Finding HopeAutism Dogs – Delivery!
Posted on July 12, 2025
After my last visit to the Autism Dogs farm in mid February – my anxiety had prevented me from being able to do Daisy’s public access and family training and they accommodated me wonderfully with a new co-created plan that we hoped would work better – it was about three weeks before Daisy was delivered, at the very beginning of March. One of the trainers brought her down and stayed for two days – this is called Delivery and is usually the last part of the process but isn’t for me due to the accommodations they’ve made for me around the public access and family training – while we all got settled and guided us through the basics of having an Autism Assistance Dog in your home: we already have a dog and have had a Labrador in the past but, having spent a long time at the farm and being trained by the Autism Dog trainers, it wasn’t the same as bringing a new, young dog into your home. There are habits that we’re going to have to work on, some we need to encourage and some we need to discourage. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
NIGHT BEFORE
I was incredibly nervous about Daisy arriving; I was trying my best not to spiral into a full blown panic but it was a struggle. A big part of it was just that horrible irony of being autistic and hating change and how, when you try to make a change that’s hopefully going to help you, it’s so hard to imagine that it really is going to to help because the change itself is so distressing and so difficult. It feels like, ‘how can this be helpful?!’ And even though I know that that is a big part of it but that doesn’t just turn off that feeling.
I had so many anxieties about Daisy moving in permanently: that she’d chase the cats, that she and Izzy wouldn’t be able to get on, that the change would be too overwhelming, and so on… I was so anxious that I would just be so overwhelmed that I wouldn’t be able to do what I needed to do to enable Daisy to do what she was supposed to do, to support me like she was supposed to; even if she wasn’t fully qualified yet, she was still well practiced in many of her skills. I just couldn’t help fearing that the whole thing was going to be a messy disaster that didn’t work the way it was supposed to and that Daisy would be taken away when I was already so attached to her. I had all of these worst case scenarios in my head that I wouldn’t be able to negate until Daisy was actually there; if she arrived and didn’t chase the cats, then that anxiety would be solved but I couldn’t know that until she was there and so the anxiety just felt never-ending and suffocating.
I had just thought that I would feel more confident by this point. I also thought I’d be in a lot less pain but I’m actually in more pain than when we began this process, which obviously isn’t idea when working with and looking after a dog – and Daisy is a lot stronger and more solid than Izzy (who barely weighs three kilograms). I didn’t want to let Daisy down by not doing enough but moving is so painful that I am really limited. It really felt like being stuck between a rock and a hard place: I stick to my limits and don’t get to do as much with Daisy as feels important to do or I push past my limits to do everything with Daisy and end up in even worse pain. So there’s that but the last few months have been so stressful and all of that was just filling up my brain until it was so overloaded that there wasn’t the space to process any of it or look at it from a different angle or even just breathe. I was trying so hard not to spiral into all of this anxiety because if I did, I would’ve been completely non-functional and I really couldn’t afford to be non-functional with Daisy arriving the next morning.
We’ve had multiple people share their experience with us through the Autism Dogs community and most of them have said that it’s taken time to find a rhythm and a routine that words for the whole household but nobody said it was a complete disaster, which is reassuring. But I was still a ball of anxiety all evening and I doubted that I was going to be able to get much sleep, given my history of sleep problems – especially when my anxiety is high. But I tried. I needed some rest before the two days began.
DAY ONE
It was a difficult day. As predicted, I slept badly so it was a struggle to be up and ready for 11am when Daisy and the trainer, Julia, were due to arrive. So I was anxious and exhausted, which wasn’t ideal. And I was very overstimulated when Daisy and Julia arrived: Izzy was barking her head off at another dog daring to encroach on her territory and Daisy was barking back, although a lot more quietly and gently. Her barks felt more along the lines of ‘What did I do? Why are you barking at me?’ So it was pretty chaotic to begin with but once we’d settled in the kitchen, the two of them started to settle down too, although Izzy was still very bewildered by everything that was going on.
Once everybody was nice and calm, we gave Daisy a tour of the house and Julia checked everything out, just to be sure that everything was safe for Daisy. We’re pretty pet-proofed because of Izzy and the cats but another pair of eyes couldn’t hurt, especially from someone who is very familiar with the routines of the dogs on the Autism Dogs farm. For example, there aren’t any stairs there so going up the stairs (and later down again) was a new experience for Daisy. It’s also true that Daisy is a lot bigger and stronger than all of the other animals – probably combined – so she can knock things over and so on; there are different risks; Julia wasn’t worried though and had some great tips for keeping things secure and out of reach and so on.
