19 For 2019

It’s that time of year again and I’ve been thinking a lot about resolutions. I know a lot of people think it’s silly, that it’s just another day in a long line of days, but I love the feeling you get on New Year’s Eve, like you’re on the brink of great change. After the year I had, I was ready to move on and ready to do more. I’m excited about things for the first time in months.

I was really inspired by this video so I thought I’d have a go at coming up with my own nineteen things to achieve in 2019. I’m a bit overwhelmed but I’m also excited to do all of these things so I’m hopeful for the coming year:

  1. Stop pulling my hair out – whether my hair pulling is Trichotillomania or stimming (I don’t know where it comes from), I need to stop pulling out my hair. I hate it but stopping is incredibly difficult. I managed to stop once before, for a year, but the compulsion didn’t fade at all. I’m anxious about that but I really, really, really want to stop. While I was dealing with suffocating depression, stopping was too much to contemplate – I didn’t have it in me for both battles at once. But now that I’m feeling a bit lighter, I want to go for it.

2. Read ten books – I had a goal to read five books last year and read ten so I feel pretty good about this goal. It feels manageable.

3. Get a tattoo – There’s a tattoo that I’ve wanted for a year at least so I think it’s time to bite the bullet.

4. Continue swimming (let it evolve if it wants to) – I’m so proud of myself for continuing with the swimming for six months and I really want to keep it up. But I’m also open to it changing if that’s what feels right.

5. Write more songs – I’m so excited to have my creative brain back. I can’t wait to dive back into songwriting.

6. Get my photo albums up to date – I’m way behind with my photo albums. My depression made looking at my own face a really upsetting experience so I just had to let it slide. But it’s something I love doing and something I love looking through so I’d like to get up to date.

7. Pursue the cause of my tiredness – My struggle with fatigue is ongoing and I need to know why, where it’s coming from. Something has to be causing it and I want to know what that is and what I can do about it.

8. Improve my instrument skills – My piano and guitar skills have suffered during my depression and I wasn’t an expert to start with. So I want to work on them seriously.

9. Watch a meteor shower – I love watching meteor showers so I want to get them in my diary and make the time to go and watch one. Hopefully more than one.

10. Write more poetry – I barely wrote any poetry last year and that makes me sad because it’s something that I really love. So I want to make more time for that this year.

11. Finish decorating and organising my room – We’ve been moved in for about eight months and while we have the day to day stuff sorted, there’s still stuff like hanging pictures on the walls and finding places for all the small things (like extra hard drives and sorting out my make up) that still needs doing. So I’d like to work on that.

12. Find an alcoholic drink I like – I still haven’t found an alcoholic drink I like. I know that I don’t need to drink alcohol but so many people have said that it’s something you get used to, rather than liking it straight away so I’m trying to give it a fair shot. Pun intended.

13. Find a tea or coffee I like – As above, I still haven’t found a tea or coffee that I enjoy drinking. I’m still looking though.

14. Get invisible braces – This has been in the works for a while now but I’m really looking forward to getting on with it and to getting straighter teeth.

15. Go rock climbing – I loved rock climbing as a kid so I would love to do it again.

16. Participate in FAWM – FAWM stands for February Album Writing Month and it’s a challenge to write fourteen songs – an album’s worth of songs – in the month of February. I managed it once before and I loved the constant drive to create so I’d love to try to again. It’s a bit of a baptism by fire after not writing very much but what the hell. I’m already looking forward to it.

17. Participate in NaPoWriMo – April is National Poetry Writing Month and there’s a new poetry writing challenge every day. And as it’s already a resolution to write more poetry, this seems like a good opportunity. If everything goes as planned, I’ll be in Nashville for part of April so that might get complicated but hopefully I can participate for most of the month.

18. Donate blood again – Giving blood was a really special experience and it means a lot to me to be able to do it so I’m looking forward to doing it again.

19. Join the bone marrow register – I want to be able to help as many people as possible in my life so this is something that’s been on my to do list for a while.

So there it is. Bring on 2019.