Posted on April 13, 2019
This trip to Nashville wasn’t exactly what I’d expected. I’d had this vision of going out there and writing a load of songs and going to show after show after show and seeing all the friends I’ve made out there. I managed to do some of those things – and I’m really proud of what I achieved – but my mental health really dominated the trip, much more than I’d hoped it would.
We got off to a pretty rocky start when I forgot to take my medication the night before we flew out. We had to leave at two o’clock in the morning so I never really went to bed and therefore my nightly routine was disrupted. Plus I was excited and nervous and just generally all over the place. We got to the airport and I couldn’t even walk the distance to security, I was so completely out of energy. I thought it was the lack of sleep and stress of travelling but I physically couldn’t do it. We ended up asking the airport staff for assistance and they were absolutely amazing, at every airport we travelled through over the trip: they got me a wheelchair and took me wherever I needed to be, getting me early access to the planes, and so on. It was so helpful and honestly made the whole thing possible. I don’t know what I would’ve done without their help. It took a few days to recover and it was only then that we realised what had caused it.
The reason we go at this time of year is because the Nashville Songwriters Association International hold the Tin Pan South songwriters festival, where hundreds of songwriters perform songs that they’ve written. They have a great mix of famous and up and coming so you get a lot of different, beautifully written songs. All of the shows that I went to were good and some of them were fantastic. My favourites include Lori McKenna, Alyssa Micaela, Emily Shackelton, Hannah Ellis, Natalie Hemby, and Travis Meadows. They were truly incredible.
There were a couple of other musical highlights too. By some wonderful coincidence, Kelly Clarkson was playing the Bridgestone Arena while we were in Nashville. I’ve always wanted to see her and I’ve always wanted to go to a show at Bridgestone. And to make it even sweeter, Kelsea Ballerini – who I LOVE – was opening. So it was perfect. The show was amazing and I had a blast. Totally a bucket list moment.
The other musical highlight was getting to see my friend, Caylan Hays, perform. We’ve written together several times and on my last trip, she came to see me play a gig and by another beautiful coincidence, she was playing on the last night of our stay. She was fantastic. She’s such a talented writer and I love her voice. Throw in some gorgeous electric guitar and I was in love. You can check out her music here.
And of course, I got to go to two Song Suffragettes rounds. I love this organisation with my whole heart and so it meant so much to me to see both shows while I was there. They – the people who run it and the girls who play – are so inspiring and I hope I can play with them again someday.
I had several writing sessions while we were there and for the most part, they were a struggle. I love the people I was writing with dearly but my brain still isn’t right: a casualty of my depression and the medications I’m taking. We’re still trying to find the balance where I’m emotionally stable and not creativity stifled. Still, I’m trying and I so appreciate these writers for having patience with me while I work through this. I also got to spend some time with friends, old and new, and they really inspired me in this dark patch of my life.
But throughout the trip, I really, really struggled. My anxiety was so high that I actually had trouble breathing and my depression was so overwhelming that I found myself falling apart (even in public places, which I’m usually able to avoid doing) multiple times. There were lots of tears and lots of Diazepam; it was very hard. I struggled desperately with wanting to go home and I was battling suicidal thoughts (helpfully described by Claudia Boleyn as, “my brain trying to kill me”) for most of the trip. In truth, it was a bit of a nightmare but there were some really great moments that helped me manage it and of course, I had my wonderful people (my Mum and my writing partner, Richard Sanderson) there to support me. The trip wouldn’t have been possible without them.
Also, shout out to Pancake Pantry for teaching me what it’s like to get excited about food.