That was it officially for the day; the rest of the day was just about playing and bonding and just letting everyone get used to Daisy’s sudden arrival (and Daisy to her new environment). Julia had given her a good, long walk so she wasn’t going to need much more exercise; it was really all about the bonding. So Julia left and it was just me, Mum, and the animals. The cats had vanished, deeply unimpressed by the arrival of a big black dog (that was too excitable and did not have enough control over her limbs and her body in general – she quickly earned the nickname ‘Horse’ for the way she barrels around the house) and Izzy was very unsure, sticking very close to me. The chaos and the noise and the anxiety had pushed me into completely sensory and emotional overwhelm and I just cried and cried until I fell asleep on the sofa.
I was better for the sleep and me, Mum, and the two dogs had a relatively chilled afternoon. I made sure to spend time with Izzy so that she didn’t feel like she’d suddenly been abandoned but I also managed to have some good bonding time with Daisy. She seems to think that she’s the same size as Izzy and that she can fit in my lap, which she cannot, not without either sublaxing my hips or making my legs go to sleep. I don’t really get a choice in the matter though: if she wants to sit on me, she will sit on me. It is very sweet, if not the most comfortable way to cuddle. It was hard though because, when she was wandering around – exploring her new environment and sniffing everything – I just couldn’t concentrate on anything but her, just in case she got herself into trouble. I mean, we’ve had animals safely in this space for years but I couldn’t help feeling anxious that, because she’s a bigger dog, she’d find something to get into that the other animals were never able to; she’s definitely much more likely to knock something over without even realising that that’s what she’s doing. I just could not relax, constantly on watch. I’d cried three or four times, mostly from emotional or sensory overwhelm, and I was frustrated by how little I’d managed to get done, having spent so much time just watching the dogs and making sure that they weren’t getting into any shenanigans. Daisy seemed so discombobulated by her new environment and by all of the new things that were going on that she was barely listening when we – me or Mum – gave her an instruction, even as something as simple as recall or getting off the furniture. It was very frustrating and it just increased my anxiety about how to be a good pet owner to all of the animals, how to be a good handler to Daisy, how to do all of that at the same time. All of that on top of it being a bad pain day (making it hard to do much with her given that I could barely move and that she’s relatively unaware of her own strength), it just took up every grain of energy I had.
All in all, it was a complicated, overwhelming day. I wouldn’t call it a bad day and there were definitely good moments but it was very difficult and an emotional rollercoaster and I was exhausted by the time I went to bed at 11pm – much earlier than I’m usually in bed. I got the dogs sorted, both of them curled up on my bed, and got myself sorted before joining them, not that there was much space for me. But Daisy didn’t stay long: we had a cuddle and then she hopped off and climbed into her bed, still close by. Izzy burrowed closer to me, always game for snuggling as we go to sleep.
DAY TWO
I slept like I’d pulled a week of all-nighters and struggled up, holding up the schedule for the day because I just couldn’t get ready – couldn’t move – any faster. I was already exhausted but I was determined to get through the day so that Daisy could be officially moved in.
Julia, the Autism Dogs trainer, was already there when I got downstairs, enjoying some snuggles from Izzy who she’d completely fallen in love with. Once I was ready to go, I practiced getting Daisy into her harness and her working lead and then we all headed to the park. Because of my pain, we practiced from a bench with Daisy on the long lead. I threw balls for her and we practiced recall and practiced walking on the working lead. She was really, really good and that gave me a bit more confidence after Daisy’s lack of focus the night before.
After about an hour, we headed back home, Daisy having been beautifully behaved (although she did get herself and the long lead wrapped around tree several times). I was tired but we didn’t have much left to do so I pushed through so that we could get everything done and signed off. We ran through each of Daisy’s basic commands and practiced them a few times, including her deep pressure therapy. Izzy gets quite jealous when Daisy does it, when she drapes herself over my lap, but Julia isn’t worried. She’s confident that they’ll find their own rhythm over time: day two was not the day to be worrying about whether they’d ever get along. I know that logically but it does make me anxious because I love Izzy so much but then I also so badly want it all to work with Daisy; all of that is just constantly in the back of my mind.
