Finding HopeAutism Dogs – The Third Playdate
Posted on May 31, 2025
Mid December, I was back at the Autism Dogs farm for my third playdate with my autism assistance dog in training, Daisy (if you missed my post about the second playdate, you can find it here). We had Izzy (my one year old Pomchi) with us again so that she and Daisy could continue to get to know each other and we made the same arrangement at the same hotel as we had for the previous playdate: staying there the night before the first session of the playdate and the night between the day of the first session and the day of the second session. We’d thought that Daisy was going to be sleeping over with us between the two sessions but that would be the next trip. That actually turned out to be a good thing, given how this trip went.
THE NIGHT BEFORE
Like the previous visit, my Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before the first session since it was going to be an early start; we absolutely wouldn’t have had time to get there on the morning of. We got there in good time and settled into our hotel room. Well, Mum and I settled… Izzy raced around like a little kid who’d had too much sugar. Eventually though, she tired herself out and flopped down on one of the beds and we managed to have a quiet evening – eating some dinner in front of Black Doves – before going to bed early so that I would have as much energy as possible for the next day.
DAY ONE
Unfortunately, the first day began with a meltdown. I hadn’t slept well and was already feeling tired and anxious and overstimulated when my sensory sensitivities were triggered by all of the unfamiliar and unpleasant sensory information in the hotel room: the texture of the sheets, the texture and smell of the towels, the smell of the soap… I tried to stop it – I didn’t want to have a meltdown and mess up my time with Daisy – but I couldn’t; by that point, I never can.
Izzy never strays far when I’m having a meltdown but doesn’t usually approach until it’s died down to just tears. Then she’s in my lap, with her paws on my shoulders, licking my face: ‘fixing’ my tears. She always does this when I’m upset, like she’s trying to make the sad go away, and it never gets less adorable. It doesn’t actually fix anything, of course, but her utter determination to make me feel better – how sensitive she is to my feelings and how much she clearly wants to make things okay again – is comforting and does bring me back to myself somewhat.
I didn’t want to cancel the session (and I didn’t feel like I could) but we were definitely late by that point. Fortunately everyone at the farm was really understanding and accommodated as best they could; working with people who really understand Autism, as well as some of them being autistic themselves, makes such a difference when it comes to stuff like this. So we got ourselves over there as quickly as we could (without stressing me out further) and thankfully we still had a reasonable amount of time to spend with Daisy.
The original plan had been to start out in the paddock and practice some of her skills (like recall, for example) but it was so cold and wet – not to mention the level of mud! – plus I was still feeling very fragile post meltdown. So we ended up spending the session in the new sensory room, which had been completed since my last visit. I loved the sensory lights – pretty lights always make me happy – but I’m not sure Izzy was totally convinced.
Once we’d settled, Daisy was brought in. She and Izzy greeted each other just as loudly as usual but it seemed to be less intense than it has been: they’re communicating, which is great, but I’m looking forward to when that communication doesn’t have to be quite so loud. I was sitting on the floor between them as they set their boundaries but once they’d seemed to have that figured out, Daisy lay down next to me. I stroked her paw and she promptly put her other paw over my hand, which was so adorable that I almost burst into tears – my emotions were so close to the surface and it was just so gentle and sweet.
(The photo on the right makes me laugh because Daisy looks so bewildered by my affections; she was actually leaning into me, which was really sweet and comforting.)
We basically spent the session, cuddled up on the sofa. It doesn’t sound like much but if we’re going to be a team, out in the world, then we have to have a really strong bond and spending time together, contact time like stroking and snuggling, and giving her the opportunity to get used to my voice and my smell and my emotions – which the dogs pick up on in order to perform their training – all builds that bond. Especially considering how overwhelmed I was feeling, just being together and having some real, extended contact time was really comforting.
It also gave Izzy a very chilled out, low pressure environment to continue getting used to Daisy both as simply a dog and as a dog that she was going to need to learn to coexist with. As always, I don’t expect miracles and I don’t expect her to accept Daisy overnight but I do feel like, with each session, they are getting better at engaging with each other. It’ll take time but there’s never been anything remotely like aggression between them; Izzy’s just very protective and it’s a big adjustment for her to suddenly have to share me, to have another dog protect me when she feels that that is her job. So I can understand her needing time to get used to the change; I need time to get my head around it!
At the end of the session, we headed back to the hotel and I spent the rest of the day alternating between sleeping and watching Black Doves. Between the meltdown and the intensity of the session, I was exhausted. I managed some dinner (and, of course, one of the excellent brownies) before going to bed early. I just did not have the energy to do anything.
