Finding Hope‘Helium Balloon’ by LUCE – Out Now!
Posted on April 29, 2022
Today, one of my best friends released her new single, ‘Helium Balloon,’ and while I’ve been excited for each of her releases, I’ve been especially excited about this one because I helped with the writing of the song. Luce is one of my favourite people and it’s always so special to work on music with people I have so much love and respect for. As well as being a great friend, Luce is a beautiful songwriter, a compelling performer, and just a wonderful human being; alongside and with her music, she advocates for survivors of sexual violence and raises awareness through her blog.
The song is also raising money for Cambridge Rape Crisis Centre…
Text HELIUM to 70450 to donate £5. Texts will incur the cost of the donation (£5) plus a charge at your standard network rate. Please make sure you obtain the bill payer’s permission before sending the text. You must be 16 years old or over to make a text donation. UK mobiles only. 100% of the donation goes to Cambridge Rape Crisis Centre (CRCC). For more information about CRCC’s text giving services please see the Terms and Conditions at cambridgerapecrisis.org.uk/donate. CRCC Registered Charity No. 1179871.
I know times are tough but if you can, please donate. Every single donation is appreciated.
You can find the song here! Please check it out and we’d both love to hear from you if you like it, if it resonates, if you find that it means something to you.
Autism Awareness and/or Autism Acceptance
Posted on April 4, 2021
And here we are. It’s the last day of Autism Awareness Week…
Recently – and not just this week – I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion about whether Autism Awareness Month/Week/Day should be Autism Acceptance Month/Week/Day instead. I’ve seen lots of people saying we’re past the point of awareness and that acceptance should be the primary focus. Of course – of course – I think acceptance is vitally important and the way forward but when it comes to the point about awareness, I’m not sure.
Are people ACTUALLY aware? Yes, many people are aware that Autism exists. But… Are they aware that it presents differently in different people? Are they aware that it presents very differently in females to males? Are they aware of how hard many autistic individuals work to mask their Autism and how damaging that can be in the long term? Are they aware of how much anxiety a change of plans can cause? Are they aware that autistic individuals may need more time to process information than their neurotypical peers? Are they aware of what sensory sensitivities are actually like to live with? Are they aware of what is going on for an autistic person when they’re having a meltdown? I’m not sure many people are.
Autism Awareness, in my opinion, isn’t just about being aware that Autism exists. It’s about having an actual awareness about the experience of it, the full picture – as much as you can when a condition can present so differently in each person. So many people – many of them good and decent people – still don’t have a real awareness of what the main areas of difficulty can be for autistic individuals, how they can support their neurodivergent peers, and how they can be allies in the fight against ableism. I think this is particularly important when it comes to institutions – medicine (both physical and mental), education, etc – because in my experience at least, many people in these institutions don’t know much about Autism at all. There has not been a single medical appointment in my memory that I’ve gone to where I haven’t had to explain at least one big relevant area of my Autism. And not just in specific, personal terms but in general this-actually-exists terms. With all of that in mind, have we outgrown the need for Autism Awareness and Autism Awareness Months/Weeks/Days? I don’t think we have.
I’ve seen other people talking about acceptance as more positive than awareness, that awareness comes from a past of seeing Autism as a problem to be solved, an obstacle to be negotiated whereas acceptance is about the future, about welcoming autistic individuals into society rather than sidelining them. I can completely understand this point of view and I don’t disagree, but I think that’s a big leap to make. Can you truly accept something without, at the very least, a basic understanding of it?
Maybe I’m being too literal. But I think it comes down to more than awareness OR acceptance. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s a different word altogether. Maybe we should take the lead from Twitter’s #actuallyautistic hashtag and have an Actually Autistic Month to put the focus on the actual individuals with Autism. I don’t know. I’m not going to pretend to be the font of all knowledge when it comes to this, when it comes to Autism. This is just my two cents. I think awareness is still necessary but acceptance is vital to the quality of life of autistic individuals. I don’t think it’s one or the other. I think it’s a topic that still needs conversation and development.
So… awareness or acceptance? I think it’s both. I think it’s awareness and acceptance.
I hope this week of posts has been helpful and interesting! Don’t forget that April is Autism Awareness Month so, where possible, let’s all keep reading and learning and raising the voices and experiences of autistic individuals.
Talking About Self Harm
Posted on March 1, 2019
Self harm (also described as self injury) is still a topic that people struggle with. That’s understandable. It’s a hard thing to think about. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. So, since it’s Self Injury Awareness Day, I thought I would write down some of things that I’ve learned, things I’ve found useful, things that I wish other people had known during my ‘self harm journey…’ So, without further ado, here are some dos and don’ts for talking about self harm, from my experience at least…
DOs
- Try to stay calm – Simply put, don’t freak out and say something you might regret. It’s a hard thing to find out about anyone, let alone someone you really care about. You’re allowed to feel your feelings but try to control any outbursts of upset or frustration.
- Ask – If you don’t know what to say, ask them. It’s okay not to know and asking, ‘how can I help you?’ or ‘what response do you want/need to hear?’ is better than anxious rambling or silence.
- Offer what you can – Even if it’s only being a person to call, assure the person that you are there for them and that you will support them through whatever it is they’re going through. But don’t make promises you can’t keep by overcommitting.
- Remember that it’s not about you – A person doesn’t self harm because their parents nag or because their friend said they couldn’t hang out. Yes, negative interactions and experiences can trigger it but a person wouldn’t do it if there wasn’t something really serious going on internally. It’s not about you, it’s about them and what they’re going through.
DON’Ts
- Grab the area that’s injured or scarred and demand an explanation – A confrontational or accusing attitude won’t help either of you and it’s NOT okay to touch someone without their consent even if you think you’re trying to help. Try to stay calm, and allow them to direct the conversation if possible.
- Judge – Unless you’ve struggled with self harm, you can’t know what it’s like. That’s okay. You’re not expected to understand it but that doesn’t mean you can’t be compassionate and supportive. Try to keep an open mind while having these conversations.
- Simply ask them to give it up – If it were that simple, no one would self harm. If someone is hurting themselves – going against their body’s survival instinct – there’s something seriously intense going on and so just stopping isn’t possible. And that inability to stop can turn into a lot of guilt and self blame so it’s a sensitive subject in itself.
- Ask them to give up for you – I know it can seem like positive motivation (and maybe it works for some people) but it actually just creates more pressure and more pressure is exactly what they don’t need right at that moment. I’m not an expert but from my own experience, pressure leads to feeling even more guilty and all the negative emotion just builds and builds and makes the whole thing worse.
I hope these things have been helpful and I’d love to know what else you would add to this. Awareness and understanding are so important and every conversation matters. And if you’re someone that struggles with self harm, I hope you remember that you’re doing the best you can. Obviously everyone wants you to be in a place where you don’t feel you need self harm but that’s a really big thing. It’s not a place you can necessarily get to over night but every day that you get through – every hard moment – is a success, however you get through it. It’s a process and whatever speed you travel through it is okay. Living is hard. You’re doing fine.
More information here.
Finding Hope 