Confident that we were feeling good about things, Julia left us to it. She’d be back sometime in the next couple of months to do the two days of public access and family training that would make Daisy an official, fully qualified Autism Assistance Dog.
After bidding Julia goodbye, the four of us had a very relaxed afternoon and evening. Daisy and I had some good cuddles and Izzy eventually broached the space she’d been giving Daisy so that she was getting some attention too. Watching them together is already so funny; Izzy can get overwhelmed and overprotective – of me in particular, but also of her toys and her favourite spaces, etc – but while they were both sleepy and cuddly, it was very sweet. Daisy was beyond excited for dinner, as always, which only got Izzy more hyped up and then me, Mum, and both dogs spent the evening chilling with a movie. Daisy was a bit restless: she didn’t have her own bed at the farm – all of the dogs shared beds and sofas and soft spaces – so she wasn’t used to it. She kept getting in and out of it and turning around, like she couldn’t figure how to get comfortable in it (it took her a few days but she worked it out).
We were all exhausted and went to bed early again. And that was the end of day two.
So that’s that: Daisy is moved in. From there, we had a couple of months to bond and build routines and let relationships and boundaries form until Julia came back to do the public access and family training with us.
Autism Dogs – Family Training & Public Access (First Attempt)
Posted on June 14, 2025
Not long after my sleepover with Daisy, I was back up at the Autism Dogs farm for what was supposed to be, I think, four days to do the public access and family training. This would be the last part of Daisy’s training before she moved in with me permanently. But, unfortunately, my anxiety and chronic pain and fatigue completely derailed the plan…
In the second week of February, my Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before our first day of public access and family training: four days that would focus on caring for Daisy, implementing the advanced tasks, and taking her out to public places to give both of us the opportunity to work together in new environments. But before we even got there, I was so stressed and so overwhelmed; I was incredibly nervous about how much energy it was going to take and about how much pain I was already in – before we’d even gotten started – plus a whole lot of stuff that was going on at the same time. I was just completely overwhelmed and by the time we made it to the hotel, I was basically in one really long meltdown between the anxiety, the pain, and the exhaustion. The stress of not knowing exactly what I was going to be doing over the next few days, all of the unknowns… I was was practically non-functional.
I physically could not leave the hotel and go to the farm the next day so my Mum went over there without me and had a really long discussion with Caroline, the CEO of Autism Dogs. Caroline has been amazing and so, so lovely throughout this process and I’m so grateful for how much contact we’ve had with her; it has been so helpful to have that relationship, especially when the trainers are often different session-to-session because of who’s been available. I think she’s fantastic and I am so grateful for everything she has done for me in this process. She and my Mum came up with a couple of different options for moving forward and then Mum came back to the hotel and we spent the rest of the day slowly talking them through.
The next morning, Caroline came to the hotel and we discussed the various options. One of the options was to start over with a different dog and I couldn’t even contemplate that; it would’ve broken my heart. The path we ended up deciding on was to have Daisy delivered relatively quickly after we went home: she would move in with us and get settled, more than a pet but not yet a fully qualified assistance dog. We would continue to bond and practice the skills we’d been working on and get more comfortable and confident together. Then, a month or so later, one of the trainers would come down and we would do the family training at home, where I’m most comfortable, and her public access training in places that I would actually be going to; we would also be able to go over the advanced tasks at home, where I feel safest. This was a really big modification for them to make to the training process and I am so grateful that, as an organisation, they were willing to do it so that Daisy and I could complete the training and I could (hopefully) go on to become more independent with Daisy’s help. If they’d been unwilling to accommodate me this way, I don’t know how or if I would’ve been able to finish working with Daisy.
Daisy came over for a visit and we had a lovely cuddle, just lying on the bed in the hotel room. She was really excited to see me but then, sensing my mood and my exhaustion, she draped herself over me and we had a lovely little bonding session before she went back to the farm and Mum and I drove home. The pain in my back was excruciating and I ended up lying – as much as a person can – on the back seat of the car. And because I was so exhausted, I was asleep very quickly; I didn’t wake up until we got home over three hours later.