DAY TWO
I took the morning gently and so I was feeling a bit more like myself by the time we went back for the second session. We started out in the sensory room and had some good cuddles before running through Daisy’s commands. She’s so good at them and so eager to please; if we do have a problem, it’s usually because she’s so enthusiastic that she throws her whole body into it or she can preempt me actually instructing her. I try not to encourage it by laughing but it is very funny.
After a while, we headed out to the paddock. There were skills to practice with Daisy but first, we just let Izzy and Daisy wander for a bit; we’re constantly seeing them set and then test boundaries as they figure out their relationship. Izzy’s much more sensitive while Daisy is beyond chill so, despite her size, Izzy definitely comes across as the boss; it’s a fascinating process to watch.
We did some recall and then I threw tennis balls for Daisy to chase. That was super fascinating to watch. My childhood Labrador, Lucky, was the kind of dog that had to get the ball at all costs; in that moment, nothing else mattered. I’d expected Daisy – a young, bouncy, enthusiastic Labrador – to be the same and while she did race after them, at least half of the time she’d drop it on the way back, distracted by something. It was a bit weird, the idea that a dog could forget about a toy mid-game was definitely a new one for me. Izzy was very funny about the whole thing though: she was desperate to race Daisy to the ball. I wanted to let her – her desperation to join in was so adorable – but none of us thought the two of them were quite ready for that. And I certainly wasn’t ready to try and break up a dispute over who the ball belonged to!
At the end of the session, I reluctantly said goodbye to Daisy, and then me and Mum got in the car and started the drive home. I fell asleep pretty much straight away and slept for most of the drive. As I’ve said before, the sessions are really intense and they require a lot of concentration – you’re trying to remember so many things at once – and all of that, plus the meltdown… I was completely exhausted. We stopped in with family to have some dinner and then we were back on the road. We didn’t get home particularly late but I went straight to bed and was out like a light.
So it wasn’t the easiest few days of the process: I was feeling anxious and fragile and tired and cold, all of which had been amplified by the meltdown, I’m sure. That did make it harder than usual but I did not want to give up the opportunity to spend time with Daisy; I’d never say no to more time with her, not unless I absolutely had to – for her sake or mine.
The next session involves Daisy sleeping over at the hotel with us and I’m so excited for that!
Autism Dogs – My Advanced Task List
Posted on May 22, 2025
NOTE: Somehow, between the last WordPress update and my brain fog, this post got lost. It falls between the two posts, ‘The Application‘ and ‘It’s A Match,’ and I’ll include links in both of those so that – hopefully – everyone is able to follow the chronology of posts despite my mistake. Sorry!
Here is the next part of my Autism Dogs journey! Having been accepted onto the programme, I went up to visit the Autism Dogs farm in April 2024 to work on my Advanced Task List and meet some of the dogs…
I’d set an alarm (multiple alarms) since it was such an early start but I was actually woken up by Izzy as she snuggled close to my face, wrapping herself around my neck. It was very cute and I enjoyed the extra time cuddling with her before I had to get up. As much as I would’ve liked to have stayed there all morning, I had trains to get and dogs to visit so I eventually (reluctantly) got up and had a shower. Izzy seemed to know that me and Mum were going out because she stuck close to me as I got ready, as I did my make up and packed my bag. She’s just beyond adorable, which just makes it so hard to leave; it was so early and I was already keen to curl up for a nap and her super-snuggly behaviour really wasn’t motivating me to get up and go. But I had one last snuggle and then my Mum and I were out the door.
The journey to the Autism Dogs farm wasn’t the most relaxing of my life: the train to London was fine but then our connection to Stoke-on-Trent was cancelled and our only option was to get the next train, which meant we were going to miss our final train and be late for our session. I’m relatively used to the chaos and generally, it doesn’t faze me, but I do find it draining to repeatedly reshuffle my plans to find the best outcome. It certainly wasn’t what I needed on an already long day. We made it to Stoke-on-Trent and then had to get a cab to the farm instead of catching the final train. It’s only a short ride but they don’t come very often. The cab was painfully expensive but we managed to get there just about on time for our session. I was amazed.
