During the last several elections, I’ve felt frustration that I couldn’t vote Labour and help to oust the Conservatives who’d been in power since before I could vote. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud to vote for The Green Party but there was a level of frustration in that I had to vote Green in order to avoid splitting the vote between Green and Labour and letting the Conservatives get in. Voting Green keeps The Green Party in, which I do absolutely want, but it was hard knowing that it never swayed the overall outcome and that was quite distressing. Having said that, in this recent election, never have I been so glad to have voted Green and not Labour…

Today is the final day of the government’s Pathways To Work consultation – nicknamed “consult-a-sham” – on the disability cuts bill and as much work has been done and pressure applied by disabled people’s grassroots groups and charities, as much as people have protested (in the streets and online), and as many emails have been sent to MPs, I’m still so scared that this bill will go through because I don’t think the government is listening; I don’t think many MPs care (again, I’m so fucking grateful that my MP is Sian Berry who does very much care). They don’t seem to care about any of the evidence and no argument will convince them that this bill will not get disabled people working and that it will, in fact, be completely devastating: disabled people will be pushed into poverty, their health will deteriorate, lives will be lost (and taken out of desperation). And yet so many among the government are focussed on the non-existant savings instead. You know how they could save money? By taxing the rich. And you know what? There are millionaires and billionaires ASKING the government to tax them over disabled people.

I am utterly terrified of what the upcoming cuts will mean, for the disabled community, for my disabled friends, and for myself. Many of us rely on these benefits to manage our conditions on a daily basis, whether working or not, because being disabled is inherently expensive. We will be losing thousands of pounds a year that we depend on for survival, forget living or thriving. Taking these funds away will be devastating and, as I said, will cost people their lives.

I struggle daily with multiple physical disabilities, multiple chronic illnesses, multiple neurodivergent conditions, and multiple mental health problems. I have spent the last three plus years struggling to survive, struggling to stay alive because I was and often am so depressed. I struggle everyday with the trauma of living like this, of living like this in a society that sees me as a burden. My needs are complex but there are individuals with far more complex needs than mine. Without adequate support, even day to day living can be impossible. I’ve never been able to work, having first gotten sick at twelve years old, but that does not mean that I haven’t relentlessly tried my best to become stronger, physically and mentally, to contribute wherever I can. Without PIP, none of my achievements would’ve been possible. Without PIP, that is all over. The support I’ve had to find and fund myself – through PIP – after being repeatedly let down by the NHS will be gone and, without it, I don’t know what will happen. I truly don’t know how I will survive.

These cuts are not in line with the core values of The Labour Party, the party this country voted in, the party that established the welfare state. If they really stood by these values, they would be trying to improve the lives of disabled people rather than following in the footsteps of the Conservatives, cutting benefits and support, and then taking it further than even the Conservatives were willing to go: they felt that £3 billion in cuts would make them look bad. Apparently Labour weren’t worried about this, almost doubling that figure. Those in support of this bill should be ashamed of themselves. They wouldn’t last a week on PIP. How dare they rip away our lifeline and then have the audacity to claim that they’re helping us. The cuts that Starmer is pushing for, while deliberately ignoring the obvious benefits of a wealth tax, has been declared a violation of our human rights by the UN. A. violation. of. human. rights. Let that sink in.

I don’t know how it can be legal to use to a manifesto supporting the disabled community, if only vaguely – their own concrete commitment was to “consult and coproduce disability policy with disabled people’s organisations” – to get voted in, only to do the complete opposite and put thousands and thousands of lives in jeopardy. How is this democracy? How can democracy ever be upheld when political parties can say whatever they want to get elected, only to do whatever they want, regardless of the promises they’ve made. Where are the consequences when they are the ones in power?

Labour have added concessions to the bill but I doubt they’ve been received as the government would’ve hoped; they most likely hoped that it would appease those protesting but many see it as a win, as a sign that putting pressure on the government is working and that we must continue to do so. There was an incredible protest in London today, for example, and although I was advised not to go on medical grounds, I did attend online and it was very inspiring. This community is amazing and I’m so proud to be a part of it, even if it is a community that none of chose to join.

The only way that I think the DWP can ever be truly effective is if it is run by disabled people, by those who truly understand what it is like – what support a person might need and how expensive it is – to be disabled. Labour’s promise of coproduction has been completely forgotten about but the system was far from perfect – a true understatement – before they came to power. Steve Topple wrote an excellent article about all of this for The Canary: it’s well worth a read. As he says, “If this bill passes, it will be in defiance of disabled people, not in partnership with them. That is the DWP’s legacy.”

I don’t know what’s going to happen, how the vote will go. I want to believe that there has been enough protest, enough letters, enough tragedy already to prove that it is a catastrophic, callous move but I still can’t help but fear that it will pass because not enough MPs care about disabled people. I am so grateful for the ones that have spoken up – like my MP, Sian Berry – but I worry that it won’t be enough, especially considering how many Labour MPs who once upon a time stood for improving the quality of living for disabled people have since changed their views, no doubt pandering to the right wing; seeing videos and quotes of their previous comments compared to their current ones makes me feel physically nauseous.

But with only hours left, I have to have hope because there’s nothing else to be done. On a personal level, I’ve gone to every protest I can manage, written letter after letter after letter, and signed every petition I could find. I’ve spent more time on social media than was probably good for my mental health. I hope that it’s been enough but either way, it was worth it. If I did everything I could do, then it wasn’t time wasted, regardless of the outcome. I just hope the outcome is the one that we want it to be.