Not long after my sleepover with Daisy, I was back up at the Autism Dogs farm for what was supposed to be, I think, four days to do the public access and family training. This would be the last part of Daisy’s training before she moved in with me permanently. But, unfortunately, my anxiety and chronic pain and fatigue completely derailed the plan…

In the second week of February, my Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before our first day of public access and family training: four days that would focus on caring for Daisy, implementing the advanced tasks, and taking her out to public places to give both of us the opportunity to work together in new environments. But before we even got there, I was so stressed and so overwhelmed; I was incredibly nervous about how much energy it was going to take and about how much pain I was already in – before we’d even gotten started – plus a whole lot of stuff that was going on at the same time. I was just completely overwhelmed and by the time we made it to the hotel, I was basically in one really long meltdown between the anxiety, the pain, and the exhaustion. The stress of not knowing exactly what I was going to be doing over the next few days, all of the unknowns… I was was practically non-functional.

I physically could not leave the hotel and go to the farm the next day so my Mum went over there without me and had a really long discussion with Caroline, the CEO of Autism Dogs. Caroline has been amazing and so, so lovely throughout this process and I’m so grateful for how much contact we’ve had with her; it has been so helpful to have that relationship, especially when the trainers are often different session-to-session because of who’s been available. I think she’s fantastic and I am so grateful for everything she has done for me in this process. She and my Mum came up with a couple of different options for moving forward and then Mum came back to the hotel and we spent the rest of the day slowly talking them through.

The next morning, Caroline came to the hotel and we discussed the various options. One of the options was to start over with a different dog and I couldn’t even contemplate that; it would’ve broken my heart. The path we ended up deciding on was to have Daisy delivered relatively quickly after we went home: she would move in with us and get settled, more than a pet but not yet a fully qualified assistance dog. We would continue to bond and practice the skills we’d been working on and get more comfortable and confident together. Then, a month or so later, one of the trainers would come down and we would do the family training at home, where I’m most comfortable, and her public access training in places that I would actually be going to; we would also be able to go over the advanced tasks at home, where I feel safest. This was a really big modification for them to make to the training process and I am so grateful that, as an organisation, they were willing to do it so that Daisy and I could complete the training and I could (hopefully) go on to become more independent with Daisy’s help. If they’d been unwilling to accommodate me this way, I don’t know how or if I would’ve been able to finish working with Daisy.

Daisy came over for a visit and we had a lovely cuddle, just lying on the bed in the hotel room. She was really excited to see me but then, sensing my mood and my exhaustion, she draped herself over me and we had a lovely little bonding session before she went back to the farm and Mum and I drove home. The pain in my back was excruciating and I ended up lying – as much as a person can – on the back seat of the car. And because I was so exhausted, I was asleep very quickly; I didn’t wake up until we got home over three hours later.

Those few days were so stressful and so distressing but I’m so grateful to them as an organisation, and to Caroline, that they were able to think outside the box and do what’s best for their clients and the dogs. It’s never about turnover: it’s about making sure that everybody is accommodated, everyone’s needs are taken into account, and that the experience is the best it can be for everyone – as far as is possible and practical. I really can’t fully express how grateful I am. The final steps of the process – the family training and public access training and then actually working with Daisy full time – had been feeling completely overwhelming and I didn’t know how I was going to manage it all; I’d thought I’d feel a lot more confident by that point but my anxiety was still super high and my exhaustion and chronic pain were still really bad when they’d been predicted to be a lot better. But at Autism Dogs, they see me as a person and not a problem; they see the bond that I have with Daisy and they want to do whatever possible to make this possible. So, yes, I’m incredibly grateful. I’m still anxious about it but I feel a lot more comfortable with this plan than I’d felt going into those few days. So now we’re just waiting for Daisy to arrive.