Category: event, holidays, medication, mental health, music, suicide, video Tagged: anxiety, creative block, creativity, depressed, depression, diazepam, kelly clarkson, kelsea ballerini, mental illness, nashville, nashville tennessee, nsai, song suffragettes, songwriter, songwriters, songwriting, songwriting festival, suicidal thoughts, tin pan south, tin pan south 2019
Posted on April 6, 2019
Hello friends! I’m back from Nashville! I’m jet lagged as hell right now so a full blog post is a bit much for me but I did one of these last year and really enjoyed it so I thought I’d do it again. So here are thirteen (well, actually fourteen) songs for the thirteen days I was in Nashville…
FRIDAY – ‘Great Ones’ by Maren Morris (written by Maren Morris, Ryan Hurd, and Mikey Reaves)
Maren Morris is one of my all time favourite artists and songwriters and I spent the journey listening to her new album, ‘Girl’. It usually takes me a while to get into new albums but this song immediately jumped out at me as a favourite. I love the detail in the lyrics and the congruence of the mythical, atmospheric production. It just gives me this sense that love like that is really possible when I often doubt that.
You’re the perfect storm
So let it pour down on me
If they tell the story in a hundred years
No one would believe that you and me were really here
Just a memory of what the real thing can be
SATURDAY – ‘This Town Still Talks About You’ by Natalie Hemby (written by Natalie Hemby)
I first listened to the ‘Puxico’ record on my way into Nashville and so every song reminds me of Nashville and vice versa. This song is one of my favourites (so much so that I’ve written about it multiple times). Wandering around Nashville and reacquainting myself with the city really brought it back.
Oh this town still talks about you
Like you never left
Hidden sounds in cracked sidewalks and church pews
How could we forget?
SUNDAY – ‘Loving You, Using You’ by Caylan Hays
I got to see a lot of my friend Caylan while I was in Nashville, which was absolutely wonderful. I love her a lot and her songwriting is just beautiful so of course I had to include her on this list.
Maybe I’m loving you because I’m lonely
Maybe I’m holding you because you know me
Maybe I’m loving you
Oh, because you’re lonely too
Maybe I’m here because I’m grieving
Maybe I’m terrified of leaving
Maybe I’m loving you
Maybe I’m using you
I wish I knew the truth
MONDAY – ‘Alice in Wonderland’ by Kalie Shorr
I love Kalie’s music so it was a real treat to go to Song Suffragettes and hear three new songs. The level of care and detail in her songs just takes my breath away. She’s recording her first album at the moment and I’m honestly so excited for it. She’s one special songwriter.
Before you know it every bottle says drink me
Before you know it, yeah, you’re gonna start shrinking
He’ll make you feel small, and there’s so far to fall
When you’re loving a madman
So hey Alice, how is Wonderland?
TUESDAY – ‘Humble and Kind’ by Lori McKenna (written by Lori McKenna)
On the Tuesday night, I had the pleasure of seeing Lori McKenna perform again, which is a bit of a spiritual experience, especially when it comes to this song. The lyrics, the melody, and her voice just come together in this perfect way and it’s absolutely stunning.
Hold the door, say “please”, say “thank you”
Don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind
WEDNESDAY – ‘Rainbow’ by Kacey Musgraves (written by Kacey Musgraves, Natalie Hemby, and Shane McAnally)
This is one of my favourite Kacey Musgraves songs and it has been for years. At the late show on the Wednesday night, Natalie Hemby talked about it and then sang it and it was absolutely gorgeous. Easily one of my favourite moments of the whole festival.
Well the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin’
But you’re stuck out in the same ol’ storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
Well, darlin’, I’m just tryin’ to tell ya
That there’s always been a rainbow hangin’ over your head
THURSDAY – ‘Black’ by Travis Meadows
Travis Meadows is an astounding songwriter and after missing his show last year, I was very excited to see him again this year. He was a complete standout. He told some great stories and his songs are just beautiful. The imagery and the emotion are just SO good.
You taught me there was more to life than getting by
If you want your dreams, the only limit is the sky
If you use your head, you won’t have to break your back
You taught me how to drink my coffee black
FRIDAY – ‘Miss Me More’ by Kelsea Ballerini (written by Kelsea Ballerini, David Hodges, and Brett McLaughlin) / ‘Since U Been Gone’ by Kelly Clarkson (written by Max Martin and Lukasz Gottwald)
There just so happened to be a Kelly Clarkson concert while we were in Nashville. She’s an artist I’ve always wanted to see and I’ve always wanted to see a concert in Nashville so I couldn’t resist. Plus Kelsea Ballerini was opening and I just adore her and her music. Her current single, ‘Miss Me More’ is one of my favourites off her current album, ‘Unapologetically.’
