TW: discussion of suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation, and chronic suicidality.

I’m never sure whether to say anything during Suicide Prevention Month – or on Suicide Prevention Day, which is today – because my experience with suicidal thoughts isn’t exactly straightforward: I’ve been living with a certain amount of suicidal ideation ever since I was a kid, not that I knew what it was back then, but after a mental health crisis or nervous system collapse (suspected after the fact but I’ll likely never know), the suicidal thoughts and ideation became daily and chronic. I’ve only written about this in depth once, back in 2023, and that piece is still very close to my heart, for a lot of complicated reasons: it covers a very painful but important period of my life, an experience that has and continues to shape me.