Those few days were so stressful and so distressing but I’m so grateful to them as an organisation, and to Caroline, that they were able to think outside the box and do what’s best for their clients and the dogs. It’s never about turnover: it’s about making sure that everybody is accommodated, everyone’s needs are taken into account, and that the experience is the best it can be for everyone – as far as is possible and practical. I really can’t fully express how grateful I am. The final steps of the process – the family training and public access training and then actually working with Daisy full time – had been feeling completely overwhelming and I didn’t know how I was going to manage it all; I’d thought I’d feel a lot more confident by that point but my anxiety was still super high and my exhaustion and chronic pain were still really bad when they’d been predicted to be a lot better. But at Autism Dogs, they see me as a person and not a problem; they see the bond that I have with Daisy and they want to do whatever possible to make this possible. So, yes, I’m incredibly grateful. I’m still anxious about it but I feel a lot more comfortable with this plan than I’d felt going into those few days. So now we’re just waiting for Daisy to arrive.
Autism Dogs – The Second Playdate
Posted on May 3, 2025
My second playdate with Daisy didn’t happen until early October 2024 due to both us and Autism Dogs having had to reschedule at one point. But we finally made it happen and we were headed back to the farm to see Daisy. We had Izzy with us again to give both of the dogs another chance to get to know each other. And since this trip included two sessions over two days, we booked a dog-friendly hotel for the night before and the night between the two sessions; it was a Holiday Inn Express, which turned out to be a really good choice because it had a lot of my safe foods!
NIGHT BEFORE
Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before the first day; we’d be starting early and we never would’ve made it up in time if we’d driven up the morning of. We got settled in our hotel room and although Izzy still struggled with the noises from the hall and the surrounding rooms, she did better than she had on the last trip. We had some dinner, chilled out with some TV, and went to bed early so that I could manage the early start the next morning.
DAY ONE
We were up and out early to get to the Autism Dogs farm in time for our session with Daisy. I’m always so excited to see her and work with her again but I do find it quite nerve-wracking: there’s just so much to learn and remember and I get so anxious about doing things wrong that it can get pretty overwhelming at times.
Izzy and I waited in the paddock while Mum let them know we’d arrived and then returned with Daisy and one of the trainers. Izzy was definitely more excited to see Mum than she was to see Daisy. Having Izzy present for these sessions would hopefully allow the two dogs to get more comfortable around each other; starting out in the paddock gave them plenty of space to move around, to set boundaries and test them, and we even got them walking together after a while.
Then, in the training room, we used the smaller space to try and build on that. We encouraged them to interact a little bit more but just existing calmly in the same room together was a positive step forward, considering how they’d just barked at each other during the previous session. They did well: progress was definitely made and they were very cute to watch. They were still struggling with competing for my attention – and getting jealous when I engaged with the other – but I would’ve been surprised if we’d managed to solve that in two sessions: Izzy has practically been glued to me since I got her and, of the time I’ve spent with Daisy, she’s rarely had to share me. So neither of them are keen on the other being with ‘their person.’
I also did some more lead walking practice with Daisy – I find the multi-tasking aspect of it really difficult so I wanted as much practice as I could get – and, to my surprise, it did feel easier this time. That was a big relief to me: I find it really easy to spiral about not being good at any of this and finding it so overwhelming, so to tangibly feel that progress was definitely reassuring.
We spent the rest of the session in the training room, just hanging out and letting everyone get used to each other. It was a chance not just for me and Daisy to bond but for my Mum and Daisy to build a relationship too, for Daisy and Izzy to get more comfortable together, to reassure Izzy that everything was still the same with Daisy around… It’s obviously easier for me and Mum while the dogs need a lot more reassurance and rewarding for every positive interaction. As you can see from the photos below, Izzy still wasn’t convinced and really just wanted me to herself but this is all still very new to her and so it’s going to take time. At the very least, they were a lot less bark-y, which my ears were very grateful for.
Ever since The Eras Tour ended in August (I know I haven’t written about that experience yet but I do want to – the brain fog has just been brutal), I’ve been feeling bereft of making friendship bracelets and so I’d been making as many as I could for the staff at the farm. I’m not sure how many I ended up making up in the end but I left them there that afternoon to be passed around during the afternoon, evening, and the next morning. I’d made a personalised set for myself and for Mum and then for Caroline (the founder and CEO) as well, as a thank you for all of her support.