The biggest part of the session was to build my Advanced Task List. As far as I’m aware, when the dogs are trained, they all go through the same basic skills training, like recall and sit and heel etc. That’s the first part of their training. On my side of things, once I was accepted onto the programme, I filled out lots of forms and had multiple calls with different people and learned about the process before travelling to the Autism Dogs farm to meet with several staff members to discuss the Advanced Task List. This involved looking at my various difficulties and how my assistance dog will hopefully be able to help me, which tasks she will perform in response to which behaviours. Once this list is compiled, the team created a profile of my needs to compare against the dogs in training; obviously, the idea is that the two profiles match, that you and your dog are compatible. For example, my meltdowns are often very loud – I’ll shout and scream and cry – and so I’d need a dog that is confident around loud noise. Everyone is going to have different needs and therefore need a different dog; you want to end up with the dog that’s the best fit for you so that the relationship is as successful as possible because, hopefully, you’re going to be working with this dog every day for a very long time.
The Advanced Task List is made up of three to eight taught behaviours: less than three and the dog becomes illegible as an assistance dog (it’s not uncommon for a dog to ‘lose’ one of their skills if it’s no longer needed or used) but more than eight and the dog can get confused and struggle with the amount of commands and tasks. So we spent most of the session discussing the things I struggle with. As I’ve already mentioned, I have meltdowns and we discussed those; we also talked about shutdowns and I described them as best I could; we talked about sleep and anxiety and self-injurious behaviours; we talked about the dog being trained to perform deep pressure therapy and so on. We talked about all of this for over an hour, in as much detail as possible; they were really lovely and took things really gently, acutely aware that people can find it really difficult to talk about this stuff. But to be honest, I’ve talked about a lot of my difficulties and even some of my most distressing experiences quite a lot: online, on my blog, to friends and family, in therapy… even at conferences. So, on the whole, talking about it doesn’t really faze me (although there are, as I think there are for everyone, some areas that are really hard to dig into) and I could answer pretty much every question they had for me, with help from my Mum when I needed a prompt or an outside perspective was useful. The more information they had, the easier it would be to build a profile of me and the more accurate it would be. It was almost funny, how carefully they were handling the discussions (with me personally, I mean – I think it’s great that they’re so aware of the potential needs of the autistic person they’re working with), because I just wanted to talk about the dogs. I’m fascinated by the process and the training and so I was just sitting there, like, ‘Okay, can we stop talking about me now? Can we talk about the dogs?’ It’s just so interesting and I could listen to them talk about it for hours.
Then came the part that was I was really excited about. I got to meet four different dogs (none of which would ultimately be mine), in order to get a sense of what breed and characteristics might be right for me, what size and texture of fur would be most manageable and comfortable. Having had and spent time with multiple breeds of dog throughout might life, I already had a sense of some of these things.
The first dog I met was a Cockapoo called Buddy. He was very sweet and very excitable (they were all ver excitable actually, given that it was dinner time for them) but I knew that I would struggle on a sensory level with the curly fur. He was lovely but his breed wasn’t one I’d be able to handle longterm on a sensory standpoint. The other three were different Labradors. I grew up with a Labrador so I’m very comfortable around them and just adore them. All three were gorgeous, two black – like the one I grew up with – and one yellow with more wiry fur. The first of the two black Labradors was a girl called Shadow who was so excitable and enthusiastic, sliding all over the tiled floor and slamming into me. She licked my face and then ran in circles around me before bounding over to meet Mum and the whole experience was just really adorable. The second black Labrador was a male called Denzel. He was also deeply enthusiastic but not quite as chaotic as Shadow had been; he definitely had more control over his limbs. But he still came charging over to meet me and licked my face over and over before trying to curl up in my lap even though he was much too big. And finally, I met the fourth dog, a wiry, yellow Labrador called Hero. He was a lot more chilled out because he’d already had his dinner – unlike the other three – so, while he trotted in and came straight over to me to check me out, he wasn’t like one of those super balls ricocheting off the walls. Instead, he snuffled my face and then leaned against me, heavier and heavier until I slid over onto the floor; when I pushed myself up, he just stood beside me in prime position so that I could stroke him (and keep stroking him). He was more chill than the previous three but he had had his dinner and I think he was a bit older; their dogs are usually between one and two years old and I think he was on the older side.
Buddy (top left), Shadow (top right), Denzel (bottom left), and Hero (bottom right).
I was definitely a fan of all three Labradors so, as a breed, they seemed like a clear choice. After Hero left, my Mum and I stayed for a bit longer and talked with the staff about various preferences, like size, and coat, etc. All of these things obviously need to be considered when, all being well, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with this dog, relying them; you need to feel comfortable with them and you definitely need to feel comfortable with them when you’re feeling under stress or overwhelmed or triggered.
