TW: non-graphic descriptions of hair pulling, Trichotillomania, and self injury/self harm and photographs of being tattooed.

When I was diagnosed as autistic, I did a lot of research and reading to try and make sense of my life through this new lens and one of the things that I struggled with was stimming. Short for ‘self-stimulating behaviour,’ stimming is behaviour – commonly repetitive movements and sounds – that we all use to self-regulate and self-soothe. Everybody does it to a certain degree but many neurodivergent individuals struggle with self regulating and so we stim more – and more noticeably – to compensate. It helps us to manage our emotions, anxiety and uncertainty and stress, sensory information, and helps us to express joy. I found it difficult to identify these behaviours in myself but over time, and especially over the last couple of years in therapy,* I’ve come to realise that there are many things that I do that play a big part in my attempts to stay somewhat regulated but because many of them have often served another purpose, I haven’t recognised what else they’ve been doing for me. Some of them are great and fun, some of them are harmful and I need help with, and some function only as a way to process what I’m feeling or what’s going on in my body but all of them help me to regulate myself and get through the day.

*I quit talk therapy in 2024 and dug into different modalities, eventually landing on Somatic Massage Therapy for trauma release and truly, I cannot articulate how much it has helped me. The years in talk therapy weren’t wasted (mostly) but this is a totally different level of processing and healing and growing. I was so checked out from my body and how it was processing emotion – as a survival mechanism – and the process of reconnecting to it has really unleashed some of my stimming, particularly swaying, swinging my arms, and flapping, in a really freeing way.

Singing – Up until recently, I probably wouldn’t have considered singing a stim but given how regulating I find it, I think there are certainly situations where I would consider it stimming. I find the physical sensations of singing so calming and it relaxes me both emotionally and physically but that makes a lot of sense since so many parts of singing are connected to self regulation: the breath control, the way you hold your body, the releasing of emotion, the complete focus (on the sound you’re trying to create, in this case)… I will never not be obsessed with the fact that my body is an instrument, that it can make music. It absolutely fascinates me and I get such intense joy from operating my body to produce the sound I want to create. It may be the only way I feel truly connected to my body, something that I have historically struggled with, so it doesn’t surprise me that it creates such a physical sense of joy every time I sing. I’m always finding new songs that I love to sing but some of my long time favourites include ‘California’ by Kina Grannis, ‘She Used To Be Mine’ and ‘Little Voice’ by Sara Bareilles, ‘Radio Silence’ by Natalie Hemby, and ‘Unsteady’ by X Ambassadors.

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