I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
I miss me more
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more
As you can imagine, Kelly Clarkson is a fantastic performer and the show was incredible. There were so many moments that took my breath away but there’s nothing quite like a whole arena screaming along to the same song. It was so much fun and so freeing.
But since you’ve been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I’m so moving on
Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you’ve been gone
SATURDAY – Born on a Windy Day by Anna Vaus
On the last day of the festival, I went to a really good show. It was really hard to choose a song for this day but this song by Anna Vaus just captured my imagination. I loved the story and the imagery and I keep going back to the little video I took of it.
And a bird’s gonna fly if it’s got wings
A cowboy’s gonna run off when the sunset sings
It’s just one of those things that I can’t change
Oh, I was born, I was born on a windy day
SUNDAY – ‘I’ll Be There For You’ by The Rembrandts (written by Phil Solem, Danny Wilde, David Crane, Marta Kauffman, Michael Skloff, and Allee Willis)
The day after the festival finished, I was exhausted and so me and my writing partner had a chill day watching Friends while I recovered. I find it very difficult, especially in Nashville, to take down time and let go of being productive all the time. But I know that I have to build in recovery time because otherwise I burn out and have meltdowns. So we took a day off and watched Friends, hence this song choice.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke
Your love life’s D.O.A
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year
MONDAY – ‘Hypocrite’ by Savannah Keyes
I met Savannah when we played Song Suffragettes together and I love her and her music so much. Her lyric writing is just so detailed and clever. I’m so excited that she’s releasing music and this is her first single, which she played at the Song Suffragettes round I went to that night. I love her performance of it; she’s so cheeky and honest.
We all wish we weren’t so human sometimes
But we’re trying, yeah, we’re trying
We all wish we weren’t so human sometimes
But I’m trying, damnit, I’m trying
TUESDAY – ‘Flavor’ by Maren Morris (written by Maren Morris, Jimmy Robbins, and Laura Veltz)
Maren Morris is pretty much always on in the background of my life, ever since I discovered her first EP, so it’s not surprising that she features on this list so many times. I loved this song when she started playing it on tour a few years back and I’m so happy that it made the new album – it’s a true Maren Morris song.
I’m cooking up my own flavor
Even if it ain’t your style
You only see one layer
Original can take a while
Making a mess straight out of scratch
Think what you think about that
Oh I’m just tryna make good a little bit greater
I’m cooking up my own flavor
(This was also the evening I went to see Caylan (Caylan Hays) play a show and I wish I could choose all of the songs she performed. I can’t wait for her to release them – they were utterly gorgeous.)
WEDNESDAY – ‘A Song For Everything’ (written by Maren Morris, Jimmy Robbins, and Laura Veltz)
A fitting end for a trip focussed on music and songwriting. I love Maren Morris and I love this song. It’s beautifully produced and the melody and lyrics are just gorgeous. It’s definitely one of my favourite songs on the album and I only hope I can write a song as good as this one day.
One danced you through love
One rocked you through lonely
Mixtaped your heartbreak
And made you feel holy
Category: music, video Tagged: anna vaus, caylan hays, friends, girl, golden hour, kacey musgraves, kalie shorr, kelly clarkson, kelsea ballerini, lori mckenna, maren morris, nashville, nashville tennessee, natalie hemby, playlist, rainbow, savannah keyes, tin pan south, tin pan south 2019, travis meadows
Hi! I’m Lauren Alex Hooper. Welcome to my little blog! I write about living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD (Inattentive Type), and Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), as well as several mental health issues.
I’m a singer-songwriter (it’s my biggest special interest and I have both a BA and MA in songwriting) so I’ll probably write a bit about that too.
My first single, ‘Invisible,’ is on all platforms, with all proceeds going to Young Minds.
My debut EP, Honest, is available on all platforms, with a limited physical run at Resident Music in Brighton.
I’m currently working on an album about my experiences as an autistic woman.