So it felt like a very productive session. We wrapped things up and then my Mum and I headed for the station. I was absolutely exhausted by the day and fell asleep on two of the three trains, so deeply that my hands – which I’d apparently been using as a pillow – had gone numb. When we finally got home, Izzy was momentarily unimpressed by all of the different dog smells on our clothes but quickly dismissed them in her absolute delight that we’d returned to her. Even with my train naps, I was so tired that I went to bed early, snuggled up with Izzy.
It was exciting to move to the next step in this process. I was near the top of the list because I had been waiting for quite a long time by that point. But while it is a list of priority, they also weren’t going to just match me with the first dog available because we wouldn’t necessarily be a good match. That’s fine with me. As I said, I would rather wait a bit longer and find the best possible match. It also gives me a bit more time to mentally prepare: it’s a really big change and I really struggle with change. I have some really great support and I know that, once we all adjust and I have this new form of support in my life, things will hopefully get better – less erratic and unstable, emotionally – but anticipating this big change is stressful. So my feelings are very big and messy but I just have to keep reminding myself that lots of people have benefited from this process so far and that helps me to feel less anxious and more excited.
Autism Dogs – The Second Playdate
Posted on May 3, 2025
My second playdate with Daisy didn’t happen until early October 2024 due to both us and Autism Dogs having had to reschedule at one point. But we finally made it happen and we were headed back to the farm to see Daisy. We had Izzy with us again to give both of the dogs another chance to get to know each other. And since this trip included two sessions over two days, we booked a dog-friendly hotel for the night before and the night between the two sessions; it was a Holiday Inn Express, which turned out to be a really good choice because it had a lot of my safe foods!
NIGHT BEFORE
Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before the first day; we’d be starting early and we never would’ve made it up in time if we’d driven up the morning of. We got settled in our hotel room and although Izzy still struggled with the noises from the hall and the surrounding rooms, she did better than she had on the last trip. We had some dinner, chilled out with some TV, and went to bed early so that I could manage the early start the next morning.
DAY ONE
We were up and out early to get to the Autism Dogs farm in time for our session with Daisy. I’m always so excited to see her and work with her again but I do find it quite nerve-wracking: there’s just so much to learn and remember and I get so anxious about doing things wrong that it can get pretty overwhelming at times.
Izzy and I waited in the paddock while Mum let them know we’d arrived and then returned with Daisy and one of the trainers. Izzy was definitely more excited to see Mum than she was to see Daisy. Having Izzy present for these sessions would hopefully allow the two dogs to get more comfortable around each other; starting out in the paddock gave them plenty of space to move around, to set boundaries and test them, and we even got them walking together after a while.
Then, in the training room, we used the smaller space to try and build on that. We encouraged them to interact a little bit more but just existing calmly in the same room together was a positive step forward, considering how they’d just barked at each other during the previous session. They did well: progress was definitely made and they were very cute to watch. They were still struggling with competing for my attention – and getting jealous when I engaged with the other – but I would’ve been surprised if we’d managed to solve that in two sessions: Izzy has practically been glued to me since I got her and, of the time I’ve spent with Daisy, she’s rarely had to share me. So neither of them are keen on the other being with ‘their person.’
I also did some more lead walking practice with Daisy – I find the multi-tasking aspect of it really difficult so I wanted as much practice as I could get – and, to my surprise, it did feel easier this time. That was a big relief to me: I find it really easy to spiral about not being good at any of this and finding it so overwhelming, so to tangibly feel that progress was definitely reassuring.
We spent the rest of the session in the training room, just hanging out and letting everyone get used to each other. It was a chance not just for me and Daisy to bond but for my Mum and Daisy to build a relationship too, for Daisy and Izzy to get more comfortable together, to reassure Izzy that everything was still the same with Daisy around… It’s obviously easier for me and Mum while the dogs need a lot more reassurance and rewarding for every positive interaction. As you can see from the photos below, Izzy still wasn’t convinced and really just wanted me to herself but this is all still very new to her and so it’s going to take time. At the very least, they were a lot less bark-y, which my ears were very grateful for.
Ever since The Eras Tour ended in August (I know I haven’t written about that experience yet but I do want to – the brain fog has just been brutal), I’ve been feeling bereft of making friendship bracelets and so I’d been making as many as I could for the staff at the farm. I’m not sure how many I ended up making up in the end but I left them there that afternoon to be passed around during the afternoon, evening, and the next morning. I’d made a personalised set for myself and for Mum and then for Caroline (the founder and CEO) as well, as a thank you for all of her support.
