’s trying to make the sad go away, and it never gets less adorable. It doesn’t actually fix anything, of course, but her utter determination to make me feel better – how sensitive she is to my feelings and how much she clearly wants to make things okay again – is comforting and does bring me back to myself somewhat.
I didn’t want to cancel the session (and I didn’t feel like I could) but we were definitely late by that point. Fortunately everyone at the farm was really understanding and accommodated as best they could; working with people who really understand Autism, as well as some of them being autistic themselves, makes such a difference when it comes to stuff like this. So we got ourselves over there as quickly as we could (without stressing me out further) and thankfully we still had a reasonable amount of time to spend with Daisy.
The original plan had been to start out in the paddock and practice some of her skills (like recall, for example) but it was so cold and wet – not to mention the level of mud! – plus I was still feeling very fragile post meltdown. So we ended up spending the session in the new sensory room, which had been completed since my last visit. I loved the sensory lights – pretty lights always make me happy – but I’m not sure Izzy was totally convinced.
Once we’d settled, Daisy was brought in. She and Izzy greeted each other just as loudly as usual but it seemed to be less intense than it has been: they’re communicating, which is great, but I’m looking forward to when that communication doesn’t have to be quite so loud. I was sitting on the floor between them as they set their boundaries but once they’d seemed to have that figured out, Daisy lay down next to me. I stroked her paw and she promptly put her other paw over my hand, which was so adorable that I almost burst into tears – my emotions were so close to the surface and it was just so gentle and sweet.
(The photo on the right makes me laugh because Daisy looks so bewildered by my affections; she was actually leaning into me, which was really sweet and comforting.)
We basically spent the session, cuddled up on the sofa. It doesn’t sound like much but if we’re going to be a team, out in the world, then we have to have a really strong bond and spending time together, contact time like stroking and snuggling, and giving her the opportunity to get used to my voice and my smell and my emotions – which the dogs pick up on in order to perform their training – all builds that bond. Especially considering how overwhelmed I was feeling, just being together and having some real, extended contact time was really comforting.
It also gave Izzy a very chilled out, low pressure environment to continue getting used to Daisy both as simply a dog and as a dog that she was going to need to learn to coexist with. As always, I don’t expect miracles and I don’t expect her to accept Daisy overnight but I do feel like, with each session, they are getting better at engaging with each other. It’ll take time but there’s never been anything remotely like aggression between them; Izzy’s just very protective and it’s a big adjustment for her to suddenly have to share me, to have another dog protect me when she feels that that is her job. So I can understand her needing time to get used to the change; I need time to get my head around it!
At the end of the session, we headed back to the hotel and I spent the rest of the day alternating between sleeping and watching Black Doves. Between the meltdown and the intensity of the session, I was exhausted. I managed some dinner (and, of course, one of the excellent brownies) before going to bed early. I just did not have the energy to do anything.
DAY TWO
I took the morning gently and so I was feeling a bit more like myself by the time we went back for the second session. We started out in the sensory room and had some good cuddles before running through Daisy’s commands. She’s so good at them and so eager to please; if we do have a problem, it’s usually because she’s so enthusiastic that she throws her whole body into it or she can preempt me actually instructing her. I try not to encourage it by laughing but it is very funny.
After a while, we headed out to the paddock. There were skills to practice with Daisy but first, we just let Izzy and Daisy wander for a bit; we’re constantly seeing them set and then test boundaries as they figure out their relationship. Izzy’s much more sensitive while Daisy is beyond chill so, despite her size, Izzy definitely comes across as the boss; it’s a fascinating process to watch.
We did some recall and then I threw tennis balls for Daisy to chase. That was super fascinating to watch. My childhood Labrador, Lucky, was the kind of dog that had to get the ball at all costs; in that moment, nothing else mattered. I’d expected Daisy – a young, bouncy, enthusiastic Labrador – to be the same and while she did race after them, at least half of the time she’d drop it on the way back, distracted by something. It was a bit weird, the idea that a dog could forget about a toy mid-game was definitely a new one for me. Izzy was very funny about the whole thing though: she was desperate to race Daisy to the ball. I wanted to let her – her desperation to join in was so adorable – but none of us thought the two of them were quite ready for that. And I certainly wasn’t ready to try and break up a dispute over who the ball belonged to!
At the end of the session, I reluctantly said goodbye to Daisy, and then me and Mum got in the car and started the drive home. I fell asleep pretty much straight away and slept for most of the drive. As I’ve said before, the sessions are really intense and they require a lot of concentration – you’re trying to remember so many things at once – and all of that, plus the meltdown… I was completely exhausted. We stopped in with family to have some dinner and then we were back on the road. We didn’t get home particularly late but I went straight to bed and was out like a light.
So it wasn’t the easiest few days of the process: I was feeling anxious and fragile and tired and cold, all of which had been amplified by the meltdown, I’m sure. That did make it harder than usual but I did not want to give up the opportunity to spend time with Daisy; I’d never say no to more time with her, not unless I absolutely had to – for her sake or mine.
The next session involves Daisy sleeping over at the hotel with us and I’m so excited for that!
Finding Hope 