Finding HopeTeam Daisy – One Year In
TW: mention of pet loss and grief, mentions of meltdowns and harmful stimming. No descriptions. Some discussion of people responding disrespectfully to Daisy while working but nothing upsetting, just ignorant.
As of the end of April, my Autism Assistance Dog, Daisy, has been fully qualified for a whole year and in that time, she’s been a huge help to me both inside and outside the house. I’d hoped to have this post written and up by the actual anniversary but then my youngest cat, Sooty, had to be rushed to the vet and put to sleep very suddenly, which left me in a complete spiral. I ended up in the worst depression pit I’ve experienced in years and it took me a while to climb out of it and even longer to get my life sorted out enough to sit down and write this. So here we finally are…
Daisy moved into our home at the beginning of March 2025 and was fully qualified two months later at the end of April. But of course, the learning – for both of us – didn’t stop there and I wanted to use the first anniversary of her qualifying as an assistance dog to write about what this first year has been like, how much we’ve learned, and how much we’ve grown as a partnership. I did post a video on the year anniversary of her moving in that I will share here too, at the end of this point, if for no other reason than because she’s really, really cute.
Having an assistance dog is so different from having a pet dog. Most of the time, at least. Yes, Daisy is a dog who plays and snuggles and bounces around but the moment her jacket goes on, she goes into work mode and her behaviour completely changes: she knows she’s working. She pays attention to me at home, of course, but it’s different when she’s wearing her jacket and we’re outside of the house. She’s calm but attentive; she settles well but she’s never so relaxed that she stops paying attention – for example, sometimes she’ll snooze in familiar environments and situations, when she knows I’m safe and calm, but she never sleeps as deeply as she does at home, like she’s always got an ear open and an eye on me. Watching her work is so fascinating: she’s always so excited to get into her jacket and “go to work” and her focus while working is amazing. And the transition from work mode to home mode is always funny because she so likes to work but she’s also always excited to be a dog again: you can see her trying to restrain her excitement until the jacket comes off and then, the minute it does, she’s skipping and wiggling and shaking and bouncing around like a puppy. It’s so cute and I just wish I knew what was going on in her head through all of it.
When Daisy arrived, she had been trained with a number of skills that me, my Mum, and Autism Dogs had discussed so that Daisy would be able to support me most effectively. Some of these include Deep Pressure Therapy (where she lies across my lap or leans against me when I’m stressed or upset, helping me to regulate my emotions and calm down), public access skills to reduce anxiety outside the house and in specific situations (like medical environments, crowded places, etc), harmful stimming intervention, and sleeping beside me to help with anxiety and insomnia. Some of these tasks were part of the picture straight away, some of them took time to implement and have become more natural over time (this was the case for her Deep Pressure Therapy response without my prompting), a couple of them I found that I didn’t really need simply due to her prescense (or we repurposed them – responding to a particular alarm sound, for example), and there were a few cases where the task didn’t quite work, where it could’ve been more effective if it was implemented differently. For the most part, her advanced skills have been excellent – even if a few took a little bit of time to build in or adapt – and where they haven’t been quite as effective as I’d hoped they would be, I’ll be going back to Autism Dogs for some extra support.
The plan was (and still is) to do some extra training with Autism Dogs, to refine and adjust certain skills; it’s not unusual to do this because it’s hard to know exactly what will help before you have the dog as part of your daily routine and then, when you do, sometimes you discover that, for example, you don’t need a task because the dog’s presence is enough or that one of the tasks would be more effective in a different way. It’s a huge learning curve and sometimes you just can’t know if something will work until it’s implemented into your life. Ideally we would’ve done that training already but the second half of last year derailed all of my plans: I was suddenly struck with excruciating pain in my back, which turned out to be a pinched nerve and then I started experiencing very extreme side effects to a medication I was taking (why that reaction came on at that moment in time, after taking it for months, I have no idea and will likely never know). I was bed or sofa bound and it was several months before I could sit up straight without overwhelming pain or nausea. I was fully recovered from both of those issues early this year and it’s been in the works ever since. Autism Dogs have been incredibly busy (as have I) and I’m fine to keep working on her other skills, particularly the public access side of having an assistance dog, until we can find the right time; public access is an ongoing journey, in my experience, since there are always new environments and new situations to navigate. But I’m looking forward to some more training and seeing where that will take us.