Back at the hotel, I had to have a nap, exhausted by the intensity and focus of the playdate, and then Mum and I checked out the hotel’s pool. It was small (which was fine) and busy (which wasn’t ideal) but I got to stretch, do some of my hydrotherapy exercises, and get some gentle exercise, which definitely helped my chronic pain. The amount of time I spent scrunched up in the car on the drive to and from the farm isn’t great for my body as a person with Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so having access to a pool was really great.
Between the playdate and the swim, I was completely exhausted – even with my nap – so we had a quiet evening. We had dinner (with an awesome chocolate pudding!) and cuddles with Izzy in front of Red Eye before going to bed early since we had an early start the next day.
DAY TWO
The second day began earlier than the first day, which was a bit of a struggle for me since I hadn’t slept particularly well (which I generally don’t when I’m away from home). But we made it and began the playdate in the paddock, giving Daisy and Izzy a chance to get reacquainted: they were much calmer than the day before, which was reassuring and pretty cute.
Then we headed inside and went over some of Daisy’s commands again, which was really good because there are a lot of things to remember and in the time between playdates, I’d worried that I’d forgotten all of it. But having said that, I felt like I’d retained a lot more than I’d thought, which was very reassuring. That was actually good timing because, on that particular day, Daisy wasn’t at her most well-behaved (I think she was just overexcited). That sounds odd to say but it meant that I got to see how the trainers correct the undesirable behaviours and regain the dog’s focus and then practice it myself. Again, it’s really good knowledge to have but I was exhausted! I was learning a lot, learning it fast, and having to concentrate and process information really fast; it was hard work. In hindsight, we probably could’ve taken it a bit slower but between my anxiety about learning everything and just getting caught up in everything, that didn’t occur to me until later.
After that, we had a break and I got to have some good cuddle time with Daisy, which I always look forward to: she’s so gentle and sweet and affectionate – once she’s settled down a bit and worked off her excitement! I was so tired that I practically fell asleep curled up with her and could’ve happily stayed like that for the rest of the day.
After the break, we were headed out to the paddock but, before we went outside, I was shown how to get Daisy’s slip lead – her working lead – on quickly and efficiently. I needed to watch it a few times but once I had all of the steps in my head, I actually didn’t find it too difficult; I even managed to do it smoothly on just my second try. That was very pleasing, especially since I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m just not very good at any of this (regardless of whether it’s objectively true or not – or the idea that I’m still learning and it’s the practice that makes you good at something).
Out in the paddock, we did some recall practice, which Daisy did struggle with initially; she is, after all, very used to doing recall with the trainers. But once she realised that I had treats and made a huge fuss of her when she came to me, we had it down. I had to laugh: labradors are so predictable when there’s food in play.
Then we went out into the lane to practice her lead walking, which is how she’ll walk with me when we’re out in public, when she’s working: she stays close to my body and keeps her attention on me and (at least at this point) I reward her whenever she makes eye contact with me, checking in. It was actually starting to feel a bit easier and not so overwhelming, which definitely felt like an achievement.
That was officially the end of the day but the farm did have a relatively new litter of puppies that they will hopefully be training to be more Autism Dogs and I got to spend a little bit of time with them before we left. They were gorgeous in that way that puppies just are, especially Labrador puppies in my opinion; they were all soft and warm and snuggly. And for some reason, they smell amazing. I was besieged by them the moment I put my hands in the pen and although my Mum joked that I couldn’t kidnap one, I think the real danger was them kidnapping me: they just attached themselves to my jumper and every time I peeled one off, another had got their teeth into it, and eventually I had to be rescued because two hands just weren’t enough. They were utterly divine though and I had some lovely cuddles, which just gave me such a serotonin boost.
The sessions are pretty intense and require a lot of mental energy at the very least so it was a really nice way – the perfect way – to just decompress for a couple of minutes before getting back in the car and getting on the road. I would’ve been content to spend hours with them but eventually Mum pulled me away and we said our goodbyes, got in the car, and headed home. It was a very long drive after some very long and tiring days but it really did feel like progress is being made, despite my anxieties trying to tell me otherwise.
So that was the second playdate! Even though it was obviously more tiring to do two days in a row, I did really start to feel like I was making progress and I felt more confident with two back-to-back sessions under my belt. I have no doubt that I’ll probably get super anxious again with no way to practice the skills between the playdates but I’ve also now had proof that, even when I feel like I’ve forgotten it all, they’ll come back as soon as I was using them again.
Next up, my first sleepover with Daisy!
Finding Hope 