It’s been a while since the last medication review, hasn’t it? That’s mainly because, having starting the Masters, I didn’t want to add anything in that could make life more difficult. We all know that some of these drugs can cause really unpleasant side effects and I didn’t want to potentially lose weeks of university because of that.
The system we had was a good one but it wasn’t a long term solution. My medications were helping with my depression but I was still having major problems with my anxiety. I was taking Phenelzine, Pregabalin, and Diazepam for when the anxiety got really bad, which was basically all the time. So I was taking Diazepam constantly, something that isn’t recommended although my psychiatrist had signed off on it as a short term plan. So eventually we decided we had to try something new. My psychiatrist recommended Aripiprazole, which he was fairly confident would be side effect free as the combination of three is one he’s used regularly with very few reported side effects; he also said we’d know very quickly whether it was working or not. Plus it might actually give me some energy (hurray!) so I gave it a go and kept notes as to how it affected me.
For the first week, I was still incredibly anxious and I felt like I couldn’t breathe unless I was taking Diazepam. Having said that, there was a lot to be anxious about that week so I was dealing with both ‘normal’ anxiety (university stuff) and ‘clinical’ anxiety (anxiety without a cause). It was a very difficult week.
I still had a lot of anxiety and was very stressed. I was also incredibly sleepy – I could barely keep my eyes open all day everyday – but then both that week and the week before had been very stressful so that definitely could’ve contributed. But it was like a sedation-like sleepiness rather than just a general tiredness. I was drinking so much red bull to stay awake and even then I was still having accidental naps. I also started experiencing a symptom completely new to me where I couldn’t find the words I wanted when I was talking: I’d get halfway through a sentence and I knew the word I wanted but I just couldn’t find it. It happened when writing too. It was very stressful since being able to express myself through words is so important to my mental health.
I still had a lot of anxiety, requiring Diazepam multiple times a day, and I still struggled with the sleepiness, finding it really difficult to keep my eyes open. I’m probably fifty percent red bull at this point. I was still having trouble with my words, which was only getting more stressful. I’d also had an incredibly emotional week, which probably didn’t help.
Week 4 – 6
A month and a bit in, I was still experiencing the symptoms/side effects I’ve been talking about but a new one appeared, one that was the deciding factor for me with this medication: my hands started to feel thick and stupid, like I was wearing ski gloves. I hated it. I couldn’t play guitar anymore and that made the decision for me. So that was it. It hadn’t helped my anxiety and had caused more problems so we decided that I would stop taking it.
So I stopped taking it and within a day, the thick hands feeling stopped. It was such a relief. I’m still having the occasional problem finding the right word, more than normal, but that has improved. The sleepiness and anxiety have remained the same though, which is very disappointing and distressing. I’m still having so, so much anxiety and the Diazepam is not a solution. The next option is to try reducing the Pregablin and see if that helps so that’s the next step. I guess we’ll see how that goes.