We didn’t manage much public access in 2024, first because I was nervous and didn’t want to rush and then because of the health issues I was dealing with. I could barely get out of the house for therapy and medical appointments. So we focussed on bonding and building our relationship, as much as I was able to, through training practice and play and just spending time together. Once I’d finally recovered and was able to go out and do public access with Daisy, there was no stopping us! There are a handful of places that we go to repeatedly but I wanted to make sure that we consistently visited new places and so, to keep myself accountable, I added ‘take Daisy to one new place’ to the monthly bingo boards in my planner but we’ve far exceeded that goal every month so far: we’ve gone to conferences, conventions, and political protests; she’s come to work with me in the recording studio; we’ve travelled in cabs and on trains and stayed in hotels; we’ve been to the theatre; we’ve been to the hairdresser, tattoo studios, and supermarkets and she’s supported me through doctor appointments, dentist appointments, and the occasional restaurant trip; we’ve even represented Autism Dogs on a couple of occasions. And, of course, she comes to therapy with me every week. This time last year I couldn’t have imagined doing even half of this stuff.
Going out with Daisy has really, really changed my relationship with the world outside the small safe space of my house. I’ve always found it so overwhelming and stressful and while that hasn’t just disappeared, having Daisy with me is like having an anchor: I no longer feel like I could be so easily swept away by it all because I have Daisy there, helping me to feel grounded and present. I trust her to look after me and she trusts me to look after her and that partnership has made going out a completely different experience. It wasn’t always like that, of course: it was very, very stressful to start with and there are situations, especially new, untested ones where my anxiety does sometimes get the better of me still but we have built strategies for that. As I said, going out now is a completely different experience and I don’t ever take that for granted. I don’t ever take Daisy for granted.
Most of the people I interact with consistently are very good with Daisy and are very respectful of her while she’s working but I have had more than a few issues with people approaching and engaging with Daisy without asking; I’ve even had a fully grown adult crouch down and hug her without even acknowledging me, which was so shocking that I struggled to coherently tell them to stop. Her jacket clearly instructs people not to touch her (and I’d thinking of adding an even bolder patch and maybe even an attachment to her lead) and yet it happens over and over. I’m always surprised because I wouldn’t ever approach a dog that was so clearly working; I wouldn’t approach any dog I didn’t know. I’m continually baffled by the way people approach and touch dogs they’ve never met: you have no idea how a dog will respond to a new person and isn’t it just common courtesy to give a dog their space? Surely you wouldn’t just go up to a person you’d never met or spoken to and start stroking their arm? I find it very frustrating – although I do have more patience with kids because I know that it’s usually out of curiosity and, once I explain to them that she’s working, they have always stepped back. That’s just my experience, of course, and I’m always happy to answer anyone’s questions. I really love getting to introduce people to the concept of autism assistance dogs. I used to feel so mean telling people not to touch her – even though I knew I was in the right and they were in the wrong – but that has lessened as I’ve gotten used to it and after I developed a script, making it a less stressful experience since I had a pre-prepared response. But although it is less stressful now, it does still baffle me that some people feel entitled to distract her; I haven’t had any terrible experiences so far – touch wood – but it is always in the back of my mind, that something could happen that puts Daisy or me in a difficult situation, hence the plan to add more warnings to her jacket (not that I think a police cordon would stop certain people). It is just unfortunately part of having an assistance dog, I think.
But the biggest difficulty I have as Daisy’s handler is my constant struggle with and the balancing act that is living with chronic fatigue and chronic pain: it makes dog walking incredibly difficult and if I was trying to do this alone, I would not be able to care for Daisy properly. We’ve all – me, my Mum, and Autism Dogs – been very aware of this right from the beginning, from my application for an assistance dog. My Mum and I talked about this extensively before we even applied: if we were successful and Autism Dogs gave me an assistance dog, my Mum would be a vital part of taking care of her, of walking her when I couldn’t in particular. We all had to feel comfortable and confident about this before moving forward. It’s not unusual for family members to be involved with an autism assistance dog, especially if the handler is young and/or disabled in other ways; it all comes down to having a good plan and, in my case at least, having a good support system. Unfortunately I’ve been able to walk Daisy even less than I’d hoped, what with my health problems and pain from May onwards last year and the de-conditioning as a result. I had hoped to be building my strength with physiotherapy and hydrotherapy in order to introduce dog walking into my window of tolerance and while I have been making progress with my physio, my hydro work has stalled while I’ve been unable to find a pool that fits my needs. So, frustratingly, I haven’t made the progress I’d hoped to and haven’t been able to bond with Daisy that way. As I said, I’ve been working on my physio and I’m hoping that the pool issue will be resolved soon. It’s taking longer than I wanted but I’m just having to adjust my expectations (and try not to beat myself up about it – I’m trying). I’ll get there. I will.
