Yesterday, I turned 23. That feels very strange to write and even stranger to say out loud. For some reason, 22 to 23 feels like a bigger jump than 21 to 22. I don’t know why. It just does. And so I’ve been thinking about this a lot, about this last year and the next one. A lot has happened, good and bad. So here is a post about what I learnt this year, what I learnt while I was 22.
1. You do get over things you never thought you would – I learned this last year but I really learned it this year. Last summer, I received a piece of news that felt pretty devastating but now, a year later, I seem to have adjusted to it. It’s strange how our emotions, how our brains work on things in the background. I didn’t do anything to work through this issue (it felt too upsetting to even talk about); I just slowly got used to it.
2. If you don’t ask, you don’t get – This doesn’t really need an explanation but I have learned to be a bit more forward this year. I’ve always hated asking for things and I still do but I am learning to do it. And sometimes, amazing things happen.
3. Sometimes things come full circle – I never really believed in closure. In my experience, things just end, leaving jagged edges. But this year, I got the opportunity to talk to someone who had really hurt me and ask her why she did what she did. It was a stressful and upsetting experience in itself but I am glad it happened. I had already let go of what happened but I appreciate the full stop on the whole thing.
4. Remember to tell your friends you really love them – A lot has happened in the last year, a lot of emotional ups and downs, and my friends have always been there for me. I’m so, so grateful for that.
5. You can let go of something without forgiving the perpetrator – I’ve always struggled with the idea of forgiveness because it just feels like I’m saying that whatever they did is okay when it isn’t. But I’ve learnt this year that you don’t have to forgive to let go. You can just leave it where it is and move on. I don’t know how I did it but it’s nice to know that it’s possible.
6. Procrastination reinforces procrastination – I learned in therapy that every time I put something off, I was making that habit stronger and therefore making it harder for myself. I learned that, even if I only did five minutes on whatever I was avoiding, I was breaking that pattern and that really helped with my motivation, regardless of the task. Plus, that was five minutes more than I would’ve done otherwise.
7. Crying in public is not that big of a deal – I have now cried in public so many times that I just don’t care. It doesn’t matter. There are more important things to worry about.
8. Having an item of clothing that makes you feel like you can conquer the world is really worth having – A couple of months ago I bought a pair of boots that kind of changed my life. It sounds silly but when I wear them, I feel like a superhero. I stand up straighter, I carry my body differently, and I feel better about myself. I wish I’d found them sooner.
9. Trust your feelings but also give them time to settle – I can tell if something is right or not because of how it feels. But having said that, I feel things so strongly that sometimes I need to sit with them for a bit, especially if whatever has caused those emotions was a shock. It’s like flood waters going down: it’s all about survival when they’re high but once they recede, I can figure out what the new normal is.
10. Find something that makes you feel like you’re making a difference – I’ve started volunteering for Autism research projects which has not only been pretty fun (I got to see my own brain waves!) but has helped me process my diagnosis of ASD. I still struggle with it and struggle with what it means for my life but being able to use it in a positive way has improved that.
Oh, and you don’t play ‘22’ by Taylor Swift as much as you think you will.