Back at the hotel, I had to have a nap, exhausted by the intensity and focus of the playdate, and then Mum and I checked out the hotel’s pool. It was small (which was fine) and busy (which wasn’t ideal) but I got to stretch, do some of my hydrotherapy exercises, and get some gentle exercise, which definitely helped my chronic pain. The amount of time I spent scrunched up in the car on the drive to and from the farm isn’t great for my body as a person with Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so having access to a pool was really great.
Between the playdate and the swim, I was completely exhausted – even with my nap – so we had a quiet evening. We had dinner (with an awesome chocolate pudding!) and cuddles with Izzy in front of Red Eye before going to bed early since we had an early start the next day.
DAY TWO
The second day began earlier than the first day, which was a bit of a struggle for me since I hadn’t slept particularly well (which I generally don’t when I’m away from home). But we made it and began the playdate in the paddock, giving Daisy and Izzy a chance to get reacquainted: they were much calmer than the day before, which was reassuring and pretty cute.
Then we headed inside and went over some of Daisy’s commands again, which was really good because there are a lot of things to remember and in the time between playdates, I’d worried that I’d forgotten all of it. But having said that, I felt like I’d retained a lot more than I’d thought, which was very reassuring. That was actually good timing because, on that particular day, Daisy wasn’t at her most well-behaved (I think she was just overexcited). That sounds odd to say but it meant that I got to see how the trainers correct the undesirable behaviours and regain the dog’s focus and then practice it myself. Again, it’s really good knowledge to have but I was exhausted! I was learning a lot, learning it fast, and having to concentrate and process information really fast; it was hard work. In hindsight, we probably could’ve taken it a bit slower but between my anxiety about learning everything and just getting caught up in everything, that didn’t occur to me until later.
After that, we had a break and I got to have some good cuddle time with Daisy, which I always look forward to: she’s so gentle and sweet and affectionate – once she’s settled down a bit and worked off her excitement! I was so tired that I practically fell asleep curled up with her and could’ve happily stayed like that for the rest of the day.
After the break, we were headed out to the paddock but, before we went outside, I was shown how to get Daisy’s slip lead – her working lead – on quickly and efficiently. I needed to watch it a few times but once I had all of the steps in my head, I actually didn’t find it too difficult; I even managed to do it smoothly on just my second try. That was very pleasing, especially since I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m just not very good at any of this (regardless of whether it’s objectively true or not – or the idea that I’m still learning and it’s the practice that makes you good at something).
Out in the paddock, we did some recall practice, which Daisy did struggle with initially; she is, after all, very used to doing recall with the trainers. But once she realised that I had treats and made a huge fuss of her when she came to me, we had it down. I had to laugh: labradors are so predictable when there’s food in play.
Then we went out into the lane to practice her lead walking, which is how she’ll walk with me when we’re out in public, when she’s working: she stays close to my body and keeps her attention on me and (at least at this point) I reward her whenever she makes eye contact with me, checking in. It was actually starting to feel a bit easier and not so overwhelming, which definitely felt like an achievement.
That was officially the end of the day but the farm did have a relatively new litter of puppies that they will hopefully be training to be more Autism Dogs and I got to spend a little bit of time with them before we left. They were gorgeous in that way that puppies just are, especially Labrador puppies in my opinion; they were all soft and warm and snuggly. And for some reason, they smell amazing. I was besieged by them the moment I put my hands in the pen and although my Mum joked that I couldn’t kidnap one, I think the real danger was them kidnapping me: they just attached themselves to my jumper and every time I peeled one off, another had got their teeth into it, and eventually I had to be rescued because two hands just weren’t enough. They were utterly divine though and I had some lovely cuddles, which just gave me such a serotonin boost.
The sessions are pretty intense and require a lot of mental energy at the very least so it was a really nice way – the perfect way – to just decompress for a couple of minutes before getting back in the car and getting on the road. I would’ve been content to spend hours with them but eventually Mum pulled me away and we said our goodbyes, got in the car, and headed home. It was a very long drive after some very long and tiring days but it really did feel like progress is being made, despite my anxieties trying to tell me otherwise.
So that was the second playdate! Even though it was obviously more tiring to do two days in a row, I did really start to feel like I was making progress and I felt more confident with two back-to-back sessions under my belt. I have no doubt that I’ll probably get super anxious again with no way to practice the skills between the playdates but I’ve also now had proof that, even when I feel like I’ve forgotten it all, they’ll come back as soon as I was using them again.
Next up, my first sleepover with Daisy!
Finding Hope 