It’s difficult to sum up a whole year (plus a few months) in one post; there are so many difference experiences and stages in building the partnership and routine and every single day really is a new story. So I think it’s important to note that it hasn’t all been easy and positive. When Daisy first arrived, I was paralysed by anxiety: I was terrified that I’d made the wrong decision, that Daisy wouldn’t be helpful and that I’d caused huge disruption for little benefit; I was terrified that I wasn’t up to the responsibility of looking after Daisy and that she would suffer because of that; I was terrified that I’d screwed up and the money invested had been wasted; I was terrified that I’d let everybody – my family and Autism Dogs – down; I was terrified that I was traumatising my other beloved animals… I was so overwhelmed by fear and anxiety and doubt and the pressure to be fine and to be another success story for the charity. I was an absolute mess and I felt like I couldn’t talk about it because I would be considered to be failing, that I would be judged or even have Daisy taken away from me. But none of those things happened but I think it’s still important to talk about because I think it’s highly likely that most handlers go through some form of this when they first get their assistance dogs; it’s a massive change and a massive commitment so the idea that everything will be fine straight away or that there won’t be some emotional adjustment is really quite ridiculous. But we don’t talk about it because we’re so scared of messing up or failing or just not being good enough. That’s certainly how I felt and I think those early months would’ve been so much easier if I’d felt that I could talk about it; to hear that it’s normal – barring any fluke situations – and that it passes would’ve been incredibly reassuring. It did pass, with time and skills practice, as Daisy and I built our bond and our household adjusted to the new routine. It took longer than I wanted and longer than I’d expected but it did pass. It was so distressing that it’s something that I talk about repeatedly because I hate the idea of a new handler going through it and thinking that it’s somehow their fault or something they’re doing wrong. It’s really, really hard to be in it but it does pass and the good can be absolutely amazing. It can be life changing.
Even sixteen months on, it’s still a process. We’re still working on her response when I have meltdowns. She responds when I ask her but for the most part, she’s not as fast unprompted (although that has been improving lately). Part of that is that I just haven’t had as many meltdowns since I got her, as a result of getting her; it’s also because my other dog, Izzy, who I got later in 2023, has always been very quick to respond to my emotions and is very protective of me, making it more difficult for Daisy to respond than it would’ve been otherwise. We’re working on it and the relationship between the two dogs is consistently improving; they’ll get there and Izzy is starting to let Daisy help with meltdowns, even if she still needs to be included in the whole thing.
I still can’t quite believe that a year – over a year now – has passed since Daisy arrived and rearranged my whole life, rearranged all of our lives. It’s not perfect and it’s not always easy but my life has really changed in that time and that is, in large part, due to Daisy. It’s hard to accurately quantify that change but it has been so positive and it’s my hope that that will only increase: that our bond will continue to get stronger, that we’ll manage more and more public access, that I will be able to increase my strength and balance my pain so that I can go walking with her and continue to build our relationship that way. I’m looking forward to the plans we have and the plans we have yet to make. I’m looking forward to working with the trainers to refine and build Daisy’s skills so that we can do more, so that we can have more confidence in each other and in our partnership. I’m looking forward to seeing what else Daisy is capable of when she’s so good at what she does already. We still have so much to learn and try and experience and I’m so unbelievably grateful that it’s Daisy I get to do it all with.
What a year it’s been. The highs and lows have been extreme but through it all, my relationship and partnership with Daisy has only grown and strengthened. With so much happening in just one year, it’s kind of wild to try and imagine what the second year will hold, the third, the fourth… I still get anxious about my current inability to walk Daisy, about Izzy and Daisy’s relationship, about how the cats are fairing with such an enthusiastic, bouncy dog disrupting their once chilled out home but I think that, for the most part, all of these things are moving in the right direction. All of these things are being actively monitored and worked on; I’m not content to just hope they improve but I do also recognise that some things can’t be forced, that they will take as long as they take. So I’m trying to keep my anxiety in check, keep the balance between hope and hard work. Right now, I think that’s all I can do. So here’s to the second year, to more learning and training and exploring. Who knows what I’ll be reflecting on in twelve months time…
And here, as promised, is the video I made to celebrate the first year anniversary of Daisy moving in…
Finding Hope 